Outlander: Returning Home
by jaymelynn143
Summary: Re-imagining of Claire returning to Scotland after being sent back by Jamie with more than she bargained for. Can she outwit those around her once again or will Jamie and Claire suffer the same fate as before? First Outlander story.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I don't own anything about the characters or story references other than the difference in plot details. The characters and some of the dialogue belong to Diana Gabaldon and the creators of the Outlander series._

 **Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 1: Stone Journey**

Deep down I knew that Jamie wasn't fine. I watched in horror as he paced several times before coming back to where I had been standing. I felt terrible that we had had to kill Dougal, but I knew if it came to him or me, Jamie would chose me every time. I knew he had promised Rupert 2 hours, but I hated the thought of him being hanged or worse yet killed over a useless prince. Charles was going to die one way or another, but for Jamie to be killed as well didn't sit well with me. I just wished Dougal would have listened to reasoning. No, he was just as stubborn if not worse than the Scot in front of me.

"Claire, we must go now," Jamie said as he stood beside me watching Fergus leave with the deed of sasine to Lallybrock. Jamie had Murtagh and I sign our names under his as he gave his only home to his nephew. I knew that wasn't something he wanted to do, but he wasn't going to lose his home over being a traitor. To his way of thinking, it would be better to see it in the hands of little Jamie than for the Redcoats to sieze it, take retribution, and destroy it after the war ended. I knew when we went to Paris it was a long shot to think we could have made a difference or even change history.

"Where are we going?" I questioned as he just ran his hands through his hair, a nervous habit he had picked up over the last couple years.

"I'm no exactly inconspicuous, ye ken. But you—I can save you, Claire, and I will," he muttered as he looked toward Murtagh who was leading the Fraser men _away_ from the battlefield. My god! Jamie was going to try to save his men as well. I tried to reason with him about leaving right now and not coming back, but he wouldn't have it. It hurt to hear him admit that he would have gone to the stake with me if he couldn't have saved me. Yet, what caught me off guard was his heartfelt confession of what he thought because I had never really felt that kind of love. I thought I loved Frank, but it wasn't until I really gave my love to Jamie did I truly understand what it meant to be loved. Jamie spent his every free moment showing me just how precious I was to him, and that one single act made this life so worth it.

"Claire, I would die a thousand times for you, but I am not carrying our child," he said softly as I moved a step back from him and looked directly at him. "Sassenach, by my reckoning it's been two months since you had yer courses…" His voice trailed off as he looked past me at the battle behind us where his brothers and fellow Scots were being killed.

"Jamie, you can't know that," I exclaimed, a little surprised that he had even been aware of it during this whole bloody war. I admitted to him I had wondered if I might be pregnant for a couple of weeks. He placed his hand on my flat belly and gave me a tight smile.

"This wee one will be all that is left of me here or in the future. I must beg ye, Claire," he said as I saw him looking from me to the men running around us.

"No, I can't leave you," I said frantically. "I chose you that day when I had the chance to go back. Damn it, Jamie, I chose you over Frank. To me it has always been you. You can't expect me to leave you now!" Tears streamed down my face as he gently wiped them away.

"Claire, you must. When you asked me to spare Randall's life… you made me a promise, and I am calling it in now. You promised me that if it came to this, ye'd go back. You would go back through the stones, back home to Frank. I am going to hold you to it," he said adamantly as I moved backward from him. He was really sending me back.

"No, I won't go," I insisted stubbornly. "You are my home. This time here is my time," I snapped as he nodded slowly but moved single-mindedly toward his horse.

"As you are mine, but this time isn't your home. This time is lost right now. You know it and I know it. I don't want you to die needlessly when you could have a chance to live. Our bairn and you need to go to a time where ye'll be safe, and to a man who can care for ye." He mounted his horse. I hated that he was right. _"But God help me, if it weren't for the baby I would stand my ground,"_ I thought as I took his hand, and he pulled me up on his horse.

It didn't seem fair as we rode through the men running with their weapons to battle. It wasn't fair for any of them to have to die as I was being taken to a safe haven. To me the injustice of it all was haunting. It pained me deeply to know that many of the men who faced being slaughtered were people I actually knew and cared for.

It didn't take Jamie long to get us to Craigh na Dun. I could see the stone circle in front of us as he stopped at the bottom of the hill and got down. He grabbed my hand and we rushed up the hill together, only to stop at the top, panting. I could see the tall stones in front of me and I froze, not ready to leave this man I had grown to love with all my heart.

"What should I say when I get back?" I questioned, not really sure what I should say.

"I'm not sure what to say to Frank or anyone, I'll leave that all up to you. You can tell them the truth or no. More than likely he nor anyone else would want to hear it. Yet if he does, tell him. Tell him how grateful I am, that I know I can trust him to care for ye and our wee one," he said softly as I pulled him closer wanting to close the gap between us, wanting to never let him go. The buzzing was growing stronger the longer I stood near the stone. I wanted to cover my ears; I was in pain. But I kept my hands on Jamie for fear that he would disappear.

"I can hear it, the buzzing is so loud. Jamie, I'm not ready to leave you. Please, please, come with me," I begged and pleaded with him as he shook his head, slightly chuckling.

"Oh, I would in a heartbeat, but I don't hear anything. This is my time right here and now. My time is right where I belong _mo cridhe,"_ he said softly, laying his hand on the stone as if to prove his point. I felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. _He didn't hear them at all._ There would be no way for him to come with me. "Sassenach, to be honest even if I could hear it, this is my time. My destiny lies on Culloden Moor. I need to be there for my men and any other Scot who might have a chance at life," he said regretfully. "I need to be able to protect Murtagh, Fergus, Jenny, Ian, and the rest at Lallybroch. I can't leave them knowing what will happen to them once this is over."

"I love you," I said as I watch him turn back toward me.

"Claire, I am so thankful for you. I have done so many horrible things in my life to be ashamed of, but marrying you and trying to change history has never been one of them. I would do this all over again if I was given you once more. So if and when I stand before God, I will be able to say one thing that would be honest and truthful to try to outweigh the sin that has plagued my life," he said, giving me a smile.

"Yes," I said hoping he wouldn't just leave me hanging.

"I would tell him, 'Ye gave me a verra rare woman, Lord, and I loved her well. I may not be a righteous person, but I loved that woman with all my heart, mind, body, and soul. I would have laid down my life for her if it meant another day with her.'" His eyes glistened with tears. I knew in my heart he meant it, and I was crushed at how I had wasted so much time without him.

I didn't know who moved first, but before I knew it, we were both lying on the ground making love. I would rather we'd done it slowly but I knew our time together was short. I tried to memorize the touch and feel of him inside of me as he pounded into me, as if he too, was trying to savor every detail of our last time together. I climaxed and felt Jamie shudder deep inside of me. It was over so very quickly. I could feel the effort it took for him to get up. He helped me stand as we heard the first cannon blast echo, letting us know the war had begun. He looked back over the hill and I knew our time had come to an end.

"It's begun," he murmured softly holding onto me as if trying to will it away. I looked toward the sound, knowing all too well what would lie in store for the Fraser bloodline.

I dug in my pocket to get our wedding gift from Munro. I wanted Jamie to have it as a reminder of our time together should he survive. "Jamie, here." I handed him the now wrapped amber. For me, it was a reminder of our love, but I hoped it would also serve him as a talisman to help him in battle like the rosary Jenny gave him when we left Lallybroch. He took it from me and placed it in his sporran. Then together we whispered our wedding vow. " _Blood of my blood… Bone of my bone… So long as we both shall live_."

I hated to see him so calm as if the outside world didn't matter when I knew deep down he was itching to get back to the fight. Even though we both knew the outcome, he still was going to stand strong in his belief. That made me proud of him, yet angry because he was making me leave. He gently pulled me away from my thoughts as he placed his hand once more on my belly. His only thought was how this baby would be the only thing of him left, and another wave a fear shot through me.

"This belonged to my father. Give it to the bairn. Let him know his father loved him verra much," he said as I watched him pull something from his sporran. It was a gold ring with a cabochon ruby set in it. I couldn't help the tears that were now pooling in my eyes as I slid the ring on my finger next to the ring Jamie had given me on our wedding day. It all seemed so far away now.

"Jamie, I'll name him after your father. It would only be right after all for him to bear some part of your family," I said after a long moment. He gave me a big grin as we both jumped slightly as another cannon blast could be heard in the distant. I could feel him gently, inexorably, guiding me backward, but for the life of me I couldn't look away. His eyes seemed as though they were searching the depths of my very soul.

"Claire, I'll always love ye, whether here in the present or two hundred years from now," he said in a low tone. It was difficult for me to find the words to express just how much he meant to me. I tried to fight him even now when I knew what he was doing as he took my hand in his and reached toward the stones. I wanted to curl my fingers in to keep from touching them but I felt his head shake on my shoulder. The next I knew, I was floating through the stones, listening to the agonizing screams and wails of those trapped within them.

Then, just darkness.

Before I opened my eyes I heard the sounds of birds and could hear a plane overhead. I knew that I was no longer in the 18th century, but wasn't even sure what time I was in now. I slowly got up and made my way to the bottom of the hill, carefully checking myself over to make sure everything was all in place. I looked to my hand and made sure the two rings were still on my finger; they were but the ruby was gone.

I didn't know how long I had been walking; I jerked as a car honked at me on the street. I turned around to see a woman getting out of the car. It was Mrs. Graham!

"Claire, is that you?" she whispered in amazement as she came closer to me. I wrapped my arms around her as she pulled me gently toward her car. "Let's get you out of here," she said, helping me into the passenger seat. She didn't speak nor ask questions as she drove us to a small house. It wasn't the same house Frank and I had visited, but it was nice and homely.

"Frank," I murmured as she helped me out of the car.

"He's in Oxford I believe. Would you like me to call on him?" she questioned softly as I followed her into her home.

"No. I'm not staying, not if I can possibly go back," I said as she gave me a big smile.

"Alright then, first things first." She led me into a small living room where she proceeded to tell me she wanted to hear everything about my journey. I was surprised by how excited she was, but then again it had been an incredible journey. I began at the beginning as I let my hands lay on my belly where my only link to Jamie was growing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 2: Gathering Information**

It was hard to believe that I had been back in 1948 for a week. My time had been spent gathering as much information as I could find on the Battle of Culloden and the people who had survived. I desperately wanted to be able to find Jamie or anyone else who could have lived. I was very thankful for Mrs. Graham's help because she secretly brought me research from Reverend Wakefield's house. I had found something about an Alexander Fraser, but wasn't sure if it was Jamie or not. I knew he had cousins with similar names and that Alexander was part of his own name.

"How's the research coming?" Mrs. Graham inquired as she walked into the small living room with Roger Wakefield in tow. She had been bringing him back with her to spend the afternoons with us. I usually would watch over him reading or tending to what he needed while Mrs. Graham took care of things around the house.

"Very slowly," I grumbled with impatience as Roger moved closer to me. "I found an Alexander Fraser, but I'm not sure if it's Jamie or not."

"Roger hasn't been feeling well this morning. I thought you might have a look at him," she remarked as I gathered the boy in my arms. He was quite warm, but didn't look too bad. She brought me my medical bag that I had left in my luggage when I disappeared. I took his temperature but it was normal.

"Maybe he's just been overactive and needs a break." I pulled him onto my lap allowing him more room to lean back on me. He just lay down and snuggled into my arms. I couldn't wait to meet my own child.

"Claire," Mrs. Graham said as she handed me a small notebook, "I know you wanted to wait till the child was born, but I have a bad feeling. I'm afraid that if you don't head back sooner, things aren't going to end quite like you would want them to," she said. I struggled to stand up still holding tightly to Roger. I looked down at something she had just laid on the table. It looked like a chart of the alignment of the moon during its different phases.

"What do you mean?" I questioned as I carefully lay Roger down on the sofa and took a better look at her chart.

"I've been talking to the others, and from what we've seen, there are times when the stones are more powerful than other times. You need to go back during that time to make sure you get right where you need to be," she said as I looked over what looked like dates. According to the chart of the moon's phases I would need to leave in the next few days.

Once we discussed everything, the decision was made. I was to leave the following night when the moon would be the highest and the power of the stones would be the greatest. I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be, but I knew I had to go back. I went about gathering all the medicines I could find that wouldn't draw too much attention to me. I made sure to procure a very lightweight, but practical medicine box to store all the things I wanted to take back with me. I added some medicines that might not have been used back then, but could come in handy. One thing I made sure to do was look up several old fashioned medicines that could be used to help ailments that wouldn't draw too much attention if used. Mrs. Graham had given me a small handwritten medicine guide she found in the Reverend's house that could help me with practical plants and herbs. It had been written in the 18th century using the items one would find during that time period.

I decided to go back in the dress I wore when I returned to 1948, but removed two petticoats, leaving me with just one. I wanted to be able to move more freely in case I needed a quick getaway. I had a small money pouch for the coins that Mrs. Graham brought me. There were quite a number of them, but the look she gave me kept me from asking her more about it. I gathered up all the notes I had made about important dates, and what had happened on those days, then hid the pages safely in the lining of the medicine box.

Mrs. Graham told me she would take the morning off to take me to the stones just before dawn when their power should be the greatest. I hardly slept due to my nerves and the growing uneasiness I felt about leaving sooner than I had planned. I was up early the next morning and went over every detail once more to make sure I had everything I wanted before I left.

"Good morning, Claire," Mrs. Graham said as I came downstairs and entered the living room. "I just wanted to tell you before we left that I knew you were special the moment I read your palm. You've been given a second chance, my dear," she said.

I picked up the belt and secured my medicine box to my waist so that I wouldn't lose it when I went through. I looked down at the two rings on my finger. I twisted the gold band that belonged to Frank, but couldn't find it in me to leave it behind. I looked at Jamie's ring as well, and realized that I was excited to see him again. I felt Mrs. Graham fasten something around my neck and looked down to see a small silver chain with Jamie's father's ring on it. I was heartbroken that its ruby was gone.

"I think we should leave," I said, my voice choked with tears. I was going to an unknown time once again and wasn't sure what I was going to be walking into. The only thing I knew for sure was I had to go.

We drove back to the stones in quiet, both of us probably thinking of what might lay in store for me or even the future here. It wasn't a dreadful silence but a peaceful one. As she turned up the drive at the foot of the hill, I felt butterflies in my stomach. _"Just nerves,"_ I thought. I knew it was too soon to feel my baby move. I placed my hand on my still flat belly and prayed for my baby to be fine. Once she stopped the car, I got out and waited. She went to the boot of the car and took out a small package wrapped tightly in cloth, not noticing the small body in back seat as she walked past.

"I think back then people took provisions such as these in cloth bags to keep them safe," she remarked. I'm amazed at how prepared she was. "It's not much, just biscuits, jam, fruit, and cheese. I thought things that wouldn't spoil quickly would be the best for a trip like this. I was also able to find an old wine skin that I filled with water for you," she said as I put the pouch on my belt along with my box.

"I don't know how I can ever repay you. I don't know what would have happened if it hadn't been you that found me. I can't think of a life without Jamie now. I desperately want to go back to him," I said as she pulled me in for a hug.

"It was nothing, Claire. I'm glad I could help you. I know why you need to go back, but to see it would be very different. I know at least this time Mr. Randall won't be making a fuss and all," she said thoughtfully as we walked up the path toward the stones. I knew I should have made some sort of effort to make Frank feel at peace about where I was and what happened to me, but for the life of me I just couldn't. It was better this way, no need in bringing more pain to him. I had been gone for 3 years, which was plenty of time for him to move on.

"Can you hear it?" I questioned as I turned to her, but she just shook her head as she looked at me with a stunned expression. It was buzzing very loudly. I moved closer to the stones as she moved a little out of the way. I was about to place my hand on the stone when I a small voice yelled my name. I turned just in time to grab Roger before he went through the stones!

"Don't go," he cried. Mrs. Graham hurried toward me, but I didn't realized just how close I was to the stones as I reached up to steady myself. All I could do was tighten my hold on Roger's arm to keep him with me as I thought of Jamie and the first time I met him.

We landed on the ground with a thump.

"Roger, sweetie, are you alright?" I pulled him up to check him over. He was crying as he clung to me. Thankfully he was fine, just frightened from having gone through the stones. Who wouldn't be after an experience like that? Holding his hand, I hesitantly touched the stone, but nothing happened. "Roger, can you hear the buzzing?" I questioned as he looked up at me puzzled.

"No," he answered, his voice trembling. I put him down to think of what I was going to do now. It seemed Roger was stuck with me, but what would happen to him here? This wasn't something I had imagined or planned on happening, but it was now the situation I was in. I could feel the uneasiness coming to me as I tried to suppress the feeling of needing to be sick. I rubbed my belly, trying to see if the baby was still there; it seemed as if he or she might be. I wasn't sure, but wasn't willing to give up hope.

"Come along." I reached out my hand for him to take once more. I gently held it as he picked up the food package that now seemed slightly squashed. We were walking down the hill when I heard shots being fired. I looked back toward where we had just come from and saw several Redcoats coming. I quickly pulled Roger closer to me as I tried to hide deeper in the brush on a ledge. I looked up again to see a few other men running around that looked just like Highlanders, but I couldn't be sure.

Roger and I weren't safe where we were, so I began to pull him along with me. I didn't want to be seen by anyone so I tried to stay as close to the ledge as possible to protect the two of us. I wasn't sure how far we had gone but when I looked up over the ledge once again I saw a Redcoat only a few feet from me as he fired his gun. The shot hit the branch behind me, and I saw a big redheaded man run in the direction of the shooter.

"Come on," I urged softly as I continued to pull Roger with me. I lost my footing and slid a few feet down the side of a ravine. I looked up and saw the one person I had hoped to never see in this life or the next staring straight at me.

"Hello," I muttered trying to keep my voice steady as the man stood up slowly. I turned to see Roger looking down at me whilst clinging to a tree, holding onto the food. I put my finger up to my lips to show him to stay quiet. He was pretty well hidden.

"Well, well. What do we have here?" the man who looked like Frank but wasn't, asked as he moved toward me. I wanted to turn and flee, but I knew all too well what kind of a person he was.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" I demanded, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible, hoping that Roger wasn't watching. I didn't want him to see anything that monster might do.

"Who am I? I am Captain Jonathan Randall of His Majesty's Eighth Dragoons. At your service," he proclaimed, looking at me as if I was something to eat rather than the lady I was. I turned to run, but didn't get far before he knocked me down. I struggled as much as I could while he forced me further into the leaves. I knew he was much stronger than I, but I wasn't going to let him hurt me or my baby. If there was still one.

"Stop! Let me go! I am a lady and you are hurting me," I cried as I tried to bring the strength out in my words and voice.

"Keep struggling; I like it!" he leered as I tried to move away from him. Before I knew what happened he began to forcibly kiss my mouth hard while pushing his tongue in. I was beginning to feel sick. "I must say you certainly don't smell like a cheap whore; you're wearing expensive scent. Although you are probably just dressed up to bring my men to their knees," he muttered, leaning back down to kiss me. This time I had it as I screamed into his ear and kneed him in the crotch. I took advantage of the distraction to get to my feet and move away from him. I could barely see Roger just overhead. He must be moving as I moved. I went to run up the ledge when my path was blocked by a sword.

"My husband is just up there waiting for me. He'll come looking for me if I don't get back to him," I said, trying to figure out how to get out of this situation without Murtagh kidnapping me. I watched as Randall had a more predatory look as though he was stalking his prey.

"Really? I truly find that hard to believe. What then is your husband's name," he growled as he moved even closer.

"I'm not some whore from whom you can demand answers. I am an Englishwoman who was just traveling with her family to Inverness," I insisted looking up to see Roger right there.

"Answer me," he demanded, seething as I turned my face away. I tried to move past him yet again, but he forced me back against the rocky outcropping. "You intrigue me, madam. Even if you are just an expensive whore; usually they are so dull and plain. Yet, when I look at you I see a woman who speaks intelligently but obviously lacks proper English etiquette," he remarked, moving in once more to kiss me which made think back to Fort William and how he abused me. His very presence was making my skin crawl. It was hard to get past the actions he did in the past to who he was right now, even though I knew he was a dark and twisted human being.

I knew deep down what he was going to do, but I couldn't find the will power to stop him. I heard Roger's soft cry from above me. That distraction was all that was needed as Murtagh came crashing down from the ledge above us. He struck Randall, knocking him to the ground. He turned back to me and reached out to me, saying something in _Gàidhlig,_ but I shook my head. He moved toward me to jerk me along when Roger came tumbling down, landing at his feet. He looked from me to the boy.

"This way, now!" he insisted as he grabbed my arm roughly. I pulled Roger to me as he dropped the package of food. I gathered him closer keeping a firm grip on him. I wasn't going to lose either of them.

"Where are you taking us?" I demanded, knowing I'd done something similar the first time around. I turned to move from where we were, but he yanked me back, covering my mouth with his hand. I shifted to look at him but was stopped as I felt a sharp pain in my head. He'd hit me! I didn't really know where I was or what had happened after the blow, but I could feel movement beneath me, telling me we were riding or at least that's what I thought, but I couldn't feel Roger. I began to stir as I tried to open my eyes. My head was aching slightly, but it was a bearable pain.

"Roger," I murmured as I began to lift my head so that I could try to get my bearings. I could vaguely see the little cottage just up the path.

"Mama," I heard softly from behind me just as little arms wrapped around me. Thank god! I pulled his little body a little closer the best I could since my hands were tied together. I just had to make sure he was real, that I wasn't imagining him. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to him. It was an accident that he was here to begin with, but I felt it was my responsibility to protect him.

"Dismount," Murtagh ordered as I waited for him to move first then followed behind him. I looked down at my hands as he took out a knife and cut the rope. I lifted Rodger down and gathered him into my arms.

Murtagh then pushed us through the door of what appeared to be a small cottage. This was all so familiar. It seems Mrs. Graham was correct after all. I'd been given a second chance to right the past, yet I still wasn't sure how I was going to do that. I would have to really think about what I felt needed to happen compared to what would actually happen.

"What do you have here?" Dougal questioned as I look at the very much alive Mackenzie war chief walking toward us I wanted to run back to the door to escape, but stood my ground. I couldn't believe that just a few weeks ago Jamie killed him to protect me. Yet, here he was standing before me, and the thought of him alive bothered me. It probably wasn't fair for me to dislike him, but I did because of everything he had not only done to me but also to Jamie. He was a man who no matter what, was only out for himself no matter the cost, and that bothered me deeply.

"A _Sassenach_ wench by her speech, and her bairn," Murtagh muttered, shoving us closer toward Dougal. My dress was torn in several places just like the one I had originally worn my first time through the stones. The front of the skirt had a huge rent in it, leaving me with my single petticoat showing. My bodice had a big rip showing more of my corset and shift than I was comfortable with. I brought Roger closer to me as I pulled away from Murtagh. The man looked at me with a puzzled expression as though he was trying to figure something out. It reminded me of the look he had given me in Paris when he asked me about the dates I had lived through. I decided to think about that problem at another time so I stood as tall and calm as I could while Dougal looked me over as if I was a piece of meat.

Dougal asked my name after looking me over. His eyes kept darting toward my exposed chest while I was trying to hold Roger firmly and keep my calm. He spoke to me for a few minutes before turning back to Murtagh.

"Where'd you find her?" he asked as I looked toward the fire.

"She was havin' words with a certain captain of dragoons wi' who we are aquent," he replied, pausing as he watched me glance around the room, seeing the men look toward one an another. I knew they all knew of whom he was speaking. "There seemed to be a question as to whether the lady was a hoor." He looked at me before glancing quickly away. I could hear the men muttering around us, causing me hold Roger even more tightly to me.

"Aye, and what might the lady's response be?" Dougal inquired as I turned to face him.

" **I. Am.** _ **Not!**_ _"_ I snapped, making each word clearly heard. The men around me chuckled slightly as I knew they would, but I wasn't going to show them fear.

"We could always test her," the man I knew as Rupert said, licking his lips, causing me to shudder.

"No. We don't have time, nor do I hold wi' rape." Dougal moved back a little.

"I don't know what she is, or isn't. But I would stake my best shirt that she's no hoor. She doesn't really look the part either. I mean have you ever heard of one traveling with child?" Murtagh asked, leaning closer to Dougal.

"We'll sort it out later. We need to get Jamie taken care of and put distance between us and the Redcoats." Dougal turned around, dismissing us. I watched as the men all gathered around Jamie. I wanted to run over and throw my arms around him, but knew I couldn't; he didn't know me yet. I kept at tight grip on Roger as I watched in horror while Rupert pulled and began to push Jamie's arm back into the socket causing him to mutter in _Gàidhlig._

"Stop," I yelled. They seemed to be taken aback with my outburst. "If you do it like that you'll break his arm! You're actually causing more damage trying to jam it in that way." The men moved back. I bent over Jamie, pushing Roger behind me so that I could see what I was doing. Roger clung to my skirt as I examined Jamie's arm and shoulder.

"The way you were doing it was all wrong. You've got to get the bones aligned in the proper way for them to slip back into joint." I took Jamie's wrist and pulled it up toward me, while keeping a firm grip and turning the elbow in. I felt him tense and remembered when he told me that he could bear my pain, but wouldn't want me to bear his when we were at Lallybroch and the thought of not having children together came up. Yet, right now in this instance I would be bearing his pain knowing exactly what was in store for both us and his kin.

He drew in a sharp breath and looked intently at me. "This is the worst of it." I tried to sound reassuring, but my words faltered a little knowing just how much it would hurt.

"I dinna think it can hurt more; just get on wi' it," he muttered through clenched teeth just as I popped the joint back into the socket. I could tell it worked as I watched the bones shift and move back into place.

"It does nae hurt anymore!" Jamie looked up at me with genuine relief. I quickly moved my hand over where the bones had been protruding beneath the skin to make sure it was completely in. I could tell it was tender; he flinched while I probed the area.

"It will once you begin to move it," I warned as I lifted my hand. I heard someone call Dougal but kept my eyes on Jamie. It was almost killing me to be so close to him and not be able to touch him like I wanted to.

"I guess you've done this before." He leaned forward slightly as I watched the color fade a little in his face.

"Yes, I'm a nurse of sorts." I knew where this was leading as I pushed him back watching his eyes linger on my breasts. "I'm not that kind of nurse," I said hotly. I turn to see Dougal talking to someone in the corner. I decided to pull my belt off and put it around his arm as a sling instead of asking for one from the men. I handed the old wine skin to Roger then set my precious medicine box on the floor before I fastened it around Jamie's shoulder.

"Can ye ride?" Dougal asked. He startled me; I hadn't realized just how close he was to us. I wanted to push him away, but knew I couldn't do that. I stood up and pulled Roger to me. I watched as the men began to exit the cottage. I hung back until Jamie was moving out. I pulled Roger closer to me and felt Dougal shove me forward. That caused me to stumble into Jamie as he was heading out the door, but he was quick enough to keep both of us upright.

"You try to make a run for it and I'll slit yer throat for ye," Dougal warned, pushing me before him toward the horses. "Give me yer foot," he snarled. Jamie was seated on his horse holding out his good hand to me. Dougal gave me the lift I needed to get up. I pulled what was left of my skirt as close as I could to keep the draft from making me shiver as it had done before.

"Roger," I said as Murtagh pulled the boy from our side. "Please, he doesn't know you," I begged as I heard Jamie say something in _Gàidhlig._ Murtagh turned to Dougal who just nodded while Roger was placed firmly in front of me on the horse.

"Are you alright?" I asked Jamie who was behind me as I gathered Roger closer to me, turning him around so that he could hug me. I was trying to think ahead, planning for the eventuality of when he would fall asleep. This way I could hold him better than if his back was to me.

"Aye, but the night 'tis young," he answered with a chuckle. He tried to help me get settled in the saddle up against him. I was home, but it wasn't the same. "Here," I heard him say as I turned to see him twisting and pulling at his plaid.

"You could have asked me to help instead of trying to do it on your own," I groused, pulling it closer around Roger and me as I leaned to the other side pulling it loose as well before he could ask me to.

"Well you were shivering and shaking so much that my teeth were beginning to clatter together," he said softly as I tried to keep from nudging him. I remembered him telling me before that he had fallen in love with me at that very moment. He liked the feel of my fat arse and hard head thumping him. "I didna want the wean to be shivering as well," he finally said as I felt safe within the little bit of comfort I was getting from a man who didn't know me just yet, but who had become not only my husband, but my best friend.

"Where are we going?" I questioned trying to make him feel more at ease with me. I knew Roger had fallen asleep from his breathing.

"I'm not really sure m'self. Dougal met me and my companion just before we were ambushed by the Redcoats where ye were found. But I reckon we'll both find out soon enough, eh?" He grinned at me and I found myself smiling back. "How'd you come about being in the woods with the boy?" he asked softly.

"I was gathering herbs and flowers and got separated from the people with whom I was traveling. We were walking when we heard the shots and tried to hide. As I went to move, I slipped and fell down the ravine into the captain's view. He attacked me in front of my boy. I tried to flee, but he was stronger. When I thought all was lost, your friend found me." I sighed and looked down at the sleeping boy in my arms.

"Why did you not tell Dougal that? I'm sure he would have sent ye back," he remarked quietly.

"You and I both know he wouldn't have. They all think I am a spy, but I'm not. I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time." I was done in and decided to try to sleep. I tried not to think

about the man behind me because I was missing him terribly right now. Knowing he was right there but didn't know me at all made my soul ache.

I don't know how long I'd slept, but as I opened my eyes I could tell it was no longer raining. It was nice to see the sun, but that thought was short-lived when I realized Roger was gone. I jumped slightly when I felt an arm wrap around me.

"Calm yerself, _Sassenach,"_ Jamie said from behind me. I squirmed a little more trying to wriggle out of his grip, but he held me firmly in place.

"Where's Roger?" I demanded worriedly as he loosened his grip a little.

"The lad's fine. Ye fell asleep and I wasn't sure I could keep ye both on the horse, so I passed him off to Murtagh," he replied as I looked at the horse nearest to us. Murtagh was talking with a now wide awake Roger who was so interested in his surroundings that he didn't notice me. We were moving closer to the mountains and I could see the familiar Cocknammon Rock ahead of us. I was about to warn Jamie about the Redcoats using it for ambushes when Murtagh began saying something in _Gàidhlig_ which caught his attention. Confused, I stared at him before Jamie moved closer to Dougal. Dougal seemed to be questioning him, but they shouted something else as I realized the men were about to hit the skirmish head-on.

"Murtagh," Jamie snapped. He pushed me off the horse just as Murtagh dropped Roger next to me. "Hide," Jamie ordered as he took off with the rest of the men. But curiously, Murtagh looked back toward me. I pulled Roger to me and half dragged him out of the way. We hid farther into the bushes, eventually making our way to a stream. I wanted to wait there, but I knew Jamie would find me a little ways downstream. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Jack Randall in the midst of the Redcoats. He looked in my direction and I ducked down out of fear.

I knew I was lost, but for the life of me I felt I needed to get as far from Randall as I could. I knew from the time before that nothing good came about from any interaction with him; there was only pain. I almost lost Jamie to him at Wentworth and in the end, my precious daughter was lost because of him. I rubbed my belly and I felt Roger grab me when I heard the sound of hoofbeats getting closer. It was the Redcoats, I just knew it! But then I saw Jamie dismounting from his horse.

"Where do ye think ye were going?" he pressed as he rotated his shoulder. I didn't see the blood I had seen the first time, so I guessed he wasn't shot this time. It was hard to keep from launching myself at him at full force.

"I'm not going back," I said defiantly as I tried to stand my ground.

"Dougal and the others are waiting just over yonder for us," he said, vaguely motioning toward the hills.

"I don't care; I don't have to go with you or them! I haven't done anything wrong," I snapped. I was so frustrated. He was my Jamie, but at the same time, not.

"Yes, ye are. Ye and the boy are coming wi' me," he said moving closer to me.

"Really? And what if I yell and scream instead? Are you going to slit my throat like Dougal said he would?" I demanded.

"No, I wouldna do that, but do you think you'd fair better with the Redcoats, then so be it." He took a step back almost daring me to run.

"He's here," I warned him, looking around as if the evil man himself would jump out at any minute. Jamie immediately knew I was talking about Randall.

"Aye, I kent that; I saw him. Dougal is waiting, lass. Ye don't look too heavy. If ye won't walk I'll carry ye. Do ye want me to do that and hurt my shoulder?" he asked with a somewhat smug look on his face. Even though I didn't want to stay behind I didn't think I should give in so quickly, either.

"No, I don't want you to do that," I retorted, moving closer to him. He mounted his horse and held his hand out to help me get on as I struggled to lift up Roger. A few minutes later we were coming through a clearing where the men were. Murtagh nudged his horse closer to us and reached for Roger. I held out my hand, not to stop him, but to make sure Roger wasn't hurt.

"Thank you." Murtagh nodded at me, saying something in _Gàidhlig,_ but I didn't ask what he'd said. The men around us were all grinning like they had won a very big battle. Little did they know that a few years from now it wouldn't be this much fun. The men all joked about what went on, but I wasn't too sure I would have knowing just what could have happened without the warning. I was still trying to piece together just how Murtagh knew about it, and what effect this could have on the future.

"Here's to ye, cousin. This is for ye giving us a little fun with the villains in the rocks," Rupert yelled as he held up his drink. The men cheered and laughed as I felt Jamie reach toward Angus for his drink.

"Ahh!" Jamie yelped as he winced in pain. I pushed back on him just as he began to move.

"Serves you right for brawling with an injury," I chided sharply, hearing him chuckle behind me.

"Here, take a wee nip. I know it willna fill yer belly, but it'll help with the hunger." He passed me the leather flask. I took a swig knowing just how hungry I was at the moment and briefly mourned the loss of the food we had to leave behind.

I watched as Dougal seemed to circle us, all the while looking intently at me. I hated his lingering eyes. It bothered me to no end that he was the way he was. I thought back on the interaction I had with him the previous time, and wondered why I hadn't killed him beforehand. It would have been so easy to just slit his throat, but what stopped me was the same reason I hadn't been able to kill Jack. I wasn't a murderer. If it was a life and death situation, that was one thing, but I couldn't just casually kill someone. I think that was one of the reasons I had a difficult time when I was asked to oversee the situation in Paris at the behest of His Majesty, Louis XV, in the Star Chamber with Master Raymond and le Comte St. Germain.

"Let's head out," Dougal finally said and the men moved into a line. We began to move and my head thumped Jamie's chest causing him to groan again.

"Sorry," I murmured as he just chuckled.

"Dinna fash yerself. If I'm hurt ye can fix me up," he said with a laugh. I retaliated and gave him a sharp poke with my elbow.

"That's what you think!" I exclaimed as he nudged the horse with his heels, urging it to move a little faster.

I didn't know how long we had been riding, but it was getting dark fast. I could feel myself becoming fatigued sitting on the horse for so long. My eyes began drooping and Jamie's head bumped into my shoulder. "Jamie." He moved slightly, but not much.

"Unh!" he moaned as I felt the reins fall into my lap, knowing all too well what was going to happen moments from now.

"Help! Stop! He's going over," I yelled as I stopped the horse and got down just after Jamie fell. Murtagh was the first person at my side followed by Rupert.

"Quick, move him. Lean him against this tree." I placed my ear up against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat faintly. "I think he just passed out. The idiot is bleeding from his shoulder," I snapped while the men around me just looked on. "I need my box," I said as I looked toward Murtagh.

"Box? What box?" Dougal growled, looking from me to Murtagh trying to figure out what he was missing.

"I told you I was a nurse. I have a box of medicines and I was gathering ingredients for medicines when my son and I got lost," I reminded him while I pulled the neck on Jamie's shirt askew so I could look at his shoulder, revealing the bullet wound. "I need some alcohol," I said as Murtagh handed me my box. I looked inside but couldn't find any clean cloths. Dammit, I knew I'd forgotten something. I poured some whisky on the gunshot wound as Jamie jerked and lurched up.

"What the? 'M all right…just wee bit dizzy," he muttered then said something more in Gàidhlig.

"You are not alright, not at all. You've been shot and have been bleeding. Are you so daft that you couldn't feel the pain?" I scolded, pouring more whisky on the other side of the wound. It made me feel a little better knowing that it was a through and through, but still.

"Can ye fix him up?" Dougal asked. I nodded.

"I need some clean bandages." I looked up at the men, but none of them moved an inch. "Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ," I said under my breath. I seized the hem of my petticoat and tore several wide strips. I tied two long pieces together and planned to use the third as a pad to hold a paste made of herbs on the wound. I rummaged through my box until I found what I was looking for, poured a little over the wound, and then put some on the bandage. I smeared the herbs on the entrance and exit wounds and covered them with the pad; he winced slightly. I was unsure if it was from the pain or the herbs. "Come on, you goddamned bloody bastard," I snapped, trying to wrap the bandages around Jamie without any light or wiggle room.

"Never heard a woman use language like that," Dougal remarked, standing behind me.

"Yer husband should tan yer hide. St. Paul says..." Rupert was saying when I cut him off.

"You and Saint Paul can stuff it. My husband wouldn't dare strike me if he knew what was good for him," I snarled as I turned to look at Jamie. "And you, you'd better sit still or I'll throttle you. Do you have any idea the damage you could have from your lack of judgment?" I twisted the bandages, tying them the best I could in the dark.

"And here I shared my drink wi' ye," he said, laughing as Dougal gave him a leather flask from which to drink.

"He doesn't need any more of that; I need him to be able to ride. Keep giving him that stuff and he'll be drunker than a lord!" I took the flask from Jamie.

"Haud yer wheesht. Fix him up and let's get moving." Dougal gave me a look that meant to shut me up. I looked from him to Murtagh who seemed to want to say something but he held his tongue, shaking his head at me once more. All I knew was that I needed to know what the hell was going on because there was certainly something amiss with Murtagh. He was hiding something, but I didn't know what.

"Do ye think ye can ride?" Murtagh asked Jamie as I looked over the bandages to make certain they were secure.

"Aye, I can ride," he assured the older man, looking up at me as I stood up. I held out my hand to help him up then bent down and picked up my box.

"Here." I went to hand it to Murtagh who shook his head; he got back on his horse with Roger. Jamie took the box from me and tied it behind his saddle.

"We'd best keep it wi' us in case ye need it." He led the horse closer to a stump and used it to mount his horse. He turned the horse slightly and I followed him up shortly.

"You could have at least told me you were hurt. I asked you back in the woods if you were," I finally said, breaking the silence.

"I didna think I'd been shot. I knew I was stabbed but I didn't really feel a thing," Jamie admitted as I tried to twist around to see if he was serious. "It's not too deep, it can wait," he said as if he knew what I wanted to do. I decided to thump his sore shoulder slightly with my head.

"Now do you feel it?" I questioned as he grumbled something under his breath.

"Aye and ye thumping me isna helping," he said with a scowl, then tugged his plaid loose once again. I reached for it from one side and then the other, pulling it around both of us.

"Good, then you'd better not be brawling in the near future or I'll give you another good thumping!" I could feel his uninjured arm wrap around my waist while he still managed to hold onto the reins.

"I'll keep that in mind." He nudged the horse with his heels a little, telling him to move faster. I wanted to sleep a little more, but I needed to make sure Jamie wouldn't fall again. The rest of the night passed quickly. In the early morning light, I could see Castle Leoch in the distance, just down the hill from where we were. I couldn't believe I was back here again. It seemed like a lifetime ago that I was here planning my escape. Now I was back here hoping to change the future of my life and Jamie's, all the while needing to keep the past from repeating itself if at all possible.


	3. Chapter 3

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 3: Remembrance and Friends**

 **Mrs. Graham**

I didn't know just how long I stood on the hill praying that Claire would be able to send wee Roger back, but the longer I stood there I knew it was fruitless. I hated the idea that Roger had hidden in the car and had run to Claire. I knew he had taken a liking to her, but who wouldn't when you got to know her. I also understood her need to get back to the man she loved. And I now had the heartbreaking task to break the news to Reverend Wakefield. He had trusted me with Roger and I had lost him.

"Mrs. Graham, we have a visitor," I vaguely heard Reverend Wakefield say as I opened the front door heading toward the kitchen.

"Is she alright?" asked the other voice. I thought I knew it, but couldn't place it at the moment.

"Mrs. Graham," the reverend said as he came into the kitchen. I turned to look at him only to see Frank Randall behind him. Silently I sat down as both men came forward.

"I... I don't know wh...what happened," I stammered as I could tell neither man was sure of what to do with me.

"About what?" Frank muttered as he looked down at my hand. I had on a bracelet that Claire gave me. "Wherever did you find _that?"_ he demanded, bringing my hand up to look at the trinket.

"Claire gave it to me," I answered, raising my chin. He raced up the stairs and into the room where he'd left her belongings.

Surprised, the reverend asked, "Claire was _here?"_

"Yes, but she's gone back now," I replied. He looked around for a moment before calling for Roger. I broke down even more, tears streaming down my face.

" _ **What have you done?**_ _"_ Reverend Wakefield thundered, standing up as I reached out for him.

"I was only trying to help her go back," I finally said. I could see the look in Frank Randall's eyes when he walked back into the room holding onto a scrap of paper with Claire's handwriting on it.

"Where is she?" he rasped, looking from me to the reverend as he slammed down the sheet of paper. I told both men about Claire coming back from the past and how she said she had to get back. I explained that for the past couple of weeks, I had helped her look through the reverend's books about the battle of Culloden and the Jacobite rising. I went on to tell them how the ladies and I mapped out when the best time would be for her to travel back, that it was this morning. I wanted to keep the last part to myself, but I knew the reverend wasn't going to forget about Roger. So I told him how I had driven Claire up to the stones, but had thought Roger was with my niece. Yet when Claire had made her way toward the stones, Roger ran into her causing them both to fall through the stones.

"This is crazy talk," the reverend insisted heatedly as Frank looked over the paper he had laid on the table. I noticed that it had a list of dates and famous battles that led up to the rising and after it. Frank quickly left the kitchen and went into the study where the reverend kept his books about the clans. I followed close by to see what he was up to.

"Fraser, that was one of the clans that was destroyed after the rising. I remember seeing a deed of some kind with that name and one of, I believe, Murray," he murmured as the reverend shuffled through a stack of papers.

"Right, here you go," he said as Frank's eyes popped out a little.

"Look here." Even from where I was standing, I could see the familiar name of Claire Fraser on it. "Now look here." He pulled out a photo he must have taken before. The paper was the same except for the names. Now, beneath Claire Fraser, was the signature of one Roger Wakefield on the document instead of Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser.

"Oh my god!" The reverend collapsed on the seat beside Frank. I thought for sure I was going to be dismissed by the reverend, but he didn't let me go. No, instead he had me help in the search to see where Roger might pop up in history. The three of us had been searching through books, letters and several other items when a post came for me.

"Mrs. Graham, a letter arrived for you. I left it on the table near the front entry," Frank said as he walked past me into the study. I went and picked it up, astonished to see familiar handwriting.

"Oh, my!" I rushed into the study. "This letter's from Claire." Both men looked up at me. I opened it and pulled out the pages.

 _Mrs. Graham,_

 _I must tell you that I have been transported back to the very beginning of my journey. When Roger and I went through the stones we ended up back in 1743, right where I had first met Jamie and the others. Murtagh once again rescued me from Black Jack, but things didn't quite happen like they had before._

 _I hate to have to say that I'm sitting in my chamber hiding from the men who told me they wanted me as their guest, but won't let me move freely. I've had an interesting time this time around because unlike my first time alone I now have Roger to look after. He's been a rock to me the last few weeks. I am glad I have him, but I know you and the reverend must miss him terribly._

 _At some point I will be going with the rent party to collect the money owed to the laird of the MacKenzies. We should be passing by Craigh na Dun. I'll try to see if the stones will allow Roger to pass. We tried several times after we arrived, but Roger could no longer hear them. I'm unsure if we will be able to succeed, but I hope you know that if we don't, I will take care of Roger as if he were my own. I have grown to love him during my trying time reacclimating to 1743. I do though have a friend in an unlikely person. Jamie's godfather, Murtagh Fitzgibbons Fraser, seems to remember everything that had happened during the three previous years that we had been together. It's good to have at least one friendly face. He's made sure that Roger has been looked after as well._

 _Please give my love to the reverend and tell him I will try my hardest to get Roger back to him. I know I didn't want you to tell Frank anything, but try to reassure him I'm well and I'm where I should be. The past few weeks have been rough for me, but most things are moving along. We are both doing well._

 _Claire Beauchamp_

"Well, that's good news," the reverend remarked as he looked up from his books. "I think we will just see what's going to happen." He closed the book he was looking through.

"What did she mean 'we are both doing well,'" Frank inquired. I knew exactly what she meant, but I also knew she probably wasn't certain who would be reading the letter.

"I'm pretty sure she was speaking on behalf of herself and Roger," I replied. I could see he didn't want to accept that thought, but he certainly didn't need to know Claire was referring to her pregnancy. At least that's what I thought she meant. I decided to leave them alone and left the room. I absently watched Frank move toward a stack of books and begin looking through them again as he scanned through the page Claire had left with dates on it.

 **Jamie**

I was surprised as to how much I felt like I knew the woman sitting in front of me. It was strange because I knew there was no way I kent her, but there was something just so familiar about her. So much so that it was naggin' at me. It also bothered me slightly that she had nae once, but twice bandaged and mended me in the last day and a half as if it was second nature to her.

It bothered me how the men would degrade her in the _Gàidhlig_ as we rode, only because they kent she had nae clue as to what they were sayin'. I would catch Murtagh shakin' his head at times, but he wouldna look me in the eye. Dougal was dead set on her being a spy, but who would really bring their bairn along to do a job like that? I kent well enough that she wasna a spy. Yet, she did hold secrets that she wasna sharin', and that was verra dangerous for her.

I had to demand for her to ride with me the second time because Rupert wanted her with him. Dougal thought it wise, though, for her to stay with me in case I passed out once again. I did get a very stern look from Murtagh. Yet, it was comfortin' to see how at ease he had become with the boy. It reminded me of when I was younger, he had become like a second father to me. He had been through some very rough times with me over the last few years; he kent me verra well.

"What's goin' on in that heid of yours, boy?" Murtagh asked as he rode up beside me after he'd avoided me for a while.

"Tryin' to puzzle out a mystery," I replied as he tsked at me.

"Dinna go doin' anythin' stupid," he warned as I noticed the wee laddie looking up at him.

"Mama," he said, pointing to the woman in front of me.

"Aye, she's sleeping." He tilted his head and looked up toward me.

"Mama's sad," he said, turning to look toward the castle that seemed to be gettin' closer. I felt her movin' in front of me. I dinna ken if she kent just what her movements were doin', but I began to try to think of anything but her warm body pressed up against mine.

"Stop," I finally hissed through gritted teeth.

"Oh, sorry, my leg's asleep," she replied, stretching her leg out a few times before giving up.

"Och, weel, we're almost there," I muttered as she looked back at me before pulling my plaid closer around her body, enclosing more of her warmth around us.

 **Claire**

I felt bad after Jamie hissed in my ear. I hadn't really thought about how he might have been feeling as I was moving around. It was true though, my leg was getting cramped from all the riding and very little movement. I pulled the plaid closer around me and felt him wrap his arm around my waist once more. It seemed as though he did it without thinking. I knew from our previous life together that he had taken a liking to me right off the bat. I was still a little worried about Murtagh because there was definitely something going on with him.

I heard someone call out as our group made their way into the courtyard of the castle. "Dougal, you're back early, man. We hadna thought to see ye before the gathering." I wasn't really listening to most of the conversations going on around us, but I did watch as Murtagh got off his horse and helped Roger down.

Then I saw her; it was Mrs. Fitz. "Mwah! Ye'll all be needing breakfast, I reckon. Plenty in the kitchen. Away and feed yerselves." She wandered closer to Murtagh before slapping him away when he tried to kiss her. It was amusing to watch the scene this time around, knowing more about the people around me. "And what do we have here?" she asked curiously as she came to stand closer to Jamie and I. I had already gotten hold of Roger who was looking at everything with wide-eyed wonder.

"Claire Beauchamp and son, Mistress Fitzgibbons. Murtagh found her and Dougal said we must bring her along with us, so..." Jamie sort of stumbled over the words as he looked from me to Roger and back at his horse.

"Claire, why don't the two of ye come along with me. You probably need some food and clean clothing it looks like," she remarked, looking the two of us over before turning around.

"Mr. MacTavish should come with us," I said hurriedly, getting a questioning look from her.

"I can handle myself verra well, mistress," he muttered, handing me my box.

"He was shot and stabbed along the way. I bandaged him up as best as I could while on the road, but his wounds need cleaned and his arm needs restrapped." I happened to glance up and saw Colum looking out the window above the courtyard.

"Really, I'll be fine," Jamie insisted, moving to take his horse and leave.

"No, he won't. He needs it looked at to keep it from getting inflamed and maybe catching fever. He passed out from losing too much blood already," I argued. Mrs. Fitz raised an eyebrow and looked directly at Jamie then me.

"You know what to do? Yer a Beaton, then?" she questioned as I looked from her to Roger and slowly nodded, unsure of what a Beaton was.

"Yes, I'm a healer of sorts. I know how to clean wounds, stitch them, and I have a good knowledge of herbs." I wasn't going to repeat what happened last time. I was going to try to keep myself from becoming a prisoner if I could help it.

"All right, ye heard the lady, Jamie, come along," she said. I could feel the weight of everything falling heavily over me. There had to be a reason why the stones sent me back to this time. I had to keep faith that maybe this was a chance of righting the wrongs I made the last time.

I held onto Roger as Mrs. Fitz led us down the hallway toward the same room I had been placed in before. I immediately noticed Laoghaire standing in the kitchen as we entered. She looked like she had wanted to run right to Jamie, but one of the other girls distracted her as we walked by. I entered the warm room, placing my box down on the table near the fire. Mrs. Fitz helped Jamie remove his coat and shirt. I moved toward Roger and helped him get settled on the bed before giving instructions to the girl who had followed us. Mrs. Fitz ordered the girl to bring hot water in a pot and other things as well.

I was busy with checking the water and putting the necessary herbs in the pot and didn't notice Mrs. Fitz talking to Roger. When I turned around she was about to leave with him. "It's alright, he can stay with me," I said as she looked from me to the maid.

"He could go and play with the other children," Jamie suggested. I looked at him and shook my head.

"No, I don't know you at all and would appreciate it if my son could stay with me. I don't think any mother would let her 4 year old son go about without any knowledge of where he was or who he was with," I replied as nicely as I could. I walked to where they were standing and reached for his hand. She reluctantly let him go and I ushered him back onto the bed.

"Call out if you need anything else," she said quietly as I went back toward Jamie and the fire.

"Yes, ma'am," I said softly, hoping that I hadn't offended her.

"Oh, everybody calls me Mrs. Fitz. You may also," she said before leaving us alone. I let go of the breath I had been holding in. I walked around Jamie and moved the blanket that had been placed over his scarred back. It had never bothered me and it certainly didn't matter to me now. As before, he told me of how he got the scars and about his encounter with Randall. Although I knew the story I had still listened, thrilled, to hear him tell it to me again, trying to gather any information that might change things for us.

"I was taken to Fort William. After that, I dinna ken what happened," he said as I glanced at Roger who had fallen fast asleep.

"That must have been a horrible experience for you," I remarked quietly, looking toward the fire. He moved to twist his back from side to side. "Don't do that. I'm going to strap that arm to your side."

"You're a kind woman with a good touch," he said as I pulled the cloth tighter to keep him from being able to move the arm. I wanted him to let it rest after the dislocation of the joint and then the gunshot wound. He grunted and winced as I tied the knot.

"Yer man is a lucky one to have ye. I bet he is missin' ye and the lad." I just looked at him and fell to my knees under the weight of it all. "Mistress, Mistress Beauchamp, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, I was just thinking about my husband," I replied brokenly, the tears gathering in my eyes.

"Is he not alive?" he questioned. I found it difficult to know what to say. I couldn't lie to him, but at the same time he didn't know he was my husband.

"No, not really," I finally answered as I collapsed.

"Hush, now. Dinna cry. Things always seem to work out for the best." Then he whispered soothing words in _Gàidhlig._ I wasn't too sure what they meant, but I had heard him say them to me before.

"Forgive me," I whispered and tried to compose myself before he released me.

"There is nae need for ye to be scairt of me. Nor anyone else here, so long as I'm with ye." I knew in my heart that he meant those words.

"What about when you're not here?" I finally asked, trying hard to keep myself from grabbing onto him and shaking him until he remembered me.

"Yer English, never forget that. Especially in a place where that's not a pretty thing to be," he said as he gathered up his belongings.

"Thank you," I replied. The door opened before he reached it. Murtagh was standing on the other side of it watching the two of us.

"Watch yerself. Rest up, you'll probably be summoned shortly," he remarked as I watched he and Murtagh speak in low tones before closing the door. I removed my shoes and placed them near the fire. I removed the small pouch of coins from my pocket and went toward the fireplace. I remembered there was a loose stone from when I was here the last time, so I pulled it out and stuffed the pouch in the cavity. Replacing the stone in the fireplace, I pushed it in as far as I could. Heaving a sigh, I climbed into bed with Roger and went right to sleep.

"Come along! Up with ye! You slept the whole day away," Mrs. Fitz was saying as I reached out to pull Roger to me.

Frantically, I asked, "Where is my son?" as I sat up abruptly, jumping out of bed in a panic.

"Murtagh took him to the stables. Ye need to get cleaned up before ye meet the laird," she said, fluttering around the room. Calmer now, I watched bemused, while she pulled things out and poured water in a wash basin. I took a few swallows of the broth she'd given me before standing up and allowing her to undress me. She helped me get washed up. I felt a little strange as she washed over my stomach as if she could see right inside of me. "Now you're ready to be taken to himself," she said with a satisfied smile while she pulled a few strands of my hair loose.

"Are ye ready?" Murtagh rumbled. I looked back at Mrs. Fitz before moving closer to the door.

"Yes, thank you." I had to hurry to keep up with him.

"Wait here." He opened another door and left me. I wanted to question him, but there were people all around us as he led me to Colum's room. I entered and just as before I was drawn to the books lined up on the shelf. I ran my fingers over the binding before pulling on out to flip through it.

"I see you've met some of my friends," Colum's familiar voice said as he entered the room.

I placed the book back on the shelf. "I apologize. I do enjoy a good book," I said softly. He walked around the table and sit down.

"My name is Colum Ban Campbell MacKenzie, laird of this castle," he said proudly. Nervous laughter threatened to spill out of me, but I held it back.

"My brother has told me one of his men found you and yer child in a distressing situation," he said as though the issue was of my own making.

"I was attacked and nearly raped by one of the soldiers of King George, while my son stood on a ledge waiting for me," I snapped, knowing he thought it was all lies on my part.

"Other than this near rape, you suffered no further molestation?" he questioned while I held back what I really wanted to say.

"None. Your brother and his men were kind enough to help us in our time of need," I responded and watched his eyes widen slightly.

"Of course," he said as I decided what to say next.

"My son and I were traveling with companions on our way to Edinburgh. Our party stopped to rest and I wandered off with my son to look for some herbs and other plants to take with us. I must have lost track of time and before I knew it, we were in the middle of a skirmish between your kin and the Redcoats." He looked me up and down before nodding.

"I could make some inquires as to where your party is, and perhaps see if they are traveling this way anytime soon," he offered as I gave him a tight smile.

"That would be very kind of you. I was traveling with a man name Raymond. He was heading to Edinburgh and then to Paris, I believe. My husband recently passed and I decided I need to find somewhere else to go," I said, twisting the gold band on my finger.

"I'll see what I can do for ye, mistress. In the meantime, ye and yer son will be my guests," he said, dismissing me. I knew Master Raymond had said he traveled through Scotland to get to Paris, but I wasn't sure when it was. Hopefully the time frame fit.

I wandered around the castle for a bit until I came back to the courtyard. I found the boys playing swords until Dougal stepped in and began fighting with Hamish. "Mama," Roger called out when he saw me. Dougal looked up from his playing at me.

"Hey, sweetie," I said, bending over to pick him up. "Come on." I could see everyone looking at us. I watched Murtagh briefly talk to Jamie before he walked away. At the moment I couldn't have cared less about what they thought. Mrs. Fitz came to get me for dinner, but said that Roger had to stay behind in the kitchen since children didn't eat in the dining hall. She promised me she would watch over him, but I let it go once I saw Jamie enter the back door of the kitchen and Roger saw him. I gave him a quick nod before following Murtagh out to the dining hall.

As he'd done the first time, Colum tried to get information out of me. He kept on having my drink refilled as he asked questions of me. I knew I would be drunk if I continued this drinking game. I finally found the voice of reason in my head and retold the same story I had provided to him earlier.

I felt very queasy and noticed Colum looking at me. I'd definitely had too much to drink during his interrogation. "Are ye alright?" he questioned as I stood to leave. I placed my hands firmly on the table before making my move.

"Yes, fine, just a little lightheaded," I murmured, walking away as fast as I could without tripping or falling over myself. I made it to the doorway of the kitchen before losing my balance.

"Och," I heard a voice say as I placed my hands on something hard. "Mrs. Fitz, some hot tea for the mistress," I heard the voice order. I could feel myself being picked up and carried.

"Damn," I muttered as I felt a cold cloth on my forehead.

"Do tell me what the hell ye were thinkin'," Murtagh snapped.

"What do you mean? I was having dinner and then I felt lightheaded. You and your kin have kidnapped me and my son. I'm being held hostage and you want to know what _I_ was doing," I replied, highly irritated.

"Thank ye," I heard him say as I turned back to see him holding out a cup to me. "It'll help ye," he said as I took it. It smelled of peppermint.

"Where's my son?"

"I left him wi' Jamie," he said while I pulled the blanket closer to me.

"How did you know about the Redcoats?" I demanded curiously as he chuckled.

"Ye should know," he replied with a grin.

"How should I?" I was getting angry.

"Ye told us," he said. I almost dropped the mug. I could see he knew I understood what he meant. "I dinna ken what happened or why, but one moment I was on Culloden Moor watchin' Randall attack Jamie. I stepped in front of him only to be sliced opened by that bastard's sword. I took my last breath in Jamie's arms. I thought I had finally been given rest, but then I opened my eyes and saw Randall attack Jamie once again, but it was three years prior," he explained while I moved closer to him.

"And Jamie," I asked hopefully. He shook his head.

"Nothin'," he muttered. I looked away from him and then back at him. "The lad, is he really yers?" he questioned as I looked up again. I told him everything. About Jamie making me go back through the stones to my time; how I found out he survived and decided to return. I went on to explain that Roger had accidentally joined me on the trip, but that I wouldn't leave him behind no matter what.

"So we've got to go through it all over again," he said grimly. I nodded.

"Hopefully not everything. You know just as much as I do about what happened before. Perhaps if we try to stick to the same plan, but change a few things here and there it will alter the prior events," I said. He raised an eyebrow.

"Wentworth," he muttered. A sob escaped before I nodded.

"Murtagh, one other thing and it's serious, so very serious. I was pregnant when Jamie sent me through. I'm not sure if I am still, though," I said with a catch in my voice. He moved to stand up.

"Things will be as they should be, Claire. Get yer sleep. I'll keep an eye on the lad."

I felt slightly better, but still wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I thought I would keep to the same routine and see where things went from there. When I opened my eyes I found two little ones staring back at me.

"Roger," I smiled as he laughed. I wasn't aware he had joined me, but I was glad to see him. "Have you been behaving?" I asked; he nodded. I could see he was already dressed for the day. "Let me change and then we can go outside." He jumped on the bed excitedly and I chuckled at how carefree he was.

"Ye missed breakfast," Mrs. Fitz grumbled as we entered the kitchen area.

"That's alright, I was wondering if you could tell me where Mr. MacTavish was?" I asked. She gave me a perplexed look. "Jamie," I elaborated; she finally smiled. She told me where he was and how to find him. I gave her my thanks when she handed me a blanket and a small basket with food. Roger and I headed out toward the stables where I saw Murtagh talking with Dougal as I passed them by.

"Why don't ye leave the lad here?" Dougal called out.

"No, thank you. He'll be fine with me." Murtagh shook his head at me. I continued on my way toward the stables. I was amazed at just how pleasantly at home Jamie was with the horses. I had moved closer to the makeshift ring when Roger knocked into the railing, spooking the foal Jamie was working with. He shook off the sling and did his best to calm the horse down.

"Roger," I called out as he moved toward the opening in the gate while I follow him.

"How can I help ye?" Jamie questioned; I held out the basket of food.

"Well it's more like how can I help you," I replied as he chuckled. We talked a little while Roger walked around the area near us. I had already changed his bandage and made sure the dressing was tight before we sat down to eat. We joked about eating grass and him raiding cattle. I couldn't believe just how easy it was to talk to him. I remembered that it was the same way before, but I was so determined to escape that I didn't ponder on just how much he did for me.

"Why couldn't you go home?" I asked as I watched him look from me to Roger. "I mean, you do have a home right?" I tried to lighten the mood a little.

"Yes, my family owns land. I would love to go home, but it's nae safe for my family. I have a price on my head. It's a lot of money; some people would gladly turn me in for it." He looked as if he was thinking hard about something.

"I think that seems a little excessive for an escaped prisoner." He just chuckled at my outrage.

"It is, but the price is for murder. I didna kill anyone, but during my escape a guard was killed and Randall saw fit to charge me with the crime." He gave me a tight smile. He went on to explain in detail about the events he remembered. I knew the story already, but listened intently just like I had the night before.

"You seem like a very complicated man." I lifted Roger into my lap when he came over to me.

"I wouldna say that, but probably not as complicated as most," he said with a laugh as I saw Alec coming back.

"I take it your real name's not MacTavish." He chuckled before saying it wasn't. "Thank you for telling me, but why did you?" I was curious.

"Ye asked me. I told ye because ye wanted know," he said, looking up at the man who was coming closer.

"Why didn't you just tell me to mind my own business, or that it wasn't my concern?" I asked as he leaned down toward me.

"I didna think to. I guess I decided to trust ye." He stood back up. I took the blanket he offered me as I listened to Alec reprimand him in _Gàidhlig_ before turning to head back to the castle. Roger ran a head a little. I decided not to engage Rupert even though I wanted to.

Dougal was waiting for us as I reached the courtyard. I just walked by him as I headed toward the entrance to the kitchen. I went to follow Roger when I felt two arms pull me away.

"What the hell?" I cried as I was turned abruptly to face Dougal.

"Aye, you still speak like a whore," he muttered, pushing me up against the wall. He was hurting me.

"Stop!" I struggled to get away from him, but to no avail.

"Ye do as yer told and nothin' will happen to ye," he sneered, pushing me roughly into the wall again.

"I haven't done anything wrong." I shoved him trying to get him to release me.

"I ken yer a spy working for the English. I'm going to find a way to break ye." He rammed me into the wall causing me to slip down. I tried to stand but collapsed as I felt the weight of the roughness of his hands on me still, almost as if I were back in the ravine with Randall. Things blurred and the world faded away. After a while hand dropped on my shoulder which caused me to jerk.

"Claire, are ye alright?!" Murtagh queried. I couldn't help the tears as they fell. I told him of my encounter with Dougal while he helped me to my room.

"Ye need to steer clear of him. Be more watchful, lass," he advised. I grimaced at the awkwardness of it.

"It's different now, though." He looked over at me, his eyebrow raised. "Dougal wasn't this rough with me beforehand. He threatened me, but he was never rough," I insisted. He moved away from me.

"Weel things _are_ slightly different. Ye brought the boy, things have changed; tread carefully," he warned as Mrs. Fitz walked into the open room.

"How're ye feelin'?" she questioned as Murtagh took his leave. She gave me more tea and checked my back for injuries. I had a good deal of bruising on my back and a knot on the back of my head, but she said it was nothing too bad. I explained to her that I'd been accosted and roughed up, but left out by whom. I had a feeling she already knew who had done it. She left me alone while I considered what to do next.

Mrs. Fitz did her best to keep me busy and away from the castle as much as possible. She also made sure that I had a maid with me. I wasn't sure how she would help me, but was thankful for the company. Angus and Rupert continued to follow me around, but both steered clear of me. At times they would grumble about how fast I was moving or how far we'd gone, but when I slowed or moved differently they stopped. I would catch Rupert speaking with Murtagh at times when they both thought I wasn't paying attention.


	4. Chapter 4

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 4: Friends and Foes**

 **Claire**

I hadn't seen Roger in the last few days which bothered me, but Murtagh assured me he was safe. It was a slight relief, but I still was concerned; he was just a little boy after all. I wondered how he was fairing being in a strange land and being only 4 years old. I knew that in this time children didn't stay with parents all the time, but I worried for Roger. This concern did little to the wariness I felt whenever Roger was away. He had grown dependent on me while we were in 1948, but in this time he seemed to becoming independent, not relying on me. I heard from those around me how he was beginning to open up and talk more with Jamie while down at the stables. I enjoyed hearing all about his day before he went to bed, but worried he wouldn't understand when things began to change for all of us.

I worked in the garden during the day and collected herbs and plants to keep myself busy once I was done with tasks Mrs. Fitz had set for me. I also changed things and began to check in on people who would need my services. I wanted Colum to see me differently this time around, but was still wary because of the way that Dougal was watching me. I had wanted to go down to the stables and check on how Roger was doing, but decided against it. I didn't want to seem too clingy or in need of him, just in case things didn't work out like I had wanted them to. My goal right now was to keep him safe no matter the cost, and if possible, return him to his time.

I knew I would be meeting Geillis this day or the next. I wanted to figure out what to tell her or what not to tell her. I knew she had come back to change the future, but how could I tell her no matter what she did the future was set? I knew now though, that might not be the case since I had come back to the same period in time in which I had first arrived.

I was glad to see her waiting when I turned from the mushrooms at which I'd been looking. We talked about things and she told me the uses of certain plants in the garden. I of course, knew most of that, but listened as she spoke. It was easy to listen to her because I knew she was from the future as well, but our differences were great. She wanted one thing to happen, and I wanted to prevent that thing from happening. As before, I agreed to attend the hall.

I watched Colum walk into the hall and remembered what was wrong with him. I knew of Toulouse-Lautrec syndrome, but there was nothing I could do to help him aside from massage. I would try to make sure he had what he needed when the time came. I made a mental note to myself to talk with him about it. Geillis was telling me what the disputes were all about as I thought back to who came after the property dispute. My blood ran cold as I remembered it would be Laoghaire. I didn't want to watch Jamie stand up for her. It was hard the first time, but I didn't think I had the power to do it a second time.

"Dougal MacKenzie," a voice called out. I look at the front of the room as two men dragged Roger in with them. I started to go to get him when I felt Geillis's arm on mine.

"Claire, ye can't," she warned softly. Angry, I jerked my arm away from her.

"The hell I can't! That's my child," I snarled. I looked toward Murtagh who was deep in conversation with Jamie. The older man moved closer to me and I felt his arm on mine.

"Stop," he hissed as I tried to pull my arm from his.

"Dougal says the boy was caught stealing things," Geillis said softly as I tried to plead with Murtagh. But he held me firmly in place, pulling me away from Geillis.

"Claire, Jamie's offerin' to take the lad's punishment," Murtagh whispered. I stopped struggling and stared at him. I could see the regret and hurt in his features. I knew just how much Jamie meant to him. It hurt him the first time to watch Jamie get beat for the girl, but this was different.

"He's still hurt," I said as Murtagh pulled me forward. I could see the tears glitter in Roger's eyes when he saw me. He struggled to free himself. I tried to keep from flinging myself toward him as Murtagh eased his hold on my arm a bit. From the corner of my eye I could see a look from Rupert to Murtagh and just a slight nod from both men.

"Colum is going to allow it," Murtagh said, his face tightening as Jamie turned to me. Angus let go of Roger and he ran to me. I was so very relieved that he wouldn't feel the punishment, but was worried that one day he might. Once again I watched Rupert punch and beat Jamie. It bothered me that Dougal would allow his nephew to be hurt like that just to be spiteful. That was all it was. He was waging a war with him. A war that had ended in Dougal's death last time, and no doubt he would succumb the same fate.

Roger clung to me, still frightened. I could see Colum staring at me intensely as if trying to figure me out. All I could do, though, was try to reassure Roger he would never be put in that predicament again if I had anything to do with it. Murtagh stood stock-still as Rupert landed his final blow. Jamie slowly, painfully stood while Murtagh made his way toward him. He went to Colum and Dougal, spoke to them in _Gàidhlig,_ then leaned on Murtagh. Geillis grabbed my arm and led me from the room. "It's closer this way," she whispered as I tried to go a different way.

"Mistress," Mrs. Fitz said as I entered the kitchen with Roger firmly on my hip. She had brought in several different things on a tray. I could clearly see several of the herbs I had in my box on the tray as well as leeches. I watched, amazed as she took a few and placed them around Jamie's swollen eye that was rapidly changing color. Roger watched from the crook of my neck as Mrs. Fitz worked around us. Murtagh must have gone to my room because when he reentered he was carrying my box.

"Thank you." He went to take Roger from me so I could tend to Jamie, but my boy was very reluctant to let go. "Roger, it's all right. Murtagh's a good man." He slowly let go of my neck and allowed Murtagh to take him.

"Come on, laddie, we'll get ye somethin' to eat." They moved to another table with food on it.

"I think ye can handle this from here," Mrs. Fitz said approvingly as she slowly removed the leeches from around his eye. I was amazed at how quickly they worked. Jamie's swollen eye didn't look too bad. "If ye need anything just call out," she reminded me then bustled off.

"I want to thank you for what you did for Roger," I whispered. Jamie grabbed my wrist.

"I kent he didna do it. Murtagh reckons my uncle's up to somethin'," he said, flinching when I helped remove his coat, waistcoat, and shirt. I placed several strips of cloth in the boiling water with herbs to place on his reopened gunshot wound and the torn stitches from the knife wound. "Murtagh also told me Dougal approached ye, and not in a good way," he grimaced. Unfortunately, I had to remove the rest of the stitches to resew them which caused him to not only wince in pain, but to also jerk slightly away from me.

"Yes, he did, but there's no need for you to worry about it," I said softly as I looked toward Murtagh who avoided looking at me.

"Mistress, please be careful." He moaned as I started to stitch his opened wound.

"I will try to endeavor to stay out of his way. He has Rupert and Angus watching my every move." I could see he already knew that. "Do you keep Roger with you during the day?" I questioned.

"The boy seems lost here. It's almost as if this is all new to him. The first day, he got into a wee stramash with one of the other boys, so I thought it better to keep him close by," Jamie explained. Relieved, I gave him a smile.

"Thank you again. This _is_ all new to him. Our lives were very different, to be sure. So when you say this is new to him, it is," I said honestly as he nodded in understanding.

"Do you miss yer other life?" he inquired as I finished placing the last strip around his shoulder.

"Honestly, I do. I miss my husband the most. He brought me back to life after so many trials. I miss him being there to just hold me, to tell me how much he loved me, and how important I was to him." I looked directly at him, willing him to remember me, remember _us._

"Maybe in time ye'll find someone who loves you just as much as he did," he said, trying to comfort me. Weary and heartsick, I felt two small arms wrap around my legs.

"Yes, I'm sure I shall, one day." I gathered up my things and picked Roger up.

"Good night, gentlemen."

 **Murtagh**

I listened to the conversation Jamie was having with Claire and kent it had to be hard for the lass. Yes, she kent everythin' about him, but she also carried the knowledge of what was goin' to happen in the near future and that worrit me. It bothered me how tired and worn she'd been lookin' lately, too, as though she carried the whole world on her shoulders. I kent I shouldna have told Jamie about Dougal attacking her, but I also kent if he found out later from someone else it would be harder on him.

It was hard for me to watch her not only struggle with the thought of the wee lad being hurt, but to watch Jamie endure the sufferin' he went through. I kent, though, that Rupert hadna given him his worst. That was at least one good thing. I watched my boy and Claire from the corner of my eye and could see the love shinin' from both of them. It was plain she was already in love with Jamie. But Jamie didna know everything he needed to about her. He did have it bad for the lass even now.

After Claire left, he sat still for some time before slowly rising to his feet and moving toward me. He sat down quiet-like beside me, and I waited for him to speak.

"Do ye think she would like someone like me?" he finally asked. I could clearly see the man he had become from the three years he spent with Claire prior, but right now I saw the lost boy he was when they first met.

"I reckon she could." He seemed to ponder his next words.

"I feel this need to protect her. Does that make me weak?" he asked. I could easily see his thoughts runnin' round in his heid.

"Nae, it means ye're becomin' a man," I said with a grin and he chuckled.

"Well then, I reckon I need to start makin' plans." He stood and moved to leave. I decided to follow behind him knowin' this was the first step in many that hopefully would lead them down a different path. More importantly, I was hopin' it would keep them both out of the hands of Black Jack Randall and away from Wentworth Prison.

Jamie had already gotten up to go work with Alec for the day. I saw someone had brought Roger here already. I slowly got up. It had been a long night what wi' Jamie groanin' every now and then from the new bruises and pain of the injuries from the night before. I kent, though, he would gladly take the pain to keep the lad who was now in awe of him, near by him, safe. I decided to go talk with Colum when I suddenly saw a man from the past - or should I say future - gettin' out of the wagon of the man who once was supposed to take Claire away.

"I am looking for Mistress Beauchamp," he said to a man who was removing sacks of grain from the back of the wagon.

"Aye," I said as I made my way toward him.

"Why are ye looking for her?" Dougal asked. I moved toward the other side just in case.

"We were traveling together and were separated. I am looking for her and her son, Roger. It was some time when we realized we had left them behind," the man explained, looking toward me and then past me to Claire.

"Master Raymond!" She closed the distance between us. "I'm so glad to see you," she remarked, smiling at the little man.

"Ye know him," Dougal said flatly. She stood up straight, turning toward him.

"I told you my son and I were traveling with him when you brought me here," she bit out angrily. I could the fire brewing behind Dougal's eyes.

"Aye, I'm sure my brother would like to speak to ye," he grumbled. He led us all to the laird's room; I followed behind to keep an eye on Claire.

Colum turned to look toward us as we filed in. "Brother, we have a visitor," Dougal said.

"Dougal, ye can leave us; Murtagh, stay." I came in behind Claire looking back toward Dougal who looked as if he could split his brother in half. He left, slammin' the door shut.

"I want to thank you for looking after Mistress Beauchamp and her son, Roger," Raymond smiled, his eyes crinkling when he looked toward Claire.

"It was no problem. I am glad we could help them in their time of need. It did seem strange that the two of them were wandering alone in the middle of the woods to begin with," Colum remarked, turning a sheet of paper over on his desk.

"Our party stopped to rest as we had been traveling a long way. Mistress Beauchamp is a healer so she took the opportunity to look for herbs and such. In the noise and confusion of the gunshots, we left her behind. It was a mistake that I tried to rectify as soon as possible, but when we backtracked, they were both gone," the wee man said as I watched Claire put her hand on his shoulder.

"How did ye come about looking for them here?" Colum asked as I watched the wee man's face.

"When I traveled back to where I had last seen them, I came upon a Captain Randall who told me he had seen her, but that she had disappeared with a rowdy group of Highlanders." I could see a frown on Colum's face.

"I see. What might yer plans be for her and the boy if they were to leave wi' ye," Colum inquired, a look of puzzlement crossing Claire's face.

"I do not understand what you mean," the wee man said.

"What will they be doing if they leave with you?" Colum clarified.

"Mistress Beauchamp and her son can do what they would like. She is her own woman, bound to no one, free to do as she pleases."

"If she is indeed a healer as ye say she is, it would be good if she would stay here and help us." I could almost see the thoughts flyin' across Claire's face. She seemed to be trying to decide what to do. "My brother truly believes she is a spy for the English waiting to pounce on us, but I don't really know what to believe about her. I can tell you this - she has secrets - but I don't think they are to hurt me or my clan. Yet, if she is a healer we could use her touch here."

"As I have said, Mistress Beauchamp is free to make her own decisions. I do wish to know, though, in what manner would she be staying here?" the man questioned.

"She and her son would be my guests. We have a surgery where she would be able to look after people," he replied calmly as I watched him.

"So I would be able to come and go as I pleased?" Claire asked, somewhat incredulously. Colum looked at her.

"Ye must understand even as a guest here ye would need to stay close to Leoch."

"And if I wanted to leave?" she asked insistently.

"I would remind ye as a guest I can provide protection, but once ye chose to leave I wouldna be bound to keep ye safe." She was thinkin' about what to do, but I was a bit worrit she might choose to leave.

"What would you like to do?" the man asked her. Claire glanced at me. "I am going to Paris to rejoin my people and set up my shop. You and Roger would be most welcome to come with me if you wish, but it is up to you," he said, continuing to let her decide.

"I'll stay as your guest, but you must swear to me that my son will never, and I mean _never,_ be harmed by any of your men no matter what," she demanded. I could see the shocked look on the wee man's face.

"As ye wish," Colum muttered, looking up from his desk. "I understood after the incident that it was a misunderstanding on my brother's part. I dealt with the issue."

"I still would like to be able to move about freely. I like to walk and gather herbs and plants. I don't want to feel like I am being held prisoner," she countered. I thought back on just who Claire had been before and how much she had grown since I first met her. After a long pause, Colum agreed to her terms and dismissed us. I walked back out to the courtyard with Claire and Master Raymond, as she called him. He went to his small wagon and handed her several packages. I listened as he told her they were different herbs and things she might need in the future.

"I hope you are able to rewrite history, Madonna, but if not I shall see you in Paris," he said with a bow. I took the packages from her and followed her back into the castle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 5: Findings and Musings**

 **Claire**

I had decided to stay my course here at Leoch even when every fiber of my being was telling me to run. It wasn't something I was proud of, that moment of weakness. The thought of going safely away with Master Raymond weighed heavy on me for a little while, but the thought of actually turning my back on Jamie and this clan seemed wrong. I knew Murtagh would have allowed me to go, but would he hate me for leaving was the real question. I had a lot of time to ponder the "what ifs" as I resigned myself to the darkness of the dungeon surgery. I had my reservations as to whether I was actually a guest or truly a prisoner because Dougal still had his men watching me like a hawk.

Mrs. Fitz and a few of her maids still came to me and helped me wash and dress for the day. I had asked her to let me be, but she assured me that she didn't mind helping. It amazed me at how she just knew what to say or do in situations beyond her control.

Roger was currently learning about horses with Jamie and Auld Alec; this was more a strong suggestion Murtagh had made rather than a request. He explained if I were to be busy with patients and such things, there would be no one to look after Roger. I couldn't take him with me everywhere. I hated to have to agree with him, but didn't like the idea of creating more work for Jamie.

"Weel, Claire, I believe ye are dressed for the day," she said as I looked myself over in the mirror. I felt a little strange as I rubbed my belly. I was hoping that Master Raymond was wrong when he told me that he didn't feel I was with child any longer.

"What were you saying, Mrs. Fitz?" I questioned. She was looking at me strangely.

"I was telling ye about the gatherin' that was coming up. Men from all over will be comin' to the castle to pledge to the laird and there's ta be a tynchal, too. I dinna think there has been one since Colum was made laird," she said looking over the ribbons she had in her hand.

"It sounds like there's a lot going on," I murmured as she chuckled.

"I'm glad ye here to help with lookin' after and tendin' to the sick. I'll have me work cut out in the kitchen," she said, eyeing me as I made my way to follow her out of the room. I looked to my left to find Angus was my tail today. He wouldn't be happy. We'd be spending the day in the surgery. I needed to spend some time cleaning out all the herbs and concoctions that were left behind by last healer.

I did find some interesting things when I began to go through the different medicines. It was different to have to use my sense of smell and taste to think about what the different medicines were. I used the book he left behind to try and figure what was what. I decided that what I needed to do was to sort out what I could use in my healing from what really didn't help at all. Angus seemed very bored as I went about my work. He sat on the steps muttering to himself most of the time as I removed medicines and sorted out others.

I was thankful that throughout the sorting process I was able to see a few patients here and there. Over the next few days I had pretty well cleaned out all the medicine that wouldn't be of any use for me or anyone else. It was interesting that a lot of the herbs and medicines that I had gotten rid of really didn't help any aliment at all.

"Where do ye think yer going?" Angus snapped one morning as I began to make my way outside of the castle. I needed fresh air and wanted to see Roger.

"I'm going for a walk." I made my way toward the stables. As I got closer to where Jamie usually was, I could see him crouched low near Roger. He was holding onto a rope tied to a filly's halter. It seemed he was saying something to Roger while he pulled the rope slowly toward them as the filly moved closer. I stopped to watch in amazement as the filly was now right in front of them.

"Are ye done now?" Angus grumbled, standing beside me.

"No, but look at that!" Excited, I pointed to Roger as he reached up and rubbed the nose of the filly. I had really wondered how he was going to live in this century, but from the looks of it he seemed to be doing very well.

"I guess we could head back." Reluctantly I turned to leave.

"I thought ye wanted to come out here," he growled, grabbing my arm roughly.

"I did, but they seem busy." I jerked my arm out of his grasp and took off back toward the castle trying to ignore the pain in my heart after watching Jamie with Roger. I knew he would be a great father, but what Raymond had said about my unborn child pained me. It hurt to think that I could not be with child. He had explained that even though I went through the first time with the child, since I hadn't yet slept with Jamie, the baby hadn't been conceived. In my heart I held out hope for him or her, but I hadn't really had any signs of pregnancy lately. I was no longer so tired and my breasts weren't sensitive any more.

I could still feel the pain of losing Faith in my soul, but to lose another child without even knowing them, that hurt more. I had at least been able to see Faith and hold her in my arms. The whole reason I was back here at this point was because Jamie wanted to save me and our unborn child.

"Are ye alright, mistress," I heard someone ask as I looked around at my surroundings. I had made it back to the castle and into the kitchen without really knowing it.

"Yes, I was just thinking," I replied, moving toward the stairs down to the surgery. There was a boy about 10 waiting for me. I looked over his injury to see he had gotten a rather big piece of wood stuck in the palm of his hand. I worked slowly and patiently to keep him calm. It was a rough piece of wood and I didn't want it to splinter off into his hand and make things worse.

"Are you doing well?" I asked him as I pulled the last piece out of his hand and quickly rubbed the open wound with a little alcohol. I knew it stung, but he held still.

"It does nae hurt as much," he said quietly as he turned to look at his hand. He had been facing the fire as I dug everything out. I took some clean cloth and dipped a little in a mixture of vinegar and an ointment I concocted from several different herbs. Then I wrapped his hand with clean cloth and sent him on his way. I looked back toward the stairs to see if my guards had removed the old medicines.

"I need these baskets of medicine removed," I had told both Rupert and Angus as I entered the kitchen where they were drinking. It was nice to see they trusted me a little more, but it bothered me that they hadn't done what I asked of them. Mrs. Fitz had been saying something to them when one of the maids dropped a dish. I was angry with myself because I'd forgotten about the two boys who had gone to the Black Kirk. I was hoping to save the other one this time, but I had forgotten about him. I listened as they spoke of what had happened to the boy, but decided that it wasn't my place to make a big scene.

Tammas entered the kitchen and let me know that I was wanted in Colum's chamber. I knew why he wanted me, but decided to do something about Tammas before things got worse for him.

"I need to go to my surgery to get something," I said as I watched him sway slightly. "Tammas, would you please accompany me there before I go to Colum?" He looked from me to Mrs. Fitz.

"Yes, mistress," he said as I led the way. I went right to the bottles of new medicines I had just mixed. I looked for the correct antidote before turning back to him.

"Tammas, did you and Lindsey eat anything while you were at the Black Kirk." He looked up from the floor where he had been staring. Then his gaze shifted away, his eyes anywhere but on me or what I was doing.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, but I have to know if you ate anything," I insisted as he moved closer to me. He was looking more and more pale. He told me how they went up there to fool around and ate some leaves thinking they were wood garlic. He then pulled a few leaves out of his pocket. "Do you trust me?" I asked as he looked up from the table where I had placed the leaves.

"Yes," he said softly as I handed him the small bottle with the antidote to what had killed his friend. I picked up one of the leaves and placed it in the book where I had been writing notes. "Drink it," I said as he took the lid off and drank the solution.

"What are ye doin'?" I heard a voice ask from the stairs.

"You'll be fine now," I said to Tammas as Mrs. Fitz came into the surgery. She must have followed us.

"Auntie, I went wi' Lindsey to the Kirk. We ate some leaves there," he said as he picked up one of the leaves he had given to me. "Mistress Beauchamp told me they were poisonous," he said as he coughed a little before slowly crumpling to the floor.

"He'll be fine," I assured her. I heard a sound and glanced over to see Murtagh standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Colum is askin' for ye," he said as he moved toward the boy.

"Help me get him to the bed." He lifted the boy up and carried him to the bed in the corner. "He ate some poisonous leaves at the Black Kirk. I gave him something to help counteract the poison, but it could be a little while before he feels better." I laid my hand on his forehead. He was slightly warm, but not burning up.

"I'll have a maid come and watch him," Mrs. Fitz said as I moved away from the boy.

"I wish you had told me about the other boy. I might have been able to help him," I said as I moved back to the long surgery table and picked up a few bottles of oil to use on Colum. I put them in a basket where I had some clean cloths.

"Mistress," Murtagh said as I followed him out of the surgery.

"Ye saved Tammas before," he said in a low voice.

"I wish I could have saved the other as well," I said, irritated with myself.

"Claire, ye canna save everyone," he reminded me as I looked up to see him opening the door to Colum's chamber.

"No, I can't. But it still doesn't help knowing I might have or could have changed things for the better," I argued, walking into the room. I noticed the tailor still in the room. I stood back hardly listening to their conversation as I thought about how I could help alleviate some of the pain for Colum. I thought if he wasn't in so much pain he might see me in a different light. He didn't say I was his prisoner, but I didn't want him to go back on his word, either. I was more concerned for Roger than myself. I could bear his anger, but Roger shouldn't have to.

"Mistress Beauchamp, do ye sew at all?" Colum asked once the tailor had fled the room.

"Only flesh," I replied with a slight smile, "but I don't think that'll help you, sir." He chuckled before moving toward the makeshift bed he had set up in the middle of his study.

"No, I assumed not. I actually called ye here for a different matter. I had hoped ye might massage my legs. Our previous healer used to do it for me. It helped with the pain. Angus has tried to do it but he had nae skill for it,' he explained, dropping his breeks.

"Of course, though I think it would be better to massage the base of your spine. If you still wanted me to, then I could massage your legs." He lay down. I lifted his shirt up higher and set out to deeply massage the base of his spine; I heard him groan.

"How are ye adapting to yer work?" he asked as I rubbed harder moving up along his spine.

"I'm doing well. I've seen several patients for minor injuries. I cleaned a lot of the old medicines out and plan to gather new herbs and items to replenish my stock," I said as I moved from his spine down his left leg. I looked over at the pot in the fire and noticed there was water in it. I took out the cloths I had brought with me and placed them in the kettle.

"How is yer boy doing?" he questioned when I moved to his right leg.

"He spends a lot of time out with Mr. MacTavish with the horses," I said as I stopped massaging his legs and retrieved the hot strips of cloth. "After you've been massaged, putting hot, wet cloths or heated cloths on the affected areas helps to loosen the muscles." I wrapped the cloths around his upper thighs and his lower back then picked up a blanket and placed it over his back and legs to help seal in the heat.

"Tell me mistress, where'd ye learn all this," he questioned as I sat down in the chair next to the fire.

"My parents died when I was quite young and I was raised by my uncle. He traveled a lot. I traveled with him and during that time, I picked up a lot of my healing practices. When I got married I continued to work as a healer. And when my husband died, I decided to travel with Master Raymond," I said sticking to mostly the truth.

"Ye are a marvel. I have never seen a healer the likes of ye," his voice slurring.

"Thank you." I gathered up my things and made my way to the door.

"Join us tonight as my guest for music and stories." He gave a sigh and feel deeply asleep. I hurried back to the surgery to check on Tammas.

"How is he?" I asked the maid who was watching over him.

"He doesna have a fever. He was talkin' a few moments ago, but went back ta sleep." I excused her and I checked him myself. His pulse was steady and his color had come back. He should be fine once he woke up.

I set about making notes in the book I was making with different herbs and plants listed. I had decided to try to create a medical log to know what different herbs and plants could be used for during this century. I had gotten some help from Mrs. Fitz and from looking at the previous healer's work. I had to make several changes since I knew more about things from my time.

"Mistress Beauchamp," Mrs. Fitz said as she entered the surgery.

"Mrs. Fitz," I said as I moved toward her. She had moved toward the bed where her nephew was lying down waiting for someone to see him. He was awake, but hadn't moved yet.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as I sat down beside him on the bed.

"Better," he mumbled as I handed him a cup of water. "We dinna know the leaves were poison," he said looking toward his aunt.

"Yes, but you should never eat something if you aren't sure what it is. I know the leaf looked familiar, but look at what happened," I said as he nodded.

"Come now, I think ye have taken up enough of Mistress Beauchamp's time. We need to get ye home," Mrs. Fitz said. "Thank ye, I don't know what we would have done had he died," she continued as she made her way toward the stairs. I was left alone with my thoughts once again. I could remember the night I came home from the hospital in Paris after spending all day there helping. The relief I felt knowing I was making a difference outweighed the hurt Jamie had made me feel.

I knew I had altered the events a little by helping Tammas, but it had also kept me from Father Bain's ire. There were still plenty of things that could go wrong, but at least I wouldn't be on his bad side for the moment. I set about doing more work until it was time for Roger to come back and for me to head to the hall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 6: Singing and Preparations**

 **Claire**

"Mama," Roger called, entering the surgery. He was followed closely by Murtagh.

"Hey, sweetie," I said as I bent down and picked him up. I began to tickle him which caused him to start laughing.

"Will ye be attendin' Gwyllyn's singing tonight?" Murtagh inquired as he watched me wash Roger's face.

"Colum invited me, but I'm not sure," I responded while I removed the outer layers of Roger's clothing before sitting him down on the bed.

"It's up to ye, but ye were there last time," he replied before taking his leave. I knew that I had gone just to get drunk. I had wanted to drown my sorrows in the bottom of a glass. I had just removed the pins in my hair when a young girl entered the room.

"Mistress, Mrs. Fitz sent me to watch over the wean while ye went to the hall for the bard," she explained, sitting down in a chair near the fire. She took out a ball of yarn and knitting needles then began working on a sock. I was going to send her away, but changed my mind and decided to go.

"My brother looks verra well tonight," Dougal noted. He moved close, much closer to me than I would have liked.

"It was nothing," I replied, taking a sip out of the glass of Rhenish.

"So ye say, although he said it was all due to your knowledge of massage. It looks like the feral cat we picked up on the road is trying to pull in her claws," he rumbled, pulling the glass out of my hand.

"What a charming description." I moved away from him toward where Laoghaire was seated.

"Hello." I sat down and was handed a drink from a maid. "I'm Claire Beauchamp," I continued as she looked back at me.

"Aye, mistress we all know who ye are," she spat. I saw Jamie out of the corner of my eye but didn't see Murtagh with him. I waved at him and he gave me a small smile.

"Mr. MacTavish, I was just telling Laoghaire here who I was," I said as he chuckled a little.

Taking the glass of Rhenish from my hand, he replied, "Mistress, everyone knows who ye are."

He took a long drink. "This is Colum's good stock," he observed in surprise.

"Yes, it is." I took the glass back from him. I paid scant attention to Laoghaire while she tried to converse with Jamie, but his attention was on me, not her. I could tell from the way she spoke and handled herself she wasn't too happy with the situation.

I sipped a little more from my current glass. "Mistress, how many glasses have ye had?" Jamie questioned. I looked toward him and I held up two fingers then a third.

"Most folks who drink with Colum are under the table after the second glass," he remarked as I handed him my glass.

"Are you implying that I'm intoxicated?" I asked as he downed the rest of the sweet German wine.

"Come, I think you should look at my dressing, it's been chaffing me for days." He got up and handed the glass to Laoghaire. "Take that back, will you, lass?" he asked. He took my hand and led me out of the hall. I was a little wobbly, but hadn't thought I was _that_ impaired. I could have been wrong though because I stumbled on the steps.

"Ouch," I muttered when I hit my knee on the wall and I let go of Jamie's hand.

"I would say ye are a wee bit tipsy," Jamie said as he opened the door to the surgery. The maid got up from her spot, picked up her knitting, and left. I moved toward the long table in the middle of the room to steady myself.

"Why didn't you just take the bandage off yourself?" I questioned as I cleaned my hands in the hot water of the pot.

"I thought about it, but dinna want ye to throttle me," he replied, half joking. I laughed at him. I knew he wasn't really afraid of me or what I might do to him.

"Right, let me take a look, then." I stepped over and stood in front of him. I slowly undid his shirt and lifted it just enough to look under the bandage. "It's scabbed over and no pus. It looks pretty good. You can take the dressing off in a day or two," I commented, sitting down on the bench in front of the table.

He glanced toward the bed. "Yer son is a good boy," he said quietly.

"I saw you two working with a filly. He seems to taken a liking to you." I looked up in his eyes. I missed Jamie terribly and this wasn't helping any.

"Aye, 'tis nice to be able to work with someone younger. He's very curious about things. I canna put my finger on it, but I feel like he seems out of place betimes. He tends to get this look in his eye." I held my breath for a moment before letting it out.

"I would say that's because we moved a lot," I replied, hoping to end this conversation. "Thank you for helping me back, and for looking after my boy." He nodded and gave me a tight smile before leaving. I moved to the bed to look over at the sleeping boy. I hated how he was caught up in all this, but I knew if I couldn't get him to the stones, he would be trapped here. I wondered how Mrs. Graham and the Reverend were handling the situation. I had sent a letter with Master Raymond when he left to be sent to them, but had no way of knowing if they even received it.

The next morning I was stuck with Angus once more. I think Rupert hid so that he wouldn't have to look after me as much. It was funny, though, watching Angus huff and puff because he had to do a little exercise. I had spent most of the morning looking through the ledger left by the old Beaton, but knew since cleaning out a lot of the old medicine and herbs, I needed to replenish my supplies for the gathering, even though I was pretty sure I had everything I would need to keep the people in good health.

"Do ye never sit down, woman? My breakfast's barely past my gullet. Walking is nae good for the digestion," Angus yelled as I walked past him toward the stairs leading out of the kitchen doors.

"Walking _is_ good for your digestion," I retorted, stopping in the entryway of the garden to let Geillis go in front of me.

"Claire. Ah, I'm so glad you could join me," she said as she looked behind me at my shadow.

"I'm actually glad to join you. I need to gather some things to replenish my stores for the gathering," I replied. She helped me along the way, pointing out different herbs and plants as if I actually didn't know what most of them were.

"Did you hear about the MacNeil boy?" she questioned as she picked some hawthorn berries.

"I heard he passed away," I answered sadly. She tilted her head and looked at me oddly.

"Yes, Father Bain was disappointed to learn that Tammas Baxter went with wee Lindsey MacNeil to the Black Kirk, but didn't get sick. He went to their house and asked about it," she replied while I plucked some leaves from a bush.

"What happened?" I asked. I didn't like where the conversation was going.

"Mrs. Fitz just said the boy was looking pale, but he was fine now." Angus pushed past Geillis roughly; I lost my footing and began to fall.

"Are ye alright?" he muttered, pulling me up forcibly, but not on purpose. I tried to put my full weight on my foot, but it was sore. I bent down to rub at it as Geillis came up.

"Did you hurt yerself?" she said as if I were some child.

"No, not really," I replied. Suddenly I felt myself being picked up. Shocked, I looked up to see Murtagh. He carried me back to the surgery where he helped me look over my ankle which was slightly swollen. But after rubbing some oil on it and wrapping it, I was able to stand firmly on it without limping. I decided to take it easy for the next couple of hours to make sure I didn't overdo things.

On my way toward the kitchen to ask Mrs. Fitz something, I passed one of the smaller alcoves. There they were, Jamie and Laoghaire. I'd caught them. I knew it was bound to happen, but the sight of the two of them kissing fired my soul. I watched as Laoghaire pulled him closer to her while she pawed at his shirt. I barely caught his eye when he looked up from moving her against the stone wall. He pulled away from her slightly and before she could look where he was looking, I moved out into the hallway and hurried to the kitchen.

"Mistress," Murtagh grumbled when I ran into him by accident.

"Sorry." I moved aside to let him pass. He stopped before moving to far away from me.

"Jamie," he said as I continued on my path. Mrs. Fitz ushered me into the hall for lunch when I offered to help her. I opted instead to skip lunch and head to the gardens. Rupert followed me as I just sat still in the garden watching the day waste away. When I felt the chill in the air I decided to head back. Rupert pushed me along into the hall for supper. I saw Jamie and Murtagh seated in the middle of one of the large tables. I was going to go in a different direction when I saw Murtagh look up at me.

"How is horse-breaking going?" I inquired as I sat down opposite of the men. Alec was seated on the other side of Murtagh.

"Fine," Jamie answered slowly, barely looking up from his food.

"What happened to your lips? It looks like you were thumped in the face," I said eyeing him as he looked up once more from his food. I felt his foot nudge mine, warning me.

"One swung her head while I was lookin' after yer boy," he mumbled, narrowing his eyes in my direction. I knew he knew what I was talking about, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him. His foot stepped hard on mine; he was trying to end the discussion.

"It's sad those fillies are so careless, and even dangerous," I said as innocently as I could. He moved his foot and I took the opportunity to kick him in the knee. He dropped his drink and Murtagh's eyes almost popped out.

"Och, ye wee fool," Murtagh snapped; the drink had fallen on him as well. Jamie jumped up and Murtagh followed, muttering to himself. Auld Alec moved over to where they were seated and looked directly at me. He then proceeded to chew me out about teasing Jamie. I knew it was childish, but seeing him with her hurt more than I realized it would. I knew it was before we got together, but still.

Just as before, I left the hall after Alec reminded me about how things would work out for Jamie should Colum or her father find out. I wasn't about to allow Laoghaire to get him, so I decided I would apologize to him next time I saw him. I hadn't noticed I was outside until I heard a voice calling my name.

"Mistress Beauchamp, are you all right?" he called out as I looked out at him.

"Of course, what can I do for you, Mr. MacKenzie?" I replied. Dougal went on to invite me to town with him. I accepted, knowing that going into town would be the right time to talk with Jamie and to get rid of the Black Kirk danger. I didn't want any other child to become ill or die from the lilies of the valley there.

After the invitation, I headed back to my surgery where I found Murtagh with Roger. I knew he was aware of what I had done to Jamie, but he at least didn't chide me this time around. No, he just shook his head and left as I got ready for bed. Roger told me all about his day before we went to sleep.

The next morning I got up and dressed Roger; he was excited about going for a ride or something with the other boys. Murtagh was waiting for us when we entered the kitchen. I asked where the boys were going with Roger, and he explained he was taking Roger out with him to look at the traps and things because Jamie wouldn't have time to look after him. I thanked him then I followed them out and joined Dougal on his way to the village.

"Claire," Geillis said with a smile when she saw me enter her little space.

"Geillis, should I be thanking you for the fresh air?" I joked as she just laughed. She said it was news to her, but that she was glad I could visit with her. While we were gathering herbs to grind and simmer I heard the commotion from the street below. I watched Father Bain usher the boy into the house where Geillis' husband was. It wasn't too long before he entered the room making all sorts of noises. She passed him the peppermint concoction once again and then he began to pass gas. It was odd, just how at ease she was with him even when she was slowly killing him.

I asked about the tanner's lad, but he wouldn't hear anything from me. It wasn't until Geillis made her remark that he paid attention. "Arthur... Imagine if our own union had been blessed, then how would you feel if your son were taken so? Oh, surely it was but hunger that made the lad take to thievery. Could you not find a little mercy for him? Think of it as if the lad were ours. My sweet, tender heart," she said as she placed his hand over her heart. I felt slightly sick watching the scene play out. I had to give her credit; she certainly knew how to manipulate him.

Mr. Duncan had decided on a verdict and it was the same as before. He went out farting and yelling that he had came to a decision. I shook my head when Geillis told me that the boy would be nailed to the pillory and have to sit there for one hour. I knew in my time this wasn't done, but my thoughts went back to Roger and how he was still young. I would hate for something like this to happen to him, this form of justice seemed brutal and overused.

"Sometimes I feel very much the stranger in a strange land," I murmured under my breath looking out the window as I watched the boy led to the pillory and his justice being served.

"It can't be easy... being a sassenach in the Highlands. Assuming that's what you mean," she replied, then went about gathering up herbs and things for me. She pounded the herbs and set them to steep before she asked various questions of me. I wasn't in the mood to make idle chit chat so I just worked as she did all the talking. It wasn't too long before there was a knock at the door. I knew it was Jamie to get me.

"Mr. MacTavish," I said as he moved into the room.

"Mistress. Dougal was called back to Leoch. I'm sent to fetch ye," he said as he moved closer to me handing me the cloak that was in his arms.

"Claire, I'm sure Mr. MacTavish would like to hear all about your life, as would I," Geillis said moving toward us. I just wanted to be anywhere at the moment than where I currently was.

"I'm sorry Mistress Duncan, but we're in a hurry. I need to get some work done before the end of the night," Jamie said. He seemed to sense my need for an escape.

"Maybe the next time," I said as I gathered up the medicine box that we had prepared. Jamie took it from me as I followed him out the door. While he was tying it to his horse I asked for his help in setting the boy free. Of course he helped even though I had been mean to him the night before. I felt as if I had misunderstood him for so long that now I was getting a second chance to really learn about him.

"Thank you, I know that was a risk," I said as we were making our way back to the castle.

"Ye wouldna expect me to be less bold than a wee sassenach lass, now, would ye?" he questioned. I chuckled knowing he was only joking, but it was hard to hear such talk after all we had been through.

"Jamie, would you be willing to show me the Black Kirk? I would like to see about some plants growing there," I said as he turned his horse to look back at me.

"I heard ye helped Mrs. Fitz's nephew. Do ye think the wee fool ate somethin' there that caused him to be poorly?" he questioned as he moved his horse in another direction.

"Tammas told me that Lindsey and he had eaten leaves there. He showed me the leaves, but they weren't what he thought they were. It was one that looked similar to another," I replied as I saw the Black Kirk just in front of us. We dismounted and moved freely about the ruins.

While we walked, it was interesting to hear Jamie talk about his upbringing. I had listened to him say the things before, but was so focused on trying to find a way out of my situation that I really hadn't paid too much attention to what he had been explaining to me.

"Do you miss it?" I questioned as he climbed over one of the half fallen walls.

"Miss my home?" he queried.

"Yes, you were talking about it as if you missed it," I said as I leaned on the wall beside him.

"I miss it because it's home, but I ken it's not safe for my family for me to be there. I would like verra much to go back, but unless I can find out how to clear my name..." He was still talking when I saw him lean forward and take a leaf in his hand.

"Don't!" I slapped his hand making him drop the leaf. "That's not what you think it is," I warned; he looked questioningly at me. I moved around him rubbing several of the leaves in my hand.

"The boys thought this was wood garlic, but it's actually lily of the valley. It's very poisonous. The fact that you probably ate it and lived must say something about your strength," I remarked, looking closer at the cluster of plants to see if there was a way to remove it totally without too much damage.

"Here," Jamie offered, handing me his dirk. "Ye looked like ye were trying to figure out how to cut it or somethin'," he said, making me chuckle. He knew more about me than he thought. We worked hard to remove all the parts of the plant until it was nothing more than a hollow spot. I watched as he placed all the detritus into a pile and set it on fire.

"Jamie, I'm sorry for teasing you about Laoghaire," I said as we were making our way through the entrance to Leoch. It was almost dark when we left the Kirk, but he wanted to make sure the plant burned and he wasn't going to leave until the fire had been put out.

"Dinna fash," he replied, helping me down from my horse. I looked up to see Murtagh standing up by a wall. He motioned toward us, so I took my fully-stocked box and left them alone. I was able to make it to my room without too much fuss. There I found a plate on the table near the fire and my little boy fast asleep in the bed.

A/N: I want to thank my beta LadyAilith for reviewing not only this new chapter, but also helping me with previous chapters in the wording and way things are said. As said before I will try to have a new chapter every Saturday depending on when I get it written and it looked over. Thanks for reading! Jaymelynn143


	7. Chapter 7

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 7: Gathering**

 **Jamie**

My days had nae ever been mine, not that I thought they should hae been. Yet, I yearned to be free from the bonds that held me here. I kent the price on my head was the main reason. I dinna want to bring the English back to Lallybroch again, but I missed home. I missed my sister and the home I grew up in.

I sometimes thought I could see the lad I was when I looked into the eyes of Roger. He was bright for his age and told such stories. He told me that his mam and he came here through stones, that she was going to be going through them and he fell with her. I was going to ask him more about it when I saw Claire in the distance. I wasna sure who she was or what she really was, but there were times that I felt like I was bein' drawn to her. I must admit there was a mystery about her that was so verra invitin'.

"What's goin' on in that heid of yours?" Murtagh asked me when I brought my horse back into the stable. It used to bother me at how often he could tell I had somethin' on my mind without me even sayin' anythin'. If it weren't for the fact that I wasna sure of the thoughts and feelin's I was havin', I would tell him.

"I saw several of the MacKenzie men entering the courtyard," I grumbled as he looked out toward the forest, I decided to tell him instead. It was the truth, but not really the whole truth. I was concerned about the gatherin'. Since I wasn't plannin' on attendin' I hoped to be safe.

"Maybe ye should lay low for a while," he encouraged as I watched Roger running toward us from his keeper. If Murtagh dinna bring him, Mrs. Fitz was sure to send him with one of the younger girls. I kent verra well how my godfather worrit for me, but at some point I would have to either take the blasted oath or leave. I knew verra well Dougal had it in for me, but I wasna sure what Colum thought.

"Jamie, Jamie!" he yelled as he got closer to us. "Can we play today instead of work?" he asked; I just chuckled. He liked learning about the horses, but he was just a wee lad and wanted to play.

"Mayhap," I responded as I watched him climb up on the rail to sit beside Murtagh.

"Momma went out in the forest to play with the other children. I wanted to go, too, but she sended me here," he replied softly, a wee bit out of breath. I was thankful he could communicate well because I dinna think I would have had the patience to wait for him to think of each and every word he wanted to say.

"I'll leave the two of ye to it. I have somethin' that needs doin'," Murtagh stated while he got ready to saddle his horse. I was a wee bit surprised to hear him say he was goin' somewhere since I thought he would bide here until the gatherin' ended. I kent well enough not to ask; if he had wanted me to know he would hae told me.

"Come wi' me, let's go hae a roundabout with the others," I said smiling down at Roger as he ran toward the forest. I wasna aware of how fast the wee lad could go and before I knew it he was gone. "Come back here, lad!" I yelled as I watched him fling himself into his mam's skirt. 'Twas a sight to behold. I felt this odd sensation fill me as I watched the event unfold. I wished it was my bairn hugging her instead. "I found ye," I continued, shakin' the thoughts from my mind.

"I guess we caught more than one beast," Claire replied while the other children with her began to laugh. I reached out to help her to her feet.

"Mistress Claire, can we play some more?" Hamish asked as she began to pat her skirt down and dust herself off. It was unusual to watch her do something so different from the usual work she did.

"The MacKenzie dinna say ye could waste the whole day out here," Rupert snapped as the children all groaned. I laughed as I looked up to see the look on his face. I knew what he probably wanted, but I also kent well that this woman wasna going to just fade away either.

"Who says we're done yet? There's still lots more to explore," she retorted coldly. All I could do was watch her. She amazed me sometimes at how strong-willed she was. One thing for certain, she wasna scarit of what people thought of her.

"Mistress Beauchamp! We're missing the festivities. It's nae since I was a bairn we've had a gatherin' at Leoch," Rupert groaned; the children she had come out with were already headed back toward the forest.

"Mistress Beauchamp has to go to work, but I think I could gie ye an hour or so," I quickly offered. Angus and Rupert seemed to perk up at the thought of goin' anywhere other than out wi' her.

I decided to lead the children a little farther into the forest to play a game of hide and seek. Of course I had to be it since I was the adult, or at least that's what Hamish said. I couldna really tell him he was it because he might have told Colum and now wasna the time to upset the laird. Nae, I was it several times. At least I had wee Roger to help me find the children. He would catch some movement in the thicket and tell me. It was fun. We were about to start a fresh game when I heard the children being called in.

"We should go back," I finally said to Roger who looked half dead on his feet. I picked him up and carried him back to the stables where I sat him down on a pile of hay covered by a horse blanket.

"What are yer plans?" Auld Alex asked as I went into one of the stalls knowin' full well what he was talkin' about. It was interestin' to know so many people thought I would make a mistake at this moment in time. I kent verra well who I was and who I wasn't.

"I havena given it much thought," I managed to say as he moved into the stall with me not wantin' to let on what was really going on in my heid.

"Stay away, dinna come up to the castle. I had Mrs. Fitz send some food down here for ye. I know ye'll do the right thing, but dinna be daft," he said as I watched him walk out of the stall. Of course I wouldna do anythin' daft. I may have been a little slow at thin's, but takin' an oath or pledge wasna somethin' to make light of. If I ended up in front of Colum at the gatherin' it wouldna be of my own doin'.

I waited a bit before settlin' in for the time bein'. I was certain that I dinna want to swear my oath to Colum. Not because of anythin' wrong, but I couldna forswear my own clan. I wouldna be able to bear my clan colors or anything else from it. I was a Fraser by birth and by name; I couldn't be anyone other than that.

"I'll bide here." I chuckled out loud when I heard feet moving. I looked up to see two bright eyes lookin' back at me. Damn it, Alec forgot the lad. I couldna return him to his mam so I decided to keep him wi' me. The two of us ate our dinner quietly and I watched him a little longer until he went back to sleep. I eased him slightly down into the hay behind me and tucked myself in for the night.

 **Claire**

Life for me and Roger seemed to be moving at a better pace than my life at Leoch did the first time around. I was actually able to get more done without all the fuss I had to make before. I rose at dawn just like any other castle inhabitant and began working. Mrs. Fitz would find simple things for me to do while I had free time, or I would work in the garden collecting herbs, planting things, or just playing with the young children.

As the people of the castle became more aware of my presence, the women, at first, would come to me asking questions about this or that. It was nice to form a small semblance of friendship with them as they began to include me at times, in simple conversation. I wasn't too sure if it was just because they were curious about what I really did or if Colum and Dougal asked them to try to gain information from me. As time passed, more people came to me when they learned I knew something of medicine and healing. I enjoyed working in the surgery; the castle folk were very generous to me. I had been given several little trinkets from a few of the men who had needed stitches; two women sent jams or preserves, and the two boys I helped had given me a small blank book in which to press flowers.

It seemed odd that it took falling through some ancient stones to find the piece of life I had been missing all along, but hadn't known it at the time. When I had reconnected with Frank, I knew that there seemed to be something missing; at the time I thought it was a vase. No, it took me 200 years in the past to realize it was family, a sense of love, and children. It still felt raw to think about Faith, my little girl who never had a chance. But in this reality she hadn't yet been conceived. I wanted to think that this redo was to right the wrongs from my previous life, but thinking like that made me feel a dull ache for the second child I might have lost, even though I knew I hadn't truly lost it. She or he hadn't even been thought of yet.

"Tonight we feast! And eat like kings!" Hamish yelled as he and several other children chased me through the woods. I spent a few mornings outside with them. It was a blessing to be able to interact more with the families and their children.

"You won't make a meal of me yet!" I yelled back as I ran a little faster coming through a clearing that would eventually lead me right to Angus and Rupert.

"The beast is getting away!" another child called out as I felt one of them grab the hem of my skirt. I slipped, falling head first in front of Angus who moved to stand above me. I closed my eyes and looked the other way, knowing I was about ready to get a view that wouldn't be easy to forget.

"Did somethin' catch yer eye, lassie?" Angus joked as I turned my head to the side to see Roger running toward us.

"Come back here, lad!" I heard Jamie yell as two arms quickly wrapped around me. I barely caught him when he launched himself at me.

"I found ye," Jamie said as he reached for Roger who was laughing into my skirt.

"I guess we caught more than one beast," I replied. The other children laughed as Jamie helped me up.

"Mistress Claire, can we play some more," Hamish asked as I patted my skirt down.

"The MacKenzie dinna say ye could waste the whole day out here," Rupert snapped as the children all groaned.

"Who says we're done yet? There's still lots more to explore," I replied coldly as I watched Jamie out of the corner of my eye. Roger had moved from my skirt to stand beside Jamie during the talking.

"Mistress Beauchamp! We're missing the festivities. It's nae since I was a bairn we've had a gathering at Leoch," Rupert groaned as I saw the children moving toward the forest once more. I would have loved to play the day away, but I knew there was work to be done. I would have to get on with the day sooner or later.

"Come, Mistress Beauchamp has to go to work, but I think I could give ye an hour or so," Jamie said quickly as I saw Angus perk up at the thought of being anywhere else but where he currently was.

"Fine, I guess we could go back," I said as I reached down and gave Roger a kiss to the forehead before sending him back to play. I trailed after my two escorts when they led me through the forest back to the clearing where several visiting families were camped. It was different to see them so excited and going about their day. It was hard to fathom that this would all change when the Scots lost the Rising.

It still fascinated me to see the joy of families getting together to celebrate. Even though I was familiar with their struggles in their day-to-day lives, I didn't have to worry about what it really was like. Even when Jamie and I had gone to Lallybroch I didn't see the real life struggle that went on. I was able to stay at the house with Jenny and do the everyday things there.

"Gentlemen, please do not look, but there is a woman over yonder who is staring at you," I said. Of course, both of them looked toward her as she glanced up from the pot she was stirring. It was still funny to hear the two of them fighting with one another over who was going to bed her. I didn't want to hear another one of their quarrels so I helped them out. Once again Angus was the one who drew the correct stick.

"Come along," I said to Rupert after Angus left.

"Where are ye goin' now?" he snapped, frustrated with the idea of having to spend more time with me.

"I've got to choose a horse for the tynchal tomorrow," I replied as I hurried in the direction of the stable. He followed slowly behind me. Colum had told me he wanted me to attend the hunt just in case one of the men got hurt and needed tending to. I didn't mind going along this time, hoping that maybe I could help Geordie more. I knew I might not be able to prevent his death, but maybe I could keep a better look out for him.

"There's no one in need of healing here, mistress," Auld Alec stated when he saw me enter into the stable.

"I'm actually here because I was asked to be part of the tynchal," I said as I watched him look from me to Rupert.

"She needs a horse," Rupert replied coolly as I watched Auld Alec continue to brush the mane of the horse he was with.

"If you don't have time to help me maybe I'll wait for Mr. MacTavish," I said, moving toward a bale of hay to sit down and wait.

"The lad's not here, nor is yer wee one. No, best leave him to his own thoughts today," he snapped, cutting me short with his harsh words.

"I didn't think I was a bother to him. I just thought since he looked after my son, he might be a better person to help me," I said, knowing what he actually meant.

"Weel I dinna ken if yer a bother to him or no. That's for the lad to judge," he retorted, looking toward me before moving away from the horse. "I'm just sayin' it's best for all concerned if young Jamie is left to his self right now," he finished, moving down a few stalls to the horse I knew would be my friend for the tynchal. Auld Alec told me about Brimstone while I rubbed her down. She was a beautiful creature. I thought about how my Uncle Lambert had taught me to ride. It was the best feeling to be riding a horse.

Upon returning to my surgery I found Geillis there waiting for me. I had asked her to bring me some port. I didn't want to run away anymore, but I still wanted to some freedom for the night. I thought I might go and keep Jamie company. I had sent Murtagh away to take some money to Jenny and Ian to help them before we could get to them. I wanted them to have what little help I could give. Murtagh assured me he would say it came from a friend. I knew they would fall on hard times soon, and the little money I was sending would help.

When Geillis asked if I was pregnant I wanted to say yes, but I knew I wasn't. I explained I kept little tidbits of food on hand for patients or for Roger when he came in from the stables. She seemed to take the answer without any question as I told her I would see her later. Her questions unnerved me because I felt like she was trying to find out information. It bothered me that even how close we seemed to have gotten, she was still trying to manipulate me.

Mrs. Fitz and her little army of girls came and helped me get ready once Geillis left. It was amusing when one of the girls tried to pin all my hair up; she was having trouble with some loose wisps that wanted to curl around my face. Once I was deemed worthy, I followed them down to the hall. I followed close by Mrs. Fitz to keep safe. I didn't want any attention drawn to me for any reason.

"Mistress," Murtagh said to me when I stood beside him. I hadn't expected to see him back so soon.

"Did you have any trouble?" I questioned as he spoke softly telling me what was being said down below.

"No, Ian was thankful for it. I turned right around and came back knowing you were up to no good," he muttered, eyeing me. "Do keep yersel' out of way," he cautioned once I saw the first oath completed. I ran into Angus near the exit and passed on the port I mixed together.

"Laoghaire, you startled me," I said as I turned the corner almost running into her.

"I'm sorry, Mistress Beauchamp," she began, but I decided to end her little quest before she could begin.

"It's Claire, and I can't help you right now. I'm in a hurry," I replied kindly as I went to move around her, but she stopped me.

"Claire, I just need a favor," she replied as she tried acting innocent with me, but I knew the vicious person she truly was. The memories of the witch trial I endured the first time were still fresh in my mind.

"Laoghaire, is it a life or death situation?" I still tried to make my way around her.

"Nae, I want a potion," she wheedled, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I can't make potions, I'm not a witch," I retorted, slightly laughing as she jerked her head up at that.

"Of course ye are," she snapped as I was finally able to move around her.

"I don't know what other healers have done here, but I don't do those kinds of things. I help people with injuries or minor issues. I don't cast spells or create potions," I said, walking away from her, leaving her muttering in the dark hallway. I knew she would probably still hold ill thoughts for me, but I wasn't going to give her kindling to throw to the flames.

"What the devil?" Dougal said after I ran into him. I had gone down a different hall to keep away from the drunk clansmen, only to run into him.

"I apologize, I seem to have gotten lost," I said nervously as his hands roughly grabbed my shoulders, once again pushing me into the stone wall. It all happened so fast that I couldn't even think when he began to kiss me and tried to push his tongue into my mouth, all the while keeping me firmly against the wall. I felt as if I was going to blend right into the wall at some point. I reached my hand to the side, feeling for anything, any kind of weapon, as I felt the bulge under his kilt being ground into me. I got my hand on a candlestick and slammed it into his head before running away. I found my way to the stables quickly with little to no incident.

"Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ," I muttered in a low voice, forgetting Jamie would be hidden in the hay. I walked right into him, falling onto the ground in a heap next to him.

"Nae, Sassenach. Jes' me," he joked as he helped me up. He turned toward the stall door he was leaning on and picked up Roger who had awakened as well.

"Roger, sweetie," I said as he looked sleepily at me.

"Momma," he replied as he rubbed his eyes before reaching for me. I leaned back against the stall wall and settled him in my lap.

"Were ye trying to escape?" Jamie finally asked as he picked at the hay that surrounded us.

"No, I actually came here looking for you. I didn't see you at the ceremony and thought you might like some company," I remarked, watching his expression change a little.

"Really?" he questioned as I smiled.

"Yes, really. I know how lonely it can be to have no one to turn to, but I hope you know you can always talk to me," I tenderly replied while he just looked away as if thinking of what to do next.

"Thank ye," was all he said as he started to tell me of some of his adventures while a lad. We were so engrossed in our conversation that I hadn't noticed the men entering the stable nor did he.

"Weel lads, lookit what we have here," one of the men said as a few others entered behind him. I looked at Jamie who moved his hand to his dirk. I wasn't sure what was going to happen next.


	8. Chapter 8

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 8: Brewing Trouble**

 **Claire**

"God's eyes. If it's nae the young lad, Colum's nephew," another man said as Jamie slowly rose to his feet, holding out his hand for me to take. I awkwardly stood, holding onto Roger as I did.

"I dinna want any trouble. Please leave us be," Jamie said, carefully choosing his words as he pushed me farther behind him.

"Can I keep the lassie for mysel'?" another man asked from behind me as he yanked me toward his body.

"Take yer hands off the lady," Jamie warned, turning to face the man who was pulling me away. I didn't have time to warn him. Helplessly, I watched Rupert hit him over the head with the blunt end of his dirk.

"Ye dinna have to hit me so hard. I was willin' to come," Jamie snapped at Rupert after I removed a wet cloth from the back of his head.

"Aye, but I dinna want ye maimin' half the clan while ye were makin' up yer mind," Rupert replied, laughing as he tossed Jamie the MacKenzie badge. He told me what the motto on the badge said even though I had known all along. Then he told me his clan's motto and sent me on my way to the hall to find a place. As I went to the hall, Mrs. Fitz met me with a girl to take Roger who had fallen back asleep.

"Jamie's here," I murmured to Murtagh when he saw me. He just shook his head disapprovingly at me as I stomped my foot. "I didn't do it this time. The men came for him in the stables!" He raised an eyebrow at me before looking back to the entrance of the hall where all eyes were locked.

"Je suis prest. _I am ready_ ," I murmured softly as Murtagh turned back to me raising his eyebrow again. I was hoping against hope that he was indeed ready because I couldn't lose him now.

"Claire," Murtagh whispered as I turned to look in the direction he was looking. Dougal was making his way right to the front of the room. The men slowly edged forth and knelt down to swear to Colum. I watched, holding my breath as Jamie knelt before Colum then stood back up to gasps from the crowd. I knew at this point there was no turning back for him. I dug my nails into my skirt desperately hoping it would be fine.

"Colum MacKenzie, I come to ye as kinsman and as ally. I canna give ye a vow, for my oath is pledged to the name that I bear." The noise of the crowd swelled and rumbled, but he ignored it as he continued. "I freely give ye my obedience, my help, and my goodwill as kinsman and as laird, and I hold myself bound to yer word, so long as my feet rest on the lands of the Clan MacKenzie."

He stopped speaking, standing tall with his hands resting at his side. I could see Dougal was eyeing him, just waiting to pounce. Now the ball was in Colum's court. Would he really deny his nephew and mark him for death? I didn't understand the power men like Colum wielded until the man I loved was standing at his mercy in front of him.

Colum stood still, not moving an inch for a long moment until a slight smile raised the corners of his mouth. Then he grinned and held out his hands. Jamie hesitantly placed his in his uncle's hands.

"Our clan would be honored," Colum clearly stated to all in the hall before looking sideways at his brother. I wasn't sure if it was a warning or not, but Dougal didn't look any too pleased. Colum offered Jamie a sip from the quaich, only for Jamie to drain it dry and with a flourish, held it upside down once he was finished. The crowd erupted in cheers and there was a flurry of many hands clapping.

"I should say the honor is all mine," Jamie said a bit breathlessly as he handed the quaich back to Colum who just shook his head.

"I'm getting too old for this," Murtagh remarked, tilting his head to me then following Jamie out a side door. I chuckled to myself on my way back to my chamber. I found that Roger was fast asleep, so I made the final preparations to my lidded basket for tomorrow's hunt. I wasn't looking forward to it one bit, but I knew things had to happen. I hadn't had the chance to find Geordie to warn him.

As before, I was surprised at the number of men gathered for the tynchal. I would have thought more of them would have been dead to the world given all the drinking they'd done the night before at the gathering. I had been awakened early by the men milling about outside, preparing for the hunt before the crack of dawn. I hated that it was foggy and cold as I walked out into the courtyard followed by Rupert.

"'Tis a braw day for a boar tynchal, it it not?" Rupert asked happily while we walked toward the men in the yard.

"It's quite the show of force for a pig hunt," I snapped, disgusted at the thought of all those men running around chasing down one animal.

"It's a boar," he snarled back at me as I closed the lid to my makeshift medicine box.

"Of course, forgive me, 20 men armed with spears and muskets. Seems about right to kill one hairy pig," I muttered, climbing onto the horse provided for me. I could see Dougal eyeing me as I went to follow one group into the forest. I knew once we were in the woods, none of us would be able to see anything. I couldn't understand how they thought they would be able to see the boar under these conditions, let alone hit it.

"Mistress Claire!" I heard out of the fog as I tried to find where the speaker of the voice was.

"Bloody Christ! Serves you right," I said, examining the jagged wound the animal had left in its wake. "What'd you expect the poor animal to do with you barbarians chasing it? Did you forget their tusks could be lethal?" I said heatedly. I prodded the skin around the wound to make sure nothing was in it. "Bring him back to the castle and tell Mrs. Fitz to give him some hot broth and some blankets. It'll need to be stitched, but I don't have any sterile tools here."

"Yes, mistress," one of the men replied as they took care lifting the injured man.

"Lass," I heard someone call out, but the sound of gunshots had me in search of my next victim."Wait for me, _wait!"_ the voice yelled again. I could hear something grunting near me and I was beginning to lose my nerve. I wasn't sure what could or would happen if I got hurt, but it probably wouldn't turn out well for me. I stopped, feeling something brush my skirt. I didn't see it, only felt it. I could tell that the next scream I heard as the beast brushed by me was one of death; I couldn't linger.

I went in search of the man who screamed and found him lying at the bottom of a slope. He was holding onto his belly. I took a deep breath before making my way to him. I watched as one of the men laid his plaid over the fallen man as though honoring him. It was strange to watch these men in their everyday lives because you learned something a book couldn't tell you. It made me think of Frank. Of how much he could have learned from these men that his history books couldn't tell him. To read about what people went through two hundred years ago was different from actually experiencing it.

I barely had time to bend down to look at him when I heard the men beginning to shout around me. I straightened up, turned, and saw the boar running right for me. I was trying to figure out how to brace myself for impact when I heard a shot fired right beside me. It took me a moment to realize I hadn't been hit, but the animal was now lying dead in front of me. I felt sick.

"Mistress," Dougal said, lowering himself down to the fallen man. "Now then, Geordie," he said in a very gentle but affirming voice. "Now then, I've got the beast. It's all right."

"Dougal? Is it you, man?" Geordie questioned, turning his head slight to look up at the other man. I could tell he was already struggling to keep his eyes open. I checked his vitals and tried to see if there was a way, any way, to save him. I couldn't help but find a small peace in knowing Dougal was doing everything to keep this man calm in the face of death.

I pulled out a bandage and tied it off on the wound in his leg. I knew all too well that Dougal was going to pull it off soon, but I desperately wanted Geordie to live. I lifted the kilt the other man had placed on him to look at the wound in his belly. It was difficult to get a good look at the wound; everything was falling out of his abdomen. I realized I wouldn't be able to save him no matter what I had hoped I might be able to do. Even if I got him back to my surgery, it would be a slow, pain-filled, lingering death. Not the merciful death that Dougal would show him.

"Can ye save him?" Dougal questioned, mouthing the words. He'd seen the gaping hole I was looking at. I couldn't find the words to say; I shook my head. He nodded before moving his hand down the man's leg and began untying the bandage. He looked at me as if he was daring me to say anything or to stop him.

Geordie asked Dougal a few questions, becoming more and more pale as he bled out. I thought about what it would be like to die and what I would want to be thinking about in my last minutes. So I decided to ask him about his home. I listened carefully as he spoke so softly of the place he would never see again. It was heartbreaking to listen to a man as he recalled something so precious to him, something that gave him the final peace he needed as he drifted off to another world.

As our party made it back to the castle, we could see the men were playing a game. I didn't know what the game was called, but it was difficult to see them all laughing and having fun when a man had just died. I watched as Dougal, who looked like a madman, began to remove his coat to join in the game. He took off after the leader who had the ball. That turned out to be Jamie. The two of them began to fight over it. I thought at one point that they were going to kill each other over it. It wasn't until Jamie used his stick as leverage, throwing his uncle over his shoulder, that the older man seemed to lose steam. Jamie helped his uncle up, only to have him jerk his hand away from him.

"Come along," I said, pulling Roger along with me to the surgery. He'd touched a hot pan as he watched the girls taking bread out of the oven.

"Hurts, Momma," he cried out as I removed the wet cloth one of the girls had placed on his hand. I looked it over noticing how red and inflamed the skin was. It would probably blister but should leave no permanent damage. I took out some salve I'd been using on minor burns and scrapes, then carefully spread some on the palm of his hand. He groaned when I did it, but held still. I gently wrapped his hand, tucked the tied ends in, and wiped away his tears.

"You're all right," I crooned soothingly, patting him on the back. I felt him hiccup as I put him down. Then he went to the table near the bed and took an apple out of the basket. He climbed up on the bed and began eating the fruit while I went about removing things from my basket and putting them away.

"You've seen men die before, and by violence," Dougal stated flatly, causing me to jump and turn to look at him. It wasn't a question so much as an accusation. He made his way toward the shelves as I turned and saw he wasn't alone; Jamie entered, moving behind him.

"Many of them," I replied somberly, looking from one man to the other. I hated the thought of having to watch any more of the men or women I cared for die.

"I must admit ye've done a fine job here as healer," Dougal said grudgingly, picking up a bottle before setting it back in its place. "It seems everyone has taken a liking to ye, but I wanted to thank ye personally for what ye did for poor Geordie up there on the hunt," he said quietly. I looked toward Jamie who must not have known what happened because he raised an eyebrow at the conversation.

"I really didn't do anything. I truly wish I could have saved him," I said, turning away from the two men.

"Ye did help him. Ye helped him more than most could. Ye took him to a peaceful place and that's all any of us can ask when we pass. So, I thank ye," he said, this time in honesty.

"Well, you're welcome," I softly replied, looking to see if Roger was still on the bed. "If there's nothing else, you'll have to excuse me. I've got a lot to do here in my dungeon." I'd begun to lose interest in the game he was playing.

"That's why we came to your surgery, lass," Dougal said with a smug smile. "I've been talkin' to Jamie here and it concerns ye as well." I looked quickly in Jamie's direction as he turned to look at his uncle.

"What could you possibly need me for?" I questioned. Jamie looked from me to Roger who was now standing beside me. I wrapped my hand around his little one, squeezing it slightly to let him know everything was all right.

"You're comin' on the road. I'm leavin' in the mornin'," he said brusquely. "And I'm takin' the two of ye wi' me." He pointed from me to Jamie who looked like he was trying to figure something out.

"Where are you taking us?" I demanded somewhat nervously, my heart beating faster knowing what was going to happen during the trip.

"Goin' through the MacKenzie lands, collectin' rents. Colum doesna travel, so... visitin' the tenants and tacksmen that canna come to the gatherin', that falls to me, and attendin' to a wee bit of business here and there," he retorted, waving a hand as he dismissed the reason why.

"All right, but I'm not leaving my son," I insisted, startling both Dougal and Jamie.

"The road isnae place for a wee lad like him. He'll stay here with the women folk," Dougal rumbled, visibly annoyed at me. I straightened up and glared at him.

"I'm not going unless he goes. I will _not_ leave him in a strange place." I could tell Dougal was losing his patience with me.

Jamie spoke up. "I'll take responsibility for the lad." Dougal turned to look at him.

"Ye'll look after the lad? Ye canna even fend for yersel'. How do ye expect to watch him?" Dougal retorted.

"I'll have Murtagh and Mistress Beauchamp will be there as weel," he replied tersely.

I was beginning to feel odd and not in a good way.

"Fine, but if anything goes wrong, I'll be skelping ye for it," he threatened. Jamie took a deep breath before giving a nod. "Now that that's all settled, we leave at first light," he snapped and took his leave. I waited a moment until I was sure he was gone before I let loose of the table and crumpled to the floor.

"Mistress, ...Claire!" Jamie shouted, rushing to my aid.

I looked up at him blearily. "It's all right; _I'm all right._ It's just that he's a lot to take in," I assured him, pulling Roger closer. I could see the love in Jamie's eyes. He was in over his head without even knowing it. I could see how much Roger meant to him. And deep down I knew he would be a good father. I couldn't wait for him to hold his own child in his arms and speak to it. I could still see him holding Jenny's baby in his arms the second time we came back to Lallybroch, talking to little Kitty as if she were his own. This was what this rent trip was for. I needed everything to go according to plan. I had to make a difference. If I could change the future, then this would be the beginning of it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 9: Rent**

 **Colum**

I didn't like the thought of sending Mistress Beauchamp with the rent party, but my brother wanted her to tend to any injuries that might arise. I knew that wasn't fully the truth, but I wasn't going to start a battle over her. The issue of him taking Jamie was one that I struggled with because I wasn't sure I could trust him with the boy. Dougal probably didn't think I saw the way he stared him down during the gathering or how he had allowed Rupert to beat him after coming back injured.

"Laird," Ned Gowen said as he entered my study bringing me out of my thoughts. I turned around to look at him. He was from Edinburgh and was an educated man. He served my father and had been advising me since I took over.

"I have some business I need ye to do before you leave with the rent party," I stated as I pushed some papers toward him with what I wanted and expected of him. I found I was struggling with losing Mistress Beauchamp while she would be away with the rent party. Since she had taken over the majority of the healing issues Mrs. Fitz had had more time to do other things. I was worried that her being away would change things.

"Are you sure about this?" he questioned as he looked over the sheet of paper.

"Yes, I need to make sure that this clan is protected even if it means losing my nephew," I replied as he looked back down.

"I can have all the papers drawn up by morning and have them ready for you to look over before we leave," he said as he moved to get up. "Do you really think it will come to this?" he continued as I looked up from the drink in my hand.

"If I know my brother it could very well end up like this or worse," I snapped, knowing just how my brother would do anything to get what he wanted. I wanted what would be best not only for the clan, but even for my nephew. Jamie was a constant reminder of my dead sister, Ellen; he needed some happiness and I'd have to be blind not to see who made him happy right now. Ned left shortly after to write up the documents I would need to sign. I was just about to blow out the candle on my desk and retire for the evening when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," I shouted as I stood up trying to keep from wincing as my bones creaked.

"Laird MacKenzie," Mistress Beauchamp said as she entered the room. I was surprised to see her.

"What might I do for ye, Mistress," I queried as I walked slowly around my desk.

"Actually it's more like what I could do for you. I assume you know I am leaving tomorrow with the rent party, but I felt bad leaving without making sure you would have herbs and items to help ease the pain," she replied, motioning to my legs. I wasn't sure what it was about her, but she was really quite a singular woman.

"Yes, my brother told me he was taking ye with him," I replied coolly eyeing the basket in her arms.

"I know it's not much, but I know the pain is hard on you. The herbs in here will help you. I've left bandages and oil for someone to massage your muscles along with instructions and how to heat the bandages to put on afterward. There's another basket marked in the surgery if needed," she continued. She set it on one of the chairs by the hearth.

"Thank ye," I said softly as she nodded before turning toward the door but then stopped.

"I'm taking my son along with me," she stated firmly, turning to look once more at me.

"He would have been safe here," I replied, knowing she wouldn't consider that. I wasn't even surprised by what she said.

"Yes, I'm sure he would have, but I'm not sure I would be without him," she replied as she turned back to the door and walked out. I sat down on the chair next to the one where she placed the basket. I just couldn't get out of my mind that she seemed so familiar to me, but I couldn't place where I'd met her or when. It was like I knew this moment was going to happen, but it had changed. It was an odd feeling. I decided I needed to write a letter to be given to her later on.

Early the next morning I watched Dougal and the men gathering the items they would need for their travels while I waited for Ned Gowen. I was about to send for him when he knocked on the door. He had all the documents ready. I signed each one of them knowing that they would only be used as a last resort. Once I signed all the papers I handed him a letter for Mistress Beauchamp, to be given to her only if the events unfolded like I thought they would. I knew that this trip could turn into a disaster for her and her child, but hoped that nothing would happen.

"Ned," I said before he left the room. "My nephew had best come back alive. I know Dougal has issues with him, but the lad must not be harmed. The last time they went out together he was injured, almost dead, when they returned," I said forcefully as he nodded in acknowledgment.

"Right, anything else," he questioned as I dismissed him with the wave of my hand. I turned back to the window watching as Jamie helped Mistress Beauchamp onto her horse before getting on his own. I looked for the lad and noticed he was in the wagon; he should be safe there. The road was no place for either the boy or his mother. Dougal was up to something and if he had his way things were only going to get worse.

 **Claire**

I watched the men from horseback as we rode away from the castle. I turned slightly in my saddle to see Jamie riding beside the wagon talking with Roger. It didn't surprise me much to see it because they'd formed a friendship of sorts with one another that I might never really understand, but it warmed me to see the interaction. I knew it would hurt Jamie if I was able to get Roger to the stones and back to his time, but it was something I needed to do. Roger deserved to be in his own time. I knew that if it wasn't for Jamie being here in this time I would go with Roger. But unlike the little boy, I needed to stay. My life just wasn't complete without the man I loved.

"Are ye alright mistress?" Willie inquired as he rode up beside me. Dougal had briefly introduced me to the men, not for my sake but for his own, I knew.

"Oh yes, just looking at the scenery," I replied looking back toward him. It was hard not to see the man he was to become in the future when I looked at him. He moved farther up toward another man.

We rode well into the night only stopping once Dougal felt we had gone far enough for one day. As I unrolled my pack and bedding I watched Roger play fighting with Murtagh who looked up at me as though he could sense me looking at him. It was strange watching the men do their things by firelight, but I quickly arranged the bedding in the tent Jamie had already set up, where Rupert told me I would be sleeping for the night.

"Mama, are we going back to the stones?" Roger looked up at me as I put more food on his plate from mine. I had decided to eat less food to keep me alert. I also had started drinking raspberry leaves and rosehip tea. I had made sure to gather up the herbs to have on hand knowing that eventually on this trip I would be marrying Jamie. I remembered Jenny telling me about this concoction when I was helping her with childbirth after Jamie left with the watch. She had told me Granny MacNab believed it would help a woman get pregnant if she was having a hard time conceiving, so I wanted to be prepared for that situation. __

I knew that Jamie and I had conceived Faith some time during our stay at Lallybroch, but lost her in France. I wasn't sure why we lost her, but my thought process was if we conceived her sooner maybe she would survive. I wouldn't be able to handle losing her a second time around if that were the case. I just wanted to be sure that I was ready just in case anything might happen.

"We might, if we go in that direction. You do want to go home, don't you?" I asked softly, making sure no one could hear me. He just looked up from his food at me as if he was pondering it.

"I like it here," he finally said, looking out the tent flaps at the men who were deep in conversation in front of the campfire. I didn't know if it was to keep me from understanding them or just habit, but they were all speaking in _Gàidhlig_. It had bothered me before because it made me feel even more of an outsider, but right now it seemed like music to me.

"I know how you feel," I soothed. "It's hard not to like this place." I gave him a soft kiss on the forehead as he settled closer to me. Even though the men in the rent party weren't the friendliest or nicest, I'd already found that I would miss them. I knew some of them like Rupert and Angus would die at Culloden and that was something I wanted to prevent. I was still trying to decide if I should step in with Dougal or let it be; his life hung in the balance as well since he would die at Jamie's hand.

"For ye, mistress," Murtagh said, handing me another bannock.

"Thank you," I replied as I took it from him and offered it to Roger who shook his head. I nibbled on it as I continued to look out at the men. Murtagh was talking to Jamie who looked toward me before returning his gaze back to his godfather. After a few minutes I felt Roger relaxing more into my side so I wrapped up the rest of the bannock, putting it in my satchel. Then I pulled Roger under the covers to keep warm. I was thankful for the little boy because it was cold and I had a little more warmth from him being in the tent with me. I must have drifted off to sleep to the men talking in hushed whispers.

The next day Ned Gowan came up to me as I was looking out at the vast landscape in front of us. I never really understood the landscapes artists painted, but to see its raw beauty with my own eyes was breathtaking. I felt so alive here, even with the impending war and desecration of the Highland life. Ned had become a friend to me last time, but he seemed off slightly. It seemed to me like he was hiding something, but couldn't figure out for the life of me what it could be.

"Mr. Gowan," I said without turning around. He had just finished my thoughts for me, but I wasn't sure what I needed to tell him or not at the moment.

"Ah, you know me," he chuckled as I gave him a tight smile as he came up beside me.

"Of course; I've seen you around," I replied as Roger came running up to me. "Hello, sweetie," I said as I brushed his hair out of his eyes off of his forehead.

"Can I go with Jamie?" he begged as I look up to see Jamie a few feet away from us.

"Yes, but listen to him. Don't do anything without him telling you!" I said firmly as I nodded toward Jamie who just lifted his chin, understanding that I trusted him to keep my boy safe. Jamie reached his hand out for Roger who in turn took off in a different direction with Jamie hot on his tail after him.

"You've got a good lad there," Ned laughed as I watched the two people who meant more to me than my own life. Ned told me all about his job details as he walked me over to his horse. I rubbed my fingers over his quill and smiled as I felt it. Ned told me the items he had said he would take this year for payment, but I had to chuckle when he said he had given direct orders about no live pigs because he was sure to get a few of them. As he was speaking with me he began to cough, a rough, wracking cough. I knew what it was, but I couldn't just come out as use terminology he wouldn't know.

"I don't like the sound of that," I remarked, looking intently at him as he continued to look in his bag.

"Well, I always feel like this on this stretch of the road. It happens every year," he said as he began to cough again covering his mouth before he continued. "The same season. Something in the wind sets my lungs afire," he replied as the coughing took him again.

"I think I may be able to help you. Do you have a pipe I could borrow?" I questioned as he gave me a curious look but set about looking for one as I moved to my medicine box.

"Aye, a pipe," he chuckled while I searched the pouches I had packed. "You'd have me smoke a pipe for a cough, eh? It's something of a paradox, eh?" he jested as I found what I was looking for.

"You'll see," I replied poking the pipe into my little bag and stuffing it with an herb.

"Aye," he muttered looking from me to his pipe.

"There you are; it's thorn apple." I handed him the pipe and I bent down to light a twig to light the pipe.

"Thorn apple, is that an English remedy?" he questioned, coughing a little while taking a huge puff from the pipe. He took a deep breath afterward and just chuckled as he didn't cough. Yes, thorn apple was also known as jimsonweed. Dougal seemed to sense the difference in the atmosphere and decided we needed to head out. I made sure to pack up my horse and belongings so that none of the men would need to do it.

"Come along Roger." I motioned for him to leave Jamie and follow me.

"Aw, but can't I ride wi' Jamie," he pleaded. I shook my head no.

"Not this time. Mr. McTavish might be needed to ride ahead. We have to let him ride alone for now," I said quietly. I was trying not to cause a ruckus which I knew Roger might do. He was very taken with Jamie and I wasn't quite sure how it was all going to go. I got on my horse and Jamie lifted Roger into the saddle while I pulled the reins around him to keep him steady.

"We goin'on a… venture," Roger said, trying to sound out "adventure."

"Yes, my wee man. We are going on an adventure full of surprises," I replied playing with him as he laughed while I guided my horse, following along behind the others. I could see Murtagh look from me to Jamie and just shake his head. Roger was right. We _were_ headed on an adventure. But I wasn't too sure just yet what was going to happen or how things were going to happen since it was no longer just me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Outlander Returning Home**

 **Chapter 10: On the Road**

 **Claire**

Dougal was still a hard man to decipher even with remembering I had spent so much time with him before. He seemed like a man who was always on the edge just waiting for something to happen so that he could have a fight. He was hard-wired to spend his days' fighting, that was certain. I suppose that was why he fought so hard for the rising to happen.

After cleaning up the campsite and waiting for the rest of the men, Roger and I fell into riding beside Ned. He told me once again how he left his practice in Edinburgh because he was looking for an adventure. I could see getting bored if you did the same thing day after day for the same people. I was amazed still just how simple for a life a person could have in this time. All someone really needed was a horse and some supplies. I knew from experience when Murtagh and I were looking for Jamie after he was taken by the Redcoats. That was pretty much all we had.

"Did you seek Colum MacKenzie out or did he find you?" I inquired even though I already knew it was his father not him.

"No, it was his father, Jacob MacKenzie. I hate to admit it but I am older than I appear," he said chuckling as I gave him a smile.

"What was their father like?" I felt Roger beginning to grow bored. I knew this wasn't the most ideal situation for him, but I needed to make sure he was safe.

"Jacob was a very wicked, auld, red-heided rascal. His grandson is verra like him," he replied looking down the line of men where I saw Mr. MacTavish riding beside Murtagh. I hated to admit that his red hair flowing about him was like a wild blazing sun. "When I first met him it was on the wrong end of a pistol. He was the laird and things back then were much less civilized than what they are now," he continued. I looked up to see we were slowing down a little and saw Dougal talking with one of the men. Ned went on to explain how Colum let him stay on when he took over because he was familiar with the needs of the clan.

It was odd to hear Ned speak so freely about the traditions and workings of clan matters, but also liberating to know how he felt. This life he had chosen made sense to him. His self-worth lay in what he was doing. It reminded me of the reason I came back to this time. I felt like it was what I needed to do. I had a new respect for Ned. We continued to talk and the men began to sing songs not only in English, but also in _Gàidhlig._ At times Roger would look up at me.

I had hoped that being here on the road with these men would help me shine a light on the bigger picture. I wanted them to see me as an equal not someone they had to dislike. I knew from my prior experience that several of the men had grown to tolerate me. I wanted to be seen in that same light if not better. I would be kind and try harder to listen, though I knew the latter could be a losing battle. Unfortunately I was very headstrong.

I watched the men as we rode into the first village to collect the rent. Dougal was quick to get down and make it known who he was. Roger ran off as quickly as Murtagh had helped him down. I went to get him, but Dougal ushered me into a small cottage to look after anyone who needed medical help. I gathered from their talk that this would be expected of me at every stop. I wasn't sure how many injured people I looked after, but when I stepped out of the small room I could see the filtering of the light. Everyone was still busy with the rent collecting.

"Mistress," Willie called out while I looked around the group for Roger.

"Willie, do you know where Roger is?" He pointed down the hill to where I saw Jamie showing him how to tie a knot. I let out a shaky breath I hadn't realized I had held in. It bothered me a little that something as simple as a child could bring both so much joy and burden in one's heart.

I walked closer to them. "Hello."

"Mistress," Jamie replied as I knelt down to look Roger over. I knew Jamie wouldn't hurt him, but I worried about him nonetheless.

"What have you two been doing?" I questioned. Roger began chatting away about chasing pigs and chickens while the mean man yelled at them. I looked to Jamie who had a grin on his face, laughing as Roger told of them being swatted away.

"Right, I'm not sure which one of you is more trouble," I joked as we walked back up the hill to where Dougal seemed to be. He looked from me to Jamie before shaking his head and grunting while we continued to make our way over to our party. I became fully aware that as we went from place to place I would look over the sick while the men took care of business. Things seemed to change when we stopped at a village and there wasn't anyone to look after. I decided to explore while the men did their thing.

I found that the women were all working on waulking wool. I almost forgot about this moment. I had actually enjoyed working with the ladies and they really seemed to warm up to me. Like before, Angus found me tipsy and manhandled me back to where the men were. I forced my way through and grabbed the goat that the woman needed only to be stopped by Angus once again.

"Let me go," I seethed, looking up to see Dougal making his way closer to me.

"Mistress." Ned was trying his best to calm the situation.

"There is a family that needs this goat," I retorted, yanking my hand out of Rupert's grip just before Dougal snapped the rope out of mine.

"This goat is ours now. It was used as payment," he sneered at me as I saw a young man coming out of the blacksmith's hut.

"Madam, is everything all right?" he inquired in an English accent. "May I be of service to you?" he offered. Roger came running toward me with Jamie hot on his tail. I pulled him to me as Dougal and Rupert stepped in front of me.

"The lady is the guest of the Clan MacKenzie," Dougal asserted, handing the roped goat off to Rupert.

"Do you treat all your guests in such a manner as you are treating her," he asked. I looked at Jamie who seemed to be trying to figure out what was going on. Rupert jeered at him after telling him to bugger off. I watched the man walk away, then felt Dougal wrench my arm when he led me to the wagons.

"We're leaving, pack it up," Dougal yelled, shoving me toward the wagon. "Don't you try that again," he snarled in my face.

"Dougal, she didna know any better," Jamie said, trying to play the peacemaker. Then he moved toward us taking Roger from me. "She was only trying to help that family. I'm sure she meant no harm from it," he continued. His uncle looked from me to him.

"She needs to mind her own concerns and stay out of clan business," he retorted, walking away leaving me on the verge of breaking down.

"I was only trying to help," I murmured, his hand on my shoulder.

"Sassenach, ye need to try to keep to yerself. Dougal is right though, this is clan business," he remarked, causing me to dislike him a little. I went to my horse and opened up one of my satchels to find my coins. I took two coins out and walked back to Jamie.

"Is this enough to buy a goat?" I questioned; he nodded.

"Ye'd only need one coin," he commented as I walked over to Dougal and Ned.

"I want to buy that goat." I could see the fire in Dougal's eyes when he looked up at me.

"Woman, I said mind yer own..." he began. Highly annoyed, I slapped the two coins on the table. Ned took them just as I snatched the rope out of Rupert's hand and walked the goat back to the woman who thanked me. Jamie just looked at me like I was a puzzle.

"Claire," Murtagh chided.

"I know, _I know!_ But I couldn't help myself," I replied. He shook his head and muttered something under his breath. I knew I'd just irked Dougal even more. Ned made sure I was kept busy the next few stops to keep me out of Dougal's line of fire.

This last stop was at a village with a small tavern. I had finished looking after the sick and had kept watch on the men. I had followed them into the tavern and Murtagh pulled Jamie with him. I knew it was no place for Roger so I'd asked Willie to stay with him. Dougal began his plea for support and money for the rising, speaking only in _Gàidhlig_. It broke my heart knowing what he was going to do next. Jamie stiffened as his uncle ripped the shirt off of his back, exposing his scarred skin.

The people around him just looked on muttering in _Gàidhlig._ I could see Dougal had a smirk on his face as others dropped some coins on the table in front of him. Jamie was trembling slightly but I wasn't sure if it was in anger or from the people around him. Jamie got up abruptly and stalked out of the tavern with Murtagh fast on his heels.

"Did that make you happy?" I snapped, getting up from my hiding place and moving over to Dougal as he handed the money to Ned.

"What are ye yammerin' about?" he growled as though I was bothering him.

"Using Mr. MacTavish like that," I retorted, watching him take a long drink from his cup.

"Again this is clan business," he tersely replied. I shook my head.

"I know the difference between this and actual clan business. You're not collecting money for the clan, but to help restore the Stuarts to the throne. I'm not stupid!" I said angrily, seeing his eyes widen in anger.

"I thought you didn't speak _Gàidhlig."_ He sneered at me as though I was lying to him.

"I don't, but it doesn't take much to understand _'Bragh Stuart,'"_ I replied. He just chuckled.

"Nae, it doesna. Make yerself useful and mend this." He picked the tattered shirt off the ground, thrusting it at me.

"I'm not your maid, mend it yourself!" I retorted, shoving it back at him before seeing a hand move between the two of us. Jamie had come back into the tavern. He took his shirt and walked back out the way he came in.

"Not good," I murmured as I walked by Murtagh who was shaking his head. Jamie sat down beside Willie as Willie stood up. I moved over by him and sat down.

"I'll mend it," I replied softly, reaching for the shirt.

"I can mend it myself," he snapped. Glancing from the fire to him, I took the shirt out of his hands. "I dinna need yer pity, Sassenach," he insisted, reaching for his shirt.

"It's not pity. I _want_ to do it for you. You have been so kind to me and my son. Let me take care of it, please?" I moved closer to the fire to work.

Over the next few days I tried to stay out of Dougal's way just to keep him from getting angry with me or thinking he could take his anger out on Jamie or Roger. I had been pushing him and now it worried me. He gave me looks that really made my skin crawl, but I wasn't a timid, mild-mannered lady. I was finding it hard to enjoy the beauty of the land when I struggled with knowing what was going to be happening soon.

Ned and I were talking when I looked up to see a steady stream of smoke rising somewhere in front of us. I could see Dougal moving toward the smoke as we continued on our way. I looked to my side where Jamie had been riding to see Murtagh instead. "Where's Roger?" I asked somewhat anxiously as he looked up from his horse.

"The lad was wi' Jamie," he muttered; I knew what he meant. "They'll join us up the way." He caught my eye as I saw Dougal coming back toward us. It was a slow journey to where we were going to camp, but sure enough Jamie and Roger had already started a fire and had a few things set up. Roger called to me when I got down from my horse.

"Hey my little man, were you good for Jamie?" He nodded and told me how Jamie had allowed him to gather wood and showed him how to start a fire. "Thank you for looking after him. I know this is more than you signed on for, but I do appreciate it." I folded my blanket and sat down, leaning tiredly against a tree.

"I enjoy his company," Jamie replied, standing up and moving over to the horses. I felt Roger lean into me as he settled down. I must have dozed off because when I opened my eyes Roger was gone and the men were eating. I glanced up to see Angus in front of me.

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry." I didn't realizing what I was saying.

"What's the matter with you?" Willie asked, not understanding. I saw Jamie staring at me.

"I've no stomach for stolen food," I replied as I began to stand up knowing what was going to happen next, but at the moment didn't care. "And I don't sit with thieves either," I replied moving to the side. But Angus pulled me back, thrusting his knife at me as he dropped the plate of chicken. I could see Roger staring at me wide-eyed, from Murtagh's side. Thankfully Jamie diffused the situation before anything could happen and I caught a glimmer of smugness from Dougal as he sat down with the men. I quickly walked away from them, going up a hill looking at the green landscape before dropping my head in my hands, crying.

"What's gotten into ye?" Jamie questioned as I heard laughter from the men. He'd followed me, damn him. "Ye canna talk to Angus that way," he continued.

"I don't care. Angus can kiss my English arse for all I care," I snapped, feeling his glaze on me.

"Aye, I'll give ye that. He's a crafty bastard, but Sassenach, ye need to tread carefully. Those there are fighting words," he said softly making me look up into his face. I think this was when I actually realized there was more to him than just his brokenness.

"I'm trying to play nice, but it's hard when I know that they don't trust me. I haven't done anything wrong; I'm not an enemy here. I can't just stand by and watch how things are done," I ranted. He looked quite shocked by my outburst.

"Ye canna judge thing ye don't understand. Please, Claire, stay out of it. If not for yerself then for yer boy." He spoke more harshly than I hoped he meant to. Then he turned and walked away leaving me on the verge of tears once again.

At the next village Dougal showed a little pity to the people because most of them came empty-handed. It was wrong of me to judge him in this moment, but I knew he would take their money later for the lost Jacobite cause. I tried to warn them the first time and Dougal was dead set on doing justice for the cause. I couldn't sleep after I watched him degrade Jamie again. It was breaking me to see him to continue to use his scars to stir up rebellion.

Since I couldn't sleep I got up, pulling the spare plaid Murtagh had given me up around my shoulders as I got out of the makeshift tent. Murtagh was sitting by the fire talking in quiet tones to Roger. I could tell he was telling the boy a story who was just teetering on the verge of sleep. I moved toward the trees when low voices caught my attention.

"Devil take ye, and damn ye, Dougal MacKenzie. Kinsman or not, I dinna owe ye this!" I heard the distinct voice of Jamie. I hadn't thought about this night in a long time. This was the night that I saw him as not just a rare gem, but a great man.

"I do seem to recall a certain oath of obedience, 'so long as my feet rest on the lands of Clan MacKenzie,'" Dougal countered; I could hear his smug voice jeering at him.

"Aye, but I gave my word to Colum, not to you," Jamie retorted. Dougal just chuckled.

"Come now, Jamie. It's one and the same, lad, and you ken it well. Outside of Leoch, I am Colum's head, hands, as well as his legs," he said snidely. He then went on to make his point more clear using examples of the different clans and what they wanted. Then he tried to reason with him. "Jamie, you of all people would profit from having a Stuart back on the throne."

"My life is my own. I will not be part of a rising. Have our people not suffered enough with the Redcoats and what they do?" he demanded.

"No, you'll do as I say while you travel with me, sweet lad," Dougal threatened. Safe in my spot, I watched him retreat. Then Jamie began hitting the tree in front of him grunting.

"You know he'll do that again, use you like that?" I softly asked, seeing him rub his knuckles.

"Aye. Aye, it gets him what he wants, you see," he muttered, coming to crouch beside me as I sat on a log.

"You'll let him use you like some pawn!" I could feel my anger rise from deep within.

"I ken how ye feel, but he's my uncle." He lifted my chin so that he could look into my eyes. "A man has to... to choose what's worth fighting for. As ye ken," he said in an undertone, turning to look away from me. Pulling his hands into my lap to look them over, I shook my head at his poor hands and tore one of the cloths I had in my pocket in two and wrapped them. "Well, best get some sleep." He nodded his thanks and pulled his wrapped hands back.

"Yes, of course. We still have a long way to go. Try not to hit any more trees," I softly replied, standing up.

"I wouldna fret, Sassenach, the trees are safe." He gave me a tight smile before I walked away. I found Roger fast asleep in our tent and crawled in beside of him.

"Good night," I whispered not only to Roger but to the air around us. I woke to the men packing up the camp and getting ready to move onto our next destination. It was hard for me not to look at them differently. I knew they weren't aware of what was in store for them, but I also knew they weren't common thieves. I struggled last time as well knowing that the men I was hanging around with became family in a sort of way. When I looked toward Murtagh I could sense he felt like I did to a small degree.


	11. Chapter 11

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 11: Journey Miles**

It was hard, knowing just how rooted and grounded these highlanders were in their customs and traditions. I knew very well were they were headed and the outcome of what was to come, but it tore at me knowing and not being able to do anything to prevent the slaughter. As we rode to our next destination it became clear that the men were just rebels hoping for a change in their status, not plain dirty criminals. I could see Murtagh deep in discussion with Roger over the different trees, or something they saw along the road. I watched as he pointed to a distant spot from us where birds were flying over head. I struggled to make out the two crosses on the ledge and turned quickly to Murtagh who nodded.

"Murtagh," I whispered as he came closer.

"I'll keep the boy close," he replied as we got closer to the bodies.

"Traitors, damn the lot," Dougal snapped as he looked on the bodies of two fellow Scotsmen. I knew just like he did that this wasn't the work of the watch but of the Redcoats. He looked back in my direction as if he was challenging me to say something, but I kept quiet knowing right now wasn't the time for me to test him. It even bothered me to see the men up there for wanting the same thing the men I rode with wanted, and that was freedom from the English. I knew this was never going to happen, but still it was a dream.

"By their smell they been out here at least a week," Ned commented as most of the men nodded in agreement.

"Bloody bastards!" Angus seethed, looking from Dougal to me. I knew they would think the same of me even though I would never hurt someone on purpose like this or for any reason. I turned to Murtagh who just pulled up beside me.

"Best keep near me or Jamie, lass," he whispered then turned to Jamie and murmured something to him that I couldn't hear. Jamie just nodded and turned back to where the two men hung.

"Take them down. Wrap the bodies," Dougal said tightly in anger, moving away from the men. I watched helplessly while Jamie, Rupert, and a few others cut the men down.

"We'll give them a proper Christian burial," Ned said quietly. I was then asked to help wrap the bodies while Murtagh took Roger away from our small group. I was wrapping one of the bodies when one of the ropes Angus was using snapped my hand, crushing it tightly against the body.

"Help," I yelled as I tried to wiggle my hand out of the binding rope, but it was no use. Angus had already tied it tightly.

"Angus," Jamie snarled then said something else to him in _Gaidhlig_ and moved toward me. He quickly cut the rope and then retied it after I pulled my hand free. I had a slash and rope burn from trying to free myself. I looked toward Dougal who just nodded his head to Angus.

"Let me," Jamie offered as he watched me hold my hand up, reaching for it.

"No, thank you," I replied, pulling my hand from his grasp and stalking off toward my medicine box. I took out my water pouch and poured a little over the cut hoping it wasn't deep.

"Ye could have let him help ye," Murtagh chided, pulling my hand from under the water. "It should heal fine, but might leave ye a mark," he replied as I put some salve on it before he took the cloth and wrapped the hand tightly. I grimaced when he tied the two ends together.

I wasn't too sure what to expect the next day as we rode away from the newly created graves of the two men who the Redcoats had labeled "traitors." I could tell Jamie was growing tired of Dougal and his antics. I felt bad for him because I couldn't really step in. Dismounting, I could tell that this was going to be a different night. Luckily the tavern we were in had a room that Murtagh acquired for Roger and I. I had already gotten Roger ready for bed and headed back to watch the show Dougal had planned for tonight, somewhere in the pit of my stomach I knew something was going to happen. I wasn't sure what it was going to be, but I had a feeling it would change the dynamic of our group. I knew he would use the men from the crosses as an example of the Redcoats' brutality.

I was sitting away from Murtagh and Jamie at the end of the tavern near the stairs in case I needed to get to Roger quickly. I could tell from his speech that Dougal was speaking about the scene that we found on the road headed toward where we currently were. He went toward Jamie and in one swift movement ripped his shirt from his back. Fortunately I'd repaired his other shirt so he would have one to wear at least. This time, though, he forced Jamie to his feet and began to parade him around the tavern to show off the scars left from his brutal floggings. I was horrified by how Dougal couldn't care less about the pain he was causing Jamie; it only mattered how much coin he could gather.

I could tell something was bothering Jamie tonight, but couldn't place my finger on what it could be. He was angrier and looked as if he was miserable as well. Even after talking with him when he punched the tree I could still sense how horrible Jamie felt about such displays of his scarred back. I knew he didn't want pity, but he didn't need to be paraded around either. Dougal had his hand on Jamie's shoulder and someone in the crowd said something in _Gaidhlig that_ I didn't understand but it got the intended reaction from Jamie. He quickly turned from Dougal's grasp and launched himself at the man knocking him off the bench into the floor. I couldn't understand everything that they were saying, but I could tell it wasn't good from the tone of their voices.

Before I knew it, Jamie had disappeared in a pile of bodies as he continued to fight with the man who he'd knocked over. Innocent people were tossed from their benches while the men fighting tumbled here and there knocking into others as they went. I could catch glimpses of red hair every now and then as the men fought.

"Are you just going to stand here? Why don't you help him?" I demanded of Murtagh as I came up to stand beside him. He chuckled at me which only made me more angry.

"The lad wouldna want me to do that," he asserted while Ned came up to stand beside him.

"Don't worry lass, if Jamie needed help he would let us know," Ned said as he watched the men tumbling.

I hoped Jamie would call out if he needed help, but I also knew he needed to blow off some steam and this gave him that opportunity to do so. How no one seemed affected by the mayhem that was happening just feet away from them did bother me a little. My prime example would be Dougal who at the moment was talking with a woman at the table in the corner of the room.

I was a little upset with myself for not noticing the change in Jamie because I didn't remember him getting into this fight. No, this was new for us. It seemed that the past could be changed in some manner. I was thankful, though, that Rupert seemed to be keeping more men from joining in the fight. He would walk to and fro every once in awhile as another man began to get too close to the group. I didn't know how long the contest or fight went on for, but it seemed to be coming to an end. I knew Jamie was a good fighter, but it was something to stand back and watch him. I vaguely heard the man who insulted him say something right before Jamie rose to his feet.

It seemed that everyone was now cheering him on as he picked up a rag and began to swipe at his bloody nose. I could see he wasn't in any hurry for once to put his shirt back on. I watched his sculpted back tense when a man thumped him on it. Murtagh handed him a pint as he eagerly drank it before sitting the empty cup onto the table.

"I think ye should look him over, lass," Murtagh commented as he half led Jamie out the door of the tavern into the cool night air. Holding what was left of his shirt, I followed him to the stables where the horses were lodged.

"What in the world were you thinking?" I scolded as I sat down in front of him to look him over. He had minor injuries scattered about his body, but I was worried about the swelling over his eye. It looked like he'd taken a good right hook.

"I'm fine," he said, grinning as if fighting was no big deal at all. I bandaged his busted up knuckles and put some cream on his other scrapes. I didn't think he just knew how bad shape he was in until he stood up and froze. "Aye, well my ribs do hurt slightly," he said grimacing then slowly sitting back down.

"My God, Jamie, you're black and blue! Of course they hurt. What in God's name did you have to pick a fight with that man for? Do you think you're made of iron? I demanded. I was too upset to smile back when he grinned at me from under the small lamp while waiting for me to finish wrapping his ribs.

"Nay," he replied softly, leaning back against the stable wall. I sat back on my heels to look him over. "I just dinna like the man questionin' how I really got the stripes on my back," he replied tersely as I began to look at him in wonder. He always seemed to find ways to surprise me.

"I've done everything I can for you. I think I'm going to turn in for the night. Good night, Mr. MacTavish," I said softly. I got up and headed back into the tavern to join Roger who was already in bed. I knew there were things I wanted to say, but I decided to keep them to myself.

"Good night then, mistress," he replied quietly as I left. Once I got back to the tavern and up the stairs, I tried to put the earlier events out of my head, but I couldn't help but think of just how well Jamie fought. He was a good fighter and that made me happy, knowing that if things did end at Culloden Moor he could at least fight his way out.

 **Jamie**

I couldna help the smile that formed on my lips after Claire had left. I knew she had chided me for fightin', but I felt better for doin' so. I had been so angry at Dougal and his damn cause that I was about ready to explode. Her soft hands left tingles on my skin. I wanted to beat Angus for hurting her with the rope, but the look she gave me as I tried to help her told me volumes. She was upset about the whole thing, and could anyone really blame her? I knew one thing for sure, Dougal was up to somethin' and it involved her.

"What are ye thinkin' about?" Murtagh queried as he came into the stables, tossing a leather bag in my direction.

"And what's this?" I asked, shaking the bag and hearing the clinking of coins inside.

"It's yer share of the wagers from yer fight," he replied, raising an eyebrow at me. I would have tossed the bag back, but knew it wouldna make a difference.

"I dinna make any sort of wagers," I replied. He put his hand up to stop me from complainin'.

"You might not have put any money up, but ye sure put up a good fight. It seems a lot of the men here find ye very popular. Weel, especially with those who backed ye," he replied with a laugh. I gave a small chuckle knowin' any money at the moment would be more than I had.

"Yet, it probably didn't help matters with my uncle," I finally said. I could hear the commotion of the drinkin' – or should I say drunken men – in the tavern. Then I became worrit about Claire and her boy.

"I wouldna think so, but you did get some favor from a certain lady," he replied knowingly which caused me to blush slightly.

"She was angry with me though," I muttered as he chuckled.

"I suppose she was. I'm goin' to head into the tavern to keep a lookout. I would hate for one of those drunken bastards to head her way," he said, getting up.

"Nay, I'll go. I think I could use some exercise. I think this is somethin' I should do," I replied. I stood up, my body stiff and achin'. It was a little painful to walk from the stable to the tavern, but it was good to move my body. I saw Dougal at one of the tables deep in conversation with Ned Gowan. Slippin' up the stairs and just about to get comfortable, the door opened quickly and someone tripped over me knockin' the wind out of me.

"What on Earth! What are you doing sneaking around outside my door?" Claire said startled, picking herself up.

"I wasna sneakin' about. I was sleepin' or tryin' to," I half muttered, rubbin' my achin' ribs that she'd just landed on.

"Sleeping here?" She tilted her head, puzzled. I could see her little boy moving to the end of the bed to see what the commotion was.

I was surprised that she would wonder why I would decide to sleep outside her door rather than in the comfort of the stables. "Sassenach, half the men downstairs are drunk. I was worrit some of them might venture up here in search of..." I was unable to finish my thought because Roger had joined her at the door.

"Mama, is Jamie going to sleep with us?" he questioned, obviously curious. I had to smile at his innocent thought process.

"No, sweetie, not tonight," she replied gently as I watched her pull the shawl tighter around her shoulders.

"Mr. MacTavish," she started but I stopped her.

"I just thought after the brawl earlier and the speech Dougal gave that none of them are feelin' very kindly toward the English. And ye being an Englishwoman..." I replied as honestly as I could. Then she seemed to realize where I could go with this topic.

"I don't doubt that. I'm sorry I stepped on you," she said apologetically. She moved more into the room and I could feel the heat of the fire. "You're being kind. You can't sleep out here. At least come into the room. It's warmer." She picked Roger up and was moving toward the side of the door in a manner of giving me access to her room.

"Sleep in your room? With you? I couldna do that. Your reputation would be ruint!" I tried hard to make sure she understood the consequences of what could happen to her if I did enter her room.

"Mr. MacTavish, my reputation, seriously? You've slept under the stars with me before, you and ten other men," she countered as I took as step back. I could see Roger was wigglin', wanting her to put him down.

"I couldna do that. This isna the same thing as sleepin' under the stars. This is different for several reasons," I insisted. I felt like I was killin' myself by denyin' her my company. It was strange how I felt this longin' for her every time we were apart. It was as if we were connected somehow, but I had no idea why.

"Alright then, would giving you one of the blankets off the bed be too scandalous for you?" she snipped. I watched her head back toward the bed. Putting Roger down, she pulled the top blanket off and brought it back to me.

"Good night," I said, takin' the blanket and sittin' back down. She closed the door and hopefully headed back to bed. I had a restless sleep, but did dream of a life with Claire. It was different than anythin' I could imagine, but in my dream I knew our time together was goin' to be short. It pained me as I woke up to her movin' around the room. I needed to think on some things because my dreams were paintin' a picture that I dinna think I could live without now.

"Mr. MacTavish," Claire said as Roger sat down beside me.

"Morning, mistress," I began then felt Roger pulled my sleeve. "Morning laddie," I continued as he took a bite out of the bread I had left on the table. "Now, if ye'll excuse me, the horses will be needin' their breakfast as well," I said, watchin' the men at a table mutterin' to themselves.

"Can I go with Jamie?" I heard Roger ask as I watched her face.

"Yes, but take this to eat and be sure to mind him," she replied. She sat down, took a bowl and spooned some porridge into it. I led Roger out to the stables as he ate his bread while I began to get the horses ready for our departure. The lad was playing with my horse's mane when I saw Willie coming out of the tavern. He looked much the worse for wear and was closely followed by Murtagh who had an unreadable expression on his face, but I could see a deep cut above his eye.

"Murtagh, what happened?" I questioned as Roger ran about in and out under the horses.

"It's nothin' that we dinna take care of," he mumbled. I saw Dougal exit the tavern followed by Ned who was speakin' in a low voice. It took several minutes before the rest of the party exited. I could tell the fight or skirmish had somethin' to do with Claire as she moved around the men lookin' at each of them as if she was seein' them for the first time.

 **Claire**

I tried to talk Ned into listening to the facts of what was going to happen to the Scottish clans, but he wasn't hearing anything I said. I was bothered with how I was trying to help them and yet he wouldn't believe it. Then out of nowhere there was a huge brawl with the rent party fighting with a table of men. I wasn't sure what they had been saying exactly but knew from previous experience it was about me. Angus sure didn't like it; it was odd watching him defend my honor after he'd hurt me.

After I tended to all the injuries of busted lips, bruised knuckles, scratches, and loose teeth, it was time to go. "How are ye holdin' up?" Murtagh inquired while I was packing up my medicine box. The men were all milling around and headed outside.

"I'm worried that things aren't going the way they should. Jamie getting into the fight last night was a change. I'm scared," I answered honestly as he gave me a tight smile.

"I'm sure that things will go the same way, if not similar to them," he replied, leading me out the door. I blinked at the brightness then felt two small arms wrap around my leg.

"Mama, it's sunny," Roger announced. I laughed and picked him up.

"Yes, it is. I think this is going to be a good day," I said smiling at him and kissed his forehead.

"So there I am in bed, harelip Chrissie on my left and sweaty Netty, the butcher's daughter, on my right. They get jealous of each other, start arguin' about who I'm goin' to swive first. Can you believe it?" Rupert was saying as I chuckled at his words. I couldn't believe he said the same thing. It was funny to think how close these men would become with me.

"I believe your left hand gets jealous of your right. That's about all I believe," I commented while I rubbed down my horse. All the men got quiet and looked from one another to the person next to them. I could see Jamie talking softly to Roger as he patted the other side of the horse.

"I've never heard a woman make a joke!" Rupert remarked which made the group of men laugh.

"There's a first time for everything," I said softly.

Looking at the men, I briefly got lost in my own thoughts. I knew from history that if events didn't change we would all be facing the Redcoats at the bottom of Culloden Moor. I wasn't looking forward to the event in the future, but also knew if I could change things, I would. I remembered that the battle was at least a year and half if not longer from now. There was still time to try and get Dougal to see reasoning if he could. I just had to stay on my path and keep doing what I could to deter the doomed cause. I shuddered. I didn't want to think of that right now.

Once we got settled in our next camp for the time being I decided I needed to go for a wash. I needed to get some water anyway. Angus had helped me with my pack and Murtagh took Roger already to find berries. "I'm going to the river to wash," I said loudly enough to get Dougal's attention.

"Let her go" he retorted as both Angus and Rupert were almost right behind me. I took my horse and headed toward the stream we had passed earlier.

"Just who _are_ ye?" Dougal demanded as he came up behind me. I was undecided on what to tell him. "Ye claim to be an English lady of Oxfordshire," he snarled as I stood up to move closer to him.

"I am a woman from there," I replied stolidly as he moved a little bit closer to me.

"Well that's what you'd have us believe. But you would seem to be a lady of strong political opinions, eh?" he chided. He had me right up against a branch.

"I don't think there is anything wrong with having an opinion of my own," I retorted. He seemed to grow redder in the face.

"That may be so, but ye've seen things on the road. You tell the Redcoats, and we'll be bound to crosses just like the men we cut down." He growled at me as if I were some common thief.

"I don't have to prove anything to you. I'm not a spy and I think I've been cleared of that by my friend who showed up at Castle Leoch," I said hotly. Somewhere in the distance I could vaguely hear hoofbeats.

"That may be so, but ye're sowin' the seeds of doubt in our midst, workin' behind the cover of yer woman's skirts to undermine the cause," he ranted.

I took a deep breath. "I don't care about your cause. _I am trying to warn you,"_ I replied as honestly as I could but I knew our time was up; I glanced up to see the first horse.

"Madam..." the young man said. Dougal turned around and looked at the speaker.

"It's a pleasure to see you again," I said softly moving a little closer to Dougal. I watched him put his hand on his dirk. I wanted to make sure he didn't do anything stupid.

"Once more, I ask you... is everything all right?" the man countered as I looked back at him.

"Hello, again, officer," I replied knowing who he was but couldn't say it since this would be the first time meeting him.

"Lieutenant Jeremy Foster of His Majesty's Army. And this time I do mean to ascertain the lady's well-being," he said. I could see Dougal glancing behind us as more horses with men showed up.

"She is none of yer business," Dougal said. The young lieutenant just smiled. I watched in silence hoping Dougal wouldn't do anything that could hurt either of us.


	12. Chapter 12

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 12: Paths Revisited**

 **Claire**

"Tell me, madam. Are you here by your own choice?" Lieutenant Foster questioned as I looked to Dougal then back at him. I wanted Dougal to see me as an ally once and for all.

Dougal glared more intensely at the man in charge. "I appreciate your concern, Lieutenant, and I can assure you I am a guest of the Clan MacKenzie," I replied.

"I truly don't believe that, but as you wish. I do believe my commander would like to speak with you, however. He would be delighted to hear all about your travels. He's presently in residence at the inn at Brockton. Will you accompany me?"

I thought about how I wanted to avoid that place due to Randall but knew that I would more than likely have to go.

"If yer goin', then I go," Dougal said as he turned to look at me. I wanted to assure him I'd be fine, but knew deep down I wouldn't be.

Smoothing my skirt down, I moved closer to where Dougal stood. "I'm sure your commander has more pressing matters than to hear my stories."

"I'm sorry madam, but I must ask you to come with us," he persisted as I took another step toward Dougal.

"Very well then, if I must," I murmured, moving past Dougal toward my horse. He came up beside me as the others began to move ahead.

"Keep close. I may not trust ye, but I trust them even less," he muttered quietly, helping me up on my horse. I watched him mount his before turning to follow the men. I knew I wasn't going of my own accord, but the heaviness I felt in my chest leaving Roger and Jamie behind hurt more. I knew I would see them shortly but things could change and that was what worried me. I knew I would meet Randall there, but would Dougal come to my aid once more or would he leave me behind to save himself?

When we reached the small village I could see a lingering glare coming from Dougal. We might have been in a Scottish village on his family's land, but for Dougal, it was now enemy territory and he was the outlander. That thought made me feel bad for the Scottish people as a whole, knowing that they were the ones who were suffering, not the English with whom we were riding. It hadn't occurred to me before that the English invading Scotland was what brought forth all the current challenges and those of the near future.

I felt a little worried when I took in all the Redcoats surrounding us. If things went downhill there would be no coming back. The soldiers were all given instructions and went to do their business. It bothered me how little they thought of the highlanders. Sure they might be rough and callous, but they were good people.

Having reached the inn, Dougal followed close behind me when Lieutenant Foster took me to his commander. "My lord, may I present Mrs. Claire Beauchamp and Mr. Dougal..." he began; the commander interrupted him.

"Come in. Come in," the man invited jovially. "This is a happy surprise. A most enjoyable surprise. It has been far too long since I last gazed upon a lovely English rose. The lieutenant here claims you have quite the story to tell," the man said as I moved more into the room. I didn't feel comfortable; I looked around the room remembering the attack I endured from Randall.

"Thank you for having me. I'm not too sure what stories you have heard but I'm so grateful you're willing to listen anyway." I could see the different amused glances from the men around me. It bothered me the way they looked down on the highlanders as if they were lower than us, but in reality they weren't.

He offered me a seat at his table. "Nonsense, I love stories. I've not heard a good one since I first set foot upon this blasted turf."

I looked back to Dougal who just stood behind me. "You must be absolutely famished," he continued while I looked down at the food that surrounded us. There was _so_ much and most of it would go to waste. It made me a little upset to know how little we had been eating and there they sat feasting on the food the highlanders worked so hard for.

"Thank you," was all I could say when a plate was placed in front of me.

"I shot the beast myself. It's a great country for hunting, I'll give them that. The cheese is surprisingly edible, too, and the claret is my own, bottled in '35. Need I say more?" he remarked genially. I tried hard not to laugh while he snapped his fingers. "Now, Lieutenant Foster, do you plan on telling me who this noble Scottish gentleman might be," he questioned turning his glaze to the lieutenant.

Lieutenant Foster introduced Dougal, but all the others did was mock him for his speech. I knew the Scottish dialect could be difficult to understand, but they were just being plain rude. It felt awkward listening to this conversation knowing that it was the men seated around the table who were the outcasts in this land, but weren't being given the royal snub. No, they were eating like kings while the people of this country barely made it from meal to meal. I wondered how many families the food on the table could feed.

"It's called a kilt, sir," one of the men was saying as I was brought out of my private musing.

Irritated, Lord Thomas replied, "I know perfectly well what it's called, Lieutenant." I looked toward Dougal who looked like he could slice the man to bits any second.

"So tell me, from one laird to another..." Lord Thomas had a huge smirk on his face.

"Are ye purposely tryin' to embarrass the lass, or are ye just an arrogant wee smout?" Dougal snapped, placing his hand on his dirk.

"Good Christ, man! Do you know to whom you speak? I warn you – watch your words, sir, or I'll have you!" Lieutenant Foster blustered. I couldn't believe what was happening.

Dougal began to rant as he started to pull his sword out. "Well, you pull that needle, and we'll see who pricks who," the war chief snarled.

"Dougal, Lieutenant, enough! You're both behaving like children," I chided, getting a sideways glance from Dougal that told me to be quiet.

"You're quite right. The lady seems to have more sense than the lot of you; it puts us all to shame. The question of the kilt will remain an enigma," Lord Thomas countered before sitting back in his seat. "My word, madam. If I were brave enough, I would commission you a colonel in one of my regiments. You do know how to order men about," he said smiling.

Dougal shook his head. "Aye, she does seem to be good at that." He sheathed his sword in its scabbard. I let out a deep breath as I caught his eye. He didn't feel welcome here and that made me feel sorry for him. This was his home and he wasn't accepted.

"It's been a pleasure meeting you. Yet, we just don't have room for one more," Thomas snidely commented. I wanted nothing more than for Dougal to stay, but knew he wouldn't.

"That's fine, I don't want yer scraps. They're still servin' good Scottish ale in the taproom since we are in Scotland not England," he muttered before turning to look down at me. "I'll be downstairs," he said, letting me know he'd be close by. He closed the door and I could hear his departing steps.

Lord Thomas raised his cup of wine. "Tell me men, how are we ever going to make peace with such an ill-mannered people?"

"They're not all bad." I got several strange looks from the men. "I agree they have different customs than us, but I have been cared for by them since I got here. My son and I have been their guests since I had a run-in with some unfortunate men." I began to tell my story to the group who seemed to be hearing me out.

"You do seem to have had an adventurous time with your traveling group, but tell me you don't you miss England," the lord questioned.

My thoughts went back to the England I'd left behind to reenter this world and I felt truly at peace with my decisions. "No, I am quite happy here. Things are so much simpler and easy."

At that moment a man burst through the door. It was Black Jack Randall. "My lord, are you aware that at this very moment..."

"Captain Randall, are we under attack, sir?" Lord Thomas questioned at the abrupt intrusion.

"No, sir, we are not," he grumbled, not liking the admonishment given by the commander.

"Then step outside and dust yourself off. Good god man, don't drag your filth in here," Lord Thomas chastised. Randall stopped just before exiting the door. "Am I mistaken, or do you two know each other?" his lordship inquired quizzically. I tilted my head waiting on Randall to out me, but he didn't. I would have liked for him to explain his reason for attacking me to the commander.

"I thought the lady looked familiar, but I am mistaken," he replied, stepping through the doorway. He stomped his feet then dusted his jacket off. "I trust I am sufficiently presentable," he snapped as he came back in.

"You'll do. Get the captain a drink," Lord Thomas ordered. I could see someone move, but Randall put his hand up stopping the private. "Tell me, Captain, to what do we owe your presence?" Waiting to hear his response, I sat up straighter in my seat.

"Did you know at this very instant, Dougal Mackenzie, war chief of Clan MacKenzie is downstairs quaffing ale," he demanded heatedly, turning to glare at Lord Thomas.

"Yes, he was the one who brought Mrs. Beauchamp to us," Lord Thomas retorted as if he couldn't care less.

"He was? Interesting," Randall commented, moving closer to Lord Thomas.

"What is the matter?" Lord Thomas questioned as Randall kept looking at him. "Do you think you are better than me, sir?" he continued; Randall backed up a little.

"No, I just find it odd that an English woman would be in the company of a Scottish war chief. I mean, how does that happen anyway?" Randall turned to look at me.

Lieutenant Foster nodded my way. "It's altogether a tale of adventure."

"I guess I missed quite a story, maybe the lady would like to retell it to me," Randall jested with a smirk directed at me.

"Actually you could escort Mrs. Beauchamp and her companion back to their camp," Lord Thomas replied. I watched Randall jerk his head toward him.

"I think my companion and I would be safer to travel on our own back to our party. I'm sure Captain Randall has more important things to do than to accompany us," I remarked. A scowl appeared on Lord Thomas's face.

Lieutenant Foster had a perplexed look on his face. "I was under the impression you wanted to get back to your son." I looked toward the lieutenant but I could tell from Randall's expression that things weren't going to go in my favor.

Randall squared himself by the fire. "Why would an English lady and her son be traveling in Scotland all alone?"

I looked up at him. "We were part of a traveling party headed to Inverness. We were ambushed and my son and I were separated from our party. We were fortunate to be found by Dougal MacKenzie and his group," I replied harshly knowing he knew exactly what had went on.

"I guess we should be thankful to the war chief then," he sneered.

"The lady claims she was well treated by her Scottish friends," Lieutenant Foster said. He turned slightly to look over at Randall.

"Well, I wasn't aware that the English had any Scottish friends," he jeered. I held tightly onto the knife in my hand; all I wanted to do was slice him open in payment for the horrible things Jamie had endured at his hands. He then proceeded to tell me all about Private McGreavey who was found holding his head in his lap tied to a tree, but when I countered with the two highlanders bound to crosses, it changed things.

The men were crude and inexperienced in war due to their uneducated opinions. I couldn't believe that I had partly agreed to their thought process last time. I felt sick to my stomach thinking of just how wrong it was that they felt the highlanders should bow down to them. I thought we were all free.

"I think that both sides have harmed each other. I don't understand why things have to be so difficult," I muttered, watching the men turn to look at me.

"Well that's a woman's view for you if ever I heard one," one of the men next to Lord Thomas said. I could see the smirk on Randall's face.

"This is why I make it a point never to discuss politics with a lady," another idiot retorted.

I just couldn't hold back. "I didn't know we were discussing politics. I thought we were merely discussing two separate issues of devastation." I tried to keep myself from lashing out.

Randall cocked an eyebrow. "I think the lady just proved where her loyalties lie."

"What are you implying, sir?" I questioned as he turned from the window to look over at me.

"Maybe your opinion has changed from living among the unclean. I must wonder if you haven't done more than just live among them. Perhaps you've shared Dougal MacKenzie's bed as well," Randall ranted. I could feel the air being sucked out of the room.

"Who do you think you are?" I demanded. "How could you think that?" I was stunned that he would even suggest it; _he_ was the one who tried to rape me! In that moment all I wanted to do was leap from my seat and shove him out the window where he stood. The idea that I would just sleep with anyone, especially Dougal, was absolutely ludicrous.

"Randall, you crossed a line," Lord Thomas warned as he rose partway from his chair.

"I apologize, Mrs. Beauchamp, if my words were harsh, but please tell us what other reason would the lady have to choose these barbarians over her own people? These aggressors who wantonly shed English blood?" he snidely remarked in my direction.

"Barbarians? Don't you think all people should have the same freedoms we have? How can you think that one group of people are lower than another just because of their customs? Don't you think when one group tries to make another group submit that they are the aggressors, not the beaten group? They were living peacefully here before our king decided he wanted the land. We are all foreigners from one land or another." The men around me looked as if I had grown a second head.

"Madam, I find your sympathies extraordinarily puzzling," Lord Thomas said coldly.

I could see this going downhill pretty fast. "Hear, hear," someone else said.

"Rest assured Lord Thomas, my loyalties lie with the king. I'm only saying that I haven't seen any aggressiveness from the people I have been with. Dougal MacKenzie's brother provided shelter and food for my son and I. When my traveling partner found me I chose to stay with them," I explained, seeing the puzzled looks from the group of men.

"My god, woman! She must be returned to the bosom of her family as soon as possible," the man next to Lord Thomas advised. I felt myself growing weary of it all.

"My family left for the colonies after my husband passed. I plan to stay with the group I am traveling with now," I asserted. The men grumbled among themselves until the door flung open. The soldier claimed his group had been ambushed leaving one dead and two injured. Randall made a comment about it being a weekly thing as if that was suppose to matter. I could see a fire in his eyes; it was almost as if he knew something like this was going to happen. I followed the soldier back down the stairs just as they were bringing the wounded man in. Dougal was right behind me.

I could feel Dougal's hand wrap around my arm. "Claire, are ye all right, lassie?"

"Yes, I'm fine." I looked toward the injured man.

"You have to understand, when I saw that bastard Randall go upstairs..." he began. I looked up to see Randall at the top of the stairs staring right at us.

Dougal followed my look. "Jamie and the others weren't responsible for this attack, were they?" I asked softly.

"No, they wouldna attack without my consent. Murtagh was just here. He said nothin' of the sort."

"All right then, make yourself scarce. Randall will be looking for a way to pin this attack on you," I said. He nodded and moved away from me. I headed to the injured man and began looking him over until the surgeon got there and took over. I had thought I wouldn't see any more injuries like this for a while, but in this period of history it occurred a little more often.

 **Murtagh**

"Have ye seen Claire?" Jamie questioned me as he moved closer to me pulling the boy with him.

"Nay, but I ken she went to wash up at yon stream," I replied looking toward Dougal and Ned. The two of them were up to something, but I wasn't sure what it was. As I watched Dougal got up and left.

"Where's my mama?" Roger asked, looking around the area.

"She went to wash up a bit," I told him. "Jamie, take the boy to collect berries or somethin'." I got up and headed in the direction Dougal had gone. When I rounded a bend I saw him talking with Claire; she seemed to be trying to get him to listen to her as several Redcoats surrounded them. Words were exchanged and both Dougal and Claire got on their horses and went with the men.

"Jamie," I called out, entering our camp. He was next to the boy eating something. "And ye, too, Ned," I began as both men moved closer to me.

Jamie took the boy's hand, keeping him close. "What's amiss, Murtagh?"

"I just saw Dougal and Claire ride off with a patrol of Redcoats. Jamie, I want ye to go ahead of us with the boy and a few men, and _stay out of the way._ I'm going to head to the next town to see if they're there," I said. Jamie nodded and he and the lad moved away from us.

Once I was sure Jamie was gathering up his things to head out I turned to Ned. "What were ye two whisperin' about afore Dougal followed after Claire?" I was irritated with the little man and just wanted answers.

"I was just telling him of her opinion on the cause. She was carrying on about it and how it was a waste of time," he muttered. "Dougal said she was undermining the cause," he continued as Jamie rode out with Roger safely tucked in front of him.

"I hate to agree with her, but I think gatherin' support for a doomed cause is a waste. Nothin' happened the last time and I doubt anythin' will be accomplished this time," I said darkly. He seemed to swallow nervously. My statement had a double meaning. Ned thought I was discussing the failed attempt in '15, when in reality, I was talking about the fate of the men on Culloden Moor.

"You're allowed to have your own opinion on the matter, but she is a guest and shouldn't be spreading things," he countered. I knew this was his lawyer's attitude making itself known.

"As true as that may be, she is also here to help us. I think it wise to keep her safe as well. Did Colum leave any instructions regardin' her," I queried. He raised his eyebrows and looked at me oddly.

"Aye, he did." Ned told me of his meeting with the laird right before we left. Colum demanded that Jamie be returned safely, and not injured. That one would be if Dougal didn't harm him. The second request puzzled me because I remembered the criticism that Colum gave Jamie when we returned to Leoch after it was announced they had wed the first time Claire was here. Colum was cold and distant toward his nephew. Yet Ned said that before we left Colum had him draw up a marriage certificate in the event that things went in a direction where Claire would need to wed.

"Does Dougal know?"

Ned furtively looked around at the men that remained before he answered. Angus and Rupert were playing dice while a few others were tending to the horses. "No. Colum told me not to tell him unless it was a last resort. Dougal did question me on what was needed for a marriage while on the road, but that was just before he hared off after Claire when she went to freshen up."

"I'm goin' to head to the next town to see if they're there. I will come back once I have checked in." I hoped nothing bad was happening to Claire. I was thankful that I found the Redcoat patrol in the first town because I really didn't want to search for them.

"Hoy! You there!" one of the younger men called out when I entered the stable before heading to the taproom. He began to ask who I was and where I had come from. So I made up a tale and left him.

I found Dougal drinking at a table in the back and sat down beside him. "What the devil? Why are ye here?" I told him I'd seen the patrol go by, that I'd followed it to them then saw them leave with it. Then I asked him where Claire was.

"She's up yonder talkin' with the English. I just saw Randall go up there, but nothin' has happened yet," he said, half watching as several injured men wandered in.

It was obvious he was in a temper, but I had to know what was going on. "Why are ye down here and not up there wi' her?"

"Let the English be with each other. I couldna stand their stench anyway. She'll come down when they're done with her. Go back and have the men wait for us," he rumbled, watching as a man was brought in with a severe injury.

"I sent Jamie, the wee laddie, and a few others ahead. I dinna want him near with the patrols," I explained as he looked up at the stairs.

"All right, we'll meet them as soon as we leave here. Go and get the men ready to move on." He shoved me toward the door and made his way to the stairs where I saw Claire come down looking worried. I followed his orders and headed back to camp.


	13. Chapter 13

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 13: Hard Knocks**

 **Claire**

Captain Black Jack Randall came up behind me. "Nurse Beauchamp."

I had just helped the surgeon tie off the stump the injured man would now have. I was exhausted and the last thing I wanted to do was have to face him.

"Captain," I muttered. I looked to where I saw Dougal sitting. He was watching me intently.

"Are you finished with your feeble attempt at saving this man's life?"

I looked hard at him. If he hadn't attacked me and tried to rape me I might have had some respect for him, but as it was I was sick of being around him. "As you can see, Captain, the man will live," I snapped. I moved to go toward Dougal when the captain reached for my arm.

"I think it would be in everyone's interest if you come back upstairs to talk," he sneered at me and nodded toward two guards near the door. "I can have your war chief killed on the spot if you deny me," he threatened. I looked back to Dougal who seemed to notice my irritation and was moving toward us. I caught Dougal's glance.

"I'm fine," I replied. "What is there to discuss?" I jerked my arm out of his grasp once we were tucked back into the room. He walked around the table where an officer was waiting for him.

"Lord Thomas thinks I should whisk you and your boy out from under the Scottish party you're with, but I have other plans for you. I think you'll find me to be a reasonable man when things go my way." Randall sat down in front of the man. I watched as the man lathered up his face and neck in preparation of shaving him. I thought back to when I did the same thing for Frank once upon a time. It was hard to believe the razor in the young officer's hand was the same one I'd held in my own hand.

I sat back down in the chair I'd previously been sitting in. "I don't know what you think I can help you with." The food that had been there was removed as was the wine. I thought about walking toward a different cup but didn't want to move closer to the captain.

The officer moved the razor up his neck. "Lord Thomas is a fool if he thinks you're not in cahoots with the Scottish barbarians. He decided it would be best for him and those with him to go hunt down the rebels who attacked the man you just helped save," he jeered.

"Please try not to speak, Captain. My barbering skills aren't up to shaving a moving target," the young man said nervously.

Randall questioned me. "Madam, do you think we could come to an agreement about what I need you to do?" The nervous officer cut the captain and the crimson streak smeared slightly on the captain's cheek.

"I'm sorry, Captain. On my life, it was an accident," the young man quickly said, wiping the red splotch.

"On your life? Sit down," Captain Randall commanded. The officer hurriedly sat down in the seat Randall had just vacated. "Boy, you need to learn a soldier needs a steady hand, hmm? Otherwise he will never hit the target he aims at," he tersely added, grunting while dry shaving the man.

"Yes, sir," the officer stuttered while Randall moved the blade once more up the side of the man's face.

"You control your nerves. Your nerves do not control you. My, my, aren't we the beardless boy? Mm. Take my things back to my lodgings and come back and see to it that we are not disturbed." He wiped the clean blade across the cloth the officer had just used to clean his face.

"Of course, Captain," the man murmured. He quickly gathered up the items and fled the room leaving the two of us alone.

"Where is Lieutenant Foster?" I asked.

He leaned into the chair he had been sitting in. "I sent him with Lord Thomas and the others for their protection from those barbarians you like so much."

"Well then I guess I will go back down to my traveling companion and head back to our group." I got back up and was about to head for the door when he quickly overtook the area and stood in front of me. He'd blocked me in the room.

"I hate to say this, but Lord Thomas agreed to your returning to the Scottish clan before he heard your opinion on the current matters at hand," Randall said with a gleeful smirk.

"I wonder how the lord would feel if he learned one of his high ranking men attacked an innocent woman in front of her child," I snapped, highly incensed at the mad man.

"I doubt he would believe you after your comments," he replied laughing and moved a step closer to me.

"You are more disgusting than I thought you were if you think I would just sit here and let you harass me," I snapped. I desperately tried to think of where I could find a way to get out of this room without injury.

He adjusted himself. "I have to admit ever since our first encounter I have been in a state of extreme discomfort."

"Captain, I am not sure what you mean, nor am I certain I want to," I said as forcibly as I could. If he thought I was going to allow him to do anything to me he was sorely mistaken.

"Don't worry madam, allow me to put your fears to rest. I wish to apologize. That awful day in the woods I just wasn't myself," he muttered then grunted, his hand still on his adjustment.

I moved away from him. "Apologize then. I want to be on my way."

"When I think of who you are... God, the mere memory of it leaves me shamed." He moved a little closer to me.

"Your apology pleases me more than you know. I'd hate to think a king's officer would behave in such an ungentlemanly manner," I retorted, knowing I was setting myself up to get hurt if things went the wrong way.

"You must understand – I am not familiar with women. I do look forward to getting to know you more and allowing my true nature to come forth. I only ask and hope you'll show me the same kindness," he replied coarsely as he looked me up and down.

"I will strive to be honest with you, sir," I stated softly knowing there were things I wouldn't be able to disclose to him.

"Tell me madam, who are you? I checked in Oxfordshire; there are no Beauchamps there," he said with a smug look.

"I'm not sure you are an expert especially since your family hails from Sussex." He looked up at me surprised but was trying to hide it.

"I should hate to think what my family or tutors for that matter would have to say about your thoughts," he muttered darkly. He then asked me something in French and I answered him in the same language. It startled me to think he thought he could best me.

"Madam, would you not tell me what your maiden name was?"

I grew tired of his searching. "Captain, I don't see what that has to do with anything we are currently discussing. I wish to return to Dougal MacKenzie so that we might be on our way."

"I would gladly allow you to leave, but I find it troubling that you feel as though you don't want to answer my questions. I would think a woman who has nothing to hide should be willing to help her case, not draw suspicion to it."

It struck me that no matter what I did I would be hurt at some point by him.

"What am I to really think because when I first met you I found you wandering the countryside dressed in very little clothing? When I try to question you, I am struck down and rendered unconscious by a villain I later discover is a member of a band of Scottish rebels, a band led by your companion here today, Dougal MacKenzie. These facts paint you either as an empty-headed trollop or as an agent in league with the king's enemies."

Then I realized the angle he was trying to play. He still wanted information about the Jacobite cause.

"Seriously? Are those my only two choices? I think that is hardly any choice at all," I retorted.

He smiled at me. "Madam if there is another explanation do share it."

I bent my head down and looked back up. "I will tell you this one last time. I was traveling with a group who were traveling to Inverness before heading directly to France. We stopped in the area near where we met, but unaware that there was a skirmish happening. My son and I were looking at different herbs and flowers and we got separated from our group. I slipped down the ravine and came upon you. I mistook you for someone else. I didn't even know the men who came to my aid," I said as slowly and carefully as I could to keep the facts similar to what I had been saying.

"Tell me your traveling partners' names and let me see if they collaborate your story. Because madam that is all this really is, a story. After meeting you I checked the forest and beyond. There was no one who heard of you or anything about a woman wandering about," he snapped picking up a napkin and setting it down in front of his spot where he was sitting. He got up and went to his jacket pulling out a pencil. I watched, all the while wondering if I could be fast enough to make it to the door and down the stairs before he caught up to me. He sat back down and began drawing. I knew he was drawing my face and knew without a doubt what his next move would be.

"Would you please look this over and tell me what you think?" he asked. Shockingly enough, I got up and slowly moved toward him.

I reached out my hand and traced the drawn lips on the napkin. "You caught my likeness perfectly."

"I'm glad you think so because I will call it, 'Beautiful Lies'." He moved to the other side of the table separating us. He rocked the chair to and fro as he spoke. "You want to get back to your son and the rest of the highlanders you're traveling with, and I want to know the truth about Dougal MacKenzie and the money he is raising."

"I haven't heard any such thing from him," I yelled.

"I hate to tell you this, but I wouldn't believe a word you say even if it were to save my life. You have done nothing but lie from the moment I first met you," he sneered, moving closer to me. "There is no way you have lived among these heathens for this amount of time without hearing things," he insisted.

I took a step back. "They would be stupid to say things like that in front of me. It would be treason for sure," I replied. He smirked at me showing just how alike he and Frank were. I tried not to see Frank in Randall but it was hard when they could very likely pass as twins if they stood next to each other.

"No one would think that if they felt the English woman was sympathetic to their cause!" He was now right in front of me. I could faintly smell the wine on his breath as he licked his lips before shoving me roughly into the chair behind me.

"I will say this one last time; I am not sympathetic toward the Jacobite cause at all. I couldn't care less if they are restored to the throne. My cause is to keep my son safe at any cost," I snapped. I tried to get back up only for him to put his hand out to stop me.

He leaned back against the table. "You'll stay where you are while I think of what to do to you."

"Am I to be your prisoner? Tell me then, what crime have I done for you to treat me like this?"

He peered back at me with hatred in his eyes. "You, madam, are going to tell me everything you know about the MacKenzies starting with your lover downstairs, Dougal MacKenzie. Then you will tell me about the money they are raising."

I just laughed. I don't know what came over me, but I had to laugh at him. I stared at him a moment longer before squaring my shoulders and giving him the meanest glare I could muster. "I know all about your ideas of punishment. Do you think it wise to beat an English citizen? Or do you plan to flog me? Tell me Captain, do you get your pleasure out of flogging innocent men or raping young women?"

He approached me faster than I would have thought possible. "What are you on about woman?" he demanded, pushing me roughly against the wall. I then proceeded to question him about Jamie and all that he did to him without using his name directly. I couldn't believe the look of pleasure he got on his face as he spoke of the flogging he gave him. God, I couldn't believe my ears as he reveled in the details.

"No, I don't think I'll flog you, but I can do worse." He pulled me toward him before he rammed his fist into my belly with so much force it knocked the breath right out of me. "I surely hope you weren't carrying Dougal MacKenzie's bastard child," he laughed.

I could just hear the door open and a voice. I was having a hard time focusing on what was happening and was beginning to feel sick. I groaned, trying to catch my breath. "Please help me."

"Corporal Hawkins, come in. I believe I need your assistance." Randall grabbed me by the hair and hoisted me up slightly. "Corporal have you ever hit a woman?" I didn't catch the corporal's answer. "Women tend not to fight back," he continued, shoving me to the floor making me wince in the process. "Give her a good kick in the stomach; she's soft," he ordered. I felt a nudge before I heard Randall yell, and then a harder kick followed. Writhing in pain, I tried to find the strength to get up.

"What do ye think you're doing?" I heard a familiar voice bellow. Then I felt two arms trying to help me up, but I was fighting my helper because I wasn't sure who it was. "Up ye go, come on lassie. Yer done here," Dougal said. I looked up at him while he raised me up.

"I have decided I want to question her further," Randall was saying as I felt myself slipping into the darkness.

***Outlander***

 **Murtagh**

I couldn't believe my eyes when I left the inn. I saw the commander riding off with his group of men and I knew this couldn't be good news for Dougal or the lass. So I decided to stay close to the inn. But after getting some questioning looks I headed back inside.

Dougal glared at me as I sat down beside him. "What are ye still doin' here?" he demanded.

"I saw the commander leavin'. I thought ye might need my help," I replied as I watched a young man leave from the upper room.

Dougal kept his eyes locked on the door. It was quite some time before the young man went back up there. Then shortly after he went inside I heard yelling from the upper room and Dougal took off up the stairs. "Help me get her!"

Dougal brought Claire down. She looked like hell. Her upswept hair was half out of its pins and she looked white as a ghost. "I'll be right back," he snapped and went back up to the room leaving me in charge of the lass. I put my head near her face to check whether she was still breathing or not. She was breathing but it was shallow. I wasn't sure what to do, but before I could think on it anymore Dougal had rejoined me. I looked back up to the top of the stairs only to see Captain Black Jack Randall smirking in our direction. I picked up Claire and we made our way back toward camp.

Dougal led us off toward St. Ninian's Spring. Thankfully it was a short ride to our destination. "We'll need to stop, man. The lass isna breathin' well," I told him. As Dougal was helping the lass down she started coughing and tearing at her bodice. So I did the only thing I could think of and used my knife. I sliced the laces up the back of her bodice then cut the strings on the damned corset. She quickly began gasping for air like there wouldn't be more.

"Thank you," she rasped. She removed her corset and handed it to me. I rolled it up and shoved it in her saddle bag unsure of what to do with it. She slowly took the wrap I offered her and folded it around her shoulders, fastening it in front.

"Come along," Dougal finally said as if he was losing his patience. A moment later she followed behind him. She leaned in and took some water from the spring and Dougal did the same thing. He then moved away from her and pulled out his dirk. I knew he thought she was still a spy but I couldn't believe he would kill her. "Are ye a spy for the English or the French?" he demanded. She turned to look at me and then back at him.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not a spy," she yelled and moved her hand to her midsection. I knew she was probably still reeling from the beating she took at Randall's hand.

"Just this last time lass," Dougal replied. "All right then, we've got to do several things now." He replaced his dirk and went on to explain that he was required to turn her over to Randall the next day, but she could be spared that if she were to change from being English to a Scot. I watched amused as she listened to his reasoning and even trying to question him to see if he was just lying to her. It was amusing to observe them. I wasn't sure if this was how the events unfolded before or not, but it was interesting to see that Dougal wasn't foolishly stupid. Yet, deep down I knew he was also using Jamie to keep him from becoming laird because that was a right he wanted.

We were riding back to the group and I glanced over at her. "How are ye doin' Claire?"

"I feel like someone dragged me behind a horse and then beat me," she replied looking toward Dougal who was at least three horses ahead of us. Once we got to the group she took off toward the trees. I knew she wanted to change her dress and probably to check her injuries. I would think she would be pretty bruised if not worse. We were drinking when I saw Dougal coming back with Jamie and Ned.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

We rode back to where the group was staying. I could see Roger running toward me. Murtagh quickly dismounted preventing my boy from getting to me. I needed to assess the damage to my body before I could deal with him because I was still having trouble breathing. I was very thankful for what Murtagh had done.

"Come laddie, yer mam needs to do somethin' before ye can see her," Murtagh was saying. I saw Roger look to me then I moved to the wagon. I grabbed my medicine box I had left on it and my spare clothes. I went toward the trees and found a covered area to change. I removed my torn garments leaving me in my shift. I lifted it up to see several deep bruises. Gently touching them I could tell that they weren't as bad as they looked. I quickly wrapped my upper body as tightly as I could and then redressed. It was awkward with the corset, but I knew it would help keep me from jostling with pain as we rode. It was hardly bearable riding back.

After I finished changing Dougal sent Ned over to talk with me. Ned told me what he was expected to, but didn't say much of anything else. He handed me a letter addressed to me from Colum, but told me I was only to open it if I agreed to marry Jamie. I was surprised by that. I was about to open it because I was curious as to what Colum might say, but Jamie approached me bringing whiskey with him. He sat down on the stump beside me.

"Dougal wants us to be married." I looked at him waiting for a response.

"I know," was all he said.

"And you're freely willing to marry me without knowing anything at all about my life before I showed up here? Don't you think that's strange?"

He turned to look at me. "I have often thought about who ye are, but no, I dinna think it strange. I'd be wrong not to wed ye especially when ye've mended my wounds more than once. I feel I owe ye somethin' for all that. Besides, what kind of friend would I be if I left ye to that mad bastard Randall? I know what his justice looks like first hand," he said very sourly.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. Yet, surely a young man like yourself... well, isn't there someone else that you're interested in?" I remembered how he flirted with Laoghaire. Just thinking of her made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Am I promised? Nay, no one would want me to marry their daughter. Have ye forgotten the price on my head? No, I dinna have much, but I care for ye. I care for yer boy as well."

I could see the man I fell in love with slipping through the cracks of this conversation.

"Then that's settled. As far as the matter's concerned we can begin the honeymoon tomorrow." I was hoping to get something from him, anything. I was a little angry that he thought so little of himself. He wasn't this pitiful man, but in this moment he was acting like it.

"Aye," he muttered.

I hit his shoulder. "Don't you think this is rather odd that it's you and not Willie?"

His head jerked up. "Nay, I dinna. I am better suited to watch after ye and yer lad. I promised ye that back at Leoch. I dinna like you questionin' my reasonin'."

I smiled; seeing him jealous was good. "I wasn't questioning you. I was just making sure this was want you wanted," I said softly and laid my hand on his arm.

"Whatever suits ye is what we will do. As I said before I care for ye and yer boy. I dinna give that out lightly. Please dinna question my loyalty again." He got up to leave.

"Well, doesn't it bother you that... that I 'm not a virgin?" I finally asked. I heard him chuckle softly before turning back to me.

"Uh, no. As long as it doesna bother you that I am," he said. I felt the fluttering in my heart before he continued. "I reckon one of us should ken what they're doin'." He gave me a smile as he walked away leaving me to think about what I needed to do. I pulled out the letter from Colum and held it in my hand before I got up and walked back to the group. I needed to calm my nerves.


	14. Chapter 14

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 14: Merging Relationships**

 **Claire**

Once Dougal decided that I had enough time to get myself in order we set out for the nearest village. I wasn't sure whose idea it was to have me ride in the wagon, but I was grateful because it was less bumpy and jolting than riding a horse.

Murtagh passed Roger to me after a little while. "Are ye all right, lass?"

I took Roger into my arms. "Yes, a little better. I'm relieved to be able to lie down instead of having to sit up."

Jamie came up beside Murtagh. "I'm sure tis better for ye. We should be close, an hour or so more," he said.

"Thank you." I lay my head back on the bag of grain I had been leaning against. Murtagh and Jamie moved ahead leaving me with Roger who was still sound asleep. It had been rough once I'd changed and went back to the group. Roger had tried running to me only to be stopped by Jamie which caused him to start crying. It broke my heart to see him hurting.

I heard a voice whispering close by. "Claire. Lass..." Opening my eyes slowly, I tried to keep myself from jostling. My body was still reeling from the beating I endured. I looked around and was startled. Somehow I had been moved from the wagon and was lying in a bed.

"Where are we?" I looked up at Jamie who seemed to blush slightly. I rubbed my belly because I had felt a sharp pain where Black Jack had punched me.

"We are safely away from Randall. Dougal says we are to be marrit tomorrow. Please sleep well."

I felt nervous for the first time since I had realized where I was. "Jamie," I said before he made it fully to the door.

He turned around. "Yes, lass?"

"Thank you," I said softly, giving him a smile.

"Yer welcome. Get some sleep and I'll see ye tomorrow," he said then opened the door and left. I looked around the room before making my way to the table near the fire where I found the whiskey so I poured a cup and took it back to the bed. Thankfully Roger was still fast asleep; I pulled the covers over him. Setting the cup on the table next to the bed, I lay down next to Roger who turned around and curled into my side. Bone weary, I closed my eyes.

***Outlander***

 **Jamie**

It bothered me seeing Claire in Murtagh's arms, but Dougal had wanted to speak with me so Murtagh was to take her up to the room. Dougal had made it a point that she had endured enough and needed to rest. I wanted to say something to him about his false concern, but kept my words to myself.

Ned looked at us. "We do not have much time. Captain Randall is expecting Mistress Beauchamp to be delivered to him tomorrow. Now, we are all about to embark on a boat built entirely of paper. The letter of the law is the only thing keeping Claire out of Randall's hands. And so if it is to work, then we have to follow it to the letter. The marriage must be consummated right away and witnesses must swear that they were present in the building if not in the room itself."

I knew that being a husband would be something new for me, but I needed to take a stand. I was concerned about how Claire would feel to have someone in the room while things were taken care of. I made up my mind; I would _not_ allow that to happen. She deserved better than a bunch of hairy, horny men watching as she and I consummated our marriage.

Murtagh had finally joined us just as I found the words I wanted to say. "Does Claire know about all this?" I asked. I looked toward him thankful that at least he was truly concerned for the lass.

Dougal muttered, "She has no say in the matter." He seemed irate that he was being questioned. I just felt it was wrong to force someone to do something they might not be willing to do. I knew Claire meant something to me, but I hadn't had time to figure it all out. It didn't help that I was having dreams of her and a future that seemed impossible the way things were going. They were like memories, but not ones I remembered living through, just hit and miss pieces of a future we'd had together.

"I thought ye didn't hold with rape, Dougal," Murtagh said, unsaddling his horse while I halfheartedly brushed mine.

"It's not rape, but persuasion. She's a smart lass. She'll see the reason for it in the end, but there can be no secret agreements between the two of ye," Dougal warned, eyeing me as if I was going to do something else. "You saying that you have when you have not. Besides, I can think of worse things in my lifetime than holdin' onto that pair of sweet breasts and plungin' my cock..." I watched Murtagh throw the brush he'd been using on the horse at my uncle.

"Enough! If Claire does become my wife, I'll thank you to stop talkin' and thinkin' of her like some common hoor," I barely managed to grind out through clenched teeth.

"There is no _if_ in this situation, laddie. Now, she took several sharp blows from Randall and kept silent. Any ordinary person – man or woman – would have folded under that treatment, but she stood her ground. You of all people know what he's capable of. Would you willingly put her at his mercy once more?"

I turned around unable to really process all of it. "No, I wouldna want her in his hands again," I conceded. He smirked at me knowing he had me right where he wanted me. He moved closer to me. "Yet, I wouldna force myself upon her either," I maintained.

"I'm sure she would be thankful for you savin' her, no matter the cost. Shall I remind ye of her boy as well? What do ye think Randall would do to him," he asked grimly. I looked toward Ned who had a sort of strange look upon his face. I was curious to know what he knew, but knew better than to ask him in front of my uncle. No, I would have to ask him about it later when I had him alone.

I turned to give him a smirk of my own. "I'll do it. But I have three conditions."

"Christ, it would be easier if I kill ye both," he groaned, taking a step back.

"True, it might be, but much harder to explain." He just shook his head. "First, we must be wed properly in a kirk with a priest." Dougal muttered something under his breath.

"Are you out of your mind? Do you want the whole British army to catch us?" he ranted. I just shrugged.

"I want this day to be special for her. I will not marry her without the things I want. Just because we have to rush things doesn't mean I have to sacrifice anythin' for either of us," I replied, staring at my uncle. If looks could kill he would be shooting daggers at me. "She must have a proper wedding gown or something close to it," I continued as he raised his eyebrow at me daring me to make some wild comment.

"You said three, lad. I know my math – that was only two," he replied while I looked in my sporran for my key. I pulled it out and handed it to him. "Nice, a key," he rumbled. I could hear the chuckling of the others around us.

"It's my key to Lallybroch. I would like a ring fashioned out of it for her." The men looked at me strangely.

"Fine, you must get it all ready by tomorrow or we do it my way," he retorted and walked away. I told Ned and Murtagh what I wanted and they left the stable. I turned to Angus and Rupert to see if they would find a blacksmith who would make the ring the way I wanted it. I explained just how it was to be made and passed it off to Rupert along with some of the coins I had earned along the way. I thanked them and took my leave.

I needed to make sure Claire was all right so I went to the inn. I headed up the steps toward the small room located at the top. She was lying on her back with the wee lad curled up next to her. It was a sight to be seen and soon they would both be mine. After a few small words with her I decided to let her sleep and walked back to the stables.

Stepping away from my horse, I looked at my godfather as he came into the stable leading his horse. "Did it cost you much?"

Murtagh put the wrapped bundle on the hay next to me. "Nay, nothin' but a little time and conversation. The clothes belonged to the husband of a Fraser widow about five miles from here. He died awhile ago." He moved closer to the railing of the stall in which he was standing.

"I thank ye." I pulled at the straw still pondering what angle my uncle could be playing at.

"If I had to wager about it she talked the poor bugger into an early grave," he remarked matter-of-factly. I chuckled knowing just how he disliked woman talking too much. "She wants them back by tomorrow night," he continued. I looked over the clothing. It was my family's colors and it had been a long time since I had seen them up close with my own eyes.

"Why?" I countered, not wanting to give them up. It pained me not to wear them all the time. I was thankful for Colum allowing me to live with him and his clan, but I missed my home and family. I really missed Jenny, but I was ashamed of how she was treated because of me. Dougal telling me she had a child by Black Jack hurt deeply. It nearly killed me to be away, but she was better off without me there bringing the Redcoats back to her. She could lose our land and then where would she be?

I ran my hand over the tartan I hadn't worn in almost four years. Murtagh grumbled at me. "I didna ask. I almost didn't bring the damn things back to you anyway. The village is crawlin' with Redcoats!"

"I saw that as I walked back this way after leaving Mistress Beauchamp," I replied. I leaned back up against the railing to think a little. I had so many questions I wanted to ask him about things, but didn't know where to start. He had been there for me as long as I could remember and right now he was my father figure.

"You know if it weren't for that I'd be collectin' my own weddin' clothes and things I would like for her." I was upset that he thought I was taking all of this for granted.

His eyebrows raised almost to his hairline. "What do ye think would happen when ye prance out of here with your red hair, and yer muckle size wearin' Fraser colors?" he halfway snapped. I looked back at him knowing he was right about how things could go, but I wanted this to be just right. "Jamie, you might as well paint a target on your back," he said in a softer voice.

"Murtagh, I plan to be wed but the one time. So I'll do so in a way that would make my mother proud. I will not shame the lady with doin' a half cock weddin'." He just snorted at me and said an indistinguishable word half under his breath just to annoy me.

"What do you make of her? Mistress Beauchamp," I asked really wanting his opinion because over the last month he was able to get to know her as well.

"She'll do just fine," he grumbled in a tone that told me this wasn't something he liked talking about.

"I would like to think my mother would have approved; do ye think she would?"

He grunted. "Do I look like a gypsy to you? Do ye think I am able to commune with the spirits?" I moved a little away from him to get a better look at him. I was hoping he was just bedeviling me. "Have ye still got your brooch?" he asked.

I opened my sporran and fished around in it until I pulled it out. "Here." I handed it to him, knowing very well it was part of him as well.

"Your mother had the sweetest smile. T'would warm a man to the backbone just to see it. I hate to admit this but Claire's smile is just as sweet." He rubbed the brooch a bit with his thumb before handing it back to me. He turned around to tend to his horse ending the discussion right there. I just hoped he was right and Claire cared for me just as much as I cared for her if not more. It pained me at times thinking about losing her. I'd grown to love her if I was being honest with myself. I dinna think I would be able to go back to Leoch without her or her boy. The lad reminded me of myself at times.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

 _I couldn't believe just how much a person could forget, but then again you can forget your life after awhile... the life you had before. I just hoped that the things Jamie and I had done in our previous life weren't something I would lose as we embarked on this new life. Because there were things you cherish and hold dear to your heart like pearls on a string. Yet, if you cut the knot, they'd scatter across the floor going every which way, but if you hold them dear to you they'd keep just like the memories you'd created._

"Sounds like the wedding party is still going strong," I murmured knowing full well they wouldn't just let us be. "Don't suppose they're going to bed anytime soon?" Jamie just shook his head and made his way into the room. I'd been slightly nervous. I'd hoped that they were joking when Dougal had said that Roger would be with us if no one would tend to him. I couldn't imagine the damage it could cause him watching two people make love in his presence. Thankfully Murtagh got Willy to tend to Roger so that we could have the night for ourselves without him in the room.

He looked toward me. "No. Not until they know we've made things official."

I had removed some of the heavier layers of the dress, but there was still more to take off. I could tell exactly where his eyes were as I looked at him. The way the wife of the inn's owner dressed me had my breasts pushed up half spilling out of the top of my corset. The thought of him removing my clothing was causing me to want him, but I could see he was nervous. I knew I could wait it out, though. I smiled as I thought of Jamie and how he was annoyed by all the lacings on my corset last time.

"I guess I should be grateful they didn't want to watch," I muttered knowing I had forgotten something about his moment.

"Och, only Rupert and Angus," he replied. He moved a little closer to me and when he saw my expression he added, "A wee joke," sighing as I chuckled a little. He was glad that he'd managed to put a stop to that.

"Right, you're a regular Bob Hope." He gave me a strange look. I'd forgotten the comedian was from my time, not his.

He laughed a little trying to lighten the mood. I didn't understand why it was all awkward for us, but it was. "I hope he was a funny man," he said.

"I thought so, at least he seemed that way to me. Perhaps we should have a drink?" I got up moving toward the bottle and the glasses. I definitely needed a drink.

I handed him a glass after I'd poured the whiskey into it. "Aye," he replied. I picked up my glass as he started to speak. "To a... a lady of grace, a woman of strength, and a bride of astonishin' beauty. My wife, Claire Fraser." He then touched his glass to mine. I poured us both another drink nervously not knowing why my hands were shaking as I did so. "You needn't be afraid of me, Claire. I wasna plannin' to suddenly force myself on ye." He was obviously hurt or worried about my expression.

"Oh, Jamie, I never thought you would." He took the glass from my shaking hand and set it on the table. "I have some questions."

He chuckled nervously. "I suppose you do... especially under the circumstances of us gettin' marrit so fast and all. What is it you would like to know?"

I pondered just how to ask him things without it sounding so redundant. "I'm not going to beat around the bush. Why did you agree to marry me? I mean, Dougal didn't give me much of a choice, but you..." He just chuckled at the way I came right out and said what was on my mind. I knew why he married me from before, but for some reason I felt like I wanted to hear him say it again. I guess if I was being honest I wanted to hear him declare his feelings for me. It was hard at times knowing what things were like for us but not having the two of us on the same page.

"To be honest I didna see I had much choice, either," he murmured.

"Then you just married me to keep me safe," I countered. He looked up, startled by my brash words.

"Aye. That's the gist of it, yes, but there is so much more than that. I feel this pull to ye, I canna explain it, but you've woven a spell on me," he asserted keeping eye contact with me which in turn made his words seem so much more powerful.

I just looked at him. He was the same man I had spent two years with, but different at the same time. He was still new at all this, unsure of his own words and thoughts. "Oh," I softly replied, moving to sit down.

"No, I dinna think you fully understand what I am sayin' to ye. Claire, somehow you've absconded with my heart," he said honestly, very softly and encouragingly.

"How did I do that?" I moved to get up, but his hand kept me seated next to him as I continued. "I just crashed landed in your life bringing Randall closer than he should have ever been, and things just keep getting worse!" I tried to keep myself from breaking down. He was my husband, but also the young man who might have had a different life if I hadn't met him.

"Trust me on this, Claire. I thought I had lost it after all I have endured in such a short time, but you've awakened things in me that brought me to life. I promise you this –you have my name, my clan, my family. And, if necessary, the protection of my body as well," he told me earnestly. I moved to get closer to him. His hand had moved from my hand to my thigh and was sending my nerves through the roof. We were just an inch or two away from each other when I lost my nerve.

"What's your family like?" I blurted. He took a deep breath then exhaled; I could feel the hot air come out. He chuckled when I grabbed his hand that was rubbing circles on my thigh and brought it into my lap while he began to tell me about his mother and father. I felt like this was just the most natural thing for us. I knew he was as nervous as I was, and I thought maybe talking would help to settle us both.

 _I knew this was a distraction, but it was also something to help him as well. To know he willingly married me as a virgin warmed my heart. I didn't want to rush him into something that might not be good for him, though. I knew our first time went so quickly that I wasn't sure he even had a chance to enjoy it. I knew his family history, but to hear how happy he was to tell me about his mother and father, as well as his distant Aunt Jocasta made this worth it. I was dying to finally have him touch me more, but it was good to get to know each other as well. As he spoke about his family, I knew he would ask me about mine. I shared as much as I could without changing too many of the facts. With Roger I had to say he was mine with my husband even though he wasn't. If Jamie had lived in my time, he might have been a teacher or a writer, because he was a natural storyteller. The way he spoke with so much passion and facts made it interesting to listen to. The time was quickly getting away from us. As I fiddled with my new ring he came to sit back down beside me since he had gotten up as he was talking to refresh our drinks and to move around._

"We can wait," he finally said, grabbing my hand to still my movement.

"Jamie," I began. Suddenly the door flew open startling me.

"I told you to stand back, ye coof, ye!" a voice said. I looked up to see both Rupert and Angus staring wildly at us. I covered my chest with my free arm.

"I told ye we should wait outside the door!" one of them muttered as I looked back at them.

"Did ye think they would answer the door if we just waited?" Rupert said. Jamie had gotten up and strode over to them.

"Why are ye two fools up here?" he demanded, a bit angry.

"We dinna come by for a cup of tea, if ye know what were saying," Angus replied. Very unladylike, I snorted.

"Dougal sent us up to see if ye'd, uh... y'ken?" Rupert said. Angus leered in my direction.

"Did he now?" Jamie remarked. He began to push them out of the room.

"Ye wee fool, they've still got their clothes on," Angus snapped while Jamie moved them closer to the open door.

He shoved them both. _"Get out!"_ They were both still muttering and blathering about breasts and something else when he shut the door on them. He then latched the door to make sure it was shut.

Laughing, I said, "Good god, they're related to you." Jamie just chuckled as well.

"Only Rupert, and distantly, though," he averred, moving a little closer to me while I stood up moving in front of the bed.

Running my hand up my arm as though I felt a slight chill, I said softly, "It is getting late. I think we should go to bed. Maybe then they'll let us be."

Jamie cocked his head slightly. "Well, is it to go to bed... or to sleep?" he asked looking slightly amused. I smiled at him as he moved closer to me. I would leave that choice up to him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 15: Unbridled Passion**

 **Jamie**

I couldna believe my eyes as I looked Claire over. She was more beautiful than I could even fathom. I was findin' it a struggle not to attack her, to ravish her instantly because I had told her I wouldna. I was lucky to find such a rare woman as her. Yes, I had a few lasses who fancied me back at Castle Leoch, but none of them were quite right for me. I wondered if Claire comin' when she did wasna a sign of some kind.

"Well," she questioned with a smirk on her face.

"I think either way, you'll likely not want to sleep with a corset on. I'll at least offer my help to undo the laces and things," I found myself sayin', givin' her another look over.

"You need to do the skirts first," she said. She turned around facing the bed so that I could untie it.

I watched the first skirt fall to the ground, then the second shorter one before she turned around once more to face me. "Aye," I whispered. The damned contraption she had on looked awful and I was thankful I dinna have to wear the blasted thing. She led my fingers to the top of the corset and helped me by pulling the laces. I then moved my way down the thing removin' the laces all the way to the bottom watchin' as it opened up to reveal her shift which was very sheer. It was hard not to let my eyes linger on the blush-tipped rosebuds that were peekin' through the thin fabric, if one could call it even that. I moved my hand to rest just under the top of her shift on her left breast. It filled my hand and I gave it a small squeeze.

"I think it's my turn," she murmured, fumbling eagerly at my outermost belt. I wasna going to last at this rate if I allowed her to linger on any one part of my body for long, so I pulled her close to me and kissed her hard and passionately on the lips.

"My god, where did you learn to kiss like that?" she breathed, her face flushed.

"I said I was a virgin... no a monk," I remarked. I turned her slightly to face the other way. I needed her so desperately. "If I need yer guidance... I'll ask." We both were findin' it difficult to breathe. I pulled at my belt and allowed it to drop with a thud; my kilt went with it leavin' me clad only in my shirt. I turned her to face the bed fully as I roughly groped her to plunge my cock into her, but she turned around to face me. I wasna sure if I could take her like this, but I kissed and nipped at her lips. Then I moved and nudged her backward to the bed. I positioned myself with her and sought refuge in her warm embrace.

"Uh," she grumbled, sliding up the bed a little as I found a good rhythm thrustin' into her, keepin' up my pace. She was so tight that I felt myself losin' control.

"Oh!" I leaned my head against her chest as I rocked in and out of her, flyin' higher and higher.

"Jamie, darling, you're crushing me," she whispered, out of breath. I pushed myself all the way into her. I could feel her tightenin' around my cock and I found it hard to keep myself from collapsin' onto her. It seemed as if time itself had stopped and we were the only two people in the world. I found a pace that was both pleasurable for myself and I hoped for her. I lost all thought. I could feel her squeezin' and tightenin' around my length and felt myself explode inside her. I wasn't sure totally about the semantics of it, but I was played out and exhausted. I kissed her forehead then leaned my head onto her shoulder as I reluctantly pulled out of her. I felt her take a deep breath when I moved to the side, keepin' a hand on her.

"Was it what you thought it would be like?" she questioned. I looked up to see her turn toward me, leanin' on her elbow to watch me.

"Is it always like that?" I asked, wonderin' if every time we came together it would be rushed or if the moments would slow down for us. I already missed her and had only been with her the once.

"I don't know. Quite honestly it was never like that with my previous husband," she whispered softly as though talkin' about her prior marriage would offend me.

I thought for a moment. "'Twas almost…"I tried to think of how to describe it for her. "Although, I thought," I started again but stopped, realizin' how silly it sounded.

"Jamie, tell me what you thought," she said. I knew I now had her full attention.

"It's foolish now that I think about it. You'll laugh if I tell ye." I glanced away, chucklin' to myself as she twisted her body more to face me.

"I can't make any promises, but please tell me," she said sincerely when I turned to look at her.

"I hadna thought it through. I wasna sure how we did things, but I thought you must do it the back way, you know, like... like horses, ye ken." I felt her quiver with laughter. I looked up at her, embarrassed, and she looked down quickly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing, but that's just silly," she replied.

I pondered her words. Lookin' back, it was silly. How would I have been able to do what we just did without lookin' at her? I wanted to remember every little detail of her.

"Do you ken how much I want ye?" She stopped chucklin' and kissed me. I pulled her close and I deepened the kiss until we both had to break apart to take a breath.

"Can I ask ye a question?" I pulled away to be able to gauge her reaction.

"Of course," she quickly replied.

"Did you enjoy it?" I felt her still under my touch as I rubbed tiny circles on her arm. "Hmm. Murtagh was right about that, then," I pondered out loud pullin' away from her to get up.

"Murtagh?" she questioned slightly upset.

"Well the men gave me some advice on this topic last night. Murtagh said woman dinna usually enjoy having men take them. Although the others didna help any either," I said movin' to the edge of the bed.

"No, maybe we don't like it all that much, but when you do it out of love it can be very pleasurable for both parties," she said, softly rubbin' my arm and nudgin' me with her shoulder. "You have nothing to worry about. I did like it, Jamie. I liked it more than you could imagine." Then she moved to get up. She was headed toward the door as if she wasna aware of what she was doing.

"Claire, wait!" But she'd already opened the door and was through it. By the time I was beside her, the men below us were makin' crude comments, shoutin' at us, and laughin'. I looked over at her; she seemed startled by all of it.

"I didn't think this through," she muttered and shifted her arms to cover her body as much as she could. I moved to stand more in front of her when Angus and Rupert made some crude gestures.

I turned to look at her. "Sassenach, go back inside. Until they've had their fun, they'll no leave us alone." She nodded and went back into the room quickly closin' the door behind her.

Goin' down the steps, I pulled at my collar to keep my shirt from ridin' up and showin' anythin' more than what the men needed to see. I could see a smirk plastered on Murtagh's face, but it wasn't one of his sarcastic ones. This one was seemed more genuine and pleased. The violin that had been playin' a sorrowful sound stopped when my foot touched the last step. I looked back up to where I knew Claire was out of habit. I had been doin' the same thing for some time as though I feared she would disappear if I looked away. It was somethin' that Murtagh had brought to my attention. He told me I seemed to look for her right away whenever I entered somewhere she was or I would glance around lookin' for the boy. I hadn't realized I was doin' any such thing.

"Jamie, how was your first time? Did she make ye bleed?" Rupert gibed and slapped me hard on the back spillin' some of his whiskey on my shirt while the men all joined in to laugh at my expense.

"No, but you will though, ye bugger, if ye dinna hold yer wheesht," I snapped, takin' a plate and beginnin' to put food on it. I knew Claire didna have much to eat before the weddin' because Murtagh had told me she was so nervous.

"I think I might go on up and fill in for ye if ye need a rest," Angus said with a sloppy grin. He took a big gulp of his whiskey before shovin' me a little into Murtagh.

I caught Murtagh's eye. "How's the wee lad?"

"He's out cold; Willy kept him busy with the horses and all. He'll no doubt be out all night." He slipped me something under the shelter of the plate in my hand. He held my gaze before he slapped me on the back and began drinkin' again. I turned around and the barmaid put some grapes on my plate.

"All right, show's over. Ye dinna need to stay up any longer."

"Maybe not, but will ye be able to keep it up," Rupert jested and everyone laughed again.

"Why dinna ye get yerself a lady for the night? Ned was smart enough to keep himself busy at least." I was irritated a little more than I probably should have been knowin' they were only jokin'. It dinna matter to me how they spoke about me, but it did bother me the way they spoke of Claire. She didn't deserve a lot of the triflin' jabs they had been givin' her. I knew things would change a little now that she was my wife, but I didna think it would really change much because she was still a Sassenach. She would always be an outsider to them.

"Come now, we all know it would be the only way he'd get any," Rupert said smiling; Angus slapped him on the back.

I started to go back upstairs. "Jamie, I don't think ye given me a proper thanks," my uncle remarked roughly. I turned from the stairs to look back at him. "I mean especially for findin' ye somethin' better to stick yer cock in than the youngins at Leoch," he muttered. He smacked the table next to him indicatin' he wanted me to join him. If I was bein' honest I would rather be anywhere than next to him for any reason. Murtagh still thought Dougal was the one who shot at me durin' the skirmish with Randall. He also said he'd bet his last good shirt that Dougal was the one who hit me in the head wi' an ax when I was roughin' it with the raiders. I couldna swear to any of it, but Dougal would do just about anythin' to get what he wanted. This was what troubled me with Claire. She was my wife, but Dougal wouldna let that stop him if he wanted her.

"Truly uncle, thank ye," I said as honestly as I could, knowin' I meant every word of it. I was very thankful it was me marrit to her rather than one of the other men. I knew I would at least try to keep her safe at any cost. I wouldn't betray her when things were no longer in my control, either. I knew what kind of man my uncle was and he would sell his own child if there was somethin' to gain from it. No, him havin' me marry her took me out of his way for the time bein'. I was no longer a threat to his bein' the next in line for Laird of Leoch.

"Let's have a drink. You need to learn right off that ye never want to be too eager in returnin' to yer bride or they'll expect somethin' in return," he muttered halfway into his cup. He was on his way to being drunk. I would share only one drink then head back to Claire.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

"I can't believe it. Did he really say that?" I queried knowing the hatred that man had for any living thing or creature.

"Aye." Jamie looked like he was trying to remember something. "His exact words were, 'You never want to let a woman see you're too eager to please her. Gives her too much power,'" he said, breaking off a piece of cheese and eating it before offering me some.

"Ugh, I should have expected that kind of talk from him. I don't think he likes me very much. Might I ask what you had to say in return?"

He lit up with a huge grin. "I said that was alright, but I was completely under yer power and happy to be there," he replied, kissing me while he leaned over the small table. I liked the way his lips brushed against mine.

I took a moment to catch my breath. "Is there any more whiskey?" I couldn't believe just how my body seemed to be losing all control with him so close to me. If it weren't for the idea of him telling me things I would have him take me.

"Always, ye never need to worry about runnin' out of whiskey here." He walked over to another table, picked up the decanter, and poured more of the amber liquid into my glass.

"Thank you." He ran his hand up my arm sending goose bumps tingling throughout it. I pulled on my wrap to cover up. "Sorry," I whispered, knowing he would think I was rejecting him.

He came to stand behind me. "Mo duinne." Just hearing him speak _Gàidhlig_ sent shivers through my body.

"What does that mean?" I smiled when he ran his hand lightly over my hair.

"My brown-haired lass," he replied.

"I've always thought it was rather a dull color, brown," I said because I knew where he was going with his words.

"I disagree with ye; no, not dull at all." He stopped as if trying to decide what he would say next. "No, it's like the... the water in a burn, the way goes down the rocks. There is some darkness in yer wavy parts that has some bits of auburn when the light shines upon it." I could feel as well as visualize what he was saying while he touched my hair. If I didn't know any better I would think he was playing with me.

"All things considered, I have to say I was surprised that Dougal didn't rush us off to be wed without a moment's thought," I murmured, looking back at his fallen kilt. The Fraser colors would stand out on Jamie if he wore them all the time. I knew very well that he was wanted by the Redcoats and his red hair wouldn't help hide him.

"Aye, but I found a way to slow him down," he said with a laugh then went into how he'd gotten the better of his uncle. I couldn't help but chuckle at his demands, already knowing them, but it was still funny to think of Murtagh's wise and encouraging words to Jamie. I looked down at the new ring on my finger; I rubbed it thinking about how much I had missed it. I would have loved to see Rupert and Angus telling the blacksmith what Jamie had wanted done.

"Jamie, would you have still married me if they couldn't get a priest to perform the ceremony?"

He looked up from the kilt that was in his lap. "Yes," he replied with a sigh. I knew he wouldn't have liked not to have things go his way, but to hear him honestly say he would have still married me without all of it made me love him even more.

I moved closer to him. "Thank you."

He stood up and moved toward the hearth. "Why d'ye ask?" he asked with a puzzled look.

"It helps knowing you would have still married me without everything you wanted. I understand wanting certain things, but to know you would willingly give it all up for me – it makes this so much more," I replied earnestly as I held up a piece of biscuit for him. I went to pass it off to him, but he tossed it in the fire and began to lick my fingers.

"Willy told me the priest was against it, but Dougal promised him some windows and a hearth to keep the kirk warm, so he gave in." He took a moment to stare at me. "Yet, if they couldna persuade him I wouldna have turn ye away, Claire. I would do whatever needed to be done to keep ye out of Randall's hands, even if we had to sneak off with yer boy in the middle of the night." Hearing that told me just how serious he was.

"I'm thankful it didn't come to that." He nodded before giving me another smoldering kiss that left me slightly dizzy. "Thank you for the ring as well," I said in between his soft kisses to my neck.

"Aye, well, 'twas just somethin' I had in my sporran." I saw a deep longing go fleeting through his eyes. I knew he was thinking about his home and I would do everything I could to make sure he got back there. He then proceeded to tell me about his final condition while I sat down on the bench next to him, pulling my legs up hiding them under my shift. He began to remove his boots and socks as he told me about Ned's adventure.

"I can't believe you sent Ned to a whore house!" I said in-between laughs.

"I dinna send him to one. I asked him to find a suitable dress for ye. He found the hoor house on his own," Jamie chuckled.

"It was a beautiful dress," I smiled gently, pulling my legs up tighter.

"I've told ye what I was doin', but you havena told me what ye were doin'." He finished removing his boot. I looked over to the side table and pulled at the whiskey decanter and held it up toward him. He smiled before taking it from me and putting it back on the table.

"Do ye remember anythin' about this morning?" he questioned quietly as I let one leg down.

"I do remember that drinking on an empty stomach isn't good," I replied wryly.

"Ye should have had some food in ye," he reprimanded. I chuckled at him wagging a finger at me before I nipped at it playfully.

"I might not remember it all, but I do recall how sweet and caring you were when I woke up from fainting." I smiled when he kissed the tip of my nose.

"I remember every moment, every second. I'll never forget when I came out of the church and saw you for the first time." He paused, looking me over before continuing. "It was as if I stepped outside on a verra cloudy day and suddenly the sun broke through, shinin' its rays in every direction," he said softly. I thought back to how clean and fresh he smelled when I stood close to him; he took my breath away. I wanted to kiss him right then and there but knew I had to keep my bearings. Murtagh had reminded me as I was being dressed that I was embarrassed and shy before so I had to behave the same way.

"When you bowed to me and told me you were my servant… Jamie, that meant more to me than you could ever know," I remarked.

He turned to look at me more intensely. "When ye told me you couldna marry me I almost snatched ye away right then. I truly thought ye changed yer mind or came to yer senses!"

"What do you mean came to my senses?"

He looked away. "I have already told ye I have nothin' to offer ye. I barely have anythin' as it is, but all I do have is yers. I could lose my life or freedom any moment. I dinna want to burden ye with such things," he said trying to end the discussion. I realized for the first time how deeply he felt. It use to bother me just how much he told me he loved me, but I didn't really understand it. Though I did know that feeling now, especially after getting to know him over a two year period. I loved him so much that I felt it hard to breathe at times. It took all of my will power to keep my distance.

"Jamie, I'm going to only say this once so listen well. I knew exactly who you were when I married you. I knew that you were a wanted man. I married you because of who you are, not because of who you could be." I caught an unfamiliar expression pass over his features before he looked back at me. "Was it just me or did Dougal look like he enjoyed or at least took pleasure in cutting our wrists?" I asked, not only ending the discussion, but changing the subject to something else.

"I dinna ken. It happened so fast and I really only had eyes for you at that moment. The kirk could have been burnin' down and I probably wouldna noticed," he chuckled and I laughed. "I must admit when ye kissed me like ye did afterward, well, I thought maybe ye weren't so sorry to be marryin' me after all." He mumbled over the words as I moved to be closer to him. I couldn't believe how lucky I was to be getting this second chance with him. I wasn't going to let him wonder if I loved him or not. No, I was going to show him as best as I could just how much he meant to me.

"Take off your shirt. I want to look at you," I said quickly as he was moving away from the bench where I was still seated. I stood up then he stopped where he was. I walked the short distance to him. I watched him pull the shirt over his head before tossing it onto the floor with the rest of his clothing. Closing the distance between us, I gently placed my hand on his chest feeling just how fast his heart was beating. I'd bet if he had his hand on mine they would be beating in sync with one another. I moved my hand down his well-muscled chest to his thigh, and up around his tight, firm arse and I stared at him.

"Fair is fair. Take off yers." He could barely control the hitch in his breath. Then he gave me a lopsided smirk before looking from my feet up to my face as if he was committing my body to memory.

"Have you not seen a female naked before?"

He shook his head slowly before replying. "I have, but not one who belonged to me or was close enough to see as clearly as I can see every detail of ye," he said. He pulled me roughly against his body. Again time faded away when we made love tightly pressed to each other. I felt him shuddering deep inside of me as he took his release. A heartbeat before his, I'd felt my own. I was lost in the sensations of our pressed bodies when I heard him whispering, "Forgive me, I didna mean to hurt you."

"Shh! Jamie you didn't," I said trying to reassure him of just how fine I was.

"Are ye sure?" he questioned uncertainly, moving to hover more over me as he nipped at my nose causing me to laugh.

"Yes," I said smiling while he looked me over quickly.

"I dinna know women could..." He stopped as if he was trying to figure out what to say next. "I mean, does it happen every time?" he asked.

I knew nothing about other woman, but I knew from previous experience that I never had it happen with Frank. Jamie seemed to evoke some stronger feelings. "I can't speak for everyone, but I believe if the man is a very good lover, then yes."

He gave me a confused look before smiling. "Yer so tiny, I never want to hurt ye."

I rolled us over pinning him lightly to the bed. I had enjoyed playing with him last time. Back in our past, in our previous time together, I had grown more accustomed with just how to entice the response I wanted from his body.

"Sassenach," he gasped as I nipped and lightly bit down on his neck. He just about bucked me off.

"Lie still or I'll stop," I warned, looking up into his eyes. I nipped at the gooseflesh just beside his puckered nipple. I bit down a little more and moved his hands above his head. "Does that hurt?" I could see his eyes were locked onto mine.

"A wee bit," he muttered. I bit the other side of his nipple.

"Should I stop?"

One of his hands moved to my hair. "Nay," he said through clenched teeth. I bit and tugged at the flesh in the middle of his chest just as I moved my hand in between his legs to cup his balls. I pulled on them slightly and he moaned. I worked my way down his body licking and biting, moving my hand from cupping his balls to wrapping it around his cock. He moaned and groaned until he found his release. I could feel his come all over my hand and leaned onto his chest after carefully wiping the sticky mess off on the edge of the sheet near his side of the bed.

"Tha mi 'n dùil sgàin mo chridhe," he whispered in _Gàidhlig._ I moved my head a little to lean on him more while he rubbed my neck and shoulders.

"What did you say?" I looked into his eyes seeing the love and sincerity shining in them.

"I thought my heart was gonna burst!" he replied. I fell back onto the mattress before turning sideways to look at him. I wasn't surprised to find him fast asleep with the most peaceful and relaxed expression on his face.

I quietly slipped from the bed covering him up a little before I picked up his fallen kilt and wrapped it around my shoulders. I went to the washstand in search of some water to clean my hands and to get a drink to only find the ewer empty. I didn't want to venture down to the tavern, but I wanted something to drink. I opened the door and closed it as quietly as I could before quickly heading down the steps. I patted the cat that was eating the scraps of some forgotten meal when I found a pitcher full of water. I was making my way back to the stairs when I heard the door open.

"Mrs. Fraser," I heard from behind me. The cat scattered after letting out a hiss.

"I would have thought you'd gone to sleep by now."

He came closer to me. "Nay, I wanted to get things in order to leave as soon as possible. I've just returned from seeing Captain Randall. I broke the happy news that you're no longer at his beck and call," he said smiling and reached up to touch my face. I felt as if he was only doing it to get a reaction out of me.

"That's good, how did he take the news?"

He smirked at me. "Well, he gave me some choice words that I know even you wouldn't like to hear. He wasn't too pleased, but said he would let it be for now," he replied.

I felt his breath on my face as he moved in closer. "I guess that's good then," I said abruptly and took a step back.

"I would think he had more pressin' issues than one stray Sassenach, no matter how pretty. More importantly I believe he's got better sense than to rile Colum by kidnappin' his nephew's wife," he replied smugly.

"Well that's comforting to know, even though I doubt he knows exactly who I married," I snapped.

"I must commend you for marryin' Jamie, but ye needn't allow it to stop you from samplin' other pleasures. I find you to be the most singular woman, Claire."

I took a full step back to give me space to flee if needed. _"I'm Jamie's wife_ and don't need to sample anything from anyone. He will be all I ever need," I spat at him. The door opened to reveal Rupert who was singing to himself as he entered. I thanked him for helping to get the ring for Jamie and he gave me his congratulations on my marriage. I then turned and headed back up the stairs. I could hear Dougal reprimanding Rupert before sending him out again.

I poured some water in the basin and used the small bar of soap left from my bath earlier in the day to clean my hands and face until they were reddened and blotched. Then I sat down in front of the hearth to soak up the warmth. I could feel it soothing my muscles that were still tired and achy from the journey so far.

I startled a bit when he spoke to me. "They're Scotch pearls," Jamie said. I felt him slip them round my neck. "They belonged to my mother, more importantly now they belong to my wife," he continued; he sat down on the bench and I leaned closer to him. "They are one of the few things I have left of her and are very precious to me. Just as are you, Claire."

I wrapped my arms around him. He moved one of his legs so that I could sit in his lap while I wrapped the tartan around both of us. I got lost in the carnal connection we were sharing as we flew higher and higher. I didn't think I would ever tire of having him love me.

When I woke the sun was shining in the small window and Roger was in the bed next to me. "Hey, little man." I was thankful I had at least put my shift back on before getting into bed.

"I'll meet you downstairs," Jamie said. He kissed my forehead while Roger giggled at us. "If I don't get something to eat soon, I might have to take a bite out of you," he continued and began to tickle Roger who was laughing so hard his cheeks were turning pink.

"I do believe you've already done that. Please be careful with him," I called out when he carried Roger toward the door holding him by his middle, carrying the boy just under his arm.

"I'll keep him safely tucked away and I look forward to taking a bite out of ye verra soon," he replied with his odd wink. I chuckled as he opened the door and left me. I was pulling up my wedding clothes and I felt happy for the first time in a long while. I quickly dressed and headed to meet up with my husband and child.


	16. Chapter 16

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 16: Wicked Intentions**

 **Claire**

While the men seemed to do other things throughout the days after Jamie and I got married, I was able to spend a little more time with Roger. It was nice to walk along the riverbed with him and not worry about what the men might be thinking about me. I still caught Murtagh looking after us, but he didn't approach us on our walks. He probably did it out of habit just keeping a watchful eye on us like he had been doing with Jamie most of his life.

Dougal had said we were going to be heading back toward Castle Leoch so I wanted to take the time to really enjoy the beauty of the wilderness. Murtagh and Jamie asked if Roger could go on a hunting escapade so I was alone with my thoughts. I headed to a small hidden garden I'd found the night before. I was going to come back anyway to gather several rare herbs that didn't grow near or at the castle. I reached into my pocket where I'd put the letter Ned had given me before I married Jamie. I twisted it in my hand before I sat down on a fallen log to read it.

 _Mistress Beauchamp,_

 _I ken if ye have this letter and are reading it now that ye are to be married or are married to my nephew. I do trust that he did the right thing by ye and yer boy. Like Jamie, ye are an outlander to the clan and even though I had hoped he would succeed me as laird of Clan MacKenzie, his hopes and desires lie elsewhere._

 _I am sure that if ye hadna come tumbling into his life it would have gone a different way, but I ken well enough what love does to a person. I had a good view of what love did when my sister ran off with Jamie's father. I dinna want him to make that mistake. No, that is why I thought it better to allow it rather than condemn it. Ye must understand or see just how stubborn he can be once he sets his mind on it._

 _I still think there are things ye are nay telling me, but I have an odd feeling that it isna to harm my clan, but to protect it. I'm no sure as to why you are here, but ye have been helpful and saved my family, so for that I am in yer debt. I do not give ye that lightly. There are verra few people who have earned my admiration, but ye have._

 _Ye had the chance to flee when yer friend came and vouched for ye, but ye stayed. Ye stayed and worked for my clan. Ye were here as a guest, but ye took it on to make sure people who needed yer services got them. I believe anyone else in yer place would have stood idly by and watched as my family and clan disintegrated._

 _I know that Dougal has some reservations about ye but I do hope that he is treating ye well and hasn't done anything to harm or upset ye._

 _I couldna ask for a better wife for Jamie than ye. I see yer stubbornness will match his and I ken ye will get some tanning for yer behavior, but a match ye are. Please respect and love him as he does ye. I knew the moment I saw ye riding into the courtyard that ye had wormed yer way into his life. I had the validation when he took the beating meant for yer boy. Yes, please love him as he does ye._

 _Colum ban Campbell MacKenzie_

I couldn't believe the letter. I knew from my past experience that Jamie fell in love with me on the ride to the castle, but could Colum really have seen it then as well? I wanted to think more about it, but some rustling caught my attention. I quickly folded the letter and stuck it back into my pocket just as I heard his voice.

"Mama, look," Roger called out. He held up a rabbit out for me. It had already been skinned and the carcass glistened in the light.

"Goodness, you've got a rabbit!" I gave him a smile and picked up my basket with new herbs and flowers to pack and take back with me.

"Yes, Jamie let me help," he eagerly replied then told me all about the hunting trip as we joined Jamie who had been waiting just out of sight.

Jamie took my basket from me while we walked back to the group. "How did he do?"

"He did extremely well. Murtagh thought he might be a natural hunter."

He caught my look of distaste. "I think once in a while is good, but I don't think he should do that all the time," I said softly. I watched Rupert take the skinned rabbit from Roger and thread a sharpened stick through its flesh to roast it over the fire. Rupert began to whisper to Roger and the lad moved closer to him. I could see Roger smile when Rupert told him something.

Jamie noticed my expression. "Claire, stop worryin'." I quickly turned from them to look at the basket and began sorting the herbs and other things I'd collected.

"It's difficult," I reluctantly admitted while he helped me place a few different flowers in between pages of a book I brought along to dry them for later use.

"I ken that. But we are now marrit and you have my family's protection," he said. Rather absentmindedly I placed the last flower between the pages of the book.

"Here." Murtagh handed Jamie a rough cloth sack. "I'll keep the lad out of harm's way," he continued. Jamie wrapped my basket up and placed it into the wagon before taking my hand. He led me up the hill to a nice spot overlooking the valley where the group was camped.

"The view is gorgeous," I exclaimed, sitting down on the blanket he laid out. He began to unpack some food from the bag Murtagh gave him.

"I thought so too," he replied, cutting a slice of bread and handing it to me. "I came here when I was a lad," he said. Hungry, I took a bite of cheese. We ate the small selection of food while he told me stories of his youth. The stories he told me were new ones I hadn't heard before. I liked hearing about his adventures because it brought us closer. When he shared with me, I in turn would share things my Uncle Lambert and I had done when we explored the different archaeological sites we went to.

"Do ye miss him?"

I swallowed a bite of bread. "Not as much as I use to. He had passed by the time I married," I replied, thinking about how the war came right after. There were times I missed the simple life we'd lived, but I wouldn't trade any of it if it meant I would have to live without Jamie. He was my life now and I was going to do everything I could to keep him safe.

"Can I ask ye a question?" It was as though he was worried about what I might say.

"Certainly." I picked at the food in front of us.

"I wonder – not thinkin' ye have a verra vast knowledge of this, ye ken – but ye have been with other men..." He seemed to be rambling, unsure of how to approach the subject he was concerned about.

"Just be out with it." I knew what he wanted to ask and wished he would get to the point.

"Is it usual, what it is between us when I touch you, when you lie with me? Is it always so between a man and a woman?" he asked. I looked at him realizing just how much he needed my reassurance that what was happening between us was good. He had been just like this the first time. I also remembered how we both promised each other honesty; I wasn't in the mindset to lie to my husband more than I had to. I just wished he would remember our previous life; it would make all of this so much easier on the both of us.

"No, what we have isn't usual. I don't know how to explain it, but it's different," I replied. Suddenly an arrow flew just inches from me and buried itself in the ground near my hand.

"Stay here and dinna move," he said quietly. He crouched down to get a better look at the shooter before he looked up and laughed. A moment later he was speaking quickly in _Gàidhlig._

"I take it he must be a friend of yours," I said dryly, watching Hugh Munro climb up the hill. I was amazed to see him once again, remembering just how much he helped me when the Redcoats "saved" me after we were stuck in the kirk during the rising. He made sure that Jamie got my message about the trap.

"Hugh, Hugh Munro!" Jamie shook the man's hand before turning in my direction. Both men were laughing like old friends. "How'd ye find me up here?" he asked. Hugh sat down on the ground beside where our blanket was laid out. The man grunted and waved his hands, making signs to Jamie. Jamie watched intently as he made them, nodding throughout the exchange.

"Ye saw Dougal and the others," Jamie related to me and looked back to Hugh. "Ye figured I must be close by and Murtagh told ye I was up here." Jamie took my hand.

"Uh," Hugh grunted and pointed in my direction.

"This is my wife, Claire. We are marrit but the twa days." Jamie held up two fingers.

"Is he thirsty? Hungry, perhaps?" I could see just how drawn he looked. I hadn't really looked at him the time before, but he was like Jamie, hurt and broken in ways. Munro had been tortured and hurt just because of his religion. Jamie had been held and flogged out of jealousy. Black Jack was upset Jamie had turned down his proposition. He deemed him less of a person. I disliked the idea that anyone would hurt another person for pleasure.

"Weddin' gift," Jamie said, bringing me out of my thoughts, handing me the lovely dragonfly in amber.

I cradled it in my hand. "Thank you, it's beautiful."

Jamie pointed to the insect that had been trapped in the amber. "It's a dragonfly." They then went on talking about Munro's gaberlunzies and how they allowed him to beg in the different parishes. I found it oddly comforting to know that this man had been someone that had helped mold Jamie into the person he was today. I'd always thought Jamie has just a simple life as a farmer, but he was a man who liked adventure as well. I touched one of the tokens while Jamie told me the story of how Munro became the man he was today. How he had been held captive and lost so much during that time.

Jamie spoke softly to Munro. "Ye said ye came with news." Munro began to grunt and make small gestures. "Who?" Jamie queried and Munro grunted more. I listened while they discussed it until Jamie finally guessed the man's name – Horrocks. I knew this man was dangerous, but wasn't sure how to go about telling Jamie just how deadly he was.

"Hugh, thank ye. I am grateful that ye found me and gave me this news. I think this is verra good indeed." He shook hands with Munro and smiled. It was one of his honest smiles that spread nicely across his face.

Munro turned and walked away. Jamie seemed to stand so still I had thought he was in shock. I wanted to press him, but decided to wait until he talked. "There's a chance I can get the price lifted from my head," he said quietly. I stood up and went to stand beside him; he turned to look at me. "Munro told me there is a man who claims he was at Fort William during my escape. He says the man knows who killed the sergeant, that he can prove my innocence. Yet, it's hardly the best news because I'm not sure I can trust him." I could see the longing in his eyes.

"Who is this Horrocks?" I asked. He was absent from me, caught up in his own thoughts.

Then he nodded decisively and spoke. "He's a deserter. He was a redcoat and he decided to leave rather than fight in the war," he muttered. I could hear the venom in his voice. "Yet, if there's a way to finally clear my name I'd like to try. I would like to go home, back to Lallybroch with my wife, Claire Fraser. My lady of Lallybroch," he said ever so gently, pressing his lips to mine in a hasty, but chaste kiss.

Once we had gotten back to the camp Murtagh seemed glad to pass Roger back to us. I was currently holding him while he slept. I could hear Rupert telling his story about the water horse. I knew it was vaguely familiar since I could have sworn I saw something in the water when I had gone down to the loch to freshen up. I wasn't about to be seen as a crazy person so I kept that bit to myself. I felt Roger moving in his sleep as Jamie sat down beside me and leaned in.

"Murtagh says that the wee lad chased after birds and other things all mornin', tirin' him out," he said smiling. He brushed a lock of hair from Roger's forehead. "It'll be Yuletide when we head back to Leoch," he remarked. I could feel a breeze in the air.

"Christmas... It seems a lot has happened this past year. I don't suppose you hang stockings by the fire?" I remembered what he had said just as the words left my mouth.

"Sure, if ye mean to dry them."

I shook my head. "Oh, never mind." I knew that it wouldn't be like my previous Christmases. Although I did remember the one we had in France. I had him cut a tree and we decorated it just to have something to do. We didn't hang stockings but we did get little gifts for Fergus and Murtagh as well as each other. I watched the fire for a moment then I felt Jamie's hand clasp mine.

"What's the matter?" He looked back toward the horses and then to Murtagh who looked right at me. The thieves, of course. I disliked how things seemed to change just a little as we created a new course to follow. I really hated forgetting major things that happened, but things were busy going from place to place still. I would have to try to be more vigilant to keep things from falling apart.

"The horses, they're restless," I heard one of the men whisper. I pulled Roger closer to me, tucking him into my side. Even though I couldn't predict everything that was going to happen I sure as hell wasn't going to let him get hurt in the coming skirmish.

"Stay put, dinna move," Jamie said. I stopped my squirming just as another hand settled on my shoulder startling me slightly. I turned and Murtagh reached for Roger, pulling him out of my arms and gently taking him into his embrace. Roger lifted his head at the movement then rested it on Murtagh's shoulder. I looked back to Jamie.

"Claire, dinna worry; we all know and we're ready for them," Murtagh whispered. He crouched beside us as if he was talking quietly to us. All the while Rupert was still telling the tale of the Loch Ness monster. I wanted to laugh at the silliness of it all, but knew they would think I had gone mad.

"Sassenach, ye see that fallen tree?" I followed where Jamie's finger pointed, where two trees jutted out of the ground like an X. "When I tell ye, go to it; Murtagh will be right behind ye. _And dinna move."_ I heard Murtagh mutter something in _Gàidhlig._ "Here, take this as well." He passed his dirk off to me. I hated how heavy it was; it was hard for me to keep hold of. Then I turned to see where the bandits might come from.

"Murtagh, now, go!" Jamie yelled. I saw two men running toward the horses just as Jamie jumped up and went after them.

" _Tiugiann, Sorcha!_ Come here, Claire!" Murtagh grabbed my arm pulling me faster into the spot where Jamie had said I was to go. He passed Roger to me and I saw a man coming toward us. "Stay down," he ordered, shoving the man away from us. I heard different men yelling things while the bandits raided the wagon and fought with Dougal and the others.

"They're goin' for the grain and the horses," Willie yelled. I tried to make out who was who in the skirmish, but was having a hard time seeing in the poor light of the fire. I could see Murtagh just a little away from us. I caught sight of Jamie; he was fending off one of the men near the fire. It was mesmerizing to watch his lean muscles work in concert with his footwork when he quickly disarmed the person and went for another.

"Jamie!" I shouted, seeing a man running toward him with his sword held high over his head. Jamie turned in my direction just in time to put his arm up to deflect the sword. He screamed in pain then there was a gun shot. I covered Roger's eyes and the man who just injured Jamie fell to the ground with a thud. The others took off with what they were able to carry.

Willie was near me. "Stay," he said. I tried to stand only to fall forward into the tree. Thank god Murtagh was with Jamie, helping him up. "Mistress," the young man said softly, holding his arms out and taking a wide awake and startled Roger from me. I heard the men talking and the horses whinnied in the background. I watched my husband struggle while Murtagh led him in my direction.

"Come on, man! Come on!" Murtagh said a few other choice words in _Gàidhlig_ as Jamie grunted.

"Claire!" Jamie gritted through clenched teeth while trying to look me up and down. I put my hand on his arm not only to calm myself but to make sure he was right here with me.

"Jamie, I'm fine. Who were those men?" I leaned into him while he led me back to the fire.

"They were the Grants," Dougal snapped as he began muttering in _Gàidhlig;_ it didn't sound too good at that.

"Are they kin?"

Dougal stopped his mutterings and chuckled. "Nay, lass. They are greedy bastards who think our kin owes them for what my idiot sister did," he sneered, then he picked up a dram and stalked off.

"Your mother?" I looked at Jamie who nodded. "Let me assess the damage." I helped him take his jacket, waistcoat, and shirt off. Murtagh had decided to take his leave as well.

"Christ, Claire!" Jamie yelped when I poured whiskey over the jagged cut. I pulled his arm a little toward the firelight trying to see the damage. It wasn't bleeding too badly, but it was already puffy and red. The blade was probably filthy. I cleaned his wound as best as I could and pulled out my sewing kit.

Jamie seemed to be watching my every move. "Do you want something to bite on?"

"No, just get on wi' it," he muttered. I took the needle, disinfected it with whiskey, passed it through a flame, then threaded it. I pulled the skin taut while I sewed it. Jamie kept his eyes on what I was doing the whole time. "Thank ye," he said after I cleaned the wound once more before putting a poultice on it and wrapping it.

"For what?" He pulled me to his side once I put my things away.

"For yer warnin'. If ye hadna yelled my name…" he said grimly. I closed my eyes only to see the man holding the sword over Jamie's head.

"I would do anything to keep you safe," I was finally able to say. I opened my eyes and looked up at him.

"As would I," he replied. I snuggled into his side. I wasn't sure what tomorrow was going to bring, but at least I had my husband right beside me.

The skirmish from the night before still had the men on high alert when we woke at the break of dawn. It was hard to think that this time yesterday we were just having a little picnic up on the ridge, but now we were all busy getting things ready to move on. Dougal was sharpening his blade in the off chance that the Grants might decide to come back for more. Jamie had questioned me as to where his knife was. I just couldn't remember what had happened to it in all the confusion.

"I don't know. It just slipped out of my hand," I said. I stepped away and was helping the men look for the knife where Roger and I had been during the skirmish.

"It has to be here somewhere." Jamie looked around the bunch of rocks near where we'd been. I knew I had dropped it when Murtagh and Jamie came to me because it was so heavy to keep hold of and reaching for them at the same time.

"Found it," Rupert called. He picked the knife up from between two rocks hidden in the grass as Jamie turned around to make his way back to us.

"Good man," Jamie asserted. He pointed at me saying something I couldn't understand in _Gàidhlig._

"It's too long and heavy for me," I insisted when Rupert went to hand it back to me.

"Aye, the lasses say that to me all the time," he jested. I saw Ned walking toward us. It was odd to think that these men who disliked me were taking the time to encourage and train me. I looked in Murtagh's direction to see him leaning next to Dougal against the wagon where Roger was currently sitting between them.

"Jamie, I can't believe you gave her a knife but didn't really show her how to use it," Ned chided. I looked back at Jamie who wasn't really looking at me, but rather at the ground as if he was being reprimanded. "I think if you're going to giving her a knife then someone should teach her exactly how to use it to defend herself against assailants," he continued, drawing closer and closer as he spoke.

"Aye," Jamie remarked while we began walking closer to the men as Willie came up a slope carrying things.

"Angus is a good man with a blade," Willie said approvingly. I drew closer to the men. Willie had already gotten Angus's attention as he turned to us. I still remembered the last time Angus helped me do something. I'd gotten my hand tethered to a dead body.

"Thank you, but I think I'll pass. I can handle myself." I couldn't decipher the look Dougal was giving me. I just didn't feel right having someone who'd hurt me, help me.

"I understand yer thoughts, but Sassenach, every man and woman in the world needs to know how to defend themselves. I dinna doubt ye could do some harm with yer herbs and whatnot, but yer my wife and you need to know how to protect yerself," Jamie retorted. I just chuckled knowing he was right.

"I guess if we're being honest I find I need more and more protection every day. I should assume it's because of who I married," I joked. He bent toward me and kissed me before moving away. I knew very well how Jamie felt toward me. It was hard for him to send me through the stones, but if he knew the dangers I faced getting back would he still love me? Could he still feel the same way knowing I was no longer carrying his little blessing as well?

"She needs a _sgian dubh,"_ Dougal remarked. I looked over at him. He had seemed so distant throughout our little conversation till he made his comment. He was sharpening his knife which glinted in the bright sun light. This whole thing was already taking a toll on him.

"Aye," Jamie agreed.

"No, I don't think I do." I knew that if things went the same way I would be in front of Captain Randall and he would use it against me to cut open my bodice. I shuddered at the thought of him seeing me again.

"Mama needs what?" Roger questioned curiously. He looked up over the side of the wagon.

"A _sgian dubh._ It's a sort of hidden dagger," Jamie explained, putting his strap over his shoulder. "Roger, come on," he continued reaching out for him.

"The _sgian dubh_ is small enough that you can hide them just about anywhere. Most people hide them in their sock, but well, I keep mine in a rather more private place," Ned said. I heard the men laughing when he reached into his trousers.

"All right, who needs a lesson?" Angus offered, standing beside me. I looked toward Jamie who was in the middle of play fighting with Roger until Angus spoke. He then turned to us and brought Roger to stand in front of him.

I removed my cloak and moved to stand in front of Angus while he tossed the dagger from hand to hand. I was mesmerized; his movements were quick and efficient. "Mistress, mostly what ye want to do is use the underhand." He showed me just exactly what he meant. He was thrusting the dagger upward. I could see the men whispering while I tried to pay attention. "Now the overhand is really only used when yer comin' down on someone with a very considerable force from above ye," he said, demonstrating what he meant.

"Hmm?" I heard Murtagh say.

"Well I believe that the best and only effective weapon for a woman is poison," Dougal advised. I could hear the hatred in his voice.

"Perhaps, Uncle, but that isn't an option," Jamie replied. I watched him move closer to the two men with Roger.

"Yet, poison will no help her in combat or if a raid happens again," Murtagh answered. I turned back to see how far Angus would take the lesson.

"So tell me wise one, where do I aim my _sgian dubh?"_ I goaded Angus and the men snickered around us.

"The best way to kill someone is face to face, here," Angus said, lifting his shirt up partially to show his chest. He used his free hand to show where to strike. It took all my will power not to hit him for his prior stunt. "Try to aim straight up and then, as hard as ye can, right into the heart," he continued. He indicated the correct spot on his chest while I moved forward slightly to get a better look. I knew where most organs and vital body parts were from my studies, but they didn't teach hand-to-hand combat in nursing school.

"Here?" I laid my hand higher up on his chest where the bones protruded.

"Nay, avoid the breast bone." He brought me out of my thoughts as he moved his hand close to where mine had just been. "If you stick your knife in the soft part on the top it'll get lodged in, you'll be without a knife," he reminded me. The men all laughed at the basics they all probably knew by heart.

"So I would strike the assailant right here?" I queried, placing my hand uneasily on the lower end of his chest bone before moving to make the strike.

"Whoa, mistress dinnae kill him just yet. Wait 'til the lessons over," Rupert jested. The men all laughed at my expense once again. I turned to see Jamie was chuckling as well. I could tell Roger was watching the lesson very attentively. This wasn't something I wanted Roger to learn, but if we couldn't get him back to his time, he would need to begin training.

"Aye, we may need him to teach the wee one," another man yelled, acknowledging my fear out loud while they began to murmur among themselves. It seemed my learning how to use the dagger had generated a mass of comments from the men.

"Willie, gi'e us a hand," Angus called while I was practicing my aim on Angus. "Turn around, that's a good lad. I want to show her how kill from behind," he said smiling. Willie turned to face the opposite way. I didn't see him flinch at all when Angus placed his hand on his back to show me where to strike. "This is the spot in the back. Either side will do. Now, ye see all the ribs and such?" he inquired, patting Willie on either side of his back before turning to look at me.

"Yes." I focused on the words he was saying while trying to remember just where each organ in the back was located. There was a small amount of science involved here.

"Tis verra unlikely to hit anythin' vital when you stab in the back," Angus began as he took the dagger from me. "Yet if ye slip the knife between the ribs," he said, placing the dagger in-between his fingers to show me what he meant. I knew most of this from the first time around, but it was good knowledge to learn again. "That's one thing. It's a lot harder to do than ye might think," he continued and handed the dagger back to me. "Here and here. Just under the last rib, you stab upward… and into the kidney." He took my hand in his and motioned with our hands intertwined just what he was talking about, patting Willie from behind. "Ye need to go straight up. They'll drop like a stone," he advised. Then he backed up leaving me alone standing behind Willie.

"All right," I muttered trying to calm myself. I took a breath and stepped toward Willie, bracing myself for what I was about to do. "Straight up…" I asserted to no one in particular, moving the dagger closer to Willie and gesturing with it as I added, "and in." The men laughed around us when I pushed Willie forward to make my point of the lesson. I was surprised how relieved I was. I turned to Angus and said brightly, "That was quite easy, got it."


	17. Chapter 17

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 17: Craigh na Dun**

 **Claire**

"Watch after the lad," I vaguely heard Jamie say. I looked up from my medicine box to see Murtagh with Roger in his arms. Roger had fallen asleep shortly after we practiced different techniques with the dagger. It had been a welcoming sight to see how comfortable he had become with the highlanders as if this was his time after all.

"Jamie, won't they come looking for us?" He pulled me to a small area hidden by a grassy knoll.

"Nay, I told Dougal that ye needed to do somethings in private, but he gave me a strange look. So I said we need to find more of yer wee herbs to make yer ointment," he jested, smiling then kissing me roughly.

"Nicely played; so this is my idea, is it?" I asked with a tap to his lips. "Did he believe you?" I continued. He chuckled, kissing my neck that in turn sent sweet vibrations right to my belly.

"Nay, lass," he admitted. I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't think any of the men would think we both needed to collect herbs. No, they all knew exactly what we were off doing. "Sassenach, tell me, does it ever stop, the wanting ye?" His breathing turned heavy and I was finding his love suffocating. He continued, "Now I know why the Church calls it a sacrament." It hit me like a lightning bolt.

"Jamie, we need to move," I said urgently as he thrust into me, sending a sharp current to my belly.

"Mo nighean donn, when I take ye I feel like god himself when yer wrapped around me," he panted. I laughed but tried to bring myself back to the present moment. We needed to get out of there before we were found.

"What? Do ye think that a foolish thing to say because yer laughin' at me." He raised up a bit then thrust into me yet again.

"No, I'm laughing because I know it's true." My eyes widened; I could see a shadow over him then I watched in horror when the deserter put the gun to Jamie's temple.

"You rutting bastard, get up," one of the men sneered at Jamie and jerked him upright. I tried to wrap my arms around my bare skin to keep the leering looks of the men from me.

"You might ha' let him finish first, 'arry," the one holding the gun to Jamie's temple chided mockingly. I felt myself becoming detached from the situation. I didn't want to look away from Jamie but I could hear what the men were saying. I moved my free hand to where I had placed the dagger. I knew what was going to happen next. The outline of the man in front of me blurred as he bent over me to settle into position to rape me.

"No!" I screamed. I took the dagger and stabbed him in his back with all the force I could muster. I could feel him spasming on me; he grunted, twisting a little. I heard a gunshot and then the heavy body being removed from me as I began to fly.

"Please forgive me." Jamie was whispering to me and held my face in front of him. I could see him but also the blood on my hands. It was awful that I found it pleasurable to see another's tainted blood on my hands. He began to speak in _Gàidhlig. "_ I'm so sorry, my heart." He held me tightly, his breath shuddering as he spoke.

"Jamie, it's all right. We're all right," I said, to not only reassure him but myself as well. I knew this was going to happen and tried to prevent it, but it happened anyway. I could feel myself being lost to shock even though I kept assuring myself that I was fine.

"This is all my fault. To bring ye here without takin' proper care and to let you be…" he angrily shook his head. In some part of my mind I knew he was feeling despondent over what had just happened. "To not stop him from tryin' to rape ye," he cried. I found it harder and harder to stay focused.

"It's all right," I repeated, not really knowing what to say. It was morbid the first time, but more so almost being violated a second time by the same men who couldn't care less about another human being, yet I felt bad for them. If it weren't for the English invading Scotland trying to make the Scottish people bend to the English way, the two men wouldn't have been here. Life here in the highlands was very dangerous no matter who one was.

"Sassenach, you're so cold. Oh, _mo nighean donn."_ He took my hands into his and bent his head to them. "Yer hands… They… They're like ice," he stammered. I knew the signs of what was happening to me.

"Jamie!" I was finding it hard to breathe.

"Jamie, lad," Dougal yelled; he and the men came running around the bend. Jamie turned to look toward his uncle while I continued to stare at my shaking hands.

"It's shock," I muttered. Jamie looked up at me strangely. I knew he had no idea what was happening to me.

"Are ye two all right? We heard a shot," Dougal yelled. I continued to stare at my bloody hands. I could still feel the weight of the dagger in my hand as I stabbed the man.

"No. No, I'm going into shock." I shook and felt cold, so very cold.

"Jamie," Murtagh called out worried as I let it go; he didn't fully understand what was going on.

"Claire, stay here for me. Willie..."

Logically I knew there was nothing for me to do while my body shut down. This was a natural thing for someone who had gone through what I had. I just didn't want to do it; there was so much I needed to do. "I'm just going into shock," I muttered to myself, my gaze on my hands.

I could hear Roger yell for me. I fought my mind to get back to where I needed to be.

As I took deep breaths trying to slow my mind down, it seemed to jump and dance about with various thoughts jumping through all at the same time. It was almost like a rock being skipped across a pond as one thought came and went another right behind it. It first started out with my parents what little I remembered about them; the war; exploring ruins with Uncle Lamb. And lastly it fell on just how it felt puncturing the man's kidney. I could almost picture the kidney bursting when I murdered the man who was trying to defile me. I had to rein my thoughts in or I might risk telling Jamie everything, and right now he had enough on his plate.

"Roger," I whispered while Willie watched me pace. Roger ran to me, clinging to my skirts while I continued back and forth muttering. I knew I probably looked like a mad woman but at the moment I couldn't care less. I needed to focus on what was happening now to help me prevent things to come. It seemed that the longer we were here the more things slipped my mind as if I might be forgetting.

Willie tried to get my attention. "Mistress, let m..." I barely looked in his direction. I felt something being placed around my shoulders and I quickly stepped away.

"Come lad, yer mam needs some time." Willie moved closer only to take Roger's hand. I could see worry etched across his face. I even knew that Jamie was concerned for me, but that wasn't something I wanted to dwell on at the moment.

 **Jamie**

I couldna believe how careless I had been. Claire had been through enough without some deserters ravagin' then rapin' her. God, I wanted to rip those men apart and avenge her, but alas they were already dead.

Murtagh looked at me with an expression I couldna decipher just yet. I picked up my dirk and wiped it clean of those animals' blood. It made me sick to the depths of my stomach thinkin' of how they had touched her.

"There's letters," Dougal remarked, pulling some out of the small messenger bag on one of the dead men.

"I dinna where they should be, but there's tracks that lead back over the ridge, but no horses," Murtagh commented. He looked the hill where Claire was pacing. It killed me to see her so distant. I watched as her wee lamb ran to her, but she dinna even look at him.

"That's good then," Dougal said, standing up, facing me. "This man Munro told ye about, Horrocks. Isn't he a deserter like these?" he began. I looked up at him angry that he would think Munro would lie to me. "Stop, Hugh Munro's a good man. I won't deny it," he started then pointed down at the two dead men. "Ye need to know this is what becomes of a man who breaks his oath to king and country. Now, ye go and see Horrocks alone, ye'll be walking into a trap, maist like," he retorted grabbing my arm tightly.

"I hate to say this but he's right, Jamie. You have to meet him, I understand that. I also understand if ye think ye need to do this on yer own. Yet, I think we all should go with our swords out. If it was up to me, ye wouldna go alone. All of us or not at all," Murtagh remarked. I looked up at Claire. I knew they were right. I was no doubt walkin' into a trap.

I agreed and Murtagh went with me to retrieve Claire. I knew he was just as worrit for her as I was.

"Come on," he muttered once we reached her. She looked to him as if she was lookin' right through him. Murtagh reached out to touch her and she just stood there. He took one arm; I took the other and we led her to where the rest were. It seemed like she was in some sort of trance. I dinna even know how we managed gettin' her up without her helpin' us. I knew there was a long road ahead for us. This was only the beginnin'.

 **Claire**

"Where are we?" I finally asked when I felt my horse stop. I didn't even remember getting on him.

"I'm goin' to meet the deserter. I think ye and Roger need to stay here with Willie," Jamie said. I just couldn't believe he was leaving me behind once again. I didn't know why but I was feeling angry at him.

"Why? I want to go with you," I snapped. He looked toward me, worry etched in his expression. I knew this was a losing battle, but I would have begged him if he wanted me to. I just didn't want to be separated from him at the moment. It worried me knowing the Redcoats were close by as well.

"No, Claire. This could be another trap and willna let ye be involved. All that matters to me right now is yer bein' safe." It was like I was child with no knowledge.

"Don't worry about it, I don't need your explanation." I was so irate at him. "I can look after myself and my child just fine without Willie. Take him with you. I'm pretty sure I've proved that much," I seethed. I saw Murtagh passing Roger off to Willie sadness etched upon his face.

"No, I think ye've proven that," he stressed looking over at Willie. "Any Redcoats will likely come from the south," he said then moved to join the group who was leaving.

"I'll look after them," Willie said getting off his horse with Roger in tow.

"Claire, please stay here. I will be right back, I promise you," Jamie assured me. I could feel the hardness in my chest.

"Don't make promises you can't keep! They're just wasted words," I muttered.

"This one I am keepin', Claire. Now, please promise me ye'll be here when I return."

"Fine, I will stay put. Promise," I finally relented, knowing the men were growing tired of waiting. I watched as Jamie went to Willie who was holding Roger as he bent whispering something to the boy then taking off to follow the others.

I knew I shouldn't be mad at him. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. I knew the deserters were going to come and I let myself be distracted. I let them hurt me and him. I had to live with that fact. I knew I shouldn't feel like that, but it was what it was. This whole thing was my fault. It made me wonder if Murtagh was forgetting things as well or if he remembered everything still. I needed to remember to ask him next time I saw him.

"Mistress? Mistress!" Willie called out. I was leaning against a tree just waiting for nothing.

"Yes?" I replied and saw Roger chasing after a small rabbit in the underbrush. I was thankful that at least Roger could keep himself busy while we had to wait. I just hoped he didn't catch the rabbit and want to skin it.

I turned to look at him. "I need to take care of some business," Willie said.

"Just go yonder," I said. I held my hand out for Roger to come to me. The rabbit had disappeared deeper in the underbrush and Roger was trying to get to it.

"Yes, mistress." He hurried off in the direction of the thicker trees.

"Come along, sweetie," I said smiling; Roger held my hand tighter. We were moving farther to the edge of the forest, when I caught sight of Craigh na Dun. It was the one place I needed to be, but I wasn't wanting to be there for myself, but to send Roger back. I looked up just in time to see a few Redcoats going by with their cart and a few prisoners. I was pulling Roger back into the trees when he broke free from me. I could hear what sounded like thousands of bees buzzing around as the stones seemed to call to us.

"Roger," I yelled. He put his hands over his ears, pressing them as close to his head as possible when one of the men stopped. I had reached Roger, just when he got to the bottom of the hill. I could see the man turning around to get us. "Roger, stay here. No matter what happens don't leave this spot until Willie gets you," I told him; I saw Willie at the edge where we had just been. I pointed to the bushes while two Redcoat officers jerked me away from Roger.

As the soldiers hoisted me up into the wagon I saw Willie crouch down with Roger while I was being tied up. Just as before I was headed to Fort William, the one place I dreaded. There was one good side to all of this. I was able to think of what to say about who I was and why I was here. Captain Jack Randall wouldn't have the advance knowledge of my capture. This could work out for me. I began to plot it all out.

"We meet again, Mistress Beauchamp. Congratulations on your recent marriage," he remarked, entering the room with wine and two glasses. He poured each of us a drink. He thought he was going to bully me into submission, but I was going to fight it. This time around I knew more information that I could use against him. I just hoped my plan would work.

"I'll admit madam, I really don't care whether you consider yourself an Englishwoman or a Scot…" Randall said, moving closer to me. "Apparently, neither do you. I see you still wear your old wedding ring."

I looked down at it. "I'm used to wearing it," I shrugged. "I suppose you could say I have a sentimental attachment to it," I smiled at him. I just hadn't taken it off.

"You don't have a sentimental bone in your body," he sneered as I twisted the ring on my finger. "It doesn't matter to me. I want to know about Dougal MacKenzie and why he considers you to be of such value. Why he would rather adopt you as one of his own than allow me to question you? To me that is a red flag," he growled.

"Captain, I honestly don't know what you're talking about. It seems to me you are obsessed with the MacKenzies. I wonder if your commanding officer would like to know that." He stared at me with cold, dead eyes. I knew I was treading a very thin line.

"Really?" He paused a moment then said, "The king."

"Yes, to our sovereign king." He clinked my glass.

"It's good to hear that you still consider our king sovereign," he said, baiting me.

"I do, just as my family does. We are all his loyal subjects," I proclaimed; he laughed.

"Thank you, I needed a good laugh," he remarked with a cruel smile. "Honestly I must admit that is the single most amusing thing I've heard all week," he chuckled then continued. "You must think I am lackwitted to believe that, madam, but I will have you tell me what you know," he snarled.

"I'll tell you everything I know, but only if you tell me something in return," I replied graciously and sat up straighter in my chair.

"Fine," he grudgingly agreed.

"I want a witness. I want them to write it out and for you to sign it. You and I both know I am not leaving this place, so humor me," I retorted.

"Sanders," he bellowed; the officer quickly entered the room.

"Sir," the young officer meekly answered; he lowered his eyes to the floor.

"I need you to transcribe something and hold it for me until I am done questioning this woman," Randall snapped. The officer went to the desk where he pulled out some paper then sat down. "What is it you would like to know?" Randall queried.

"Is it true that James Fraser didn't commit the crime of which he was accused?" I watched the veins pop out on his forehead.

"I do not think that is any of your concern, madam," Black Jack seethed. He stood up and began pacing.

"Tit for tat, Captain. I told you I would tell you everything if you answered my only question," I reminded him. He absentmindedly smoothed his hair.

"Sanders," he muttered. I looked toward the officer as well.

"What I am about to say does not leave this room. You will note what is said, but as soon as I question this prisoner you will give me the transcription, understood?" The officer just nodded.

"James Fraser was a peculiar man. He was young and one would think someone his age could be easily broken, but not him. He gave himself up to be beaten to protect his sister even unto death. He was flogged for trying to escape. His punishment was 100 lashes, but he didn't flinch. The damn boy wouldn't break. He then was lashed a second time, another 100 lashes for stealing food. I administered them and he never once cried out. It was embarrassing for our men as the villagers began to laugh. One of my own men passed out while viewing the flogging. I couldn't have weak men serving me so I shot him. The next morning I learned that some men helped Fraser escape. No one knew what I had done so it was easy enough to charge him for the crime," he admitted. I reeled in horror at the depths of his vile and abhorrent ways. It was hard to see Frank in him. Frank was a better man; this man was sick and cruel.

"Sign it," I demanded. He looked up at me, almost lost.

"Sanders," he muttered while he pulled his signet ring off. He first signed his name then folded the sheet, dripped wax on it to seal it, then pressed his ring in it. "Hold this. And if you lose it, it will be your death," he promised; the officer nodded nervously.

"Yes sir," he said and exited the room.

"Now, mistress, where were we?

I decided to go to my next step. "You were going to question me." I smiled at him as he looked me up and down.

"Is Dougal MacKenzie gathering strength for the bonny Prince?" he questioned while I moved toward the door.

"I haven't heard anything about that, but I do know that the Duke of Sandringham would really like to know how you interfered with his workings." I watched him twitch in surprise, some of his wine spilling on his waistcoat.

"What do you know of the duke?" he snapped, wiping the spill with a finely woven linen napkin.

"Seriously Captain, must you be so obtuse?" I said. "I can't believe you haven't worked it out, yet. Let me spell it out for you. We are working for the same man."

He shook his head in denial. "No, he would have told me," he ranted.

"The duke doesn't have to tell someone lower than him his plans," I sneered at him as he smirked at me.

"All right, madam, I shall simply send a message to Sandringham asking him about you," he decided. I just smiled.

"Good, then he will tell you off for ruining his carefully laid plans. I would assume he would take away your protection as well," I stated. He looked a little torn.

"How have you been communicating? Has it been with the duchess? It's amazing how you managed that with your traveling companions watching your every move." He paused a moment and took a drink from his glass.

"A very good attempt, Captain, but you and I both know the duke isn't married. His desires lie elsewhere." I watched his calm face flash with anger and he lunged for me. I just had enough time to open the door only to find another officer there with Sanders.

"Corporal," Randall snapped; I pushed forward.

"Forgive me, madam," the man said, shoving me back into the room to Randall.

"No, I answered your question," I cried out.

He pulled some rope out of his pocket. "Bring her here," he demanded and quickly tied the rope around my wrists, binding my arms behind me. "Hawkins, do not come back – no matter what you may hear." He pulled me with him as the other man exited the room and I heard the telltale click of the latch.

"Help," I called out, knowing very well that it wouldn't help me. But I remembered Jamie had told me he heard my scream. I knew he would come for me.

"Now, let us begin." Randall leered at me as he pulled me to the table then used his free hand to sweep everything on the floor. The clattering of objects sent cold shivers down my spine knowing what was coming next. He was going to try to rape me just like the deserters had. I felt panic setting in. I desperately tried to think of Jamie and seeing him crouched in the window.

"Please," I begged. He moved his hands over my breast before ripping my bodice open.

"I think we should begin with your name, hmm?"

"It's Claire Beauchamp," I yelled.

"Your real name, and don't lie to me," he snapped. I began to whimper; he was being rougher than he had been before. Or maybe my fear was running rampant because of my turmoil from what happened earlier with the deserters. "Once you've done that then you can tell me everything you know about Dougal MacKenzie and the money he is collecting for the Jacobites," he screamed in my face then twisted my head so he could look at me before kissing me. I bit his lip. "Whore!" He slapped me across the face. He continued with a smirk on his face. "Then we'll discuss how you know the duke is protecting me."

"Careful, Captain," I seethed. "You're going to regret hitting me or even laying one hand on me once my husband finds you."

"Please," he scoffed, running his hand down the side of my leg before hitching my skirt up causing me to cry out. "My, my. What do you have here?" He pulled out my _sgian dubh_ from my stocking. I felt the cold blade run across my check and he chuckled at my discomfort.

"Help," I screamed once more, trying to buck him away from me.

"You certainly are spirited; I wonder if your claws are sharp." He prodded me with the _sgian dubh's_ blade. He ran the blade across my nipples going just deep enough to elicit pain, but not enough to cut me; I whimpered. "Yes, they seem to be," he murmured, pressing harder. The slamming of the window caused him to jerk me up and put the blade to my throat.

"I'll thank ye to take your hands off my wife," Jamie demanded, his pistol held out ready to fire.

"Good god," Randall laughed, holding me firmly in place. I was relieved to see Jamie once again coming to my aid. I kept my eyes on him; at this moment nothing else mattered but him and me.


	18. Chapter 18

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter: Frank**

 **Inverness 1945**

I couldn't fathom just where Claire could have disappeared to. The car was still at the bottom of the hill where she parked it. There was nothing physical that would indicate that she was taken against her will. I had helped search for her for two weeks along with everyone that Reverend Wakefield gathered together. We went in all directions looking for her, but no one seemed to have seen her. It bothered me that the local police weren't having any better luck than we were.

I was having a difficult time understanding why the police hadn't yet found Claire. It was absurd for them to think that she had left me to go with some strange man. No, this man had taken her against her will. I needed them to find her. It was hard not knowing what had happened or why it had happened. After having a small bite to eat I ended up at the Inverness Police station waiting for the constable on my wife's case to come in. I wasn't totally stupid. I knew they had a pool going on about what had happened to her, and even bet with one another when I would walk away.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Randall, you know," the inspector said; he looked anywhere but at me. "Our department has done everything we could to find yer wife, but please believe me when I say I wish there was more that we could do," he continued. I heard a little snicker behind me.

"I don't want your apologies. I want you to do your damn job," I snapped. I looked behind him at the two reward posters, one bearing the image of my wife and the other the highlander I believed took her.

"I think I can understand how this must be disappointing to you," the hairbrained inspector stated. I felt my blood beginning to boil. I realized they were going to give up looking for her.

"I must admit I'm not disappointed, although that's an interesting word to use in my situation," I began, standing slowly. "That would mean to suggest that my expectations were unmet. No, in all honesty my expectations of your department were low to start with. I figured you wouldn't be able to find your head from the first cup of Scotch. I can assure you that I know you know where the Scotch is, but not my wife," I barked. I watched the man move farther back in his chair.

"I'm really sorry you feel like that." He stood up. "My department as well as a few other resources have spent the past six weeks searching over 100 square miles of rugged terrain, conducted 175 interviews, invested over 1,000 man hours looking for yer wife," he bellowed back at me, spraying my face with spittle. I just wiped my face, exasperated that he thought he actually did something useful.

"I know what has been done, Inspector. I _have_ been here every step of the way, you know. Please enlighten me as to what you have to show for these efforts. My wife is missing. Do you have any idea at all what might have happened to her?" I seethed, knowing he just wanted to get rid of me and my case. I knew very well they hadn't done much looking for her in the past week.

"There isn't much more we can do. We haven't found a body which makes it clear that she's probably still alive. We didn't find any blood in the car, there were no signs of a struggle," he said, looking slightly worried. He took a deep breath before continuing. "All the evidence is pointing to the idea that she probably wasn't taken against her will. She probably knew the person."

"My god man, that's been your favorite theory from the start of this," I growled. "You haven't any clue what has happened to her nor do you care!" I fell back into the chair I had been sitting in.

"Mr. Randall, you personally witnessed a man staring up at her window the night before she disappeared. What else do you think we need to know other than that? You even told us this was a reconnecting vacation from a 6 year separation due to the war. He might have been someone who fancied her, followed her here, and decided to make a move," he insisted as I ran my hands across my face once more. I had become disgusted with this department ever since they began to lose interest in Claire.

"I know the highlander was involved in some way, but she wouldn't have left with him on her own. We loved each other and time apart didn't hurt us," I snapped.

He chuckled. "Oh, Mr. Randall you are so naïve if ye think yer wife didn't go with him on her own. The only explanation is that they are involved and he is her lover. They left together," he jeered then shook his head.

"Inspector, my wife is not with another man!" I slammed my hand down on his desk finally losing what little patience I'd had when I walked in. I left shortly thereafter not wanting them to arrest me for doing something I wanted to do. When I got back to the reverend's house he began to question me as to what I told them. He yammered at me with locations and theories of her waiting to be found in the wilderness; it was all too much. All I wanted was Claire back.

"We're just grasping at straws," I yelled, frustrated beyond bearing. I watched my friend back up a little.

"Gentlemen… tea is served," Mrs. Graham said softly, bringing us both back to the room we were in. I couldn't think clearly over the things that were happening. It just didn't make sense to me why Claire would disappear like she had. "There are biscuits as well," the housekeeper replied as I ponder just how things had changed. I had thought Claire and I were happy. We had been happy.

"Frank," the reverend said as he held the plate out to me.

"I think I need something a little stronger," I muttered and moved toward the entry way of the room.

"Do ye want me to come along?" the reverend queried as I walked out of the room.

"No," I replied. "I need to be alone. Don't wait up." I walked out the door and into the brisk night air. I headed to the local tavern. I believe I was on my second drink when a woman approached me offering up a person who knew where Claire and the highlander were. I didn't think anything of it when she told me where to meet her and to bring the money with me. All I was thinking about was getting my wife back.

I stayed at the tavern until it was closing before I headed out to meet the woman named Sally. "Mr. Randall, I was starting to think you weren't gonna show," she said from under some stairs in the alleyway near the tavern.

"Right, I believe I'm on time," I slurred. I felt the effects of the alcohol I had been drinking settling in my system.

"Of course you are. I just thought you might be early since you said you missed your wife very much," she remarked. I began to think this might be a set up. I should have been paying attention to my surroundings because I felt a sharp blow to my head just after I saw a man come up from behind me. This couple was trying to get my money. They didn't know anything about the highlander or where Claire was. The reality of it began to settle in and I took my time delivering blows to the man. He groaned and begged for me to stop. I kicked him one last time for good measure before stumbling out of the alley and finding my way back to the reverend's house.

"Frank, I know you're grieving, but you shouldn't just dismiss the notion of good and evil. There clearly is evil lurking about us and it finds purchase in good men like you in hopes of turning you into a sinner. I know drinking small amounts is allowed, but not to the point where it makes you a sinner," the reverend expounded. I just chuckled. I couldn't believe I was being lectured for excessive drinking.

"Might I ask – are you suggesting that my overindulgence last night made me a sinner," I queried. He looked like I had hurt him.

"Evil has but one goal – to make as many people turn evil. Most drink too much and in excess, yours was but a sip. Make it your last. I beseech you to turn away from the darkness that beckons your soul and come back into the light," he said like any good pastor would.

"What do you suppose I should to do? Would you suggest for me to leave Inverness?" I asked. I felt the red hot flames burning in my gut at the thought of leaving without my wife.

"Yes, in all honesty for now. Go back to Oxford get back to your work. I believe in time you can rebuild your life there without her," he said sadly. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Do you think she would abandon me if _I_ were the one missing?" I asked incredulously. He shook his head sorrowfully.

"No, but you need to let her go, just as it seems she has let you go," he murmured. I wiped at my eyes trying to mask the tears that threatened to fall.

"You really want me to believe that she left with the highlander of her own volition?" I whispered, having a hard time actually saying the words out loud.

"Have you heard of Sherlock Holmes, Frank? They're fantastic books. He tends to make one point over and over in them: 'When you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.'"

I thought about what he was telling me. I hated to admit it, but if she could get back to me she would have by now. I decided he was right and made plans to head back to work. I needed a distraction and maybe work was what I really needed. I looked back at the room we had been sharing and closed her suitcase for the last time. I heard loud arguing coming from downstairs as I made my way down.

"I will not be silent any longer. I have done what ye asked by not talking with him, but he needs to know this," Mrs. Graham said loudly just as I reached the bottom step.

"You will keep quiet. He doesn't need your stories of fairies and all to cloud his judgment," the reverend insisted while I walked toward them.

"It's an old house," I stated and I watched them turn to look at me. "Is there something you wish to tell me, Mrs. Graham?" She nodded her head even as the reverend shook his. She began to tell me about the stories of the stones where Claire had disappeared and how she would come back to me. I wanted to believe her, but I couldn't. I needed to stay in this reality and move on. It was better like this. The reverend was right, I needed to get back to work and try to move on.

"I see. Thank you, Mrs. Graham." I turned to look at my old friend. "I shall leave for Oxford this afternoon."

"Did ye no hear me?" Mrs. Graham questioned when I moved to get up.

"I heard what you said. The women travel to another time and sometimes they return. I just don't share your beliefs," I replied abruptly. I went to get my case from the stairs and left the house. I wasn't aware of where I was until I saw the sign for Craigh na Dun. I vaguely heard the man on the radio talking about the death of Patton. I waited until a motorbike rode past me then backed up my car, pulled onto the almost nonexistent road, and headed to the standing stones. I wasn't sure if I believed Mrs. Graham but I needed to see them one last time.

I stopped the car then ran up the steep hill to the stones yelling Claire's name. I could feel the wind pick up, but couldn't hear anything. There was nothing. I made my way to the tallest stone in the circle and feel to my knees, pounding it with my fist. "Claire," I yelled. I thought I heard my name being yelled back. I quickly stood up, but there wasn't anyone there, just me. I hit it one last time before wiping my tears; I went back to my car. I turned the car around and headed back to the paved road.

***Outlander***

 **Inverness 1948**

"Mrs. Graham, could you get us some more coffee?" Reverend Wakefield asked. He opened another book looking over the content before closing it and moving onto another one. It had been a month since Claire and Roger had gone through the stones. I had gone up several times to them to see if I could hear them calling me, but it was useless. Mrs. Graham said that mainly women heard them, that it was a rare exception when a man would. The reverend believed that Roger heard them because of his ancestry, but he couldn't be sure of it.

"Have ye found anything useful?" she inquired when she set the tray with coffee and cups in front of us.

"No, it seems every lead ends with nothing," I snapped. I slammed a book shut startling her.

"I think I found something," the reverend said. I went to stand behind him. "Yes, the laird of Lallybroch was married to a Claire Fraser," he read. I grumbled under my breath.

"We already know that from the deed on the estate," I replied impatiently.

"Yes, but history has been changed as well," he said smiling at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Your wife helped stop several great losses for the highlanders during the rebellion," he explained. I stared at him.

"Is it really possible to change history?" He shrugged his shoulders. "I mean we know one thing has already happened, but could they really change everything about the history we know today?" I continued.

"No, it doesn't seem so. I mean they changed a few battles that the highlanders had lost beforehand, but they still lost the uprising. I don't _think_ they could change that much history," he pondered aloud.

"I would think she would want a peaceful life rather than a savage one living on the run," I muttered, realizing I might never have truly known my wife at all.

"Look, Frank! Here is a partial admission from your ancestor in this book on the uprising stating he had framed Red Jamie. Oh, my! It says that Captain Jonathan Wolverton Randall admitted to one Claire Beauchamp Fraser and an officer named Emmett Sanders that he had shot and killed an officer due to his failure to perform his duties. It goes on to say that since James Fraser had escaped Fort Williams he charged him with the crime," the reverend related.

I chuckled wryly. Of course this Fraser person would be part of my actual history. That had to be why Claire was drawn to him. "I need to take a walk," I said sourly and headed out of the house. It seemed that my life was falling apart and most of the reason behind it fell on my ancestor, Black Jack. There had to be an answer as to why she had been thrown into his time period and what the real connection was between her and this Fraser.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I don't tend to do these because I don't like them, but several guests have left comments about details that are wrong or inaccurate. I don't claim to fully know every detail or event from history; this is a fan fiction story. I have been basing most of the story on the TV show using information and details from it. I don't own any of the material except for anything I have added or created. Chapters 18 and 19 will be the last right now so based on the TV show. The future chapters will include some material, but will be drastically different with some elements from either the TV show or the novel. Thank you to my wonderful editor Kate who does an amazing job proofreading and editing for me. Thanks to the readers! Jaymelynn143

 **Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 18: Devil in Words**

 **Jamie**

It's strange, the things you remember; the moments in time burnt into your heart forever as others fade from it as if they were never there. I have always lived my life away from those around me only seekin' family when needed. As a young child I couldna see the path for me; I just took one step after another always goin' forward. Over time it became clear that each step I took was a choice I'd made. I knew that every day I had to make the choice of either doin' what was right or what was wrong. It was in one moment's time I realized that every choice I made led to the life I had right now. As I looked back over this I realized I had become a man, without even knowin' it. Now more than ever I wanted to be a man worthy of my new wife… and child. I would have to make tough choices in the future in favor of or against love, hate, life, or even death, but right now I was choosin' to be the man she needed.

I didna want to leave Claire, the look in her eye had me questionin' whether leavin' her was good or not. I kent very little of about her, but I loved her with everythin' I was. It would kill me if she were to be harmed or somethin' serious happened to her. I had a bad feelin' about this meetin', but knew if there was a chance to clear my name I needed to take it. I had a family now to worry about. We needed to be able to call somewhere home, but that would never happen if I had a price on my head.

As we rounded the bend to where the deserter Horrocks was to be waiting for us it seemed like a trap. I turned to Murtagh who just nodded while I followed behind the others. Once we were in the clearin' I could see there was only one man there; he was eatin' while he waited for us.

"Horrocks," Murtagh called out. We began to get off of our horses and move closer to the fire.

"Who wants to know?" he asked. I watched him sit up a tad bit when I came into view.

"I can see what the fuss is all about now," he muttered. I removed my hat and followed behind Dougal. Murtagh and Rupert went around to the opposite side behind the man.

"We came a long way to meet with ye, there is no time for chit chat. Just give us what we came for," Angus growled, movin' up behind me.

"Did you bring the gold?" he queried brusquely. I looked to Dougal; he looked straight ahead at the man. I tossed him the gold and he motioned for the pouch of whiskey Dougal was drinkin' out of. I turned to look at him just as he tossed it to the deserter.

"We don't care who ye are or why ye deserted," Dougal snarled as I moved closer.

"It matters not to us, but you said ye could help us," Rupert said; I could see the man twitch a little.

"I'm not sure knowing the name will help you boy, but you are paying for it. The man who shot the sergeant was Captain Jonathan Randall himself," he said. I turned to look at Dougal in disgust. I didna know how the hell this was goin' to help me. Claire wouldna be best pleased knowin' I left her behind for nothin'.

"Are you certain he is the one?" Dougal demanded. The man just laughed.

"He is. The man fainted while he was flogging the boy here. What a sight that was all the flesh flayed from your body," he said. It was like he was relivin' the moment once more at my time and expense.

"You and I both know I canna use Randall's name to clear my own," I voiced. He just shrugged at me, uncaring.

"I told you it might not be helpful, but I am a man of my word. You bargained for a name. A name is what you received. Good day, lads," he said cheerfully tossin' the bag of gold up and down. I held my hand up to keep the men from pummelin' him as he got on his horse and left.

"Jamie!" I heard my name being called from the one person I least expected to be callin' me. I glanced in the direction where the voice was coming from to see Willie barrelin' toward us holdin' onto the reins of Claire's horse with Roger in front of him. "Jamie!" he bellowed, movin' closer to us.

"It's about Claire, Jamie," Murtagh said; I looked in his direction wonderin' how he knew.

"Catch yer breath, lad," Dougal said. Willie got off his horse and hurried toward me holdin' tightly to Roger.

He took a deep breath. "Jamie, I was mindin' her, I swear," he said. "The boy and her were watchin' rabbits when I needed to relieve myself." He was still speakin' when I interrupted him,

"Where is she?" I was angry, knowin' he didna mind her as closely as he should have.

"I dinna ken how they got so far away from me. When I caught up with them they were at the bottom of Craigh na Dun. I was able to get the lad and saw her trussed up in a wagon, heading away with the Redcoats.

"Jamie, don't do anything rash," Dougal warned. I was barely holdin' it in. There was somethin' familiar about this situation, but I couldna think of how I could be certain of it. I looked down at Roger for the first time and noticed the tears in his eyes.

He looked up at me. "Hey, laddie, we'll get yer mam back," I said calmly to him.

"I wandered off," he said slowly. I realized then he was the one to put his mam in the predicament she was in. This acknowledgment didna go unnoticed by Dougal who gave me a smirk. "I didn't mean to, I see the stones," he continued. I looked at Murtagh who just shrugged, but his expression told me he knew somethin'.

"I'll tell ye this, Claire was fightin' and thrashin' about tryin' to get away from the men. They were headed south," Willie related. I realized just where Claire would be shortly and who she might have to face.

"Jamie, I'll no stop ye if ye go after her, but I canna go," Dougal said. I knew he would be of no help during this tryin' time. "I'll no stop anyone who might decide to go with ye either, but if something bad happens or yer caught that's all on ye," he replied. I caught his dissatisfaction of what I was about to do.

"I'll no leave her to him," I vowed; he merely chuckled.

"Do ye honestly think she would go after ye if ye were caught or imprisoned?" He sneered at me and his spittle flew in my face.

"I dinna ken about ye or yer wife, but yes, I believe with all I am that Claire would look for me until she found me." I saw a smug expression cross Murtagh's face.

"Yer a fool, go after yer Sassenach, but don't come crawling back here with yer tail between yer legs when ye find out she's been playing us all," he snapped, backin' away from me.

"Are ye crazy, Uncle? Ye honestly still think Claire is a spy?" I asked in disbelief.

Ned moved closer to us. "If you go after her, you need to do it without hurting anyone or doing anything that could cause trouble for Colum and the clan," Ned advised. I could see some disappointment in his face. I knew some of the men would come with me, but I was more surprised that it was Angus and Rupert that chose to help me. Murtagh made sure that Willie watched over Roger to keep Dougal away from him.

The four of us rode as fast as we could to get to Fort William, especially since the Redcoats had a head start. I was worrit about what I might find when we got there. I kent Claire wasnae spy, but would she turn in order to save her life? Did she think so little of me and my family? Had Dougal been right all along? Was Claire an English spy workin' for Randall? I had so many questions swarmin' around in my head, but I felt certain she cared for me. Maybe not as much as I cared for her, but she _did_ care. I knew it in my heart. I just hoped it was enough to keep her from seekin' an alliance elsewhere, especially with the one person I detested and loathed.

"Where is she?" Murtagh questioned the soldier outside the gate once we had secured our horses and laid out the plans for each of us to follow.

"Who?" he countered; I saw my godfather's lip curl.

"The English woman brought here," I snapped, losin' the battle within me.

"Honestly, I don't know. I just watch the gate," he replied. I smiled at Murtagh knowin' if the soldier watched the gate he knew exactly who we were talkin' about.

"My friend here isna best pleased with yer answer," I tersely stated. Then he realized what he had said all too late.

"I know of her, but I don't know where she is." He cried out when Murtagh held his dirk up in the light and the blade reflected the shine to the man's face.

"Please choose your next words carefully or you'll be usin' a lassie's voice from now on," Murtagh said. He moved the blade farther down to a region no man would want harmed and the soldier groaned.

"She's in the tower, Commander's office," he squeaked before Murtagh hit him over the head with the butt of his gun. I made the call sound to alert the others and turned to my faithful godfather.

"Dinna wait more than ye need! I dinna want to risk ye or the others," I said, lookin' up and down the steep stone wall. Murtagh just grunted at my words and left. I found some rope and began climbin' up the wall. I dinna dare look down for fear of fallin' or breakin' my neck. I was several feet below what looked like a window when I heard a woman yellin' for help. I began to climb faster after I heard the yell once more just as I reached the window.

"I'll thank ye to take yer hands off my wife," I threatened while I perched myself in the window sill, pointin' my pistol at Black Jack Randall and a bare chested Claire.

"Good god!" He laughed, shovin' Claire more into the table keepin' a firm grip on her. I could see her strainin' against her bonds. She wasnae a spy no matter what Dougal thought. Randall was takin' too much pleasure in hurtin' her, just like he did with Jenny. "I can't believe Dougal MacKenzie neglected to mention that you, my darling, married my stripe-backed thief," he said gesturin' toward me. "How's my handiwork looking these days?" He shifted his weight causin' Claire's arms and legs more strain.

"Pretty good, despite your effort of tryin' to break me." I saw an unknown emotion flicker across his face before he spoke.

"I don't suppose you'd... allow me to see my handiwork. I hated the fact you skipped out before I could actually see how it turned out," he leered. I began to feel the bile comin' up just thinkin' of what he might have done to Claire if I hadn't shown up.

"I can guarantee it'd be the last thing you saw," I snapped, losin' patience with his petty thoughts.

"Hmm, it was worth a try," he said offhandedly like we were old friends just seein' each other.

"Just shoot him, Jamie, shoot this bastard," Claire cried out, her voice bringin' me back to the present.

"Please do so, that would let the guards know you are here. Yes, to have you here to flog once more," he cheerfully said, smilin'. I pondered how to get to Claire without her gettin' hurt.

"No," I snapped torn between givin' myself up to protect Claire or gettin' to him and gettin' the hell out of this room.

"Lay that pistol on the table and let us commence with this evening's entertainment. My dear, just let it go, we now have an audience. Although this one is feistier than your sister was," he said, testin' my cool manner. He moved one hand to Claire's skirts pushin' them up again. "Do it," he yelled. I clenched my teeth tryin' my hardest to stay calm when I heard Claire whimperin', face down on the table. "I will slit her throat, I swear to god," he muttered. He moved the knife blade to her throat pressin' it into the skin drawing a drop of crimson.

"Jamie, just go, please save yourself," Claire begged, tearin' me apart deep in my soul just watchin' her endure this insufferable man's touch.

"No, I willna leave ye to this beast," I swore barely holdin' onto my sanity.

"My, Fraser, do tell me who's the man in this marriage. You let this woman tell you what to do. I believe this seems familiar in manner to your dear sister," he taunted. I could see the fear in Claire's eyes. She was puttin' up a front, but I could tell she was losin' the battle on keepin' it together. Damn it, I should have stayed with her.

"You'll pay for this," she yelled. Randall didna notice I moved a little. "I'll cut off your balls, damn you," she muttered while he pushed her more into the table.

"I don't understand why men pledge themselves to women. Fraser, tell me what is so special about her; she is a foulmouthed scold and a very mendacious slut. Yet, I'm feeling generous. Would you like to join us or do you just want to watch?" I took quick stock of the situation just as Randall pulled the trigger on the pistol. To that bastard's surprise, nothin' happened. I took advantage of his shock and hit him as hard as I could, watchin' him collapse on the floor.

"Jamie," Claire cried. I picked up the small dagger and cut the ropes from her wrists. I pulled her to me, lookin' her over quickly to make sure she was fine.

"I'm okay, just a little blood," she assured me. I watched her walk to the door, but stopped her when she went to open it, holdin' her cape out for her. I wrapped it around her watchin' her quickly tie it and open the door. "I can't believe you did that," she muttered. I could see she was waitin' for somethin'.

"Ned said not to kill anyone." I looked back at my enemy lyin' crumpled on the floor while Claire pulled my arm for me to follow her.

"Come on," she whispered and led me down a stairwell. Two men were comin' up. "Wait," she said. I hit one of them and then the second. She bent down to one of them, diggin' in somethin'.

"Claire," I snapped as she looked back at me before returnin' to look through the man's pocket. "Claire," I said louder. She pulled hard on the pouch the officer was wearin', pullin' it free from him.

"Let's go," she said. I led her to the wall from which I had planned for us to jump.

"Here," I said as we came to a wall that I had just climbed up.

"I don't see any rope," she said nervously. I paused a moment; just as I climbed up on the wall she followed me.

"Wait," I told her. I heard the men callin' to where we were just as a blast erupted around the fort. "Jump!" She took my hand and we jumped together, plungin' feet first in the water below. We swam as fast as we could to the shore where Murtagh and the men were waitin' with the horses.

"Hurry," Murtagh urged. I pulled Claire up onto the horse in front of me. I didna ken how fast we were ridin', but I was worn out by the time the light started to shine. I could hear the others mutterin' about being tired and hungry.

"I think it best we stop," Murtagh said from behind us. I began to let loose of the reins a little.

"Aye, we should water the horses." I slowed down and lowered myself to the ground then turned to help Claire down. "Will ye water him," I asked, passing the reins to Murtagh. He looked like he wanted to question me, but instead just nodded.

"Don't beat around the bush!" Claire snapped the moment we were far enough from the men.

"What?" I was quite surprised by her outburst.

"Oh, come off it. You've been sulking the whole ride," she snapped. I felt my resolve waverin' under her lack of self control.

"I canna believe you would say that. I'm no sulkin'. It is takin' all my will power to keep from shakin' ye for your stupidity," I yelled back at her; she laughed at me. "I'm tired of havin' to watch ye all the time, of havin' to make sure the men dinna think ye a spy, but it's getting harder when ye do things like this," I continued. I saw her look back toward the men who I must admit were lookin' anywhere but at us.

"Honesty," she muttered as I felt some of my anger slippin' away.

"Randall... He... he didna hurt you, did he? You're all right?" I questioned.

She looked up at me. "He didn't hurt me, no. You came in just at the right time. I just..." she stopped and I felt some of the anger return when she seemed to lean away from me.

"I'm waitin'."

She looked at me puzzled. "What?"

"Come now, say somethin'. I mean anythin' that sounds like an apology and all," I started then realized that might not have been the right thing to say.

"An apology? Are you out of your mind? I didn't do anything wrong. It was an accident and I was taken prisoner by the soldiers. I didn't _allow_ Randall to touch me, he did that on his own," she yelled. I couldna hold my wrath in any longer. If I was bein' honest wi' myself, I'd been upset since the deserters attacked us.

"If ye had stayed where I left ye, I wouldna have had to break ye out of the fort. No, why would ye listen to me, I'm no one really. Oh wait, I'm yer husband. If I hadn't found ye that man would have… Argh!" I yelled, clenchin' my fists, knowin' just what he would have done to her. On the wild ride to get to her I imagined all the things he might have done to her. I would have been just as helpless with her as I was with Jenny. Knowin' that she fought him still didn't help.

"I begged you to take me with you; I didn't want you to leave me. Did you listen? No! I guess the only thing women are good for is to do as you want and to obey orders," she screamed. I turned away to keep from harmin' her.

"We wouldna be on the run now with a hundred Redcoats on our tail if ye had listened to me!" She slapped me across the face; I was surprised she had struck me. I grabbed her hand, holdin' it in place before speakin' again. "If ye try it again, I'll slap ye back then shake some sense into ye," I snapped. I could see Murtagh wasn't sure if he should step in or leave us to it.

"Damn it, damn _you._ Do you think I did this on purpose? If you do you're a brute and a fool!" she spat.

"I think ye did it to get back at me for allowin' that man to touch you," I said, ashamed. I could see her eyes close then snap open in fury.

"You think I was punishing you. Are you stupid? Christ, Jamie I didn't do this as payback. I was going after Roger." Her eyes flashed in anger.

I turned to stare at her. "Roger?" I said, not understandin'. "What's he got to do wi' this? I ordered you to stay in the woods."

"My god, I have a mind of my own and don't have to do as you tell me," she ranted.

"Yes, ye do. You are my wife," I seethed through half clenched teeth barely keepin' hold of my anger.

"I may be your wife, but I am _not_ your property. Yet, you think I am. I don't belong to you. That's really it isn't it. You can't handle the fact that another man had his hands on me," she shouted. I could tell Murtagh was barely keepin' himself back.

"You are my wife, Claire, whether ye like it or not," I replied honestly because she _was_ my wife. It _did_ bother me that Randall had his hands on her, but I knew it had been unwanted.

"Damn it, right now I hate it. I hate that you think I am some sort of property. I am a person, I have feelings," she shouted. I could tell things were getting out of hand. "I get it though, as long as I'm there for you when you need me to warm your bed, something to fuck whenever you get the urge..."

I'd had it. She spat her vile words at me. I grabbed her shoulders and yelled at her. "Ye foulmouthed bitch!" I raved at her. She did her best to try to wriggle out of my grasp.

"Let me go, you… you fucking bastard," she screamed.

I found it hard to speak calmly and jerked her once. "Ye'll no speak to me that way! Do ye understand me," I yelled back at her, our faces mere inches apart. I loosened my grip and then finally let her go altogether as I regained some composure. I didna really want to hurt her. "God, Claire I went to ye at Fort William prayin' I made it there in time, armed only with an empty pistol and my bare hands. When you screamed…" I stopped to move fully away from her near a small patch of half hidden rocks. I looked down at my hands before speakin' again. "I love ye more than ye can understand. Yet, in all honesty ye're tearin' my guts out, Claire." I felt my anger drain away.

"Jamie," she whispered, movin' closer to me. She reached out then dropped her hand. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. Will you forgive me?"

I pulled her into me. I couldna believe just how lucky I had been to get her, but knew this wasn't somethin' I had bargained for. I apologized as well, askin' her for forgiveness, knowin' I'd said things to her in anger and didna really mean them. I didna want to rejoin the others whilst we were angry at each other.

As we rode to the tavern where Dougal and the others were waiting for us I hoped this was the end of it, but I knew little of being marrit and the duties that entailed. We were both wrong in some ways. She asked for forgiveness and I gave it freely to her. Not because I had to but because if I was bein' honest, I had long since forgiven her of anythin' and everythin' she could have ever done wrong to me. This was somethin' I knew no one else would understand, but to me and my heart it meant more than my own life. To me, it was no choice because I felt that was what fallin' in love meant.

"I see ye found yer wayward wife. We need to talk," Dougal said coldly as our small party came close enough to him.

I helped her off the horse. "Murtagh, see Claire to a room and make sure Roger is wi' her." I saw the look of hatred in my uncle's eyes.

"Sure," he muttered; the others had already disappeared.

"What the hell were ye thinking? Ye made a mess of things. I'm sure Colum has already heard about the situation," he growled. I watched him take his belt off before snappin' it together.

"It wasna Claire's fault. The soldiers stumbled upon her while she was out with the lad," I explained, tryin' to keep myself calm knowin' that this could end in several different ways. No doubt wi' Dougal wantin' to take his anger out of Claire instead of me.

Murtagh joined us and looked askance at Dougal. "What are ye goin' to do?"

"I told Jamie I'd strap him if something went wrong," Dougal asserted. I saw the look Murtagh was givin'.

"Ye did, and I will take them if this ends the matter," I countered. To my surprise he nodded. I removed my outer garments leavin' my kilt on and leaned over a railin'. Dougal gave me 10 lashes for the men and 10 more for my wife causin' the situation.

Murtagh scowled. "That's enough!"

Dougal moved to the side of me before leanin' in. "Now I suggest ye do the same to yer wife before one of the men do," he threatened as a few of the men joined us.

"Nay, I willna do that," I roared.

Dougal got right in my face. "Ye will do it and do it right or I will go to yer wife and strap her myself. Do ye think she'd be fine after I get done with her?"

I knew it wasna somethin' I wanted to do, but knew Dougal enough to know he was dead serious.

"Jamie, explain the situation to Claire, tell her the truth." Murtagh went upstairs with me. He was going to take Roger when I went in so that he didn't see me strap his mam.

"I know but I have a feelin' she'll not understand." I hated to admit that aloud.

"I wish I could do it for ye, but I canna. But I will help her understand the issue after it's done if need be," he offered.

I opened the door to the room. Claire sat up a little on the bed.

"Murtagh, take the lad," I urged. He went to the bed and gathered Roger up, keepin' him in his arms. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he walked out the door leavin' me with Claire. I was afraid of how this might tear us apart, that she'd never forgive me. I wouldna blame her though; I took no pleasure in what I was about to do, what I had no choice but to do.

***Outlander***

 **Laoghaire**

I couldn't believe the gossip the girls were saying about Jamie. I knew they must have been jealous of what we had together, that they were making up these lies about him. But when my grandmother talked to Old Alec about it I knew it was more than gossip.

"Why would he marry her?" I demanded. Surprised at my outburst, both of them turned to look at me.

"It doesna matter the why, child. Jamie marrit her. She is his wife," Old Alec replied. I felt a stab of anger course through me. What did he know? Jamie might have been forced to marry the bitch by his uncle. I knew that Jamie felt something for me.

"Laoghaire, I need ye and a few of the other girls to clean Claire's chamber and all before they get back," my grandmother told me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Did she honestly think I would do something for that witch? I knew she had cast some sort of spell to get Jamie. Yes, that had to be it. Or maybe she was working with Dougal to overturn Colum. Maybe?

"Girl, wake up," Old Alec snapped. Ignoring him, I spun around to leave, heading toward town to see Geillis.


	20. Chapter 20

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 19: Love Realizations**

 **Claire**

I watched Murtagh take Roger away. I could tell by his long face this wasn't good. I racked my brain to remember what happened before because I seemed to be forgetting things that had happened the first time. I wasn't sure if I was only forgetting them or just unable to remember all the details. _Oh my, he has to strap me. No, he wouldn't do it, would he?_ "You're scaring me, Jamie," I said louder; he looked to the closed door and then back to me.

"Aye, I…" he began, moving slowly toward the side table to where I'd seen Murtagh place a cup and some whiskey. Jamie poured the liquid into the cup and took a long drink.

"We've had a long day, come to bed," I softly said trying to ease his pain away without harming him more.

"I'm afraid we've got a matter still to settle between us before we sleep tonight," he replied while he began to undress. "Sassenach, believe me this is the last thing I want to do," he said looking right at me, his pain very evident in his eyes.

"Just tell me," I demanded. He loosened his belt and took everything off of it leaving just the strap.

"If a man among us had put the rest in danger as ye did by not listenin' to me, he'd have likely had his ears cropped or been flogged, if not killed outright. I know Dougal would like to do more to ye but he willna unless I dinna do it." He muttered his justification, then looked quickly to the door.

"I'm sorry, I… I didn't know I would be taken," I replied, knowing it wouldn't matter.

"Aye. I know our ways and traditions aren't familiar to ye yet, and that's my fault. I did tell ye to stay hidden. If ye had you might not have been seen. The British are now lookin' for us, and Randall knows yer my wife," he calmly stated, turning back to me.

"I know but I had to get Roger. We were walking and got distracted. I didn't know he'd gotten to the hill until it was too late." I knew my response probably wouldn't save me.

"Yes, Willie told me. It doesna matter though, Claire. I have enough to keep me busy without having to watch ye all the time. Now I have to worry about Randall gettin' to ye to get to me." I realized then he was still worried about Randall. "Did ye know when I entered Fort William to find ye I was worried, scairt, and so afraid for ye? It was the first time I had been back there since I was flogged and nearly killed. The first thing I saw was the damn platform where Randall had flogged me. I knew if things went south I could verra well end up there once more and this time flogged and then hanged," he said keeping his eyes on me as if he was boring into my soul.

"I really am sorry, but Jamie..." I tried to find the words that would move him but to no avail. He looked from the belt in his hand up to me.

"I know ye are, but this is somethin' I have to do. If it had just been me ye'd hurt by not listenin', I wouldna say more about it. We would have discussed it and been done, but your actions put all of us in jeopardy, and there are consequences for those actions." He snapped the belt together causing it to make a cracking noise. "Right, let's no put this off any longer. Claire, ye've done considerable damage to the men and me as well as yerself for disobeyin' my orders, and I'm gonna punish ye for it."

I realized he meant to hit me again. I knew the Jamie in the future promised me never to hit me again, but I wasn't sure I could handle this one hitting me either. "No, I said I wouldn't do it again." I drew my legs closer to my chest. I didn't want him to get the satisfaction of seeing me.

"I know that, but you might. Now, please come down here and lift yer shift." He moved toward the end of the bed.

"No, I'll do no such thing. I have never heard such a thing as husbands beating their wives for not listening," I snapped, moving closer to the other side of the bed.

"Claire," he warned, moving to where I had just been.

"No, Jamie. I said I was sorry for not following your orders. I will not allow you to hit me. I will not let you strike me for a misunderstanding. Would you allow me to strike you for hurting me?" I watched his eyes close and then open, pain very evident in them once more.

"That's not the point here. I dinna ken if ye really understand or not. It seems to me ye come from a place where things might be easier, I think," he stated, looking curiously at me before continuing. "Where things aren't a matter of life or death. Yet, ye decided to disobey me and did want ye wanted. It's the truth hard as it is. Ye must understand even the slightest action such as yers can lead to verra serious consequences." He snapped the belt once to the side.

"I don't know if that's true or not, but I promise to obey your orders even if I don't agree with them fully." I saw a flicker of a smirk forming on his lips.

"Good, now will ye do as I asked so we might get this over with?"

I found myself getting angrier with him. "Jamie, I will not let you beat me. I said I would follow your orders, but this is madness." I moved farther away from him, once more looking for a way out.

"Claire, there's a big difference from sayin' one thing and actually understandin' it. I can tell ye right now a good hidin' puts everything into focus." He moved closer to me and grimaced like he was in pain. "I understand yer issue and as I said, if it were only me it would be different. There is such a thing as justice. Ye've done wrong and now ye must suffer for it, as I have. I'm yer husband and that is how it has to go." He tried to follow after me. I flew out of the bed and ran to the corner, grabbing the pitcher and throwing it at him; he put his arm up to shield his head.

"No, you will not be hitting me," I yelled then threw the next thing I touched at him.

"Claire, yer makin' this harder than it has to be!" He grabbed me just as I lunged for the bed. He twisted me slightly and landed two lashes to my bottom; the first stung while the second just glanced my behind.

"I'll scream if you strike me again." I twisted as much as I could.

"I'm sure ye will. I have nae doubt they might hear ye bellowin' in the next village. I know ye've got a good set of lungs on ye," he said both seriously and in a joking matter. I began to thrash my legs hitting him once and he groaned from the movement. "Damn it, this'll go faster if ye just yield, woman," he groaned again and I kicked my feet more.

"No, if I have to suffer so will you," I yelled; I felt his grip tighten on me.

"I already have." Hearing that caused me to stop struggling just for a moment which gave him just enough time to pin me down giving him a better striking range.

"I can't believe it you're taking pleasure in this, you damn Scot," I screamed and moved my head causing me to scream into the floorboards when he struck me again. "I'll never forgive you!" He hit me once more.

"Claire, if I can forgive ye for what you did, ye'll forgive me, too, once ye can sit," he said sternly.

"No, I will not, you damn sadist!" He struck me once more before dropping the belt then raised his hand to touch me. I heaved my battered body away from him. I saw him drop his eyes to the belt before I turned my eyes elsewhere. He did this to us and now he was going to suffer.

"Claire, I said I was gonna punish you, but that doesna mean I took any pleasure in it. This wasna what I hoped tonight would be like." I could hear the despondency in his voice but I didn't really care. I was so very angry with him. I got up slowly feeling like I'd been thrown out of a moving car.

"Let me help you," Jamie said, carefully moving toward me.

"Don't you touch me! I will never let you touch me again," I snarled at him. I made my way to the bed then lowered myself face down on it, crying as the pain took over. I didn't know how long I lay there but I felt the bed shift and I heard Murtagh just before I was going to tell Jamie off.

"My god," he muttered. I slightly opened my eyes, looking toward him.

"I canna do that again," Jamie said. I felt Roger burrowing closer to me. I wanted to reach out to him, but my body hurt.

"Did ye tell the lass Dougal wanted to do it?" Murtagh questioned. I felt the tears welling up.

"I did, I hate to think she has never been hit and here I did the worst thing possible to her." Jamie's voice was strained. I leaned my head closer to Roger to keep them from seeing I was awake. "I'm no sure she'll ever forgive me." I began to feel sorry for him because he seemed to be wearing the weight of every action he made as well as mine on his shoulders.

"I'm sure given time the lass will see the error of her ways and come to her senses. I believe this was a setup, though," Murtagh remarked; my ears perked up.

"What do you mean?" Jamie asked. Then I heard Murtagh mutter an answer in _Gàidhlig._ "He wouldna do that," Jamie replied; I tried to determine what he was talking about.

"Of course he would. Do ye think he's looking out for ye? No he isna! He is only looking out for himself and what he can get from ye." Murtagh glared angrily at Jamie who looked like he was thinking about what his godfather was saying.

"Dougal will answer for what he has done. If what ye are thinkin' is true, he'll pay for what I had to just do," Jamie replied and looked in my direction.

"Right, now let me see," Murtagh snapped. Jamie shuddered before turning toward his godfather.

"It's none sae bad. I moved too quickly," Jamie replied tersely.

Murtagh put his hands on Jamie's shoulder holding him in place. "I said let me see." He jerked Jamie's arm in the process.

"Murtagh, it isna too bad. I've had worse," Jamie said.

I shifted to get up which caused me to wince. "Claire," Jamie murmured and Murtagh glanced in my direction.

"Let me see," I said sharply. I got out of bed and moved toward them. Jamie looked at his godfather before shaking his head at me. "I said, let me see. I'm not Murtagh. I am your wife. The person not long ago you beat. Now let me see." I could tell Murtagh was unsure of what to do.

Jamie slowly lifted his shirt, wincing as he did so. I could clearly see fresh lashes on his back, a few of them had even broken the skin. Dougal kept his word on lashing him for Roger.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes. "It's alright," Jamie said.

"No, it's not. This shouldn't have happened. Dougal shouldn't have lashed you and you shouldn't have hit me," I ranted. I started hitting Jamie's chest as hard as I could. I was so angry that even though I knew information about our futures, some things were just unable to change. The deserters' incident was delayed, but it happened. My meeting with Randall happened, but under different circumstances as did our conversation. It frustrated me that I could change some events, but couldn't fully keep them from happening. I felt as though things were slipping from my mind. I would have to write down things I knew could happen in case I was losing the memories. I would have to see what Murtagh knew now or didn't.

"Hush, lass, hush," Jamie was whispering in my ear and held me tightly to his chest; my hitting him had subsided some. I was so angry, but not at him fully. More at our situation. "Come get in bed." He helped me to get settled then left with Murtagh. Moments later a chambermaid came in to rub some aloe ointment on my backside to help ease the pain of the lashes.

"Claire," Jamie whispered near the edge of the bed since it seemed as if he was next to me.

"What?" I snapped, annoyed at being woken up and feeling the pain setting in again. The night before had been a very tiring one and I really wasn't in the mood for him. I knew he had stayed in the room after Murtagh left, making a bed on the floor near the door. I then felt the bed dip a little from the other side as if he was getting into it. "I don't think so," I stated flatly.

"I thought we might talk..." he began, then I heard him mutter a few words under his breath in _Gàidhlig as_ he leaned back on the bed _._ "I need time." I replied as I got out of bed and went to the wash bowl to clean up. "I get why you did what you did, but you didn't have to do it." I turned to look at him. He was laying on the bed just wearing his kilt. Roger had moved on the bed and nuzzled in his embrace.

"Would ye rather I'd let Dougal do it?" he asked, trying to keep his temper in check. I guess we were having this discussion after all.

"No, I thank you for it being you, but I still need time." I went to where my clothing was and began to get ready for the ride hoping to end the conversation. Jamie stayed on the bed watching me while I dressed. When I was tying my laces on my shoes he got up and began to dress. I could see the faint lash marks from the night before. They were puffy and red, but didn't look too bad. I went to the bed and started to get the now awake Roger ready. It was a stressed-filled room, but Roger's light chatter and laughter was thawing it out.

I wasn't really in the mood to head down to the tavern, but I knew I would have to do it sooner than later. Jamie must have been thinking the same thing. He picked up Roger and said, "I know this is all new for you, but the men willna chaff ye much. They'll have their little laugh and then move on." He opened the door and I heard his feet stop on the top step.

"I hope that Jamie wasn't too harsh on ye last night," Dougal said; he came up behind me, slapping me on my sore behind. I winced at the sharp pain; Jamie motioned for me to move ahead of him separating his uncle and me.

"Aye, a skelped arse never hurt anyone or left permanent damage," someone called out from the tavern.

"My, oh my, it looks as if she gave as good as she got," Ned commented once Jamie sat Roger down on the bench while I went to get him a bowl of porridge.

"Aye, it may not be permanent for her, but it hurts like hell," Murtagh remarked.

"Well, if she knows what's good for her, she'll no make that mistake again," Angus rumbled while he shoveled his food into his mouth.

I set the bowl of porridge in front of Roger. Jamie reached for my hand and I drew back. "No, she willna," Jamie said softly then Roger held the spoon of porridge out for him to take a bite.

I went back and made a bowl for myself intent on sitting down until Ned made his remark. "Lassie, here sit down," he motioned to the rough bench. I looked down at it and the thought of how hard it was sunk in.

"I'll stand," I replied sharply. The others laughed at my expense. I could see Jamie didn't think it was funny at all nor was he sitting up straight, but leaning slightly. It was probably to ease the pain of his lashes. "Over there," I muttered and gestured to the window while the men all cackled once more.

After eating breakfast Dougal decided that we had better move on. Jamie gathered our bags from the room while I looked after Roger and walked about. I found a few flowers that would make for good fragrance. Just when I was about to join the group the chambermaid who helped me brought out a few little jars of the aloe ointment as well as two of the aloe plants. She also gave me instructions on how to make the ointment. I went to my horse and took several coins to pay her. She smiled when I thanked her for her help.

"Do ye need some help?" Dougal questioned snidely.

I eyed the horse in front of me. "No." I took hold of the saddle and swung myself slowly into it. I was surprised to find it rather soft. I moved a little sending small jabs of pain across my behind, but nothing too serious. Someone had put a cushion of sorts on the saddle and an extra blanket under it to keep the jostling down. I looked to Murtagh who motioned with his head at Jamie who was putting Roger into the wagon.

"Let's move out," Dougal yelled.

Jamie got onto his horse, his pain evident as he sat up in the saddle. "Thank you," I said softly when he moved his horse near mine.

"We have a long ride and I doubt Dougal would show mercy even to you." He smiled at me then moved ahead leaving me in Murtagh's company.

"How long are you going to make the lad suffer?" Murtagh asked quietly.

"I'm upset that I couldn't talk him out of it. I've never been hit before and the idea that the man who told me he would protect me did it is what hurts the most," I remarked.

"It could have been worse, Claire, much worse," he said.

"Murtagh, are things slipping from your memory?" I questioned. He looked toward the road ahead of us, seemingly in thought.

"Aye, some things are hard to remember," he muttered. Knowing that he was forgetting things as well didn't help, but it made my resolve to write things down the right choice.

I moved ahead of him to think about things. It made me wonder just how horrible a person Dougal could really be. Would he had really taken the strap to me if Jamie hadn't? Why did he dislike Jamie so much? I knew this was a turning point in our relationship, but it also made me long for my Jamie. I never felt the closeness I had with him for Frank and that was what bothered me the most about leaving him at Culloden. I would do anything to keep Jamie safe, even give my own life.

The castle came into sight toward the end of the day. The light was just turning into darkness when our horses walked through the gates of Castle Leoch. Jamie helped me off my horse giving me a tight smile. Then I helped Roger off of Murtagh's horse. Roger leaned his head onto my shoulder as I began to walk into the castle. The only thing I wanted to do right at this moment was to get washed up and go to bed. Jamie though, moved me to head in the direction of the hall; a chambermaid relieved me of Roger.

"Hooray!" everyone shouted; the huge dining hall doors swung open before us. I stopped in my tracks, seeing the people from all over the castle gathered together just waiting for us. As we both made our way down the steps, different people congratulated us and started handing us food and drink. I passed the cup to Jamie because I had no desire to drink anything strong at the moment. Everyone stopped talking when the doors opened once again and Colum and his wife entered.

"I hear congratulations are in order to ye both," Colum's wife started. I saw a flicker of something cross over Colum's face when she continued. "We all look forward to hearing all about yer nuptials especially how it came to be. It has been rather a long time since we had a good wedding here," she said, turning to her husband. He was eyeing the people around the room.

"Yes, my dear it has. Congratulations, ye both have my profound good wishes for a long and happy marriage, especially Lady Broch Tuarach," Colum said, looking directly at me as he spoke. I could tell from Jamie's stance it wasn't what he was expecting.

**Outlander**

 **Jamie**

I left Claire on her own while I went out to the stables to check on the horses. I needed some time to think about what had happened. Colum hadn't blessed me, but Claire. I was his blood and thought he would at least say somethin' to me, but no, he shunned me in front of the whole gatherin'. It bothered me a little, but I couldna do anything about it. I decided to head back since it was gettin' late. It wasn't until I rounded the corner did I see her. I hadna really been avoidin' her, but hadna thought anythin' about her, either.

"I don't understand you. I thought we had something. I mean, why did ye do it? Why? Why did you do it? I waited for you, Jamie. I've been counting the days, waiting on ye. I didn't know what was going on then I hear ye marrit her," Laoghaire said, blockin' my path.

"I didna plan it." I started feelin' wrong for sayin' it, knowin' I had wanted Claire more than anythin' else. I only fooled around, kissin' Laoghaire to make Claire jealous.

"I don't understand. Then, why did ye do it?" she demanded as though she had a claim to me.

"It's not somethin' easy to explain. I was asked and it was Dougal's arrangement, ye see. Laoghaire, I dinna have time for this. I need to go to Colum; he's summoned me." I moved past her without waitin' for her response.

I knocked on the door and opened it. "Aye," I heard Colum say. "Well look here, it's the bridegroom," he jested sarcastically, not happy at all.

"Aye," I replied, unsure of why I had been summoned.

"I don't know what you three are up to but I am glad I was able to gather all of you together. Who would like to explain what the hell happened at Fort William? Is Clan MacKenzie going to have to answer for yer… little break out," he asked lookin' directly at me.

I had a hard time to keep from snappin' back. Instead I slowly and calmly answered him. "Any consequences for Fort William land fully on me. I'm sure Captain Randall will make sure of that." I could see him nod slowly, understandin' my meanin'.

"Yes, no doubt. All right what about the rents?" he moved on. I half listened to what they were sayin'. Colum ended Ned's talkin' by askin' about the gold that Dougal had been collectin' for the Jacobite cause. I knew about it, but wasn't really involved with it. I had no position on it nor did I want one. Dougal told his brother how they used my scars on my back, that I wasna in on it to gather the money. It was the truth but I still didna like it. Colum decided he was going to keep the money even though Dougal demanded it back. Finally Colum dismissed Dougal and Ned.

I saw him lookin' me up and down. "I'm sure you'd rather chastise me later," I said.

"No, now is better than later," he said pithily. He walked around his desk to sit down. "Why did you do it?" he questioned.

I moved to stand in front of him. "It was the right thing to do, Uncle. She didna deserve the way Dougal was treatin' her. She isnae a spy no more than I am," I replied, looking straight at him.

"The right thing, do you even know what is right? I opened my home to you," he said. He moved some coins in a tray and looked from me to them. "I allowed you to roam freely on my lands, eat from my storehouses, and promised my hospitality. I did this even when you spat in my face and refused to pledge fealty to me. You are my blood and my flesh, and how am I repaid? You marry a sassenach, knowing just how the clan will see it," he said, pullin' the strings closed on the bag.

"I didna mean to hurt ye. I had to do it for Claire. Randall wanted her and Dougal was gonna to turn her over to him. I thought you would understand after seein' what that man did to me. Do ye think she would deserve that?" I demanded.

He got up from his chair and walked around the table. "Get out." He tossed the bag of coins at me. I took my share of the rent and headed out not knowin' really where I planned to go. Then I went to the one place I wanted to be.

"Claire," I whispered; she turned to look at me from the dressing table. She was brushin' her hair out as I moved into the room toward the fire. I told her of my meetin' with my uncles and Ned. She admitted she had a feelin' about Hamish, but I hadn't known it until I heard it confirmed. We spoke of a few other things and I began to take things off to get ready for bed. I could see the boy was in the bed already; she moved to get into the bed as well. I watched her as I spoke. She got into the bed and covered up, settling in for the night.

"What do you think you are doing?" she asked when I began to undo my shirt.

"I was gettin' ready for bed," I replied motioning to the bed.

She just shook her head as if she was debatin' things for a moment before she looked up at me. "Fine, but stay on your side. I still need a little space," she said while I finished gettin' ready and slipped into the warm bed. I could hear her breathin' as it lulled me to sleep. I had just begun to drift off when Roger moved toward me, snugglin' into my side, clingin' to me. I wrapped a protective arm around him. I made sure to be up before she was and skipped out on breakfast.

"Let him alone," I called out when Murtagh and I walked into view. The men were pushin' and shovin' Willie around. I had my suspicions on who told Colum, but wasna sure who it had been.

"This is clan business, Fraser," Angus snarled at me; I put my hand on my dirk.

"Last I heard we were all in the same clan," Murtagh commented dryly. Rupert looked up and shoved Willie in our direction. I pushed him behind me.

"We are, but you Frasers think you're better than the rest of us," Angus growled, movin' closer to where we were standin'. The men yelled and argued, tryin' once again to get to Willie for turnin' the money over to Colum. I would have done the same thing if it had been me. Dougal showed up just in time to keep anyone from sheddin' blood.

Murtagh suggested that I take Claire and Roger and leave. I reasoned it wouldna be right to make my family live off the land, unsure of where we would be from night to night and tryin' to stay out of harm's way. He told me I shouldna underestimate my wife. I decided I needed to find a way to bridge my uncles' issues.

I approached the laird's door. "Is that better?" I heard Claire ask. I believed it to be my uncle she was speakin' to.

"Yes, Tomas doesn't have yer touch," Colum replied. I stepped a little closer. "So tell me, how did ye get him to confess," he continued.

"I told him I would tell all the secrets," Claire answered; my uncle chuckled. "Although I really didn't know what Dougal was saying. But I needed the confession so I lied to get what I wanted," she admitted.

"A lie, yes, but not exactly since our language isn't yers. Maybe more an admission or stretch of truth," he said. I wished I knew what they were talkin' about.

"Perhaps, but not one I don't regret. Thank you for the letter, by the way," she said. I realized she did have secrets and I was eavesdroppin'.

"I ken what kind of a person my brother is. I ken also what my nephew might be feeling. I watched my sister fight for her love, but I didn't want Jamie to resent me in the pursuit of his," my uncle said. I felt worse overhearin' all of this.

"May I speak openly," Claire asked hesitantly; I heard some rustlin'.

"Ye may."

"Your condition isn't going to get better, only worse as time progresses," she began. I had a feelin' of what she might say next.

"I thought as much," my uncle replied stoically.

"When the time comes, when it becomes unbearable..." she paused for a moment. "Seek me out," she finished as the words caught in her throat.

"You ken where ye might be?" Colum questioned with some surprise.

"Not really, no, but I know you'll find me. You should make your will final as soon as possible, as well," she advised in a steady voice. I heard a grunt from my uncle.

"The future isn't always set in stone," Colum said. I struggled to keep my presence unknown.

"I don't know; it's not that. I have learned enough about your brother to not trust him," she said. Colum said somethin' too low for me to catch. "Yes, of course I will. There is no question to that," Claire responded; he laughed.

"I thought so," he replied.

I decided to knock on the door. "Come in," he called, soundin' annoyed at being disturbed.

"Uncle, Claire..." I tried to sound surprised at her bein' there.

"If you need me I'll be in my chamber," Claire said quickly before leavin' us alone.

"You best fix things with her," my uncle counseled, breakin' the awkward silence.

"She told you," I muttered.

He shook his head. "No, the silence did." He chuckled before continuin'. "You've got a lot to learn about marriage. I hope you know that." I recalled that I needed to talk to him and quickly told him why I had come.

"Boy, are you out of yer mind?" he roared furiously. I began to tell him about the brawlin' the men were doing over the Jacobite money. "Ye say that peace is escaping the clan, but that isna my fault. It's my brother's for defying me. How will it look if I allow the men's disloyalty to go unpunished?" he countered angrily. I saw his point, but also knew war would follow.

"I know it's not easy to be the better person, but Colum, ye have a chance to show mercy. If ye dinna staunch this bad blood it will only fester until the friction tears the clan apart," I softly said knowin' he kent well what I meant.

"What would ye have me do?" He sounded defeated. I told him to give the money back, allow Dougal to play his game, but to keep watch over him. Let him think he was fine, but if it got worse to separate and send him packin'.

"Bring Ned and Dougal to me," he said. He reached for my arm. "I don't like yer marriage, but she is a good woman." Then he dismissed me. It made me feel even worse not knowin' all of what Claire and Colum had discussed before I found them.

I made my way to the hall where I knew Dougal would be. When I reached the doors I saw Claire speaking with Ned, but once she saw me she said somethin' to Ned and left. I was gettin' frustrated seein' her everywhere and not being able to keep her in one spot long enough to talk with her. I told Dougal and Ned how Colum wanted to speak with them.

Colum did as we had talked and gave the money back to Dougal. I kent very well he didna want to, but did it for preservation of the clan. It bothered me to know how Dougal was tryin' to tear it apart for his own personal gain. Colum asked Dougal to explain to him whether his oath to him was worth a bag of gold. Dougal tried to justify why he needed the money for the cause, but Colum didna want a word of it. When Colum dismissed Dougal, he told Ned to write to the Duke of Sandringham and invite him for a visit. I took my leave and decided to go to the lake to think of how to fix things with Claire.

I came to the conclusion that I would let her make the decision for us. I loved her enough to know that she had her own thoughts about things and even though I didna want her to leave me, I would understand her choice. I hated having to lash her, but I kent enough to know what Dougal had in mind for her.

I wasn't watchin' where I was goin' and almost walked right into her. "Jamie, ye promised we'd talk," Laoghaire said.

"I did, but the timin' has been bad," I replied.

She moved closer to me, reachin' for my hand in the process. "I have held a place for ye in my heart since I first saw ye. I might have only been 7, but I kent ye were meant for me," she stated. She placed my hand on her breast.

I pulled my hand away from hers. _"I am marrit,_ Laoghaire, ye saw my wife. _Understand that I have nae feelings for ye."_

"Ye did a noble thing by marrying her, but she isn't one of us. She isn't here with ye right now as I am." She dropped her cloak revealin' she was in her shift and nothin' more. I quickly looked anywhere but down.

"I made a mistake kissin' ye, but I willna forsake my wife. Ye might be right about her not bein' one of us, but she is mine and I am hers. I made an oath to her, and that is it. Trouble me no more, Laoghaire. Good night." I left her standin' in the corridor and made my way to my wife. I needed to see her.

I found Claire in our chamber brushin' her hair while wee Roger talked to her. I closed the door as quietly as I could, but Roger looked in my direction and Claire's eyes followed him. She was so beautiful; I didna understand why but she meant everythin' to me. I was hopin' for the right choices to be made. There was a knock at the door; a young girl came in and took Roger with her.

"I thought we might talk," Claire said and closed the door.

"Claire, all my life I have been taught how to live by the Highland customs, but I'm findin' it hard to live by them if the cost is losin' ye," I said.

She sat down in her chair. "I know, Jamie, but do you have to follow them?" she pleaded. I took in how her hair was shinin' and her curls were loose, but also just how plump and ripe her lips looked.

"I'm tryin'. I just watched the one person I knew was stronger than most bend to a cause he didna believe in just to keep peace. I have been thinkin' about how you always seem be on a different page than most, it's made me mindful." She put her brush down and I moved closer to her.

"Yes," she said. We hadn't been this close in days and I missed it. Even though we had shared the bed last night, she was as far away from me as she could be and the lad was between us.

"I ken how my father was taught and as I was, but maybe the way I need to be with you is different. I suspect English dinna discipline their wives, but ye canna just do what ye want. Claire, ye need to be mindful of things. I pledge my life to you right now in whatever way ye need it." I pulled my dirk out, placin' the blade toward her. I was ready to swear an oath to her, but she put her hand on it. "Is this not what ye want?" I questioned.

She closed her eyes and then opened them. "No, I don't," she said quietly. I felt my heart break when she said her words. It was like my heart stopped beatin'. I lowered my head knowin' it was my own fault she didna want me anymore.

"I don't think I could let you go, even if I wanted to," she slowly said and placed her hand over my heart. I dropped my dirk on the floor, covered her hand with mine, then pulled her to me. I wanted her so much. I felt so alive when we were together and so alone when we were apart.

"Yer ring," I began. I was gonna tell her that it was the key to Lallybroch but she placed her lips over mine stoppin' me in my tracks.

"I want you," she murmured. I felt so relieved. I didna remember much of what went on next but before I knew it, we were both out of our clothes and makin' love. I swore to never hit her again or even to raise my hand to her. She promised to try to obey me. I should hae pushed the issue, but she felt so good. I didna really have the words to describe just how right we were for each other. She was my soulmate and I knew there would be no other beside her.

After we rested a little I asked her what her foul words meant and she told me. I was surprised that they sounded just right durin' sex, but wouldna use them in everyday speakin'. I didna think Colum would like it. I wanted to go for another round but my stomach growled in protest. While I was gettin' dressed she pulled somethin' out, handin' it to me. She asked what it was and explained how Roger found it under our bed when he was playin' earlier.

I was beyond livid, seein' red. This had one person's name written on it and I didna like it. Laoghaire had just gone too far. I would have to speak to Colum to get the situation taken care of.


	21. Chapter 21

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 20: Offenses**

 **Murtagh**

"'Tagh, where's Mum?" came a voice near me. I dinna know what I was thinkin' when I decided to relieve the chambermaid of Roger the night before. I wasna! I dinna ken how anyone could sleep with him; he moved all over the place.

"We'll see her shortly," I muttered. I closed my eyes to get more rest.

"Wanna go now," he demanded loudly, moving closer to my face.

"It's still dark outside. Yer mam probably isn't up yet." I groaned when he moved to lay almost right on me. The lad had no clue about space at all. He became quiet once again while I began to think about the things still to come. It seemed like a burden to ken what Claire kent even if my knowledge was limited. I kent I would die at Culloden, but I was hoping things might be changed somehow.

I saw light coming in the verra small window. "I can go now?" Roger asked. I turned to see him looking up at me expectantly.

"Sure." I moved to get up. Jamie had decided that since the lad was now part his son, Roger should learn to wear a kilt. I managed to get the wool pleated and wrapped around him but I was struggling with getting the belt around him.

" _Daingead_ _!*_ _ **Will ye sit still?**_ _"_ I cursed. The lad kept on moving while I was trying to dress him. I dinna understand how Claire dressed him while he moved so much. I could at least hit Jamie on the head when he squirmed like this as a lad, but I dinna ken if Claire would hit me for hitting the lad.

"Whey's my mum?" the boy in question asked. He jumped from the bed running toward the door.

"Hold still!" I just caught him when Mrs. Fitz entered the room.

"I see yer still a knucklehead." She scooped up the boy and carried him to the bed. I watched, half upset at how easily she got him dressed and ready where I was havin' to fight him.

"My mum?" Roger asked again. I looked down at him.

"Ye got to let them ken who's in charge," she remarked and left me with the boy. I was walking toward the great hall when I heard someone announce that the Duke of Sandringham had arrived and was getting settled at one of the Merlwood House. I had to find Jamie.

"I'll take him for ye," one of the chambermaids offered when I rounded a corner. Roger perked up when he saw her.

"Um..." I rubbed my head trying to figure out if I should leave him or not. I knew I would be walking in on Jamie and Claire finishing up, but was that something for a young lad to see? "All right," I finally agreed. Roger wrapped his arms around my legs giving me a hug before reaching for the girl's hand. I headed in the direction of the room where I kent Claire had been staying.

"Murtagh," Tomas called out, trying to catch his breath. I turned around annoyed to be stopped from doing what I needed to do.

"What is it?" I half snapped; he looked shocked.

"The laird wanted me to let Mistress Fraser to know the duke was here, and if he needed anything he gave her permission to help him. He asked for me to tell ye and for ye to pass it along."

"Fine, on with ye now." He took off in the other direction. I wondered just what Claire had discussed with Colum. I knocked on the door several times before I began to pound on it. I kent what they were likely doing, but we had things that needed to be dealt with.

"Enough, damn it," I finally heard Jamie growl. I heard rustling from the other side. "Jamie, get yer arse out of bed. Yer wasting the morn away." The door jerked open.

"What is so damn important ye had to wake me up?" he grumbled. I looked to his wife noticing her blushing as she pulled the blankets up higher to more cover her body.

"There are actually quite a few things ye need to be doing rather than layin' around in bed. Tomas told me to first let Claire know if the duke needed her for anything she could go help him." I saw Claire's expression change.

"I didn't know I was still being held here," she said with great irritation. Her eyes briefly closed before she spoke again. "I thought I had gained a husband but not rules," she murmured. Jamie chuckled.

"I'll see what my uncle meant, not to worry Sassenach," he said, pulling on his boots.

"Also the duke is being set up at Merlwood house as we speak," I said. Claire raised an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, this is verra good news," Jamie said excitedly. Both Claire and I looked at each other. "You see this is my chance to speak with him. Ye ken the duke was verra friendly with me last time he was here," he continued; he began to rub his hands together while Claire pulled the blankets more around her, sitting up a little.

"I doona think that's good." He looked up at me startled by my comment.

"I'm marrit now, ye ken. There's no way I'll be givin' up my hindquarters for him. We need to remember his grace has some influence in the English courts. I believe if he finds favor with my situation, he might help get the price removed from my head," Jamie replied. I nodded, unsure of what to really say.

"I might be able to help you with that." Claire pulled on one of the blankets. She quickly wrapped it around her body covering up as much as she could then walked toward the table near the hearth. She began to rummage around for something. "Found it," she said with a smile. She brought a piece of paper over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Jamie.

"Sassenach?" Jamie looked askance as she handed him the paper. He unfolded it and quickly scanned it before he quickly kissed Claire in front of me. "Oh this is good, yes verra good," he remarked happily and passed the paper to me.

"My God, how the hell did ye get this?" I was absolutely astounded. Claire had a very smug look on her face. She went into how Randall thought he could get her to turn on Dougal and the clan, but she turned the tables on him. She said once his scare tactics didn't work she told him she would tell him everything if he would tell her how he lied about Jamie killing the officer.

"This is why ye searched the officer before we left," Jamie breathed in astonishment. I realized there were a lot of things I didna ken yet.

Claire nodded. "Yes, Randall told him to write it out and hold it until he dealt with me. I knew I could use this to gain you a pardon, but didn't know how to go about it. I talked with Colum and Ned, but they both said they'd have to look into it." I began to get an understanding of how this was changing things.

"Ye should ha' told me sooner," Jamie grouched a little sourly. I thought about how he might regret wanting to know everythin' in the future.

"I know, but you were angry with me. I wanted to make sure it would hold up before I gave you false hope. Jamie, you must understand this will change things for us," she whispered, her voice breaking. I felt like an intruder in their conversation.

"I ken that, but we have to have some honesty between us," he maintained. Claire cleared her throat.

"Then in all honesty I think you shouldn't trust the duke. He has several key allies that aren't working for the better good of England. The duke is funding Black Jack's expeditions against the Highlanders," she said.

Jamie looked from her to me. "That canna be good. The duke will have to see my side of things. I am askin' for his help to prove I am innocent. He should be on the side of justice," he insisted stubbornly.

"I think our best action is to speak more with Ned Gowan. He might know more about how to continue. Claire said she spoke with him, but maybe if ye did he might help more," I replied. Claire looked up at me.

"That's probably right. I mean after all, I _am_ just a woman," she muttered. Jamie placed his hand on hers.

"Yes, but yer mine." He leaned in for a kiss.

"I better get dressed and get to work," she replied while Jamie finished putting his clothing on.

"I'm ready, Murtagh." He moved toward the door. I stepped a little closer to him before turning to Claire.

"Yer lad is with the chambermaids. When ye have time, find me." I gave a short nod and followed Jamie.

***Outlander***

 **Jamie**

Ned sighed. "I don't know what you want me to do. I ken ye didn't do the deed, but then it's yer word against Captain Randall."

I clenched my fists to keep from banging the table. "What about the signed affidavit Claire got?"

Ned gave me a weak smile as he looked it over. "As I told yer wife, I am unsure just how this would hold up in court since she didn't tell the truth to get it," he replied. "I know this isn't what ye were expecting, but Jamie, ye are safe here," he continued.

I shook my head. "I doona think so. I want to go home, visit my sister and spend my life with my wife in the same place where my parents lived. This isna my home." I clenching my fists even tighter as I spoke.

"I'm not sure a judge would hear yer case due to how yer wife got this confession, but we might be able to prove the captain is going after ye and yer wife for no reason. He has even gone so far to kidnap and hold her against her will. We can use this confession as well to steer the courts in our direction, but first ye need to get the duke to vouch for ye," Ned said. I finally relaxed a bit.

"How do ye expect Jamie to do that?" Murtagh questioned. I saw Dougal enter the hall and look in our direction before leavin'.

"Ye need to get the duke to see Captain Randall as the villain he is. Prove to him that being friends isn't the best choice for him. I ken it's a hard task, but if ye are to gain the support ye need to get this to the courts yer going to have to make sure the duke will see it there," Ned replied. I took in everythin' he was saying.

He handed back the confession. "I'll talk with Claire," I said.

"I wouldn't let the duke or anyone else have that. I think it wise to keep it safe," Ned cautioned. I nodded before passing it over to Murtagh. I kent he was the only other person besides Claire I would trust it with. "I'll get to drafting something for ye to take and discuss with the duke later." He gathered his things and left.

Murtagh cocked his head. "What's going on in that heid of yers?"

I rubbed my chin. "I have this feelin' that things aren't going to be as easy as I would like them to be," I replied, thinking of what to do next.

I began to stand up. "What do ye mean?" my godfather questioned.

"It's as if I have done all this before in another life or somethin'. I just canna shake this feelin' that things are goin' to get worse before they get better," I muttered. He smacked me on the back.

"Ye should talk to yer wife, maybe she can help ye out."

I just shook my head. "No, I think she has enough goin' on right now." I said my goodbye to him and headed off to talk with my uncle. I went up the stairs toward Colum's chamber, thinkin' of how I was goin' to discuss the issue of Laoghaire and Claire with him.

The door opened quickly and the tailor exited as fast as he could. "Don't stand out yonder boy!" Colum snapped.

"Do ye have a moment to discuss somethin'?"

He moved around his desk and sat down. "Maybe, depends on the issue." He poured himself a glass of his Rhenish.

"If ye could have a word with Laoghaire about keepin' her distance from my wife and me, I would be grateful."

He looked up from his paper he was scannin'. "What has the insolent child done?" I told him about the ill-wish Roger had found and how it upset Claire. I talked with him how she had approached me and what she had spoken of. "Was this before or after ye talked with her?" he inquired.

"Claire showed me the ill-wish after I'd spoken with her," I replied.

"I'll see that her grandmother speaks with her. If she persists I'll talk with her," he curtly replied. "Was there more?" I felt a little anxious and worrit' whether I should tell him or not.

"My wife was able to get a confession about the charges against me from Captain Randall. I have spoken with Ned Gowan on what to do." He seemed to ponder my words.

"I would suggest ye keep that wife of yers close. She is one of a kind. As to the confession, she spoke to me about it. Yer best course to probably to speak with the duke at some point," he advised.

"I was plannin' on that, but thought I should discuss it with ye first. Colum, yer my uncle and I wouldna want to do anythin' to make ye angry, but if I can get my name cleared I'll be leavin' with my wife and son." I watched him carefully.

"I ken that, but don't do anything that would jeopardize that," he said quickly. I could see this was as close to an approval as I would get from him.

"Right, the last thing was my wife wanted to know why ye said she could attend to the duke as if she was a prisoner," I said as slowly and calmly as I could.

"Ye may tell yer wife she isn't a prisoner. I thought she might like to see other parts of our land, but she can decline if she wishes. However, she should consider how her declining might look to the duke when ye are asking for his help." He smiled and I realized he was already thinkin' about the benefit of bein' in the duke's good graces.

"I'll pass that along. Thank ye." I turned to leave.

"Jamie, give this to yer wife." He painfully got to his feet and handed me a medium-size box.

"May I?" He nodded his head. In it I found several different kinds of dried flowers.

"I had Jared send them over from Paris. I thought she might be able to use them for her medicines," he explained; I just smiled.

"Aye, she probably could, thank ye, Uncle." He dismissed me. I felt odd to ken just how much Claire was affectin' those around us. She seemed to be able to connect with different people in different ways. I wondered how she was before she stumbled into my life. I decided to take the package to her then head to the stables. One of the mares was due to foal anytime.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

I knew Jamie was going to go talk with Ned about what he could do, but I had one person I wanted to speak with as well. I just didn't understand how Laoghaire could be so hateful for a person so young. She needed to understand that Jamie wasn't hers to have to begin with. He wasn't anyone's until he chose what he wanted to do. I could hear voices in the kitchen as I made my way into the area.

"Oh Claire, ye missed breakfast," Mrs. Fitz said while Laoghaire was tying the strings to the new apron she had made around her grandmother. "Do ye like it? My granddaughter made it for me," she bubbled joyfully. I smiled at her; Mrs. Fitz was such an angel.

"It's beautiful, but I really need to speak with Laoghaire if you don't mind." The elder woman looked from me to her granddaughter.

"I ken it's verra important by the way ye are standing." She eyed me before moving to Laoghaire. "If ye need anything just send for me." She ushered the other girls out of the kitchen.

"If ye don't mind, Mistress, I have things I need to do," Laoghaire snapped and tried to brush past me.

"I suppose one of those things is watching my husband as he works!" I fumed; she stopped in her tracks. "Does this look familiar?" I pulled the ill-wish out of my pocket and tossed it to her. She stepped back before it could touch her.

"I doona ken what ye are trying to accuse me of," she said trying to act the innocent.

"You placed that thing under my bed and my son found it. Why are you so evil?"

She turned and stared at me as if I had wronged her. "That's verra bold of ye, Mistress calling me evil like that. It's ye who is the evil one, likely a witch as well. Ye kent verra well how I felt about Jamie and ye cast a spell on him to marry ye," she spewed at me. I couldn't help but feel bad for her as blind as she was.

"I understand you feel like you're in love with Jamie, and that him marrying me is denying you of him, but you are young and will learn it wasn't what you thought it was. You'll meet that person you are meant to be with. I can even see your reasoning that I wronged you but I haven't in the slightest. The honest truth is he was never yours to begin with," I said softly, trying to keep her from getting too upset, knowing her anger was what drove her to say I was a witch at the trials.

"That's a lie, ye witch. Jamie Fraser was and is mine only, and ye did us both a wrong when ye flew in here and made him marry ye," she yelled. I could see she wasn't going to see reasoning at all.

"I must say that's wishful thinking, little girl. Jamie married me because he chose to not because I forced him to." I felt myself growing angry at her insistence, her delusions.

"I canna believe how ye wove your spell around him to where he doesna even ken how he's trapped with ye as a wife. How sad it is he is forced to share yer bed, and fake things with ye!" I couldn't stop myself and I slapped her across the check.

"I shouldn't have hit you. I'm sorry," I apologized. I could see Mrs. Fitz hovering in the doorway.

"Aye, ye should have kept yer English hands to yerself. I did do it and I got it from yer friend, Geillis," she said sharply.

"I hope you the price you paid wasn't much. I don't believe in that ill-wish anyway." I began to walk away.

"I hope Jamie will see what kind of person ye are," she called out. I walked out of the kitchen and vaguely heard her grandmother talking with her. I needed to see Geillis and stop her from her foolishness.

"Claire, I need yer help." Jamie began pulling me off the horse I had just gotten on.

"Jamie, I need to go see Geillis."

"Ye can do that after ye help us." I thought it rather highhanded of him to strong-arm me without even saying what he needed me for. But I followed him into a stall where a horse was laying in the hay.

"There's somethin' wrong with the foal," Auld Alec said. I realized then just what I was probably going to be doing.

"All right, help me." I began to remove my cloak and anything else I didn't need. I looked around the stall for a bucket of water to clean my hands. To keep my clothes clean, Auld Alec handed me a set of old clothing that had belonged to one of the stable boys. I went into one of the stalls to change. Then I told the men what I needed and Jamie set out to get it. Bending down to the mare, I felt around her belly. I knew that Jenny's baby had been breach and knew what I had to do to get the baby in the right position for it to be delivered, but I had never worked with a horse before. I could feel the feet and knew they would have to be moved.

It was a lengthy process that I wasn't too familiar with, but in the end I was able to use my slender arms to move the foal's feet in the right position to help the mare deliver. "I told ye she could do it," Jamie gleefully exclaimed and I saw a rare smile on Auld Alec's face.

"Aye, she surely did. It's a blessing that they both survived as well since this is yer uncle's favorite mare." I looked between the two of them knowing I missed something. One of the stable boys came in and Auld Alec began to tell him what to do. I went to the stall where my clothes were and changed after wiping my arms and hands. Not entirely clean but it would do for now.

"That was interesting," I commented. Then Jamie kissed my forehead.

"Mmm," he mumbled and I felt him take my hand. "Where were ye headin' when I found ye?" he questioned. I pulled my hand from his to wash up in the bucket of fresh water.

"I spoke with Laoghaire," I began.

He gave me a glare. "I told ye I would handle it. I spoke with Colum who said he'd speak with the lass. Why would ye go behind my back and do it?" he snapped at me.

"I did it because my son was involved. I know this is all new, but if it involves Roger I will not take a backseat," I replied just as forcibly as he had when he snapped at me.

"Mmphm! It still doesna explain where ye were headed," he said.

"I need to speak with Geillis; according to Laoghaire she sold her the ill-wish."

He nodded his head. "I thought that might be where she got it, but wasna sure. Claire, I spoke to Colum and he said the only reason he said for ye to tend to the duke was to keep in his good graces in case we would need a favor. I ken ye wouldn't do anything to cause an issue by the things ye do, but sometimes things do happen." Jamie was trying not to sound rude, but I understood. He didn't want to say it out right, but I knew he was thinking about the issue with Fort William. It was still fresh in the back of both our minds.

"I don't try to," I muttered.

He pulled me to his chest. "I ken that, but let's keep things slow for now. Go visit with yer friend, but stay out of trouble," he teased and helped me with my cloak.

"I don't go looking for trouble, it just seems to find me," I grudgingly replied.

He chuckled. "Aye, that it does," he quirked back. I took off in the direction of the village.

* _Daingead = oh, hell_


	22. Chapter 22

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 21: Allies or Foes**

 **Claire**

It wasn't that long of a walk for me to get to the edge of the village, rather shorter than expected since I knew Geillis wouldn't be at her home. No, she would be in the forest casting her spell or so she thought. I still didn't believe in all that stuff, but some things she did were hard to explain. It still puzzled me knowing that she would soon be tried as a witch, and if I didn't steer clear of her, I would be as well.

I heard her voice and saw the flickering of the fires when I neared where she was. I had been mesmerized when I stood by with Frank and watched the druids performing their ritual right before I fell through the stones. As I stood by once again I was floored at how literally she was taking things, believing in the presence of actual spells and witchcraft. I knew there were things I couldn't explain, but I wouldn't say it was because of fairies or other fanciful entities.

"Claire, ye can come out now," Geillis said, bringing me out of my head.

I began to move closer to her. "I didn't know you heard me."

"As I was dancing I thought I heard a rustling in the bushes, but ye ken it's nice to think someone would find my dance fascinating to watch," she smirked and began to move toward her clothing.

"Of course, how silly of me. Every woman fancies another person watching them dance half-naked in the woods," I said sarcastically, a little peeved she thought so highly of herself.

"Are all ye English such prudes or just ye? I wouldn't have minded if ye joined me. I could've taught ye something to give that husband of yers something to hold on to," she said laughing. She made me feel sick.

"My husband likes me just fine without your help," I retorted. Her giggling made me upset knowing she had been the one to give Laoghaire the ill-wish.

"Oh, Claire, I have to admit it's actual really a liberating feeling to dance nude feeling the cool air brushing against yer body just so," she murmured almost seductively. "It's even more arousing as the air whispers to and fro around yer nipples." She pulled off her dirtied shift revealing her rounded belly to me.

"Yes, well that's not something I would like to do anytime soon. Although I see congratulations are in order for you." I gestured to her middle as she pulled on a fresh shift.

"This has been my own private secret for a while now. It's nice to have someone else know," she professed and finished pulling other articles of clothing on.

"I assume your husband knows at least," I said. I pulled my cloak tighter around me feeling the air getting cooler.

She snickered. "As if," she muttered. "My husband and I haven't been doing _that,_ plus he hasn't seen me without my clothing on," she retorted. "It's not his anyway. I have a lover."

I began to follow after her while she started putting the fires out around us. "Is it anyone I might know?"

She smiled. "Of course ye know him. I believe he is actually yer family now," she teased; I knew what she was going to say next. "It's Dougal MacKenzie," she sang, giggling while she moved ahead of me.

"You're married though."

She nodded. "Aye, and so is he."

"Don't you think a child would complicate things for the both of you?"

She just shook her head. "No, our bairn isn't due for some time now. That will give my summoning spell time to work," she said, disagreeing with me.

"Geillis, is that what I just witnessed? You performing a spell? Do you really think that's going to work?"

She shrugged at me. "Claire, I ken you don't understand all of this, but things like this are how things are done. I need to know you'll keep my secret. I can't have someone finding out about the bairn." She grabbed my arm roughly and pulled me to her. "You can't tell anyone about anything you saw tonight. Please, Claire, promise me." She seemed to beg as she squeezed a little tighter; I just nodded.

I rubbed my now aching arm. "I actually came out looking for you to ask you something."

"Of course. What is it that ye need to ken," she questioned.

"Did you sell an ill-wish to Laoghaire?"

She stopped and turned to look at me, a little ashamed. "She came to me and asked for one. I promise you I didn't ken it was for ye. I wouldn't have sold her it if I had known. I swear," she said adamantly while we began to walk again. There was some part of me that believed her, but there was a small part that disliked what she was doing. I knew it wasn't my place to stop her but there was no reason for an innocent man to die, either.

"I know." I still felt torn on which path I needed to take.

"Claire, I hope you ken you're my friend. Ye've got all of my secrets and I wouldn't do anything to hurt ye," Geillis said and looped her arm in mine.

"I believe you," was all I could say. She then proceeded to tell me how I was one of her only friends, the other being Dougal. In another life I would have said the same, but I had Jamie and Murtagh. I didn't feel alone anymore. It was hard to hear her talk about Dougal's wife as if she was some afterthought. I was about to reply to her when I heard it – the soft cries of the baby I wouldn't be able to save.

I stopped. "Claire?" Geillis cocked her head, puzzled.

"Do you hear that?"

She looked around as if it was nothing. "I don't hear anything," she replied. I pulled my arm away from hers, walking toward the baby's cries much to her displeasure. "Claire," she called out while I moved closer and closer to the fairy hill.

I knew right where the baby would be, but also knew the moment I reached the hill that it had already passed. I fell down at the base of the tree and cried for the innocent life that never got to live. It hurt to know how things were so different, but yet the same. The baby made me think of my Faith and her lost life. It still tore at me even though I knew I might not be able to save her.

"Sassenach!" I vaguely heard Jamie in the distance and heard the sound of hoofbeats on the ground below me.

Jamie crouched down in front of me. "I couldn't save it. I knew that, but still…" My voice trailed off.

"Sassenach, what are ye doin' here?" I could hear the concern in his voice.

I barely looked at him. "There's a baby in the crotch of the tree. I came up here because I heard it crying. I couldn't save it, but couldn't leave it here alone," I replied sadly. He moved toward the tree as if questioning what I'd said.

"Aye. Claire, ye've a kind heart, but ye canna interfere with the things that could harm ye. There probably was nothing ye could do," he said quietly. I just felt numb. I'd already known I wouldn't have gotten to that baby before it passed, but the thought of a child, no less a baby, dying all alone made my heart ache.

My frustration flared. "Don't tell me you _believe_ all this superstition?"

He bent back down next to me. "Nay, I doona, but I ken that folk here about do. And that's what's important right now. Ye ken that, right?" I looked up at him. I knew all of this, but it still bothered me at how little the people of this time really knew.

"That might be so, but to leave a baby out in this weather is murder."

He looked around and I heard a branch snap in the distance. "Geillis Duncan told me ye took off in this direction. It's not safe for ye to be here nor me. The folks here about believe the bairn was a changeling, gone back to his people." Jamie reached down to help me up.

"You don't really believe that nonsense, do you?" I stood up and dusted my clothing off a little as he looked around again.

"Nay, Sassenach, I told you I dinna. I ken ye don't know all of our customs, but ye shouldna talk about things ye dinna ken."

I jerked my arm out of his grasp. "All I do know is that the past mistakes seem to be lingering in the present."

Jamie reached for me once more. "Come." He held his hand out for me. "The parents willna be too far from here. I doona want them finding either of us." I followed behind him silently knowing that nothing I would say would change how he thought right now anyway. "Claire, I ken that yer angry, but please understand for now that I ken more than ye do. Let's keep this between us." Then he helped me onto Donas.

"Take me home," was all I could say as he wrapped his arms around me pulling me tightly against his chest.

"It would kill me if I lost ye," he murmured.

We galloped off in the direction of Castle Leoch. I knew he meant that, which was what hurt the most, knowing that I was angry for no reason. Jamie told me I could go to our room if I wanted to, but I just couldn't think about being away from him at the moment. I sat on a bale of hay while he took the saddle, blanket, and other tack off of Donas. I picked up some hay and helped brush him down knowing that if we worked together it would go faster than if I let Jamie do it alone.

Murtagh entered the stables. "Where have ye two fools been?" I looked up from Donas.

"Claire was gathering her herbs and we lost track of time," Jamie replied and moved away from his horse. "What is the problem?" he continued. I dropped the hay I had been holding to look at Murtagh. I took a long hard look at him; he had aged just only slightly. It had never occurred to me that all the secrets and changes would affect anyone else in this time.

"Ned Gowan is looking for ye," he replied.

"Right," Jamie nodded and I moved to go around the men.

"Where's Roger?"

Murtagh chuckled. "I left the lad with the girls in the kitchen. They were tryin' to teach him how to roll bread or some such," he snickered as I smiled.

"I'll fetch him, meet you later." I looked back at Jamie who appeared to be a little puzzled. I kissed his cheek to let him know things were fine between us. I did find Roger in the kitchen with the chambermaids tossing little bits of bread at a board.

I walked into the room. "Are you causing the girls trouble?"

"The lad was nay trouble, mistress," one of the girls said, pushing some hair off of his forehead.

"Well that's good." Roger reached for me just as I sat down beside of him. "I have missed you, my darling." I brushed more of his hair out of his eyes.

"Wher's Jamie?" Roger questioned; I smiled.

"He had to meet with someone. Have you listened and behaved?" I quirked my eyebrow at him and he laughed.

"I have," he said trying to raise his eyebrow like mine. The girls told me how he had done while they waited for the bread they had been working on to bake. I found it hard not to smile at just how Roger was adapting to this century. I knew we'd missed one chance to send him back, but I feared he might get lost in the stones if he made the journey alone. At this moment in time I wasn't willing to go with him, either. It probably wouldn't matter if we waited just a little longer. I knew I was being selfish, but I couldn't risk losing Jamie just yet.

"Mistress, do ye mind if the lad stays here with us a little while longer," one of the girls asked while I'd begun dusting Roger off to take him to our chamber.

"Um, I don't see why not. Just bring him to me when you girls are done. I don't want him lingering around here when it's busy. Mrs. Fitz has enough on her hands without having to watch after my boy as well." The girls laughed and took Roger with them as they headed out of the kitchen.

Mrs. Fitz entered the kitchen just as I was leaving to go to my surgery. "How are ye doing, Claire?"

"I'm well, how are you?" I saw her rubbing at her arm; she noticed me glancing at her.

"Och, just a wee burn is all," she murmured. I moved toward her, lifting the sleeve of her dress a little. She had a small burn that looked as if she had been rubbing it hard all morning.

"Here, try this." I pulled the small container of aloe out of my pocket. I seemed to always have it on me because of the multitude of things it could be used on. I slathered a liberal amount on the burn and then wrapped it with a small strip of cloth to keep it saturated. "That should help with the burning and the pain." I watched her flex her wrist testing the wrap.

"It feels better already," she said softly.

"Mrs. Fitz..."

She looked up at me. "Aye, Claire?"

"Please come to me if you need anything. I would rather help you than to leave you in pain and discomfort."

She squeezed my arm slightly. "I ken that, but if I ran to ye every time I got hurt… Weel, I'd never get a thing done," she countered and moved toward the oven.

"All right, I see your point. But if it's a burn or worse, please come see me." She just nodded her head, looking into the oven at the bread. I decided to leave her to it. I was going to go to the surgery, but decided to head to my room instead. I wasn't feeling up to sitting in the dark at the moment. I wanted bright lights, but would settle for an open space above ground. I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes.

"Claire… My god, Sassenach," I heard Jamie say as he shook me.

"What the hell?" I startled him then opened my eyes looking up to see him above me on the bed.

"I was tryin' to wake ye and ye wouldna. I thought somethin' was wrong!" He shifted his weight and moved off of me a little.

"I guess I was tired." I yawned and sat up a little. I could feel a headache coming on. I rubbed my temples and saw concern flash across his face. "I'm fine, just light-headed." I could see the relief on his face.

"I'll get ye some water." He quickly went to the side table and poured a cup. I took a small sip then another, allowing the fresh taste wash down my throat. It was slightly warm, but still felt good.

I handed the cup back to him. "Thank you." He helped me up and I moved toward the table where there were some papers laid out.

Jamie waved toward the papers. "I ran into Ned on my way here. He came up with somethin' that might help with our case just in case the duke doesna want to go with Randall's confession only."

I sat down and picked up one of the sheets, looking it over. The wording was very close to what it had been previously except for the fact that it mentioned Roger, as 'Randall having attacked me in front of my young child' which made me feel a little better knowing that Randall wouldn't be able to get to him. "What were his thoughts on the confession?" I watched Jamie play with the quill and ink pot.

"He wasna sure that would get the duke's attention as would... how did he word it, 'Randall's repeated sexual provocation of a highborn English woman as it would be a black mark on his job title and office which would be almost impossible to erase.'"

I smiled knowing that this wasn't as good as they would like it to be, but it could be if we made sure to keep a copy. "Did you ask Ned to make a copy?"

Jamie cocked his head at me. "Murtagh did. Somethin' about makin' sure it got where it needed to be," he retorted, mocking his godfather. I would have to thank Murtagh next time I saw him.

"I think making a copy or keeping one is a good thing. You never know what might happen." I signed my name below his on both sheets of paper.

"Ned made a copy of Randall's confession as well," Jamie said.

I looked at the papers he held out to me. "When you go to see the duke, give him the copy and we'll keep the other here." I folded the sheets and hid them in my medicine box where I had the list of important dates written down.

"Aye, best ye keep them." He folded the other sheets and placed them in his sporran. He had to go look in on the new foal and I was called to Colum's presence.

***Outlander***

"Ah, Mistress Fraser," he said as Tomas opened his door. "I had wondered if ye wandered off somewhere."

I shook my head. "No, my husband and I had a few things to do. I apologize for keeping you waiting."

He motioned for me to enter. "Mistress Fraser, I'd like ye to meet the Duke of Sandringham," Colum said and the duke made his way into the light.

The duke smiled at me. "Your description did her no justice."

"I was just going to make my way to where you are staying to see if everything was all right." I watched him take a long swallow of wine.

"Yes, well when the laird offers his best Rhenish, you don't say no to him!" the duke replied. I saw a smirk on Colum's face.

"I ken you're in good hands. I have a matter I must attend to," Colum muttered. Tomas opened the door and they left.

"Tell me, how did you get young Jamie to marry you?"

I set my glass down. "It just sort of happened." He looked closer at me. "My husband is going to meet with you to discuss a petition about Captain Randall. Listen to him and make sure it gets where it needs to be."

He just chuckled then his ire flared. "I heard that you spoke your mind, but you don't tell me what to do," he said haughtily.

"No, but heed this. If you don't, my husband will come for you. There will be a day when you might need him in your corner; I advise that you don't burn bridges when you need them." I got up and left the duke. It felt good to tell him just what I thought, but I also knew he would be trouble later on. I had to remember to keep Mary Hawkins away from that alley.

I was coming down the stairs when I heard Rupert shouting, "Claire! Claire! The laird sent us to find ye."

"It's Dougal," Angus added just as I saw the small bloody patch on the side of his forehead.

"He's just learned that his wife's perished from a sudden illness, and he's raging drunk," Rupert continued. I quickened my pace knowing this could end worse than it should.

"How?" I moved in front of them.

"His daughter sent word it was fever," Angus replied and I hurried toward my surgery.

"What does Colum wish me to do?" We entered the surgery and I began looking for the sedative I used on Angus during the gathering which seemed so long ago now.

"I ken he doesn't deserve it, but Colum thinks one of yer sedatives might dull his pain, soothe him just a wee bit," Rupert answered. I looked up at him. I couldn't believe it, but he was right. Dougal didn't deserve my help, but Colum has been nothing but gracious to me thus far.

"Come along." I half ran and walked to the dining hall where Dougal was in the midst of knocking things off the tables and throwing things at people.

"Did ye bring something?" Colum questioned the moment he saw me. "Do something to muzzle the idiot before I run him through."

I looked at Angus. "I'll need something to mix it with." Colum motioned for Angus to get something. He moved the side table in front of Dougal and picked up a bottle of scotch. He was making his way back when Dougal turned on him and held him at sword point. I was holding my breath as Angus motioned to the scotch and then said something that caused Dougal to moan while he made his way back toward us.

It didn't take long for Angus to get Dougal to drink with him. I could tell how disgusted Colum was with his bother as he fell to the ground in a puddle of limbs. The men moved about him to get him out of the dining hall.

"Did the duke hear ye out?" Colum inquired as he sat down and took a long drink from a cup.

"He heard what I had to say, but I don't know if it made any difference."

Colum held out a box to me and motioned for me to open it. "It's the least I could do for the person who saved my favorite mare." I looked over the beautiful rosary of jet beads and a silver-inlaid crucifix. It was something I wouldn't have gotten myself, but seemed just right from him. "Claire, I must warn you; there are troubling times ahead of us. Please keep that with you always." Then someone called his name out from across the hall.

"I will," I promised. He walked toward the person calling him. I took the rosary out of the box and put it in my pocket. I would do as Colum asked me to.

I walked toward the market in hopes of gathering a few herbs to replenish those I had used. While there I ran into Geillis who was practically beaming about Dougal's wife's death. She swore that it was all due to her spell. I knew differently but she wouldn't hear it. I asked her not to do anything rash in the next few days, but she just looked at me strangely. I guess you couldn't help someone if they wouldn't let you. I could have told her I was from the future, and that I knew what was going to happen, but I wasn't ready to be put on trial just yet.

***Outlander***

 **Jamie**

"I wonder what they're doin' here." I watched the MacDonalds walkin' down the steps of Merlwood House.

"Nothing good, I bet," Murtagh muttered and dismounted as I did the same.

"Boys, look here, it's the youngin'. Are ye done riding yer uncle's coattails? Trying to make it on yer own," quipped the older-looking MacDonald boy.

"Ignore them," Murtagh snapped as we walked by them. I wasn't sure who it was, but a boy showed Murtagh and me to where the duke was sitting.

"Ah! I must say you look rather dashing, Mr. Fraser." I heard Murtagh chuckle next to me.

"Aye, well if ye mean me aging, we all do it." The young man who seemed to be writing things chuckled behind the duke.

"Why yes, we do, but some of us do it better than others," he murmured.

I pulled out the papers from my sporran. "I actually came due to a problem I'm havin'." I laid out my issue with Captain Randall and what he not only had done to me, but also to my wife. It seemed strange to me; the duke's face twitched whenever I mentioned her name.

"I see your problem. I really didn't know that my association with the captain was such public knowledge," the duke muttered, seemingly angered.

"I dinna ken all who know, but he is making a bad name for himself," Murtagh added. The duke looked in his direction for the first time since we entered the room.

"Well, he does have the best ways of getting information for the King and he knows how to get the job done," the duke countered.

I stood up. "I doona ken if ye know the way he does things, but he doesna do things right. I wouldna want my worst enemy to be punished by him." I lost some of my composure.

"No, I suppose I can see your point. The evidence you have presented has proven that. I do require your help, though." He told me of his need for me as a partner in a matter with the MacDonalds. He had been challenged to a duel. I agreed to help him if he helped me.

We were ridin' back to Leoch. "I loathe that blasted man," Murtagh said.

"I can see that, but he does hold a certain position that is needed in this situation."

I looked up to see Roger alone by the pond. "Roger, laddie!" He looked up at me and I could tell he had tears in his eyes.

"Jamie," he sniffled. I got off my horse and picked him up huggin' him to my chest.

"Why are ye out here alone?" The boy shrugged.

"Do ye want me to take him to Claire?" Murtagh asked.

"No, I'll take him. Could ye tend to Donas for me?" I handed him the reins and began my walk to the kitchen. I went lookin' for Claire only to find her in bed once more. She looked as if she had been on her feet all day. She seemed to be even more exhausted than normal. I hoped she wasna comin' down with somethin'. I dinna have much knowledge of her herbs and whatnot to properly help her.

"I don't know why I am so tired," she murmured and took Roger from me.

"Maybe it's just everythin' catchin' up to ye."

She sat Roger on the chair and helped him out of his trousers and shirt. He'd gotten dirty while he had been down at the pond. "It could be," she replied and told me about her encounter with Geillis. It seemed, though, that she was leavin' things out, but I couldna be sure of it. It seemed Geillis was glad Dougal's wife had died. I watched Claire as she easily changed and cleaned Roger up. It made me think that one day she would be doing that with our child. I could easily see her holdin' our child's hand as she washed them or mended their scraped knee. Just the thought of seein' her round with my child brought joy to my heart.

"Good night, laddie." I bent over Roger and kissed his forehead. One of the younger girls was goin' to look after him while we went to dinner. I held my hand out; Claire took it and we left for the dinin' hall.

The banquet was huge as everyone in the castle seemed to show up for the celebration. I could see so many of the villagers who hardly came up to the castle unless on business or needed somethin' done. The men were all shoutin' and yellin' as the duke made his way into the hall with Dougal and Colum. As Colum welcomed the duke, drinks were shared amongst the men.

"Jamie, this must be your wife," the duke said as he came closer to us.

"Yes, Yer Grace, this is my wife, Claire Fraser."

He held his hand out and Claire gave him hers. "She's quite beautiful. I can see why you married her," he murmured; she pulled her hand out of his grasp.

"Jamie, darling, will you get me something to drink," Claire asked. Somethin' wasna right. I looked from her to the duke.

"Of course." I kissed her forehead then went to where I knew the drinks were being poured. I turned back and saw Claire and the duke in a heated conversation. It looked as if they knew one and another, but she surely never mentioned it if it were so. I began to make my way back to her just as Mr. Duncan stood up makin' an odd sound like he was gaspin' for air.

Claire jumped into action makin' her way toward him. "Help me turn him on his side!" I helped another man turn him while she checked his mouth, it looked like. She looked up to me as he was lowered back down. I saw her turn her head to look in Geillis' direction. It was then that I noticed Geillis wasn't lookin' at her husband, but toward Dougal.

"Claire." I held my hand out, helpin' her to her feet as Geillis screeched and ran over to her husband, screamin' and carryin' on like it mattered to her. I kent one thing in that moment and that was Geillis Duncan had murdered her husband. I dinna ken how or why, but would expect it had somethin' to do with Dougal.

Claire and I left the dinin' hall shortly after the death of Arthur Duncan, the Procurator Fiscal. She said somethin' about not feeling well. Just as we left, I picked up a plate of food and got her some bread in case she needed somethin' to eat later as well. Roger was fast asleep when we got to our chamber. Claire quickly got ready for bed and snuggled in with the boy while I watched from in front of the fireplace for a bit, the firelight brushin' her with gold. Then I followed her to bed.

"Is there no way of getting out of it?" Claire questioned the next morning.

I was getting ready to meet with the duke for the duel. "No, are ye angry?"

She was busy packin' some medical supplies in my travel bag. "No, but don't do anything stupid," she muttered. I kissed her and took off for Merlwood House. I had been a second to several duels over the years, but never in one for an enemy that I wasna going to shoot. Of course it ended just like the duke had said it would. Both men fired off shots at the other so that no one got hurt. The MacDonald boys began sayin' rude and cruel things and I couldna hold in my anger. I should ha' followed Claire's instructions and stayed out of it.

In the end the duke took my declaration against Black Jack, but I had been sliced in the side by one of the MacDonald boys. I hurt them in return for their comments, too. I dinna ken how I got back to Leoch, but I could tell Claire wasna too happy with me.

"Ye ken I wouldna ha' done anythin' if it coulda been helped." She continued to give me the silent treatment. "Sassenach, tis just one more war wound, nothin' to brood over." I winced as she poked me roughly with her needle.

"I'm not brooding over the damn scar," she snapped.

I looked down at her. "Then what is it?" Just at that moment the door to her surgery opened.

Tomas entered the room. "Jamie, um… the laird is asking for ye."

I could tell by Claire's stance this was something that worried her. She finished sewin' my wound closed and tied it off. She helped me put on my shirt and I slowly put my vest on. Then I quickly made my way to my uncle's study.

"Do ye have rocks in that heid of yers?" I heard Colum roar when I entered the study. "Ye'll go home to tend to yer wife's funeral and spend time with yer family." He was still speakin' when Dougal broke in.

"You can't be exiling me. How long?" Dougal demanded.

Colum moved closer to his brother. "How long? Are ye daft? Until ye pull yer heid out of the crap it's in," he snapped and turned to look at me.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," Dougal muttered. I could see Colum getting more and more upset.

"It's not a suggestion. I'm _telling ye_ to go home. It's an order," he bellowed at Dougal.

"I canna do that," Dougal replied.

I just listened as the two of them argued over Geillis Duncan bein' pregnant and that it was Dougal's. Colum was right when he commented that the baby would be seen as Arthur Duncan's get, not Dougal's. I couldna believe how easy it was for Dougal to count a man's life as nothin'. It wasn't until Dougal said he loved Geillis did I see the reason she murdered her husband. I could tell once Colum was done with Dougal, he wouldna be listenin' to any reasonin' from me.

"Jamie, here, is going to be going with you and yer traveling companions to make sure you do what I told ye to do," Colum snarled just as I began to speak up. "It'd be wise to hold yer tongue. I'm in no mood for yer words. You went and shed MacDonald blood without my approval."

I moved a little. "I did–" I began as he stepped closer to me.

"I don't give a damn about yer woes. I have been gracious with ye and ye are making me regret it at every turn. Ye'll go with my brother to make sure he goes without meeting with that sorceress. And to make sure ye do what I want, ye'll be leaving yer wife here," he commanded.

"I doona think so. Claire and Roger will be comin' with me if I leave." Both of my uncles turned to look at me.

"She'll stay here or I'll be turning ye over to the MacDonald's," he countered; I could tell he was dead serious. "They'd like a bigger piece out of ye for the trouble ye caused them," he continued. I found it better to keep quiet this time.

"Dougal." I tugged on his coat. He looked up at his brother before movin' out of the room. I followed after to get things ready.

"Damn it." Claire quickly placed the last bandage in the ridin' bag. "I hate that you have to go," she murmured.

I got up on Donas. "I know, but I'll be back soon." I looked up to see Colum lookin' down at us. I had already warned her about Geillis Duncan while she helped me pack, so at least I kent she would keep her distance.

"Let's go, I want to get as far away from my bother as I can," Dougal growled as he rode past me. I kissed Claire and turned Donas to go toward the gate.

"Be safe," she called out. I took off after Dougal, Angus and Rupert. This was the worst day.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

I was walking into the kitchen. "Claire, I hate to bother ye," Mrs. Fitz said. She was holding up her hand which I could clearly see had burn marks on it.

"Sit down." I took the container out of my pocket, opened the lid, and began rubbing the salve on her burn. "We need to think of a way for you to be more careful in the kitchen," I jested.

She smiled. "It's only a small burn. I've been doing better with using the long thick sock like glove ye've made me. Sometimes though it's hard to get into the deep end."

I started to wrap the burned area. "That should do it." She touched my chin, smiling as she lifted it up for me to look at her.

"Claire, don't fuss over yer situation. This isn't going to be permanent. Yer husband will do what is asked of him and then he'll be back with ye," she said softly. I felt her wipe a few stray tears from my cheek.

"Oh, I know. It's just that I don't like him going out with such a wound," I replied honestly. Even though I knew he would be fine, it still worried me. Anything could happen this time around that could alter how things were affected.

Tomas entered the kitchen. "Mistress, a letter came for ye." He wiped at his forehead, then handed me the letter. I knew it wasn't from Geillis, but Laoghaire. I wanted to ignore it, but found it hard to not try to help her.

"Thank you, Tomas." I made my way out of the kitchen in search of Murtagh. I was headed in the direction of the stables when I collided with him. "Good grief!" I fell backward.

"Are ye alright?" He held his hand out and helped me up.

"I need you to get Roger and take him to Jamie as fast as you can. I have to go to the village and help Geillis."

He grabbed my arm. "I'll let ye do no such thing. Jamie would have my head if I let ye go."

I jerked my arm away from him. "I can handle the situation. I will be all right, but once Geillis has been arrested for being a witch Colum will lock everyone in. I need Roger out of here before he does. Murtagh, I trust you to get him safely to Jamie. Jamie will get to me in time." I watched him walk away mumbling to himself as I pulled my cloak on tighter. I checked my pocket to see if I had the rosary still there. I wasn't sure just why Colum asked me to carry it, but had made sure to do so.

I didn't even get a chance to warn Geillis of anything. I was taken into custody at her door. Two men were at the door knocking or should I say pounding on the door for her to open up. When I came into sight, Laoghaire yelled, "Witch, there's another witch," causing the two men to turn and look at me. One of them quickly grabbed my wrists and bound them, hauling me into the back of a wagon without even allowing me to say anything.

Geillis was placed into the back of the wagon with me. I could see the smirk on Laoghaire's face when the wagon began to lurch forward headed to the thieves' hole. I tried not to fight as much as I had the first time to keep them from manhandling me. I just hoped and prayed that Murtagh got to Jamie in time, and he was just as determined this time to get to me. My life and that of someone else depended on it. If I was correct, that is.


	23. Chapter 23

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 22: Harsh Reality**

 **Jamie**

It had been a damnable journey so far. Dougal was gripin' about the lack of whiskey all while he was drinkin' from a second flask. I watched cautiously, tryin' to keep from groanin' when the stitches pulled and tugged. I kept my groan from escapin' my lips. I wished Claire was with us because she would have been able to rub something soothin' on my side where it pained me so.

"I dinna ken why ye didn't say no," Dougal muttered, slowin' down to ride beside me.

"Ye ken why," I snapped, finally givin' in and coverin' the sword cut with my hand, hopin' the heat from it would help. I kent that there was more to Claire than what she let on, but I also kent verra well that when she felt safe with me she'd let me know all of her secrets. She wasn't there just yet.

"I would have given her up. I thought she was worth something," he mumbled. I looked toward him. "Ye ken that Randall would have given me anything I desired if I had, but I thought she held secrets that I could get," he sneered at me. I felt sorry for Claire; to him she was only a pawn in his game. I couldna figure out what he was up to at the moment, but could tell it couldna be something I wanted to be part of.

He held out his flask; I shook my head. "Why are ye tellin' me this?"

"Oh, I doubt you'll be seeing yer wife anytime soon," he chuckled. I looked from him to the others that were travelin' with us. Rupert and Angus were talkin' between themselves, but Willie didna seem too thrilled about travelin' with any of us.

"I'll see her once I get ye to yer lands." I decided I'd enough talkin' with the drunk. I now could see why Claire distanced herself from him on most occasions.

"I'm not done talking with ye boy," he slurred, fallin' off his mount after he tried to kick the horse to move faster. One of the others travelin' wi' us quickly got down to attend to him. I had enough to deal with as it was without addin' him to the mix. I hated that Colum sent me away right when he did because I had a creepin' feelin' somethin' bad was going to happen. One reassurance I had was that I knew Murtagh was with Claire and the lad.

"We'll stop here for the night," I announced then slipped off Donas and tied him up. I pulled out some of the supplies that Claire had packed for me. I'd just removed my jacket and began to lift my shirt up when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Do ye need help?" Willie asked, standin' beside me. If it weren't for the fact that I couldna fully see the wound, I would have declined. But he had helped Claire on several occasions tend to the ill and wounded during the rent collection.

"Claire packed everything I might need in here." I began to pull on the wrapped bandage. Willie got out his whiskey and began sterilizin' items as he went. I wanted to laugh as he did the cleanin' of my wound, but it hurt a little more than I wanted to admit.

"It no looks like it's inflamed," Willie commented, pourin' more whiskey on it before takin' a clean cloth and wipin' at it. "There isna leakage as well," he continued. He pulled other things out and redressed the wound, makin' sure to put some salve of some sort on it before he did so.

"You have a good knack for tendin' to people," I finally said. He repacked the supplies and took the old bandages and other bloody bits to the fire and tossed them in.

"I just watched yer wife. I dinna think it's too hard, but I doona' ken what to use for what or where to find it," he murmured. I stood up and finally felt a little better. The wound had been painin' me more than I had thought. Willie moved to the other side of camp and I went to the riverside to see if I could catch any fish. We had been ridin' all night and this would give us a break before hittin' the road once more.

Then I heard the distinct voice of my godfather. "Where the hell is Jamie?" I looked up from my spot in the river where I was about ready to bring in my third fish. I grabbed at it quickly and put it on the string I had the other two on. I couldna fathom why he would be here instead of with Claire and Roger.

***Outlander***

 **Murtagh**

I was very lucky that I ran into Ned Gowan on my way to fetch Roger. I explained where I was headed and told him what he needed to do. He was more than happy to go to Colum in regards to Claire, but I kent very well that Colum wouldna be helping her in any way. I pulled Roger closer to my chest and kicked the horse, urging it to go faster. I had to get to Jamie before the trial ended.

"Where are we going?" Roger asked very sleepily, snuggling closer to me.

"We've got to get to yer pa," I muttered; he looked up slightly at me. I began to quietly tell different stories to him that I had heard through my life. I watched the dawn begin to rise and could see the faint glow of a fire in the distance. "Where the hell is Jamie?" I yelled. I handed Roger to Willie who had come up to me when I entered the camp.

"I doona ken where that stupid boy is right now," Dougal slurred. I could tell he had clearly been drinking more than his fair share of the whiskey. Dougal could hold his fair share of whiskey, but the way he was acting wasn't like his normal behavior.

"Jamie," I said louder and saw him come into the area from the brush near the water.

"What do ye need?" he said. Checking on the wee lad, I looked toward Willie who was helping a half-asleep Roger lie back down.

"It's Claire. She went to see that witch," I replied. He jerked up his head, passing the fish he had in his hand to someone and looked in his uncle's direction.

"I told her to stay away from her, damn it," he cursed; I watched him move toward Donas.

"Where the hell do ye think yer going?" his uncle demanded, reaching up trying to pull him off of his horse.

His eyes sparking with anger, Jamie replied, "I have to save my wife from yer witch." With that, Dougal jerked him clear off the horse. "I don't care anything about yer issues. I will be going to my wife no matter what ye ken or don't ken," my godson said, giving his uncle a quick jab in the face causing his uncle to stumble back slightly before he fell back.

"Damn ye Frasers!" Rupert yelled as he and Angus came closer to us. "Why the hell did ye hit him?" he continued; I moved in between my godson and the burly Rupert.

"Don't stand there flappin' yer lips, ye ken verra well he deserved that and more," he replied to Rupert. Jamie came closer before turning to me. "When he wakes make sure he gets to his home," Jamie said; I nodded my head. "And dinna let him near Roger. I'll meet ye near Lallybroch as soon as I'm able," he called out. He began to murmur to Donas to run faster than he had run before.

"Murtagh Fraser, ye have some nerve allowing that wrenched boy hit me. I will be the leader of this clan and he needs to learn his place," Dougal bellowed, standing unsteadily. I looked to Willie who was kneeling next to Roger, making sure the boy was out of harm's way.

"Oh, I do, do I? I ken very well what Frasers have done to ye MacKenzies over the years. That boy would be better at leading yer family than ye'll ever be," I snapped while he jerked out of Angus's reach, moving closer to me. He turned his head in Roger's direction before looking back toward me. I would have to take him down if he made a move for the lad. Jamie would be furious if something happened to the boy.

"Ye have some nerve. It was yer kin that stole my sister from her family. That wrenched ignorant boy wouldn't be here if she had married who we chose for her," he shouted. I took a step closer, sizing him up.

"Yer sister had a mind of her own. She was taken with Jamie's father the moment she saw him. There was nothing anyone else could have or would have been able to do to keep them from getting married." I remembered just how much it hurt me to see her with my kin. Yet I knew she was better off with Brain than she would have been with the man her brothers wanted her to marry.

I decided that I needed to be closer to Roger in case something happened. I moved to where Willie was sitting with the lad, knowing full well that this movement would signal the end of the conversation. Dougal jerked a pouch of whiskey from Rupert then turned and went toward the other side of camp. I made up my mind that Roger and I would part from them and head toward Lallybroch. Rupert and Angus were capable enough to get him to his lands. They didn't need my help because I knew very well he wouldn't be there long. He had left in our previous life once Jamie parted ways with him to go to Claire.

***Outlander***

 **Claire**

Once the men who were leading the wagon got to the thieves' hole, they hurriedly jerked both of us out of the back of the wagon, pushing us toward the little hole. I was shoved down first and landed with a thud at the bottom. Geillis didn't get a very soft landing either; she landed, sprawling next to me. I still didn't understand why she was doing all of this if the rebellion was going to fail anyway. Why was she risking her life in the first place for a doomed cause? She was from the future and knew very well what happened when the rebellion ended.

"Aye, this is no' the best place," she murmured; I moved farther away from her.

"Stay on your side, damn you!" I pulled my cloak tighter around me knowing it was going to be a very cold night. I got as far away from the opening as possible to keep out of the open air.

"Claire yer just as guilty as I am. Are ye not in this hole just like me?" she sneered. I felt in my pocket for something – anything – to eat and touched the jet beads of the necklace Colum had given me. It bothered me not really knowing what was in it for her; why she had really come back to this point in time rather than sooner or just before the rebellion happened. Also, I couldn't fathom why she didn't come more prepared in case things went the wrong way.

"I surely am not. I didn't willingly kill my husband and sell witchcraft items to people," I yelled; she laughed at me.

"Ye might not have done all that, but yer not from here either," she muttered, playing with her long red hair.

"Just shut up and leave me alone," I said. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them. I knew one thing – this was going to be a long night.

Water dripped around us. "Ye ken I started with white arsenic a few months ago with him just to see the effects of it. Thought it would kill Arthur off before the child began to show," she said.

"Of course you thought with him out of the way you could just walk past Colum and marry his brother. Colum would never have let Dougal marry you," I said as roughly as I could, angry that I was in this predicament once more.

"Aye, well I hadn't really thought what he would have to say. To tell ye the truth I thought he'd be dead long ago, but that man is hard to get rid of," she replied.

I heard the sound of footsteps above us. "Witches, here's yer food," a man yelled and tossed scraps into the hole.

"Wait," I called out and moved to the entrance. The man peered down the hole at me. "I need to speak with Colum MacKenzie. I am married to his nephew."

"That's all well and good, but ye are a witch and that is all," he jeered at me, laughing as he kicked some dirt into the hole then walked away.

"They think ye are a witch; they'll no be listening to anything ye say from here on out. I'm sorry to say this but being Jamie Fraser's wife isn't gonna help you down here." Geillis picked up the loaf of bread holding it out to me. I shook my head. I hadn't the stomach to eat.

"Just because you're here due to your actions doesn't mean I should be here," I snapped, looking over at her. I pulled on my cloak once more wrapping it more around my body.

"Aye, but here ye are. If yer wondering, it's a boy," Geillis replied taking a bite out of the loaf of bread.

I rolled my eyes. "You really can't tell that." She moved slightly closer to me. "There's no way of truly knowing what a woman is having before the child is born. Your child could be either." I moved closer to the wall in an attempt to stay warm.

She laughed at me. "Oh, Claire, yer still so verra naïve. Dougal will come for me and when he does I'll try to convince him to take ye as well."

"No, he won't. Dougal was sent away by Colum. This is all retribution for murdering Arthur. You thought you could get away with it, but you made a mistake when you looked to Dougal before screaming." I remembered the look of utter hatred on Colum's face when Arthur died.

"There is no way Colum could connect those dots. No, Dougal wouldn't let me die knowing I was carrying his child," she shrieked; I just shook my head.

"There's nothing that he could do because this is all Colum's doing. I'm just an added bonus." I looked down at my hands, upset to find myself here once more.

"Why did ye come to warn me?" Geillis questioned suddenly.

"I don't honestly know. I knew you murdered Arthur, but I still don't believe people should be murdered or accused of being a witch. There's no such thing."

She raised an eyebrow at me, amused. "Ye surely are an odd woman, Claire Fraser. If I had to bet I'd say there's more to ye than what meets the eye."

I watched her in the dark, feeling strange under her watchful gaze. "You're free to think what you want, but I am not going to sink to your level," I murmured; she smiled. "We're here alone since Dougal has been banished to his own home to tend to his children and late wife," I finally said as her nose twitched.

"That old bag should have died years ago. Did ye know I first met Dougal many years ago, but he had just started to gain way for his brother so he partnered me with Arthur Duncan to keep me safe? People talked about me even way back then just appearing out of thin air." It was as if she was trying to weave a magical tale.

She moved closer to me. "Why did Dougal help you?" I questioned.

"I want the same thing he does. Anyone who is willing to do whatever it takes to get Scotland where she needs to be is his friend. Don't fret Claire! Dougal will come for us," she remarked confidently. I leaned away from her slightly, but welcomed the warmth her body provided in the dank hole. I couldn't be sure, but I was keenly aware of how things would be playing out. This was just the beginning of the trial, but as before, hopefully Jamie would prove just how much he loved me. All we needed to do was survive at least one more day, two at the most. As I began to move and stretch I heard the shouts and jeers coming from above us.

"It sounds as if the judges have just arrived," I murmured more to myself than anything else.

"Yes, they are. They must have been heading this way before things were set into motion," Geillis surmised as we both watched a ladder lowering into the opening from above us.

"Come now witches, the court is ready for ye," a man above us taunted while I waited for Geillis to make her way up the ladder. Once I had made my way up it I felt I could breathe a little. I could see Laoghaire in the crowd with a huge grin on her face. We were led through the crowd and much to my horror I could see the posts being erected that would be used later to burn us. I could see Geillis's face losing color as well. This was going to be a long trial.

The men who had not only thrown us into the thieves' hole but also took us out, shoved me into Geillis while she moved into the box where we would be throughout the trial. I wasn't sure if he was the leader of the court's proceedings or if he just was the one to speak for the moment. "Geillis Duncan and one Claire Fraser both stand accused before the church's court for the crime of witchcraft. They did inflict pain, suffering, and death upon the citizens of Cranesmuir by their practice of the unholy arts," he stated. The crowd was yelling and jeering in our direction. I couldn't see one friendly face in the crowd. I knew from my history what happened to people who were accused of being a witch; very few survived the different practices of testing the accused. I had started to worry; I hadn't seen Ned yet. I was about to crack when I heard his voice above the crowd, calling for people to move.

"Let me through," he yelled as the crowd yelled louder.

"What is yer business here, sir?" the leader inquired. Ned, out of breath, had come before the men sitting above us.

"My name is Edward Gowan, Your Honor, lawyer, former writer to the signet, Edinburgh," he said and looked in my direction.

"What brings ye into our court?" the taller of the ecclesiastical examiners questioned. Ned held up a hand to quiet the crowd.

"I believe we're all aware that the Witchcraft Act of 1563 was repealed by the House of Lords in 1735. I therefore submit that this entire trial is illegal," he said. The familiar yelling and jeering of the crowd got louder.

"The crowd before us say otherwise, Mr. Gowan. This proceeding is actually being done under the administration of the church as well as the faithful people of this village," the taller examiner – the one I'd christened as Mutt – said smiling, slightly rebutting Ned.

"Well then, that is good to know. So from my understanding then, we have dispensed with British law, which pleases me greatly, but I am certain that you will not wish to dispense with our proud Scottish legal tradition. We are still in Scotland, are we not?" he merely questioned. Geillis grabbed my arm tightly as the crowd began murmuring.

In an annoyed voice, Mutt said, "Of course we are still in Scotland. There is no one in this room that is debating that."

"Good. Good. Then as with Scottish law and since we are still in Scotland, an accused witch whether right or wrong is entitled to a defense lawyer at trial, a benefit... a benefit that sadly is not offered to those in merry old England," he said, turning to face us. "So therefore I am offering my services in support of the accused both Geillis Duncan and Claire Fraser."

"Very well, then take yer place," the examiner muttered then motioned to the crowd to begin. They got louder than they had been before. "Let us get this trial started. Please come forward Jeanie Hume," the man ordered. From the corner of my eye I saw Geillis retreat a step.


	24. Chapter 24

**Outlander: Returning Home**

 **Chapter 23: Standing Stones**

 **Claire**

One thing I could say for Geillis's housekeeper: she had a flair for words. I hated to admit it, but the way she wove her words together it was hard not to see the world through her eyes. If I hadn't known the truth I would have believed her lies, but unfortunately for her I did know it. I felt a little better at remembering some of the details from before, but things had changed slightly since the turn of events had changed as well. She spoke of the strange things Geillis had done in the woods, as well as a few other unsavory things she did for different woman and girls in the village. Though she did refrain from saying she had observed me in act with Geillis which was something she agreed to before. I turned to look at Geillis, seeing her raise an eyebrow at the woman speaking before us.

"Mistress, I must ask you once more: did you see Mrs. Fraser do the things Mrs. Duncan did?" It was obvious the man I had dubbed Mutt wasn't happy with her previous response.

"I never witnessed her doing any of the things Mrs. Duncan did, no. Mrs. Fraser did come to see her asking for herbs and things, but no, she never seemed to be aware of what my mistress was up to," she replied looking from me to the other side of the room where Laoghaire was standing scowling at her.

"Thank you," Mutt responded, looking from us to her. "Mr. Gowan," he continued.

"You say you witnessed things your mistress did, but why did you not report her sooner if you feared for your life or those of the people around you," he questioned; she turned her head, looking down.

"I was scared she'd cast a spell on me," she said.

"Really, why did you decide to turn her in now?" He battered at her and she began wiping at her eyes.

"I saw what she did to her husband. I remember times when she would walk up and down the hallway where he slept, singing and muttering strange words while she danced and twirled around. It wasn't until he died did I realize things could get worse," she cried out.

"Save your tears, missus. I think the reason you turned on your mistress is because you were turned down by Castle Leoch for a job," Ned snapped. I saw recognition in her eyes.

"I will admit I asked to work there, but was turned down. I am not doing this for any other reason than that my mistress is a witch and should be burned as a witch for her crimes against the village and her husband," she retorted, crying more and more.

"Enough, Mr. Gowan," Mutt snapped. He waved a hand toward a man who offered the woman a hand. "I'm warning you, Mr. Gowan." The crowd murmured all around us.

"My apologies, your Honor. I just want to be sure of all the facts so that way I can help my clients," Ned replied quietly.

"Let's move forward and call the next witness," Mutt said. I looked at the crofter woman knowing she would be next, unsure as to how she would speak out against me. I had known it was wrong to yet again seek out her child, knowing full well he was going to die either way. He had been left out in the cold for way too long before I had gotten to him.

It still pained me knowing just how backward the highland people were in reality, but I knew her story very well. I'd felt bad for her long ago, but even more so now knowing just how it felt to lose a child. I could relate to her knowing how it felt to not only have but lose Faith. It still hurt, although I knew I hadn't lost her just yet and prayed that I wouldn't lose her.

"Let us summon the next witness, Robena Donaldson," Mutt commanded. I turned my attention on the woman in front of me. I knew just how she felt, but also how damning her testimony was going to be for me. I didn't help her child like I had wanted to, but I was there when he passed away. I listened while she told about waiting for the fairies to return her child and to take the changeling, but that never happened because I was on the hill.

"I admit I was on that hill that night, but I didn't touch your child. He was already dead by the time I got there," I said fervently, still knowing it made no difference to the crowd that began to yell and call out.

"Witch, you admit it, Witch!" the men yelled and chanted. I felt the hot tears slipping down my cheeks.

"No, I wanted to help him, but I was too late. I'm a healer. I couldn't let an innocent child die in the frigid cold," I yelled out, angry that this crowd was so ignorant.

Ned spoke to me as he quickly passed by me. "Claire, shh! Keep quiet; don't say anything more that could cause you any trouble. Let me do my job." He was able to work his magic and made her feel better by telling her she needed to be thankful her child would live as a fairy because the changeling died, not her son. "Maybe instead of making a riot calling this innocent woman a witch, we should be thanking her instead of condemning her without just cause," he stated; the men sitting on high looked upset.

"The witness is dismissed," the middle man said and banged his gavel to get the attention of the crowd while some of them began to whisper. I could see again why Ned was here. His ability to twist and turn the words being said was remarkable. It bothered me a little that the people in this crowd weren't naturally bad people, just misinformed. That was probably far more dangerous than anything else. They allowed their deep-rooted history shape them when they should be looking to the future. I knew even now no matter what, there was only one outcome the people wanted and that was to see us burn whether we were guilty or not.

"Moving on to our next witness, Alistair Duffie; which woman do ye place yer charge against?" Mutt questioned when a rough looking man stepped forward. His charge wasn't against me but Geillis and I let myself take a small breath, praying that Murtagh had gotten Roger safely to Jamie. I vaguely heard him declare he had seen Geillis cause a storm to happen. The crowd once again chanted, "Witch, Witch." I went to say something but Ned gave me a look out of the corner of his eye. I decided against speaking my mind, knowing it would only cause me more harm in the end. I didn't want to be lashed.

"The court shall reconvene in the morning," Mutt snapped, banging the gavel twice on the table.

Ned moved closer to me. "I hate to say it but you are in grave danger, Claire tread lightly," he said and I felt myself being pushed about.

"What do you think our prospects might be?" I questioned. He smiled and shook his head slightly.

"I won't lie, I think we could have a chance, but I'm not really sure. The evidence against you is very slim, but what is damning is you speaking when you should be quiet," he muttered the last part while I felt myself turning red.

"How did you know where I was?" I queried and he smiled.

"I ran into Murtagh; he was taking your boy. I made it out just in time since Colum locked down the Castle. I don't think he'd look too kindly upon me for being here." Then I felt him push something into my pocket.

"Thank you," I replied. Then the men shoved me out of the doorway behind Geillis. We were led back to our cage while the crowd yelled and laughed at us.

"Strange little man," Geillis remarked when I stepped off the last step and the men withdrew the ladder from our hole.

"My god, Geillis, you still don't understand, do you? That crowd up there means to kill us tomorrow. They don't care if we are truly witches or not," I snapped, losing control when she just laughed.

She sat down beside me while I held the flask in my hands. "I still believe Dougal will save us." Taking it from me, she opened it and swallowed a big gulp. "Drink tonight, Claire," she went on, "because if you're right, tomorrow our ashes will be scattered to the four winds," she commented stoically. I wrested the flask from her and drank.

I decided that I needed to really know some things, but she didn't seem any more inclined this time around to tell me anything new. She didn't go after Dougal for his position although she did admit she thought Colum would have died by now. No, she had plenty of money since she took it throughout her marriage to Arthur. It bothered me to see how little human life meant to her as long as she could live. She told me once again that the money she had stolen wasn't for her, but for Scotland and the cause. Her main goal was to see the Bonnie Prince on the throne once more. I disliked the fact that I was back at this point in time because of this unchangeable cause.

The thought that for her Dougal Mackenzie was the only man she believed to be her equal told me just how far off she was. It didn't bother her at all that he wasn't faithful or loving, but that he fought for the people, unlike his brother. Colum was more concerned with his clan than the matters of politics. I knew that much and that was why I felt bad knowing he would die too soon. He really did care for his people.

"I can't believe I'm going to say this but God... you actually love the bastard," I muttered taking another long drink from the flask.

"Your words, Claire, not mine," she replied, laughing a little.

"How can you still love a man who allowed his brother to send him away? Geillis, Colum sent Dougal away and he didn't do anything to stop him," I said angrily, knowing that my husband had been given no choice but to go with him. "I'm sorry," I finally said softly as she leaned up. 

"Don't be. Don't you dare," she snapped. She seemed to be looking for the right words to say. "No, don't be because if it comes, the rising that is, I'll know I did my part to help the cause," she said smiling, taking a swig from the flask before leaning back onto me. "Claire, I just have one regret that I have but one life to lose for my country," she stated and closed her eyes.

"Yes, well said," I murmured and closed mine, too.

"Claire, isn't it the same with you? I mean I ken verra well just how yer man sees ye, but do ye?" she asked after awhile. 

"What do you mean?" I questioned, startled that she wasn't asleep at all, but no doubt thinking. 

"I ken how a man and woman love one another, but ye cry out in yer sleep for that ginger-haired laddie, Jamie?" she replied. At that moment I heard birds beginning to chirp above us.

The banging above us got closer and louder. "All I have to say right now is if you were a witch, now would be the best time for you to show us those powers," I remarked. 

"Aye, Claire, though it would be better if ye were a witch as well. We could escape from here with no problem," she countered and I laughed at her bad joke. "Although for what it's worth, I'm sorry yer in this mess," she said. 

I looked up to the newly opened cage door. "Rise up, yer time to go," one of the men above said. "Step aside. Your hand, girl. Move," he chided to Geillis as she made her way out of the hole before me. I tried to keep myself calm knowing in just mere minutes I would come face to face with the brat who was causing me all this misery. The child who thought she held a claim to my husband.

Geillis and I were led back into the dank courtroom where the people held the same mood as the day before. The townspeople were completing the pyres where we would be burned later that day. I could just see it in their eyes and the way that they held themselves that neither of us would make it out of her unscathed.

Ned was waiting in front of the small box where we stood in the day before. "Claire, how are you," he questioned. 

I rubbed my aching hands together. "Tried and sore," I mumbled; he nodded his head slowly. 

"I have sent a messenger out to wait for your husband to let him know the importance of him hurrying, but haven't heard anything," he said while I watched the three men take their seats high above the crowd.

"Laoghaire MacKenzie, from Castle Leoch," a man called out while the young woman stepped forward with a glint in her eye. I watched her and Ned looked toward me in surprise as she moved closer already with tears in her eyes. I couldn't argue with the thought she was playing her part very well. She had the crowd mesmerized already and she had yet to say a word.

"When I first met her she wasna Mrs. Fraser, she was Mistress Beauchamp," she said and wiped at her eyes.

"Take yer time," Mutt said, eyeing me up.

"The first time I really spoke with her I went asking her to give me a potion to open up the heart of the man I loved, Jamie Fraser. I wanted him to be more to me." She began to cry a little and the crowd gasped in horror at the thought of getting such a thing.

"Miss, do ye need a moment?" Mutt inquired solicitously.

"No, sir. It's just painful to talk about what this woman has done to me. I was the one who was meant to marry Jamie Fraser, not her," she cried out, going on to explain how I made a potion, but instead of giving it to her I took it. I tried to tell him it wasn't really a potion, but he wouldn't hear a thing about it from me. The man had already made his judgment. Laoghaire went on to tell her lies and cast me to hell for her sins. It wasn't until she made the comment of how I struck her did the crowd take even more pity on her. Again the man wouldn't let me explain myself. The reality of the incident was I went to her and she called me out so I struck her. I didn't think about it at the time, but I probably should have kept my hands to myself.

Ned tried to get the crowd and judges to see reason with what really happened, but Laoghaire had painted such a vivid picture of the who I was that he wasn't getting through to them. I was so upset that such a wicked person was allowed to live. If anyone should have been on trial for being a witch it should have been her, not me. The only thing that was a saving grace was the fact that I hadn't had an encounter with Father Bain. Last time he was the nail that sealed my coffin or should I say the fire that would light the flame of my stake.

"Your Honors, a momentary recess to discuss this issue with my clients," Ned called out while the crowd continued to allow Laoghaire to cry out and cast more shadows upon me.

"We shall have a small recess. Mr. Gowan make yer conversation brief," Mutt snapped. The crowd began shouting and chanting to burn the witches. Ned led us to a small room off of the main courtroom area. He stood by the door while I tried to think of a way to get out of this.

"I hate to admit this, but the climate of the court and crowd has changed. I don't think there is any way to come back from where we are currently. The only option I see is trying to save one of you," Ned said softly. I turned quickly to look toward Geillis knowing it would be her that he would offer up to the court.

"Ned, you know very well neither of us is truly a witch," I said heatedly.

He chuckled softly. "Yes, I know, but right now it doesn't matter. It's only what the people out there want. People around here thought Mrs. Duncan was a witch long before you got here," he said.

Geillis snapped her head in his direction. "Are you my lawyer or my judge, Mr. Gowan?" she demanded.

He looked up from his flask. "Let me be frank with you, Mrs. Duncan. You've practiced your murky trade for years. The only thing that ever stood between you and a pile of kindling was your husband, and he's dead."

"I ken," she muttered looking slightly ashamed.

My voice quavered, "You can't be serious, Ned!" Geillis went to stand by the small window.

"I can't tell you what to do, Claire, but right now if I can save one of you, it would be you. All you have to do is make a claim against her; tell the crowd she cast a spell on you, and renounce her. Save yourself if not for you then for your child," he said as I felt a fluttering movement deep within my belly.

******Outlander*****

 **Jamie**

"Mr. Fraser," a young boy called to me when I was approachin' a small town.

Pullin' back on the reins, I came up to him. "Aye, lad?"

"Mr. Gowan sent me to fetch ye. He told me to tell you there isn't a moment to spare. Mistress Fraser has been taken into custody and is on trial for being a witch!" The boy was still yellin' and callin' out to me as I kicked Donas into a gallop. I knew it was gettin' dark, but I was still a day's ride out at least and I wanted to get to Claire before she met her demise. 

Donas was going as fast as he could and it was getting darker and darker. I came to a denser part of the forest, not seein' a branch that I hit hard, knockin' me backward and off of Donas. As I smacked onto the ground, all these images flashed through my head, floodin' my mind. I saw Claire the first time I met her, but there wasn't a child. I saw a whole other life with her that didn't include Roger. It was as though my life had been rewritten. The memory that was clearer to me more than anythin' else was sendin' her back through the stones to her husband. Oh, god, Claire was from the future and I knew it but hadn't been able to remember. She had come back to me! 

"Come on Donas, we need to save that wife of mine once more." I got back up on him and pushed him harder. It was mid-mornin' when we made our way into Cranesmuir. I could see the pyres already stacked, waitin' for the convicted witches when the time came. I wasn't goin' to lose Claire this way, not after everythin' we had gone through for her to come back to me. She lost our daughter and I sent her away with our other child. No, I wouldna lose her to this or the risin' that was to come. I would do whatever I needed to not only protect her, but keep myself out of Black Jack Randall's hands as well. That was one memory I dinna want to relive or even think about.

I slowly made my way into the middle of town. "Good day," a man said.

"More likely a great day for a burning," another said. I tied Donas up to one of the posts seein' the crowd of townsfolk the men were walking toward.

I tried to get in one way, but the crowd was standin' shoulder to shoulder and I was havin' a hard time gettin' into the courtroom. I barely had my head inside when I heard a man speakin'. "We must rely on what our Lord has spoken about witches. Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." I vaguely heard what he went on to say as I began to push and shove, tryin' to make my way into the room fully.

"Burn the witch! Burn them both!" the crowd around me was shoutin'. I continued to push and people were movin' into the room same as I was.

"Conduct the prisoners to the pyre, if you please," the man who spoke before yelled. At that moment I caught a glimpse of Claire; I was pushed back out of the room. I was growin' agitated and shoved the man who had pushed me out.

"Wait! You canna do this! It is wrong to burn innocent women, I forbid this!" I heard someone shout. I heard a gunshot and the crowd quieted. I saw Ned Gowan bein' ushered away from Claire and Geillis.

"You are all wrong. This has nothing to do with witchcraft! No, not a one of you understand what you are doing. Yet, you are all murderers! Your God will damn you all! You'll be the ones burning in hell for this," Claire yelled. I muttered under my breath. If I knew nothin' else in this life, I knew for sure she would be the death of me.

"Woman, you will not speak before this court. You've been found guilty. Skelp her!" the speaker bellowed. I screamed when the two men jerked my wife out of the box. I saw Laoghaire move closer to Claire with a grin on her face when the men ripped my wife's dress down the back. She was struck. Claire was strugglin' and the man hit her harder. I was so verra angry; I shoved men and woman out of my way to get to her.

"Claire! Let her go!" I shouted, movin' closer to her. All the while the crowd was shoutin' for the men to hit her harder. I shoved one of the men away from Claire and the other backed up slightly, the strap still in his hand.

"Sir, you have no place this court!" The face of the man in the center turned deep red as he thundered and motioned for another man to move closer. I pulled my sword out and reached for my dirk.

"Yer wrong there. I swore an oath before the altar of God to protect this woman!" I shouted, brandishin' my dagger at the men comin' closer to attack me. "Unless you're tellin' me you consider your authority to be greater than that of the Almighty, then I must inform ye that I am not of that opinion myself. I promise you this though, the first man forward will be the first man to die!" I found it hard not to bend down to Claire who was cryin' on the floor below me.

"Claire Fraser is no witch. She is innocent of the wrong doing she is being blamed for. I cast a spell on her to do my bidding; she knew not what she was doing," Geillis Duncan cried as I watched her take the attention of the whole court. I slowly bent down to Claire who clung to me as she stood.

"Jamie, please," she pleaded. I watched Geillis shake her head. She begin to mutter and carry on about things I didna neither understand nor wanted to. I pulled Claire closer to me and helped her while we made our way out of the courtroom.

"Claire, we need to leave now. We must think of Roger." We watched a half dressed Geillis Duncan bein' carried down the path toward the pyre by the men and the crowd shoutin' about her. Claire was quiet most of the way through the forest while I sought out a small grove near a stream I knew of. I helped her down off of Donas. I went to the stream and she pulled my plaid off, layin' it on the tree as she sat rubbin' her shoulder.

"Claire, I thought I told you to stay put." I softly touched the cuts with the cool cloth. She still winced as I looked carefully over the cuts. She turned to look toward me. "They're nae deep," I murmured.

"What?" she questioned.

"The stripes on yer back are nae too deep. I dinna think you'll be marked." I unfolded the cloth and placed it over her back. She shuddered slightly and then began to cry.

"I was worried you weren't going to get to me. I kept praying for you and…" She was weepn' as I pulled her to me, wrappin' my arms around her.

I spoke softly into her hair, sayin' gentle words to her. "I'll always save ye, Claire. I promised ye the protection of my body, and I'd die before I let someone hurt you again."

"Jamie, I have to confess something to you and I think once you hear me out you'll not be saying that," she cried out while I embraced her more.

"I ken you're a witch, Sassenach. That's why I married you," I jested.

She pulled away from me abruptly. "Are you serious?" she demanded, eyes wide.

I chuckled. "No, I ken very well you're no witch. I'm nae sure though right this minute what I have done or haven't done though." Then I told her of the things I remembered when I was struck by the branch and knocked off of Donas. She laughed at me for being knocked off the horse but not about the things I told her.

****Outlander****

 **Claire**

"Jamie, what have you remembered?" I was a little puzzled.

He smiled at me. "A lot of different things, some I'm no too sure actually happened and others that I ken truly did happen from the pain and emotions," he said softly and a little more bitterly than I knew he meant.

"I've been trying to change our path. I know there are things I don't want to relive," I said quietly.

He sat back down next to me. "Wentworth."

I turned to look at him and nodded. "One of many. Our daughter and being sent back, plus a few others," I honestly replied.

"Yes, those as well," he said as he pulled me closer. "I have missed ye," he slowly said and I snuggled in. I must have been more exhausted than I thought because next time I woke I wasn't in Jamie's arms but lying in a makeshift tent with Roger.

"Will I have to run and hide?" I heard Jamie ask; another person chuckled.

"No, I made my point very clear to yer uncle. If Dougal Mackenzie thinks he's gonna hurt ye for going after Claire, I'll rip him a new one," Murtagh snapped as I realized who it was.

I felt myself getting anxious. "Did ye go to the stones?" Jamie inquired.

"Yes, the lad could nae hear them," Murtagh replied. I began to get up. "Claire," he said just when Jamie turned to look in my direction.

"Murtagh, you made it," I said.

He nodded toward me. "Aye, lass."

"Did you tell Jamie you remembered the past?" I asked; Jamie groaned.

"No, he asked me something and I answered him truthfully without thinking," Murtagh admitted. I moved toward them. Of course I wanted to know what he'd asked. Both men turned to look at each other. "He asked me if he died at Culloden or not," Murtagh replied.

I turned to Jamie. "Did you bloody well die on that field?" I snapped while Jamie was making his way to me.

"I dinna ken if I did or not. I am here with ye right now, so maybe not," he answered, glancing at his godfather.

"You don't know if you did or didn't. Oh my god, I could still lose you!" I slowly realized.

His arms wrapped around me. "Right now, Claire, I am here with you. I ken you've been makin' changes in this time. We will just try harder to keep certain events from happenin'," he said.

"What if we can't though?" I pulled out of his grasp and felt a cold chill run through me. I couldn't be sure what was going to happen. Yet I felt better knowing that Jamie was finally here. I just hoped things were going to be better for all of us. "Let's go home," I said after a moment; both men looked at me.

"Home," Jamie said, with a faraway look in his eyes. We began moving in the direction of his family home.


End file.
